I'm likin' it. I've only read the first page so far, but it's very interesting, and I can't find any mistakes in grammar after your corrections. Excellent work, and I know what I'm doing tomorrow after school.

Drugs?

Nice update there man

I'm assuming you're joking. In any case, no, reading the rest.

Woo, another part. Enjoy, hopefully.


"Don't hurt me! I'm sorry, please God I didn't have a choice!" Jeremy yelled, crying.

The mercenary, Ben, walked up to Jeremy and forced his handgun into Jeremy's mouth. He poked the back of his throat with the barrel of the gun, and smiled.

"Oh, execution man, this will... Not hurt a bit." He said, tightening his grip on the pistol.

Tears started to roll down Jeremy face, and he gagged from the gun being forced into his throat. He attempted to speak, but his voice was muffled. Ben took the gun out of his mouth.

"You got somethin' to say?" Ben asked.

Jeremy let out a small cough, and started to speak.

"Please, I didn't have a choice. If anyone disobeys Lynette she'll kick you of the city! You gotta believe me."

"Lynette? Like first citizen Lynette? She wanted to kill Mack here?"

"Yes." Jeremy reached his hand through the neck of his shirt, and pulled out a pass card. He ripped it, and gave it to Ben. "That will get you into the next part of the city, and into Lynette's office. Please don't hurt me."

Ben got up, and nodded. "Thanks a bunch. But like I said... Wont hurt." Ben put the gun up to Jeremy's head, and pulled the trigger.

Mackenzie was still on the ground, shaking and sweating like before. Sloane and Geoffrey went up to him, Sloane leaned from her chair and tried to touch Mack. But she was batted away by his hand.

"Don't touch me! You're not real, you're not real."

Mack sat in the dirt, not moving. Just mumbling. Ben finally came down, and saw Mack.

"What the Hell's his problem?"

"He's suffering from a drug withdrawal." Geoffrey replied.

"Cold turkey?" Ben asked.

"This isn't a Goddamned joke, Ben." Sloane said.

Before Ben could say anything snappy, bullets whizzed past the group.

"Dammit!" Ben yelled, throwing a gun to Geoffrey. Geoffrey barely caught it.

Ben stepped to Mack, and threw him over his shoulders. "We ain't leaving with out the cargo we came here for."

Ben looked to the gate leading to the first section, but that's where the guards were coming from.

"Damn! Look like we're going deeper in the city."

"What? Are you [censored] insane? We'll get killed."

"We can die fightin', or we can die sittin' here and lettin' our sorry asses get shot."

"I'd rather not die at all." Geoffrey shot a few rounds towards the guards. "You should be [censored] quoted on that!" He yelled, in angry sarcasm.

"Geoffrey! Listen to him! Ben, let's go."

Sloane got out of her wheelchair, the sudden adrenaline rushed released the energy back into her legs.

With that, they ran to the gate leading to the second section of the city. Which was the most populated by guards, and home to First Citizen Lynette in the main building.

Liked the execution part. Ben seems awesome. Love the dialog still. All around great chapter.

Nice update man. agree with stream Ben seems awesome. Keep it up

Well, Ben seems to be taking over the story. But that might just be me. His speech will shorten after this next chapter, just to say. I'm veering too far off the drugs, and such. So more Mack to come! Also his point of view will definitely help me continue Aaaaaaaaaaaaanyways, here:


The gate opened, the second section of the city was the opposite of the other. Nobody was worried about some strangers trying to get into their part. No pass, means no entry. They were wrong.

Ben, with Mack around his shoulders, pulled up his rifle with one hand, and shot down the guard by the door. Geoffrey did the same with the handgun handed to him before. The crowd managed to miss the gun shots, and kept with their routines. Maybe they thought it was from the other side of the wall.

The two dead guards were quickly dragged behind a building by Geoffrey and Sloane, while Ben followed them and hid. Ben was standing, when he felt something warm fall from his back. He turned his neck best to his ability, and saw that Mack threw up all over him.

