28) Their justice system is a joke

29) The people of Skyrim are known to have a completely distorted sense of gratitude. They're very ungrateful towards heroes who accomplish great tasks such as saving the world from destruction, but they cheer at any random folk able to revive a dying tree no one should care about.

- An epidemic is currently plaguing Skyrim, where many adventurers are shot in the knee with an arrow, forcing them to take up a career as a guard. Immigrants should be aware of this problem and wear knee high armoured boots at all times.

31) The Throat of the World, the highest mountain on the continent of Tamriel does not even require oxygen to summit.

32) Despite having ten fingers, it it against nordic tradition to wear more than one ring. Adventurers who dishonor this are shot in the knee, essentially ending there adventuring days

this is the greatest thing ever. you need to make an off-site list so that people can view the full thing without skimming through the posts.

33) According to multiple well-respected sources within Skyrim's healing community, cases of Forsworn women suffering from frostbit nipbles has reached near epidemic levels.

And in the meantime, perhaps add the new entries to the OP? It's a bit of work, but it would be nice!

AWESOME thread, by the way-- I loved the original five years ago, it had me laughing aloud today, and the Skyrim version is even better!

Just done adding in the new comments.

Spindle, I expanded your line on justice being a joke, as it needed some observation on actual events to fit in properly, hope you don't mind.

I might also be getting jaded, but the knee jokes, whilst funny, can't make up half the list!

Off to play Skyrim a bit more, hopefully note some more curious facts on my explorations, hope you guys can help me with the definitive guide to Skyrim.

EDIT: BTW, appreciate the nice comments, its nice to know I'm not just amusing myself, sometimes its just better to laugh at the game flaws than to feel angry about it.

EDIT2: Someonetookmyname: If we can get a lot more funny lines I will probably make a new webpage for it, ready to wheel out when TESVI comes out, this is likely to be a tradition for me.

Very nice. Although, as it seems with many residents of the country, you are a racist. How rude to constantly pick on Nords --- however I do condone the activity as every person in Skyrim it wassis against me as a Dark Elf.

- Your local giant will be more than happy to treat you to an aerial view of the beautiful countryside.

(A notable one from the last list that certainly still applies!)

33. Skyrim residents, like their Imperial cousins to the south, learned long ago to cover family heirlooms, personal weapons, and powerful artifacts with an incredibly strong adhesive in the (likely) event that the item would be lost. Then, should a willing adventurer agree to recover the item, it simply attaches itself to their person and cannot be removed by any known surgery or magic save the touch of the owner (or the owner's descendant/interested party, as the case may be). In this way, all lost items will eventually be recovered, often to the chagrin of the poor adventurers covered in magic baubles, ancient swords, and family armor.

EDIT: Nice work, Cerddor! Glad you could add them to your OP. And sorry to recycle one, but several still apply.

Don't often post here, but what a great thread :thumbsup:

Also.......

- Visitors should also be aware that food must be kept under lock and key at all times. Sweet Rolls, in particular, are liable to go missing and reporting them being stolen will be met with derision by the guards.

:celebration:

Great job!

3x) Due to their proud warrior traditions, most of skyrim's warriors are buried in halls of the dead. It appears there has been a long history of might battles as Nordic ruins containing vast halls of the dead can be found literally through out the entire country.

3x) Because of the constant cold winter conditions of the skyrim region and extremely well balanced snowfall, the snow never melts or thaws but manages to stay perfectly in place, this condition appears to go southward into Cyrodiil and is known to affect the city of Bruma.

meh, I guess I svck at being funny =P.

- The most honorable of adventurers were granted the title of Thane, and assigned a Housecarl for lifelong service. The duties of a Housecarl included verifying the functionaly of any traps encountered during an adventure, carrying burdens, and warding off evil night spirits by sitting in a chair and watching their Thane sleep. Details are sparse, but records seem to indicate that the Norse term for a Housecarl's retirement was "Boethiah".

- The Nord people were known to have extremely powerful, almost mystical, imaginations. Those who carelessly let their imagination wander would inadvertently wind up with arrows protruding from their necks, acquaintances collapsing dead before their very eyes, or other such travesties.

You Sir, have too much time on your hands haha!

Well done though. :foodndrink:

- The masters of various guilds in Skyrim believed that a true leader should never consider themselves above even the lowest-ranking member of their organization. To this point, the leader of the Companions was often tasked with fetching the mead, Imperial officers were harrassed by their subordinates for lollygaggin', and the Archmage of Winterhold College frequently had his magical aptitude questioned by the Jarl's wizards.

- The proper greeting in Skyrim was not "Hello", "Good day", "Greetings", or any other phrase common in different parts of Nirn. Rather, it was considered much more polite to spout phrases pertaining to your line of work, the clothing selection of others, or tragic personal stories to anybody who came within earshot. It was not only good etiquette to greet others with these phrases, but also to use them whenever two strangers were having an important conversation in which you were not involved.

- Although the world was saved by the noble Dovahkiin, he was killed shortly after by the dreaded Ursikiin (Bearborn). Tragically, those born of the Dragon are merely playthings to those born of the Bear.

It is a custom amongst the Nords to drink any bottle they find in their pocket. The amount of deaths caused by this has reduced the number of meaderies to less than 10. This has resulted in a mead shortage that is commonly complained about by the guards of Skyrim.

That is also MY custom. :foodndrink:

- Due to hardy constitution of those living, or even visiting Skyrim, most people can survive arrows, spikes of ice and battleaxes to the face, get struck by a lightning bolt and walk away, and simply shrug off dragon fire. Often all at the same time. Whilst naked.

The Nords are noted for being extremely racist. In actuality they are too stupid to be racist. While traveling through many towns and settlements my Orc compatriot was addressed as "kinsman", "friend", and other pleasantries and never as an orc. Only when we entered an orc stronghold was he recognized as an orc. It is my opinion that if the Dunmer in Windhelm didn't tell the Nords they were Dunmer, the Nords would never know. The only Nords who seem to recognize other races are those who are or were employed by the Empire, and even then they may forget.