Angel, The Fan Fiction : The Elder Scrolls Series Discussion

» Sat May 28, 2011 3:43 pm

Your writing is really great, really enjoyable read. Once I stopped trying to read it as Lore (and started from the beginning again) I could see there were several different factions that would be coming together for an epic battle. Very interesting story, I wish I had more background to know why Angel was considered evil and marked for death, I feel like I started reading a book in the middle and missed the important clues to what made up the characters - which actually I probably have since you said that the first chapters were dropped off the forum. I had a lot of distractions personally while trying to read it, which made it hard to keep up with the different factions, so I plan to re-read this when I have a quieter time to do it. Very good writing though, and you have a flair for using just the right amount of details to help the reader visualize what you are saying.

If I have any critique at all to give, it is against my own self as a reader in assuming the story was going to follow the game lines, but when I finally got over that and went back and re-read it as it should have been read from the beginning (with an open mind, lol) - I liked the story a whole lot more, and began to really get into Angel's story and character. There were several scenes that were outstanding, your detail was perfect, and I liked Angel in spite of not knowing what led up to her going from the "Hero of Kvatch" to the evil child that was marked for death. Great storyline!

Wow... way to resurrect a dead thread. Necromancer!

» Sat May 28, 2011 7:26 am

Wow... way to resurrect a dead thread. Necromancer!

ROFL - Necromancer, Lol, that is funny!! Well, I asked him if he had more Angel stories on another thread, and he gave me a link here. Was I supposed to not tell him how much I liked it? He is an excellent writer!

» Sat May 28, 2011 9:51 am

Because of Acadians recent kind comments, there has been a renewed interest in the Angel fan-fiction. Looking in my old saved files I found drafts of the first posts for the RPG that ended the fan fiction. The RPG has long since fallen off the edge of the world. The following posts from the RPG seem to provide a better ending to this story and I am reprinting them here.

Angel felt the familiar detachment she always eperienced after a fight. More than anything else right now she wanted to bath. For a moment, her eyes met Carahils and it seemed as though Carahil wanted to say something but the look on Angel's face stopped her. Angel passed through the main Anvil gate heading for Mermaid park and the small lake it surrounded. Dropping her robe beside the water she stepped into it's soothing coolness. She saw again the Necromancer robe as the body within yeilded to the demands of the earth at their feet to join it in eternity. She began to cry.

Angel felt something scaly brush against her foot as she swam along the bottom of the little lake. The shock of the unexpected contact snapped her out of her dark depression as her body recoiled. Rolling so that she could see what had touched her, she saw the figure of an Argonian placidly drifting in the water close by. With an arm gesture, the figure signaled a direction and then swam graceful off in that direction. Angel followed as best she could; arms thrashing and legs scissoring. Despite the seeming lazy movement of the Argonian, he was soon lost from sight. Breaking the surface at last Angel splashed and sloshed her way onto the shore. Collecting her robe she dressed as the Argonian waited nearby.

Raising both hands to his chest and pointing, Swims-on-Land said "It's funny; I though human females had... uh..."

Sensing that this was more like a ritual than a comment Angel pointed to the side of her head and said "And I though Argonians had.. uh..."

Swims' broke into his widest toothy grin. "I am Swims-On-Land; your fellow mage." He said extending his hand. "It seems there has been a bit of a fight outside the main gate. I saw them removing bodies."

How did you find me?" Angel asked, taking his hand. "I've been underwater for a while now."

"The beggers know everything that happens in this town." Swims' answered. "Elgin said you had a special way with people but I didn't know it extended to my special greetings."

"It was a lucky guess" Angel answered. She liked this freindly Argonian with the humorous greetings. Something about that now intruded on her thoughts. The Arch Mage had once told her that even without the `Key', the Golden Egg was never truly inactive. Was it because of the Egg that she knew how to respond to Swims'; that the Anvil mages had drawn to her support in defiance of the Arch Mage? In that case, the only accomplishements she could take credit for was the murder of Necromancers.

Anglel's spirit which had started to come out of her black mood, plummetted. She saw again the black robe with the red skull emblazoned on it as it crumpled to the ground. An unfamiliar face sliding downward past her vision; the expression one of slack emptiness.