"Son of a-"

Ben's common cursing was stopped by the guards from the other side of the wall rushing into the second city section. The guards looked around, but by the time they looked toward the building the group was behind, they ran to another wall.

"They must be in the crowd, find 'em." A guard said. The other nodded, and split up all around the city. The one giving orders, ran to the nearest building and took the sniper rifle off his back in a very clich? fashion. He went to the roof, and looked through his scope. "Where are you bastards."

Ben gave his rifle to Sloane, and stood in between her and Geoffrey. With Geoffrey leading the group to the largest building there. They were away from the crowds, and managed to sneak around the crowded part of the city. They went to the corner of a building, and were a stones throw away from the building.

Ben placed Mack down against the wall, and took the rifle from Sloane. He looked through the small scope, and focused on the typical two guards in front of the building.

"Bang. Bang." He said, with two quick flicks of the finger. Both guards fell. "[censored], I'm good. Have you ever noticed how we get every shot, but they always manage to miss?"

"There's no time to talk, Ben. Let's go!" Sloane replied.

By this time, the crowd saw the two bloody bodies of the guards, and started a panic. Just minutes later the center was clear, and the group was running right into the worst place they could be. As they reached the front of the door, they were greeted by not only a looked door, but by shots coming from behind them.

As the bullets hit the building around them, Ben laughed. "See! What did I tell you?"

Just as he said that, the guard with the .223 sniper rifle pulled the trigger and hit Ben in the leg. Ben and Mack toppled.

"God... Damn... Son of a [censored]... [censored]!" Ben repeatedly cursed, holding his leg.

Geoffrey was at the door, kicking it and hitting it with his shoulder. Finally, he realized he had a gun with him and shot the lock. He tried again, and kicked the door. It swung open, and he laughed from pride.

Sloane grabbed Ben, and Geoffrey grabbed Mack. They dragged him into the building, and into the closest room so they could avoid the open front door. A woman in a blue jumpsuit was in the room, and it looked like a class room. Sloane turned Ben to face the girl.

"What's up?" Ben said.

The girl screamed, and ran out of the room.

"Well that was rude." Said Ben.

Sloane slammed the door shut behind the girl, and started to throw things in front of it. Ben grabbed the rifle she dropped, and crawled over to the window.

"Geoffrey, buddy, gimme a hand?" he said.

"What do you need?"

"Well, you see. There are bad guys out there trying to kill us. Believe it or not, and I need you to look out this window and-"

"Yeah, I got it."

Geoffrey opened the window, and started to shoot the approaching guards. Ben was pulling himself up to the window, and shooting his rifle. It turned into a firefight.

"No matter what, a small group always kicks an army's ass. Right?" Ben said.

Geoffrey ignored him.

"Am I the only one talking?"

"Can you shut your mouth!?" Geoffrey asked.

Ben looked at Geoffrey, and grinned. "Why yes I can."

Just minutes later, Geoffrey was clear of ammo. His gun clicked, and he cursed while throwing it down to the ground. Ben found a stimpack in an emergency first aid kit in the classroom, and stabbed the needle into his leg. He was back on his feet, shooting the rest of his little amount of ammo out the window.

When his gun clicked, he got a funny looking face. "Well, we're stuck in a pickle."

:lmao:

Understatement or what??


Good work Comedian

Okay, this next chapter is two things; Mack's dream, and if anyone thinks the idea is interesting my next FF. So pay attention to the story! But the rest is just a way to get out of the fight, so if anyone thinks it's cliche or stupid, tough beans.


Mackenzie:

Mack was sleeping, and in his dream land.

"Mackenzie, Sloane? It's time for bed, dears." Amy called through the house.

Richard, their father, walked into their room to see both of them in their beds, ready for bed.

"Dad! Can you tell us a story? Please?" Sloane begged.

Richard thought, and finally came to a decision. He sat down on an empty chair in the middle of their two beds, and started to speak.

"Well, you two. When I was your age, maybe a little younger, my mother would always tell me parts of a story every night to get me to sleep. Now, I've never heard the end to the story, so I can tell you the story of Adam & Eve, or another story about me and your mother. What is it?"

