Prologue


Just another day in the shop.
That’s what Aaron called the underground base where he lived for almost 2 years now.
He used to live in the house standing right on top of the base, but that was before the raiders attacked and killed both his parents.
It was believed that his parents had an underground base filled with treasure.
This was only partly true, because as far as Aaron knew, there was no treasure to be found within these walls.

He quickly resumed his work on the nearly finished Robot.
A Mr. Gutsy model lied down on one of the workbenches, a bright lamp held by one of his two other robots shining right on the part where it was broken open.
It looked almost like an operating table, tools lying neatly on an old plate.
“A bit more to the left, Tron.” Aaron said to the Protectron holding the lamp.
“Yes sir.” Tron immediately responded.
“Here’s the soldering iron sir.” The other Protectron said, handing over the tool.
”Thanks Prod.”

Aaron hadn’t been sitting still since his parents died.
He fixed together the two Protectrons with help of mind-chips his father made.
These chips weren’t ordinary though, his father was about the best scientist in the wasteland.
Aaron once heard him talk about the commonwealth, where he was part of a secret cult of scientists.
I’ll never be as good as him. Aaron thought, still not satisfied with his work on the Mr Gutsy.

He switched the button and the Mr. Gutsy slowly started to fire up.
A small but powerful engine erupted flames to allow the robot to float in mid air.
“Welcome to this crappy world, Hammer.” Aaron said cynically to the robot that was looking around.
“Thank you sir,” Hammer replied. “Should I clean this mess up?”
Hammer implied to the great deal of junk lying around the base.

It wasn’t exactly a clean area. Parts and wires filled up the floor.
You could easily make out the routes that Aaron took, paths where there didn’t lie as much junk as the other areas.
In one corner stood a bed, a couch and a fridge where it looked a bit more tidy.
This was obviously the living area.
“No, that’s all right.” Aaron replied to Hammer. “I like it this way.”

He had everything he needed here underground.
There were times when Aaron didn’t see the light of day for weeks.
There’s nothing but death and dust there. Why should I go outside? he thought to himself.
There were other things on his mind then getting a tan.

“Do you mind me asking why you live here alone sir?” Hammer asked.
Aaron looked at the robot, a bit puzzled.
“How do you know that I live on my own here?”
“It’s quite obvious, sir. All these items indicate that just an individual lives here.”
“Quite clever for a robot.”

“My parents got killed by Raiders. I took shelter in this base when they came.
It took me 3 days to collect enough courage to go outside.
When I looked around, all I saw was a burned down house with burned bodies lying on the floor.
I decided to stay here, underground. There wasn’t really anywhere else I could go.“
“How dreadful,” Hammer concluded.
"Yeah well," Aaron said to the robot, cleaning his tear black hands. "that's all about to change."

A new fanfic
I've been away for quite a while. But I'm back, and I'll try to write a kick-ass story.
Please give your opinion and criticism! (I know it's a bit soon, but I'll put up chapter one in a while)

Cheers

Awesome! I like where this is going. :goodjob:

I was a huge fan of Defenders of the Wastes. It was one of the fan-fics that got me inspired to make my own. Hope you can make this one just as big as a hit as that one was.

Thanks Wasteland Scholar. Good to see you're still active in these forums.

Well, here's chapter one. I hope you guys can give me some good feedback! Don't hold back! (I'd even love some feedback of the bear. He's still here, aint he?)




Chapter one: Scouts


"So, why exactly have you built me, sir?" Hammer asked.
"For? protection." Aaron answered with hesitation.
"But, you said you never go outside, sir."
"That's about to change."
Aaron grabbed a Nuka Cola out of the fridge and popped it open with a wrench.
"Tomorrow we are setting into the endless desert of death."

After drinking up the Nuka Cola, he threw the empty bottle in a corner to join at least fifty more already lying there.
As soon as he pulled his old grey blanket over him, he fell asleep.
Hammer and the Protectrons followed Aarons lead and carefully went into their sleeping-mode.
Just eight hours later, Aaron and his robots had readied themselves for the long trip.
Aaron didn't want to carry much with him, so he decided that one backpack should be enough.