"You look like a man with a serious overbite" Elgin said.

"And you look like an argonian with `Tail-Rot'. Swims' answered back casually as he brought a chair from the dining room and held it while Angel was seated. Bringing a second chair he settled in with a sigh in front of the fireplace. No one spoke for a long time.

At last, leaning toward Angel, Falanu whispered something and Angel whispered back. The two rose and disappeared throught the dining room. Soon the smell of roasting venison and spiced potatoes wafted through the manor.

"Elgin." Swims' said; sounding as though he was testing the sound of the name. "Is that a Breton name?"

"It might be." Engin answered. "Shades of Oblivion, all you have to do is look at me to see I'm an Imperial."

Grinning, Swims' answered, "All you humans look alike to me."

"Enough pleasantries." Elgin said. "Can you get into the Arcane University?"

"One more reccomendation to go. Swims answered. That's why I'm in town. I need the Anvil recommendation."

"Falanu has seen the `Key'." Elgin said. "It was in the Arch Mage's private chambers."

"You must tell me sometime what Falanu was doing in the Arch Mage's private chambers." Swims responded with another toothy grin.

"If you really want to know, ask Falanu." Elgin said, now grinning himself. "Ive always wanted to know what baked lizzard looked like."

In the dining room Falanu heard the two thieve's laughter and looked worriedly at Angel. "I hope Elgin isn't telling dirty jokes again." she thought.

Finishing his meal first, Swims turned to Angel. "Perhaps you could clarify for me; the appearance of this `Key'."

"Sure. It's a filligreed rectangle. It's made of a golden metal. It's actually a stand that fits onto the side of the Golden Egg. There are little springloaded things that push into the Egg and then it goes `click' and the two part are connected."

Turning Now to Falanu, Swims asked "What is this thing; filled-with-greed."

Rolling her eyes, Falanu thought; "It's going to be a long night."

Elgin and Angel walked along the silent main street. The street lamps placed at regular intervals gave them both the secure feeling that the power of the city was directed to keeping them safe. Elgin had agreed to let Angel sleep at the Mages Guild on condition that he would walk her there and that she would stay there in the morning until he came for her. The sky had cleared and the stars were out in their most breath taking splendor.

"Can we sit outside for a little bit?" Angel asked, turning toward the benches in the central plaza. Elgin followed and was soon absorbed in the peaceful activity of watching the stars. His silent revery was broken by the sound of sniffles and he realized that Angel was crying.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I killed those Necromancers today." Angel said between muffled sobs. "One of them; I saw his face when he died. I can't stop thinking about it. He was alive and then he was dead. If it weren't for me he would still be alive. For all I know he might have been nice. He might have had children. We might have been friends."

Elgin took Angel in his arms and rocked her gently until her crying had stopped; until his arms and back ached; until her steady warm breathing on his neck told him she was asleep. Carrying his little burden into the Mages guild he nodded to the Mage on duty. Looking up at the stairs he would have to climb he was beginning to think it wasn't a good idea.

Felen Relas held up a small vial and whispered "I think this might solve your problem." As Elgin drank the potion; His now quivering muscles steadied and he felt as though he was carrying a feather. "That stuff has really got a kick to it" he whispered back.

"I'm not surprised Felen said. "It was one of the potions I bought from a fine little Alchemist named Angel."

» Sat May 28, 2011 6:20 am

Bobg, when I saw your thread, with you as the last poster, I thought, could it be? COULD IT BE?!? :celebration:

:nope: I had hoped against hope, that you and Angel would come out of retirement.

I shall have to content however, and I thank you for sharing.

I never got to read the old RP, so I'm grateful for the extra info on her.

:whisper: The bit about coming out of retirement was a poorly disguised, selfish hint. (hint. hint.).

» Sat May 28, 2011 3:31 pm

Add my hints to Acadians! Please bring Angel back out and let us hear (read) some more about her!

» Sat May 28, 2011 8:22 pm

Count me in as supporter as well, i was introduced to angel through buffy and have found her fascinating, please bring back this old beauty and grace the thread with your golden words.