"Let's hear the one grandma told you." Mack said.

"So be it. So, we all know of the Great War that fell upon our world, right? Good, of course we do. Far in the future, America completely rebuilt itself. They were the greatest strength on Earth. After sending volunteers off to other lands, they spent to rebuild the world. And all the major countries were whole again. All with one united government, and one army in the event of a rebellion.

"Unfortunately, the rebellion came true. Every country broke apart due to disagreement, they all took their own groups, and waged war on their fellow countries. America had put together vehicles, planes even. We raided every war factory, but we were still not the strongest in the world. And so, the Great War had a sequel to it's events. America fired first, they sent planes everywhere, and dropped bombs on the world.

"Other countries shot nuclear weapons from the ground, and to America and other countries. The world, once again, fell apart. It was the year 3000, and we were back to square one. Instead of mutants, and vaults, and survivors. There were two people, two lovers. Their names were Adam and Eve. And they had one goal in life, to find a luscious garden. To find somewhere worth living. To start life on Earth once again."

Richard looked to his children, now a grown man and a grown woman. Weak and in bed. And then Mack woke up.

Mack was finally aware of what was going on, he was huddled up in the corner of a classroom, with his sister and three strangers. Sloane sat next to him, while two men tried their best to barricade the window. The door to the room was blocked off by desks and chairs, while the window was partly the same.

The door was shaking, and people were trying to break free. Ben was pacing around the room, trying to think of a solution, when he saw Mack was awake.

"You! It's your fault we got into this mess! Help us get the Hell out of it!" Ben yelled.

Sloane pushed Ben back, "Stay away from my brother! Don't even think about thinking about talking to him like that again!"

Ben backed off, and apologized. "What are we going to do? We're trapped!"

Mack got on his feet, and walked over to the window, he looked out and saw six men get closer, with a few bodies being dragged out of battle. He walked back, and heard a creak in the floor board. He looked down, and jumped. He looked to Ben, with his mouth open. He smiled.

"That's an escape tunnel under us, if I know one. And I'm a [censored] criminal." Mack said.

Ben looked around, and grabbed a fire extinguisher attached to the wall. He got on his knees on the wooden floor, and started to bash it in with the red hunk of metal. Finally, the floor broke. Ben jumped up with excitement, and hugged Mack.

"Dammit Mack! I love you!" Ben yelled.

Geoffrey ran over, and so did Sloane. The four people started to rip apart the floor, until an opening was big enough for them all to slip through. Which they did. The tunnel went two ways, one was back to the First Citizen's Office, who everyone knew was long gone. And the other somewhere else. Probably outside of the city.

Be prepared for a few posts, as the story ends here.


Mackenzie:

Mack walked with the group of the tired four people, his mouth was agape. He looked at the walls, and ceiling of the cave they were walking through, and had no clue what was going on. Everyone saw black nothingness, when Mack saw bright colors, but with dark things jumping around, sticking to the walls.

He looked to his left, and stopped at what he saw. The cave wall was like that of his old home's. But blood painted the wall red, a near-headless body of a female was on the ground next to it. With the family's old hunting rifle on the ground next to the corpse.

Mack's throat swelled up, his eyes got red, and his vision for fuzzy from his watering eyes. He recognized the pink dress, he knew the whole scene. The group finally noticed he stopped, and looked back to him. Sloane started to talk first.

"Mackenzie? What's the matter? We're almost out, c'mon get up."

"Mom..." Mack said.

"Mack, it's me Sloane."

His mouth opened wider than ever, and he covered his mouth. Mack was looking at the scene of his mother's murder. He thought back on the day, when he and his sister walked into their house. Right in front of them, their mother lay dead. Shot through the head with the hunting rifle their dad used. Their father was the culprit, and he disappeared for years.

Sloane grabbed Mack by the collar, "We are not wasting any time Mackenzie! Get up, now!"