After climbing up the ladder and opening the hatch, he crawled out to the open.
To his own surprise, it was darker outside than it was inside.
With no clocks or other ways to tell the time, the days and nights probably shifted faster than he thought.
After Hammer floated outside, he pulled Prod and Tron out with a cable made of wires.
The Protectrons had no ways of climbing ladders, so Aaron thought this had to be the best alternative.

"So where are we exactly going, sir?" Hammer asked.
"You are curious, aren't you?" Aaron responded.
"I am sorry sir," Hammer replied quickly. "If you want, I could stop asking questions."
"No, no that's all right." Aaron answered as quickly.
He didn't mind the talking. With Prod and Tron around, there wasn't much to talk about.

"We're going to the raiders." Aaron said.
"Are we going to kill those raiders, sir?"
"Yes we are and you don't have to say 'sir' all the time, Hammer"
"I'm sorry, should I address you differently?"
"You can just call me Aaron."
"All right? Aaron."

"Alarm, Radscorpion." Prod interrupted.
A large grey scorpion approached with the intention to make Aaron its prey.
"What should we do?" Hammer asked.
"How about, we kill it?" Aaron answered a bit annoyed.
Hammer hesitated. "How exactly?"
"Try using that plasma rifle I've installed on you, or otherwise the flamethrower." Aaron replied more annoyed.

Hammer floated towards the Radscorpion and set it into flames.
The creature gave out a high pitched screech and slowly gave up life.
"It works!" Hammer said almost overjoyed.
After the Radscorpion burned up, Aaron turned back to Hammer.
"Could it be possible that you have? feelings?" he asked Hammer carefully.
"Off course I do!" He replied. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Well, normal robots don't have them." Aaron answered, feeling a bit awkward.
Hammer looked at Aaron. "Oh, I see."

It appears that the mind chip of Hammer is a lot different than that of the Protectrons. Aaron thought.
He pounded on this more and more, as they continued their way to the south.
The trip was dull to say the least, with only scorched planes to look at.
Every now and then, Hammer asked a few questions about the environment and the creatures killed off by Prod and Tron, who scouted ahead for most of the time.
Slowly, ruins of a large building started to appear in the distance.

"There," Aaron suddenly said. "That's our landmark."
Prod and Tron went in front to scan the area and returned quickly.
"All clear Sir!" Tron concluded. "Just a few radroaches, but apart from that: nothing." Prod added.
The four walked into the ruins and looked for a place to set up camp.
Luckily, there was one room not yet caved in and so they went inside, where it was a bit warmer.

The place looked deserted, but there were definitely signs of previous housing.
There was a bed, a closet, an old table and some junk lying around.
The previous owner was probably killed by one of the many savage beasts that walked the planes.
"S.T.4.!" Aaron suddenly shouted. "I never thought I'd find you back!"
He walked up to a broken droid and picked it up.

It was a small droid; it could fit in Aaron's hands easily.
It looked a lot like a Mr. Gutsy model, but without the tentacles.
Its dark green paint looked scratched, as if a Deathclaw had tried to eat it.
"I think we could even repair you." Aaron claimed enthusiastically.
Hammer floated carefully towards Aaron to take a look at the small droid.

"Did you make it?" He asked.
Aaron nodded. "It's a scouting droid."
"It took me six months to locate those raiders, but I couldn't have done it without these guys."
"guys?" Hammer asked curiously. "You had more?"
"Off course!" Aaron answered proud. "I made six in total."
He took the droid to the old table and started to tinker with it.

Hammer watched closely as Aaron took the droid apart.
Prod and Tron however, showed no interest at all and stayed at the door, ready to shoot anything that might come through it.
"Why are you trying to fix it, Aaron?" Hammer asked promptly.
Aaron looked up at Hammer with a magnifying glass attached right in front of his left eye.
"It might give us some very useful information."

Great story. Very interesting. Looking forward to find out what happens next.

Thank you, AndyTbone! Anyone else care to give some feedback, please do! I'm dying for it!
Here's chapter two, hope you enjoy!