» Sat May 28, 2011 7:02 am

Well like I said I would I read the whole story, and I must say I am very happy that I did. You have a certain something I can't quite put my finger on. Your writing is wonderful, your characters are...well characters (take that as a good thing

), and the story its self leaves nothing to be desired. It was an all around great experience for me, and I understand how this could/has inspire others to write fan-fics of their own.

I also want to add in my own little critique so if you do decided to continue on I will have contributed. I think BSparrow hit the nail on the head with the "Uber" statement, but for me it didn't really hit me until the final battle. I was ok with everything that happened before that, but the melee combat really through me off. I mean she is 12, just a small girl, and a mage prodigy. I could see her casting spells the whole time before I could see her swinging a sword. Well that is the only part of the story that I felt was a bit off putting. As far as your writing mechanics go they are very solid with only a few minor blips, and well the one "big" thing that kept me stumbling through the story at times. That is your changing of locations and/or passing of time. I would like something that indicates it happened before I start to read the next paragraph. I found myself confused for a short while, and then having to go back and re-read sections after I realized that time had passed, or the location had changed.

So in conclusion this fan-fic is a great piece of work with a very unique main character. Yet even with such a strong main character you have done an impeccable job of developing the other characters adding to the dimensionality of the story. (is that a word?

) Also, the story its self held my attention and made me want to know what was gonna happen next. Your skill as a writer is obvious, and your passion for your work, and your character Angel, are equally as obvious. If your should choose to return to the fan-fic scene with another tale I would love to know.

Great work and thank you!

» Sat May 28, 2011 11:38 am

Acadian; For anyone who dares to publish a fiction, there must be a driving passion. I see that passion in you and hope that it will only burn more brightly as Buffy progresses.

DiGNiiTy ; You are absolutely right. My only background for creative thinking is as an amateur artist (see my siggy.) As such I have an overdeveloped sense of contrasts. I realize now, my breaks in the story were meant to jar the reader and produce the same kinds of contrasts that allow a image to shock or inspire. When I first got out of the Army, I was too poor to afford a hobby but I could always find a pencil. Drawing became my hobby.

To everyone; I am deeply moved and flattered by the attention this story has garnered. I felt very strongly about it at the time I was writing and very disappointed that no one at the time seemed much interested. BSparrow's response was prompted by me begging in another thread for someone to say something about my story. . With that said, I moved on and I don't think I could do now what I did then but thanks anyway.

» Sat May 28, 2011 2:23 pm

With that said, I moved on and I don't think I could do now what I did then but thanks anyway.

bobg, every person in the world has that seed of creation within them that allows them to do anything, he who once lived by the pen, but put it down can still pick it back-up, you may have stopped writing, but that seed is still within you, you have the talent and you have the skill, all you have to do, is pick up the pen, don't believe for one second that you can't do it, because you can :thumbsup:

» Sat May 28, 2011 12:27 pm

Hi Bobg,

I just started reading this, and am up to about post #14. I want to say that I am impressed with your writing ability. I think you have real talent, as your words flow very well. I first noticed it when I was reading Acadian's first Buffy thread and you posted a snippet in there which I found very moving. That prompted me to look here. Being new to this site is really difficult, because there are so many topics here, it is hard to tell where to start. Well, you made it easy, and I am looking forward to finishing Angel's story

(although I do move at a glacial pace when it comes to reading, unfortunately).

» Sat May 28, 2011 10:50 am

I was also very surprised to find Angel sitting at the top of the fan fiction threads. Just like the others here i would love to have the chance to walk down the roads with you and Angel.
The words you add to Acadian's thread speaks volumes for your wisdom and depth of expression.

It is a terrible shame that the period 12 months ago was a very passionate time for you when few others noticed. And a writer cannot wait for others to catch up to speed.
Like a prophet he must call from the rooftops of the world when the urge hits and if nobody heeds, then too bad for them. :grad:
I have experienced this myself. Sometimes you have to hold your hammer high and go into battle yourself.

I do feel bad though. A lot of Buffy's friends only joined the forum during 09 and we may have missed our window with Angel.

» Sat May 28, 2011 12:59 pm

Another Angel/Sarrah follower here, voicing support.