Mack listened to his mother figured, and stood up to his feet. He stared at the scene he thought he saw, and kept marching down the cave. He saw another scene of his past, another hallucination. The cave wall was covered by a white screen, with a projector behind him. In the projector, was a school holotape. Mack looked around, and found himself sitting in a desk surrounded by his old classmates.

A young woman went up to the teacher, and whispered in his year. The teacher got a surprised look, and signaled for Mack to come to him.

"Mackenzie, there's someone to see you in the front of school. Someone you haven't seen in a very long time. Someone who did something very bad to you, and we plead you not to go see him." The teacher said.

"Who is it?"

"It's your father, Mackenzie. He's back and he wishes to see you and Sloane."

Mack got a blank expression, and ran out of the classroom, and outside the front of the school. There Richard stood, with Sloane in his arms. He was skinny, and weak, with scabs all over his greasy face. But he still looked like Mack's dad.

"Mackenzie! Oh, I'm so glad you came." Richard said, kneeling down to hug his son.

Mack stepped back, "What happened to you? What happened to mom!" Mack demanded.

Mack's questions got Richard angry, he stood up, with fury in his eyes.

"Listen to me, you little bastard. I'm your father! Now get over here, and hug your [censored] father!" He yelled, and demanded.

A window opened in the school, and Mack's teacher looked out. "Get away from my student! You junkie psychopath!"

Richard looked at him, "Who are you to tell me what to do!?"

The teacher slammed the window shut, and appeared by the front door. With a shot gun in his head.

"Kids, go inside." the teacher said, and they did what there were told, "You listen to me, you pathetic excuse for a father. You took these kids' mother away, and you left them alone." the teacher pumped the gun, "You get off this property, and you never come back. These kids are too good for you, and if you touch a hair on their head so help me God. I will hunt you down, and I will destroy you."

"I don't need them. I don't [censored] need them!" Richard walked off the property, and that was the last time Mack would see him alive.

Sloane grabbed Mack by the hand, and pulled him through the cave. As Mack saw the bright light leading to the exit, he saw his last memory.

"Mackenzie, I'm so sorry about what happened." Mack's step mother said.

"I don't care. My dad was a brute, a drug addict, and a freak." Mack said.

"He was still your father, we have to go to his funeral. Remember the times when he was good to you."

Mack was forced to his old man's burial. He, Sloane, and his step mom were the only people there. His casket was open, and he looked the same he did years ago when he showed up at the school.

"How'd he die?" Mack asked.

"Drug overdose." The man burying him replied.

"Figured." Mack said.

Mack never even thought of his scum of a dad until now. When he had a revelation. He didn't want to turn out to be a hated person like his father after his mother's death. Mack walked to the light, and out of the cold cave into the blistering hot Sun, a new person.

:clap:

Loved it!

Ahh, closure!


Epilogue:

Mack ran through the streets of NCR, with the police behind him.

"Freeze scumbag!" They yelled, all running still.

Mack eventually lost the officers, but kept running. He made his away into a house, a dark run down place. He reached for his holster, and pulled out his gun. He pulled it out, and jumped into the next room.

"Freeze!"

He put his hand up, and backed to the corner.

Mack tackled the man, and pulled out his cuffs. Mackenzie handcuffed him, and pulled him up to his feet.

"Oh, kid. You're gonna go away for a while." Mack said to the criminal.

Mack walked out the house, and to the front yard, where his fellow officers were waiting.

"Good job, Mack. I never thought you'd be on our side."

Mack smiled, and gave the other cop a high five.
________________________________________________

Geoffrey kissed Sloane on the cheek, "Goodbye honey, I'm off to work."

Sloane held their child in her arms, "Bye bye, see you when you get home."

Sloane looked to her daughter, "Say goodbye to daddy, Amy."

Geoffrey leaned over and kissed his child on the forehead, "Bye honey."

_________________________________________________

"Mack? Is that you?"

"Yeah honey, I'm home from work!"

"Oh finally!" Mack's wife jumped up and gave Mack a hug.

"So, have you come up with a name?"

Mack walked to the middle of the room, and looked at his new born baby in it's crib.