Chapter two: Entrance


It took Aaron just two hours to fix and re-assemble the broken S.T.4. droid.
"It's a shame we don't have any monitors here, or we could see the visual data too."
"You mean like you had back at the base?" Hammer asked.
"Yes exactly. I used them for the other droids to give me a good image of the area."
Aaron stepped away from the droid after switching it on.
"Audio should suffice for now though." He claimed calmly.


S.T.4. lifted slowly from the table and started communicating.
"RRRR? good afternoon boss ?RRRR" the droid responded.
"Good afternoon S.T.4., can you please give your report on the scouting?" Aaron gently asked.
"RRRR? Activating report now."
The droid started with his report and after some forwarding, the report became more interesting.

"RRRR? four raiders attacked by Yao Guai?
?Yao Guai shot by raiders?
?Following raiders?
?Raiders enter base?
?base coordinates: 30"10.01 25"05.20?
?Returning home?
?Encountering Deathclaw?
?Abrupt end of report?RRRR"

Aaron walked up to S.T.4.
"Thank you" he said and switched the droid off.
The droid was put in his backpack and Aaron walked over to the bed.
"Time to go to bed." he said while rubbing his eyes.

"You didn't know the location of the raiders base yet?" Hammer suddenly asked.
Aaron turned around to Hammer. "I knew they were active in that region, but never located the base before."
"I thought?" Hammer hesitated. "Thought what?" Aaron asked frowning.
"I do not know." Hammer concluded.
Aaron didn't know what to make of it, but decided to let it go and get some sleep.

The night passed quickly and before the sun set, the four companions were already on their way towards the Raiders base.
With the Protectrons scouting ahead, they had no trouble getting through the barren wastelands at all.
Before the day passed, they'd already arrived some hundred feet in front of the base.
It didn't look like much, just a small concrete cubical with a highly enforced metal door in the front.
If you wouldn't look for it, it might not even attract your attention.

"Prod, can you see if there are any defences in the vicinity?" Aaron asked the Protectron.
Prod looked for a bit and concluded that there was nothing to be found, but a small camera above the metal door.
"Take it out." Aaron ordered coldly.
It took Prod not more than a second to aim and fire at the camera, destroying it from two hundred feet without any trouble.
"Can I do that too?" Hammer immediately asked exited.
"I don't think so." Aaron answered. "It took me quite some time, installing such precise targeting system into Prod."
"Oh?" Hammer responded, sounding almost disappointed.

The group ventured slowly to the door, but encountered no obstacles whatsoever.
Aaron wiggled the handle, but the door seemed locked shut.
"All this way, just to end up in front of a closed door." Hammer stated woeful.
"That's where you come in." Aaron chuckled.
"But I don't have a key!" Hammer answered.
"We don't need a key."
"Just put your right arm on the door and activate your EMP." Aaron responded proud.

Hammer didn't know what good that was going to do, but he followed Aaron's request, placing his tentacle on the door and activated his EMP.
The door vibrated for a moment and then, with a big blow, it shot out of its frame into the cubical where a raider was just about to investigate who wiggled the handle.
The raider slammed to the back wall, caught in a door-and-wall sandwich.
"For a curious robot like yourself, I'm surprised you never wondered why your name is 'Hammer'." Aaron said laughing.

Oh my God!!! :shocking:

The robots are becoming self-aware! Kill it man! Kill it! Before it is too late!

Excellent! Very much like the character of 'Hammer'.

Haha yeah, they're learning!


Good chapter. I personally like nice short chapters like this. :goodjob:

Thanks guys. I'll try and write a good chapter within a few days.
Any criticism on spelling or grammar? English isn't my first language, so it's not unthinkable that there would be a lot of mistakes.

Your grammar and spelling is great, don't worry about that. Great story and this is one I'll check on. A very neat story.

Here's chapter 3. I hope you enjoy. I don't know if the conversations are built correctly, but as I said before: Criticism is more than welcome!



Chapter 3: The Message


As Aaron walked through the newly made opening, Hammer still didn't know what just happened.
"Isn't it obvious?" Aaron explained. "I built an EMP pulse within your system that will give a huge wave simply by overloading the metal with electro magnetic waves."
"But wouldn't that take an awful lot of power to realize?" Hammer asked.
"Indeed," Aaron responded while walking over the blasted door towards the next one.
"But your nuclear core can handle that easily. Just don't overdo it."