Angel's thread was the first I ever read, Acadian's being the second. Both wonderful reads

» Sat May 28, 2011 5:00 pm

Much of what follows is experimental. I've borrowed format styles from other threads without any idea of whether they are generally accepted and then there's the story itself. Sarrah was capable of a spectrum of emotions from reverence to rage. This story only deals with one.

This event actually happened in the game although I've changed the setting for convenience sake and ...well... you'll see.

The Wine of Wildness

Charger's hooves made a satisfying vibration of thunder one could feel in the air as clearly as it pounded in the ears. Rich green forest slid past Sarrah's view as she revelled in the thrill of the galloping ride. The scent of decaying wood and fragrant flowers assailed her nostrils. Remnants of adrenalin still coursed through her veins. Sensory overload mixed with flashbacks of her recent fight in a dizzying wine of wildness.

Sarrah had gone looking for a fight and had found it easily enough along the now dangerous road from Anvil to Skingrad. Bandits had been arrogantly ignored as Charger plunged along the baked earth of the roadway. At last she had found what she was looking for.

The Minotaur Lord had it's broad back turned to Sarrah so that it had not noticed her approach until the sound of her light footsteps attracted it's attention. Reaching over her shoulder, Sarrah drew the freshly enchanted claymore.

**************************

Among his own kind, he was known as 'Hair-Curls-Down'. Hunters had taken to calling him Tonka'Ah after an ancient legend. His was a territorial nature and he jealously patrolled his turf. No human voice could have formed communication with him nor human mind have followed his thoughts. It was this missing bridge which made all minotaur appear vicious and evil. In truth he was driven by the same urge now surging through his adversary; the will to dominate; to take control of a chaotic world which routinely threatened destruction.

With pride. Tonka'Ah made the 'Nod of Subjugation'. A faint hum and mist radiated proof of his power over magic and his right to demand obescence. It was for the hairless one to now kneel and lower it's head to be crushed. Instead, the creature struck at him with it's longstone evoking the deep throated 'Roar-of-Indignation' followed by the shorter 'Ritual-Entered'.

His massive arm swept around causing the disgusting creature to go flying through the air to land prostrate in the dirt several yards away. Tonka'Ah made the 'Roar-of-Challenge-Met'.

**************************

Sarrah was no longer terrified by a momentary setback in combat. She was a veteran. She knew her equipment was excellent, her health was good, and the battle was only now starting. She surprised herself with the involuntary chuckle that made light of her initial clumsiness. She suffered one more blow from the creature before managing to reach her feet.

"I'm not sure which is worse" she spoke out-loud, "The soreness from that hit, or your smell."

**************************

Tonka'Ah had only his fists with which to fight this hard-shell. His initial strike had not subdued the creature and now he saw that the longstone was leaving a trail of fire in the air each time it rebounded off his body. He could feel himself being harmed by that bright thread. There were little cuts beginning to bleed here and there too. Rage replaced indignation.

With the next stinging blow from the longstone Tonka'Ah bellowed forth his 'Roar-of-Defiance' and smashed the figure with all his might.

**************************

Sarrah picked herself up off the ground once more. The fight was going about as she had expected. She had been tossed to the ground several times by the tremendous blows delivered by the hulking beast. The force of the blow was distributed over a large area of her body by her Daedric armor, diluting the damage. She had donned it only this morning for the first time ever. Sarrah had used a heavy shield in the past. It had given her some taste of heavy armor and she had not cared for it but couldn't fight off her fears of not being able to see what was protecting her when using magical shields. In a way, being knocked down had been a blessing. Yielding to the momentum of the minotaur's fist had actually reduced the damage done by the blow to the level of minor bruises; easily ignored by the potion she had taken as a precaution.

Lifting her claymore over her head for power, Sarrah struck again.

**************************

Tonka'Ah sensed the shift. A sadness he had rarely known was settling over him. There was a feeling of diminishing and his heart no longer sang with the fire of battle. His body fought on but his spirit was seeing a distant land which promised peace and rest. His wordless thoughts reflected emotions that reached out to encompass the poignancy of death.

In human terms;

"Why is this little thing hitting me?

Is the ritual over?

The sky is more blue today. So beautiful.

....Flowers..."

