» Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:31 pm ====================
Mastering the Mojave
The following is a lost excerpt of the popular radio show Radio New Vegas. It is a conversation between a Mojave Express Postmaster and the host of the show Mr. New Vegas. Throughout the conversation the Postmaster discusses how to do one thing, one simply complex thing, and that is to master the Mojave Wasteland. There are few ways to do this but focus on one way that seems to make Vegas as “morally good” as it can be. The four choices of leadership are the New California Republic; Caesar’s Legion; Mr. House; and Independence. The NCR is a faction that believe in old world values in which the United States were founded upon, but the negative side is that the NCR has become corrupt. Caesar’s Legion is the culmination of 86 tribes. The Legion believes in uniformity and very little uniqueness exits in it’s walls, women are slaves. Mr. House is the 261 year old father of New Vegas. Robert House believes in “removing” anyone that gets in the way of his plans, and to invigorate man’s scientific conquest. Finally, Independence is the route of the “Wild Card.” It involves meeting up with “Yes Man” and forging your own “casino and resort”. Yes Man isn’t even a man at all, it is a securitron, which is a rocket launching; laser wielding; 9mm firing; grenade barraging; single gyroscopic wheeled talking T.V. The specialty of Yes Man is it joyfully agrees with you whether it wants to or not. It makes “him” the ideal wing-“man” for your journey. One note is that Yes Man is a creation of Benny, not Mr. House In the case of mastering the Mojave the journey beats the destination, especially since your spurs will go jingle jangle jingle and you will meet some nice gals and guys along the way.
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“Your listening to Radio New Vegas, your little jukebox in the Mojave Wasteland. We got a special guest tonight and he’s got a some wild steps for you that is sure to rattle your spurs”
The Mojave Express Post Master chimes in, “ Thank you Mr. New Vegas. I certainly do have crazy set of steps for our audience, in fact it’s almost like a story. It involves our most profound Courier who is set out on a mission to get a tiny little platinum poker chip to Mr. House, the ruler of New Vegas. Unfortunately the Courier’s journey is cut short by Benny, the head of the famous resort casino “The Tops.” The poor Courier’s journey was rigged from the start in that Chairman’s eyes. He shoots the Courier in the head and buries him in Goodsprings Cemetery. As luck would have it though Victor, one of Mr. House’s few securitrons with a personality, digs that man up. Victor brings him to the local Doc in town. Doc Mitchell is able to patch him up real well. After the Courier gets all his faculties back in one place he starts out on his journey to find that fink that tried so desperately to blow his brains out. Along his journey he can coerce with the population as he pleases. This means he can either become the Mojave’s Messiah; Mysterious Stranger; or Mephisto. Finding the would-be-killer is the main objective o’course. Upon reaching that diamond in the desert many more doors will, both literally and figuratively. However, when he meets a securitron by the persona of Yes Man. Siding with this “Wild Card” is crucial if he wants any chance at removing corruption from the Wasteland.”
The program is handed back over to it’s host, “Hmm, this is very interesting indeed. Got a song for ya, it’s about a guy who’s cold on the exterior but deep down you know he’s a good man, and his name is Johnny Guitar."
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“Ladies and gentlemen your listening to me, Mr. New Vegas, and your looking extraordinarily beautiful right now. We got our special guest here and he will continue his story for us which involves mmmmastering the Mojave, take it Postmaster.”
“Thank you Mr. New Vegas, so the Courier has effectively removed Mr. House from power and Yes Man has uploaded himself to Mr. House’s vast network. The Courier has broken the bank of the Mojave’s neon lights. Now he must effectively secure his seat of power with his very own personal army. He must head to the Legion’s base of operations upon Fortification Hill. There he will find a weather station and under this hundreds of securitrons way for his command, or waiting to become dust under the dirt. He must not destroy them if he wishes to destroy both the NCR and Legion’s presence within his resort. By putting these securitrons on standby it ensures the crippling of Caesar’s Legion once the battle for Hoover Dam commences. Now engaging with the populace of the Mojave can have interesting ramifications as he will either gain possible allies for the upcoming battle, or remove threats looming on the horizon.”
Mr. New Vegas continues, “Well I’ll be, this story is turning out to be quite the roulette spin. We got a song for you, here’s B-B-Bing Crosby reminding us when you absolutely have to kiss the person you love, in Something’s Gotta Give."
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“And we’re back and I feel something magic in the air tonight and I’m not just talking about the gamma radiation. I’m Mr. New Vegas and boy do we have a special show to get back to with our local Mojave Express Postmaster, and here he is.”
“Thank you again, our destination has almost been reached. Entering the final act the Courier will face many Legionaries during the Battle of Hoover Dam. Halfway during the battle, Fortification Hill will erupt in a blaze of glory with securitrons blazing the way for the new Master of the Mojave. Our very own Courier will defeat Caesars very own Legate Lanius with the intelligence of his speech, or the might of his strength. The Legion will fall, and the Courier will meet General Lee Oliver, Commanding Officer of the NCR forces. He will be in awe of the Courier’s prowess but will soon fill with anger because his faction’s chances at conquering the Mojave have been shot. He will meet Yes Man for the very first-last time. Yes Man will await his boss man’s order which could be anything from showing the General the exit, to throwing him off the Dam. I will give some advice for this journey. Every gambler knows that the secret to survival is knowin’ what to throw away and knowin’ what to keep. Every hand’s a winner, just like every hand’s a loser. The best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep. You gotta know when to hold ‘em; know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk way; and know when to run. You don’t ever count your money while your sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’ is done.”
The programs’s host takes the reins for the last time of the special show, “You certainly speak the truth Postmaster. Audience, this is Mr. New Vegas saying, I’m just no good without you. In New Vegas we know the pain of what numbers can bring us, and so does Guy Mitchell in Heartache by the Numbers.”
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The ending of the excerpt finishes in a fashion that continues the show as though nothing special ever happened, like it was a phantom in the blurs. That is how someone masters the Mojave, by removing all the threats and corrupted officials from power. It’s best done this way so that New Vegas can be independent of the hand that held it along, so it can learn to walk on its own. This way it can learn from the follies of the House, the Legion, and the NCR and make a better place for those who wish to call it their own. In the independent Vegas, every man is a king in his own right.
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There, I hope it's not too terrible. Now It hasnt been graded yet so please, don't be the english teacher, if you will, just the critic.