Hammer followed Aaron down the stairs to the next door, happy with his new gain ability.
"Should I blast this one open to?"
"I don't think this one's locked" Aaron responded and gave the handle a tug.
It was a wonder that the four men in the next room didn't hear the earlier blast, but then again, they looked like they had been partying all night.

Aaron raised his eyebrow while looking at the four drunken raiders sitting around a small table.
The room was dark, with a few fridges, some shelves and a lot of metal boxes standing against the walls.
The table in the middle was overloaded with empty whiskey bottles and the Raiders were clearly celebrating something, but Aaron could only have guessed what it was.

They still didn't notice the boy standing in the door opening, or maybe they just thought he was the man who was now lying under a different door.
"I think I can handle them myself." Aaron said as he grabbed his 10mm submachine.
The silencer on the submachine gun muffled the sound of the bullets, but the pile of whiskey bottles on the table didn't.
Broken glass flew everywhere as the Raiders unsuspectingly fell down on the floor, blood pouring out of their new pierced holes.

"Next room." Aaron said sarcastically as he picked up some grenades from the lifeless bodies.
He didn't feel as satisfied as he thought he would, killing those bastards.
"Can I do the next one sir?" Hammer asked.
"Sure," Aaron said. "but don't use your EMP, okay?"
Hammer murmured agreeing and quickly moved to the door.

The room they entered looked like a tunnel with a circular area at the end.
This wasn't just an old sewer. It was rebuilt and had different turrets on the sides, but none of them responded on the presence of the boy and his robots.
Prod and Tron followed closely behind Hammer scanning their targets.
"Four raiders detected, carrying .44 magnum and Chinese Assault rifles." Prod determined.
It was clearly the boss who wore a metal armor and backpack, carrying a .44 magnum.
The others carried Chinese assault rifles and wore custom raiders armor made out of old tires, leather belts and other junk.

Hammer glided happily towards the four, without any sense of danger.
The raiders however, lowered their weapons.
"Wait." The boss said. "Kill us, and the turrets will be activated, so we'll be both killed."
The turrets did seem very advanced so Aaron, who could barely keep up with Hammer, halted his robots and walked up to the boss slowly.
"I would die happy, having killed the man who murdered my parents."

"I'm honoured that you see me as your arch-enemy," The man responded. "though I rather see us both living, then lying dead on the floor."
Aaron did not speak, but waited for the man's proposition.
"I know who you are boy," He continued. "you're the son of Krinch and his wife, are you not?"
Aaron nodded. He startled a bit by the sound of his fathers name, for he had not heard it in a long time.

"You see, I still haven't got what I wanted from that man, even after months of enslavement."
Aaron was taken aback. "My father is still alive!?" he shouted.
"No, no, no." the Raider answered. "I killed him months ago."
The anger in Aaron's body rose more and more.
"I should kill you right now!" he bellowed.

"You're in such an impatient boy." The man responded calmly. "Don't you want to hear the rest?"
Aaron didn't answer. He could barely keep himself from emptying his submachine on the gang.
"That's better." The man continued.
"If you look around you, you can see everything your father build for me.
He couldn't resist, because he didn't want his precious wife to be killed."

"After this glorious underground base was built, he still wouldn't tell me what this treasure of him was, even after I killed his wife."
Aaron's hands were itching more and more. He felt like his head was going to explode.
"It was his wife who said a most interesting thing right before she died.
You choose the boy over me?
It interested me, because it probably means that you have the key to the treasure."

"I-I don't know? what you mean." Aaron stuttered.
The man look at him, disappointed.
"How can we share the treasure, if you don't even listen?
Your father had built something more than just these turrets you know.
He probably thought I was stupid, but I'm not."

Aaron kept standing perfectly still, apart from his hands who were shaking more and more.
"It's an encoded message, but I don't know the password." The Metal armored boss continued.
"So I kept thinking. What would be the password, what would I let the password be if I was Krinch?
And then it hit me. It had to be your name!"

The man held his breath.
"So boy, what's your name?" he asked even more calm.
Aaron didn't know if he should, but he became very curious about what his father would have to say to him.
"Aaron."