"Yeah, I think so." Mack smiled, "How does Richard sound?"

His wife smiled, "it sounds great!"

Mack looked at his son, and his eyes watered up.

Oh, and this is just because you asked, and since everyone hates her.

A Favor:

"Don't worry, ma'am, we're almost out of the city." A body guard said to Lynette.

"Well it's about damn time! We've been walking forever."

'We've been walking for ten minutes' The guard thought to himself.

After finally exiting the cave, and into the hot sun. Lynette moaned. "You, guard, find me some shade."

The guard rubbed his eyes, and moaned heavily in his mind. "Stay here, and let the cliff cover you. I'll go recon for a nice spot, okay?"

"Hurry up!"

The guard left, and he had no intentions on coming back.

Lynette sat on the ground, when she heard voices come from the caves, she quickly dashed behind a rock. Four people came out, they started talking to a rough looking one, who wished them farewell. He split from the rest of the group.

Ben walked around the rocks, and Lynette managed to hide behind a huge fallen tree, with a ditch under it. Ben was whistling, and jumped on top of the massive tree. He unzipped his pants, and started to relieve himself right on Lynette. Who screamed in disgust.

Ben lost his balance, and well backwards. He looked over the log, and saw Lynette.

"Hey! I know you, you're that first citizen lady!" Ben jumped down, "Oh you'll get me lot of money" Ben went to grab her, but realized she was covered in pee.

"Ew, you're all covered in piss. Well I ain't kid nappin' you."

"Good! Now can I leave?" Lynette asked/demanded.

"Nah, you'll probably just send some men after me." Ben said.

Ben reached down, and pulled out a gun. "You know, it's not a smart idea to hide ammo in those tunnels. Any moron can look through a crate."

Ben lifted his fun slightly, and shot Lynette in both knees. "That's for trying to kill my good friend Mack!" Ben shot her again in the arms, "And that's 'cause I don't like you."

He looked to the city, far off in the distance. "They wont hear you cry from way over there. Good luck."

Ben unloaded his gun, and threw it at Lynette. "Ya'll can use that to protect yourself. Bears sure like these parts at night.

Amazing, I love it, I know you had the event with Ben and Lynette at the end there but i would've liked to have seen what happened to him later, like you explained about Mack, Sloan and Geoffrey, but it'd probably be the same [censored]-kicking Ben lol

Well, I was thinking of a spin-off since people seemed to like Ben. But I don't know? The sarcastic, killing, lovable Ben. Or taking off from the story Mack's dad told him about the two last people on Earth looking for a place to live?
If you liked Addiction, some opinions would be nice on my next story everyone

Awesome, I like Ben, maybe he could join some kind of mercenary group, ones that share the same [censored]-kicking attitude as he does and for a little bit you could detail them running around, taking odd jobs and spouting awesome punchlines to jokes while spraying bullets into the faces of any creature that crosses them, they could become really good friends, the twist could be that a death of one of the most well-liked of the groups which could only have been perpetrated by a member of the group, though the group still needs to work and make caps, so they go about business, but tensions are high and the killer can maybe kill another member or make an attempt on a members life but slip up, though still get away, then Ben could try and find out who the killer is, though having an enemy with the same skills and attitude as Ben, as well as the advantage of knowing his strengths/weaknesses from working with him might prove more of a challenge than guards who cant aim worth a damn lol, you should try to make cameos of Mack, Sloane and Geoffrey, and maybe Mack's new little boy Richard or Sloane's daughter Amy, whether they appear in a short minor role or play a major part in the story is up to you, just my suggestion

Well, you give a good storyline. I'll work on both stories, then I'll release the one I think is better first. Either way, there will be one with Ben! But it wont be for a while, since I'll have to come with a story line. But it'll be heavily based from that, so remind me to give you credit. Anyways, if anyone else wants to tell me their opinions on Addiction/ ideas for a new story, PM or comment on this!

NIce ending there Comedian. Love the end with ben and lynette and would love to see a story with Ben as the focus