Suddenly the room became red and a purple transparent energy bubble-shield covered Aaron and his robots.
A voice echoed through the room.
Hello Aaron. I'm glad you made it here. Just as I expected his fathers voice said.
I hope that you don't have too much trouble with Darak?
I have the turrets to solve that problem for you.
The coordinates of the treasure are: 92"20.03 43"08.32
Good luck, son.

The voice stopped and the turrets started aiming for the Raiders.
The boss raider Darak however, quickly pressed a button on armor.
Fire came out of the backpack and he was send flying trough a small tube leading towards the surface.
Smoke covered the room as the raiders fired at the turrets in vain.
After the shooting stopped and the smoke cleared, the raiders lied dead on the ground.

The energy shield lifted and the boy and his robots were standing alone at the end of the tunnel.
"So, what do we do now?"
Aaron looked at Hammer, still confused about what just happened.
"We go after the treasure, I guess."

I don't have time for a full read-through, but one thing which I immediately noticed was that you have really overused dialogue adverbs. Here are the one which you used in chapter 3 alone:

Hammer asked curiously.
He asked joyfully.
Aaron said sarcastically.
Hammer asked eagerly.
The man responded calmly.
Aaron stuttered angry.
He said carefully.

And all of that is just in one chapter! You should work on replacing these adverbs with stronger dialogue that speaks for itself.

Since when did raiders have jetpacks?

Thank Attentater, I already knew that, but have trouble getting rid of it. I'll try to clean it up.


Yeah, you'll see in the long run.

I've edited the last chapter a bit. Deleted some adverbs that weren't really necessary.
Please point out any other stuff that could use a fix!

-story
-spelling
-grammar
-writing
-anything!

Nice..

I just re-read your other fanfic after reading this.

Your awesome!

Your writing style keeps my focus on it, and I just want to keep on reading.

So, gimme more!

Thanks Gunjaer

But I'm not too satisfied by it myself, so I'll rewrite the first chapters, then continue.

1. I don't really know how to show Hammer's emotions, since he's a robot.
2. I think Prod and Tron are way too static in the story, I'll try to get them more involved.

If you guys have any ideas on this, please share them with me!

Okey, Rewritten the prologue, and here's a new chapter, I like this one more
Enjoy (I hope)


Chapter three: Making Enemies


"We should investigate first" Aaron said to himself, looking up to the shaft where raider Darak escaped through.
Hammer did not understand. "Investigate what?"
Aaron walked back to the previous room. "There must be some sort of mainframe that operates the turrets, the recognition system and voice-tapes."
As Hammer followed Aaron closely, Prod and Tron went back to the entrance to guard it.

Aaron found another door, Hammer followed even closer.
"Can you give me some space?" Aaron said to the curious robot.
"But I don't want to miss anything!" Hammer replied.
Aaron ignored him and opened the door gently.

It was a small room, full with computers and other electronics.
Aaron held his breath for a moment.
This must be where his father worked day and night for those damn bastards.
He shuffled to the mainframe and turned it on.

*password*
Password? Aaron thought.
"Obviously: A.A.R.O.N."
*password accepted*

As various logs appeared on the screen, Aaron decided to read them in numeric order.
Most of it didn't hold much vital information, except for Log 15.
Hammer tried his best too read it all, looking over Aaron's shoulder.

-----
Luckily, the guys didn't bother me too much today, so I could finally get something done.
I think they noticed that I'm not working as hard on their precious gadgets when they keep questioning me.
I finished the backpack today, but they've decided to test everything thoroughly before so I can't mess with it too much.
If I do anything suspicious, they'll take it out on Madison and she can't be the victim of my doings any longer
She suffered too much on my account already.
I wish that they would leave her alone, and take it out on me, but I guess I'm too valuable for them.

On the bright side: I've discovered something interesting about them today.
It seems that these guys aren't who they say they are.
After asking Talbert, one of the more civil guys, I found out that they are actually from a Cult called Tao's Mercs.
I've never heard of them, but my thoughts about them being much more organized than a bunch of normal raiders were true.
They don't seem to be raiders at all, though they want us to believe they are.

I'll write more tomorrow, if they don't catch me keeping these logs.
Krinch out.


Aaron was still at awe about all that he just read.
If they are from a clan of mercenaries, then how many more do I have to face?
For all I know, that Darak guy could have dozens of cold blooded mercs standing at his side, claiming the treasure for them.
Hell, I don't even know what the treasure is?
Suddenly, a voice came from the entrance.

"What's going on in there?"
"Sorry sir, but I can't let you pass."
"Why not? What are you hiding, robots?"
Prod and Tron seemed to hold someone off from entering the building.

Aaron swiftly made way to the entrance, trying to go as fast as he could without being noticed.
More mercs? He thought as he took a peek past Tron.
To his relieve, the man standing at the door was not a mercenary at all.
"The Brotherhood of Steel commands you to let us pass robot, or we WILL have to use force."

Aaron quickly jumped in front of his robots.
"That's not really necessary," He answered fast. "We were just exploring."
His mind raced trough all the possibilities.
Could they be allied with the Tao's? Are they just curious? Are they here to investigate?
"We heard gunshots from afar, so can you please tell us what happened?" The Brotherhood Paladin asked with a calm voice.

Two initiates standing directly behind the Paladin, held their laser-rifles firm in their hands.
Hammer joined the group as the Paladin turned impatient.
"Well? Something tells me that you're hiding something."
Aaron didn't know what to say, but Hammer decided to act.

He glided slowly to The Paladin and laid his tentacle on the chest of the man.
"What are you doing?" The paladin said annoyed. "Get your filthy arms of me!"
Hammer did not compute, but just responded with "Happy flight."
"Wait?Wha..?"
Before the man could finish his words, Hammer activated his EMP and send the Paladin flying off a hundred feet through the sky.

As the initiates followed the Paladin trough the sky, Aaron glazed at Hammer with disbelieve.
The body landed with a hard blow against an old tree stump.
"What the hell are you doing!?" He shouted angrily and confused at the same time.
"I wanted to see what happened." Hammer answered sounding somewhat satisfied.

The initiates fixed their eyes back on the group and started shooting at Hammer.
Suddenly, they were caught in a fire fight where neither groups wanted to be in.
Aaron fired his 10mm SMG while shouting back at the initiates.
"CAN'T? WE? JUST? TALK? ABOUT? THIS!?"
But the initiates didn't respond, afraid that they would step into another trap.

No-one? really?

Come-on, you guys must have something to say?

Well I think that was a dike move on Hammer's part.

True.

Can someone give me some criticism plz? I want to have a little more feedback before I continue.

Well to be honest, I'm a little turned off by the plot so far. There better be a very good explanation for all thats going on. I think the whole jet-pack thing was a little much. I mean the Commonwealth may have some good tech, but forcefields and crap? That belongs in Star Wars man.

One of the biggest themes of the Fallout Universe is that post-war humanity is completely reliant upon the spent husk of the pre-war world. There food comes from cans of beans two-hundred years old. They survive using rusted up old guns. They make homes from cars, ships, and planes for god sakes. Are you telling me that they can advance thier technology beyond the Enclave. The Enclave could only finish research and technology that was already half-finished before the war.

I dont really have any problems with grammer or anything. I dont read these things for grammar, I read fan-fics for plot. There you have it. Thats my criticism. Now get back to work you lazy piece of [censored]!!!!!! :swear:

Just kidding, but I am hoping this clicks together in an entertaining way.

Thank you Wasteland Scholar,
You make a very good point about the energy bubble shield. that?s exactly from the chapter with which I wasn?t happy about.

I will have a good explanation though.
Though perhaps the commonwealth has a further evolved tech in my mind than in yours.
If they can make androids/artificial humans, then surely they can make a king of energy reflecting field.

I?m sorry! I?ll get writing a.s.a. I have the time...

I've been watching this one develop, but I've stayed mostly silent. Story is good, keep going with it. Don't worry about what others think of your creativeness, its your story, run with it. (Sorry Wasteland, I can't stifle a young mind, even if it can be off the wall sometimes).

The rewritten Prologue reads much better than the original. Most of my other quirks have already been mentioned, so no long dissertation from me (And yes, I am addicted to Spell Check, so my own dictionary went out the window years ago).