**************************

Sarrah hoisted the claymore over her shoulder listening for the sound of blade sliding through sheath that assured her the weapon was stowed. She would need to practice a lot more before she was proficient with her newly adopted form of fighting.

**************************

Charger's hooves made a satisfying vibration of thunder one could feel in the air as clearly as it pounded in the ears. Rich green forest slid past Sarrah's view as she revelled in the thrill of the galloping ride. The scent of decaying wood and fragrant flowers assailed her nostrils. Remnants of adrenalin still coursed through her veins. Sensory overload mixed with flashbacks of her recent fight in a dizzying wine of wildness.

» Sat May 28, 2011 3:25 pm

Bobg - I can't begin to say how excited I am that you are picking up the pen again, thank you for this! Awesome!

» Sat May 28, 2011 5:05 am

YYYYIIIIIPPPPEEEE!!!! Um, er... I mean Wow! :twirl:

Firstly, it is wonderful to see your spark grace us once more.

Secondly, thank you for writing of Sarrah. I adore Angel; I am in awe of Sarrah.

Thirdly, the story itself: Power, Grace, Beauty, Creativity. I had to keep putting my tongue back in my mouth as I read. You are BETTER than ever.

Thanks so much for writing. Please sir... more?

» Sat May 28, 2011 4:41 am

Yes, more please. I especially liked seeing the world from the point of view of a minotaur. Very nice.

» Sat May 28, 2011 7:42 pm

Yes, more please. I especially liked seeing the world from the point of view of a minotaur. Very nice.

Ditto here! More, more, more, and I agree with SubRosa about the minotaur's point of view - that was a total surprise and I loved it!

» Sat May 28, 2011 7:24 pm

Loved it!!!

As you know, I am very interested in Sarrah, I very much enjoyed being able to read more about her

» Sat May 28, 2011 3:19 pm

Your skill with words is amazing, your characters are fun and entertaining, and your creative writing style is inspiring. Keep up the great work I Look forward to reading more of your writing.

» Sat May 28, 2011 5:59 am

Iam speechless. What a brilliant day for the fan fiction !!!!

This story contains the perfect blend of action, description and humour. Wow !!

Sarrah.... :bowdown:

» Sat May 28, 2011 10:31 am

Amazing, spectacular, bravo, i was hoping that you would soon return and my hope was not misplaced, this is definitely going to be a good day. :goodjob:

» Sat May 28, 2011 6:09 am

Bobg, Sorry to post more than once on the same story, but my first post was written in a fit of instant delight. I have reread your story. Your brilliance at creating active descriptions that overflow all one's senses at once has improved.

The example below fills my eyes, ears, nose and heart; Not to mention the tingle it sends down my spine. The passion you have for your character, combined with your brilliant use of description is simply thrilling to read. You inspire me to work so hard in hopes that someday, just perhaps someday, I could hope to pen something like this:

Charger's hooves made a satisfying vibration of thunder one could feel in the air as clearly as it pounded in the ears. Rich green forest slid past Sarrah's view as she revelled in the thrill of the galloping ride. The scent of decaying wood and fragrant flowers assailed her nostrils. Remnants of adrenalin still coursed through her veins. Sensory overload mixed with flashbacks of her recent fight in a dizzying wine of wildness.

Passion plus talent is a beautiful thing. You, my friend are loaded with both.

» Sat May 28, 2011 8:44 am

mALX1; It's your insistence that I try and your example of doing that has brought me back.

Acadian; When I read your work, it makes me wonder why I ever thought I could stand next to those whose light shines so brilliantly. It makes me think, and then think again, and then think again. Perhaps that is what your work was meant to do?

SubRosa; Your prestigious place in the literary world precedes you. I am honored.

jaycar; We will visit Sarrah again my friend.

DiGNiiTy; I thank you for reading Angels first adventure and Sarrah's first outing.

Winter Wolf; I am delighted by your pleasant reaction. So many encouraging inhabitants of the Fan-Fiction forum right now and you are among the best.

UnknownK;

Passion plus talent is a beautiful thing. You, my friend are loaded with both.

It was lost until you told me to go look for it.

The following story wrote itself. My only task was in getting in through my fingers onto the keyboard.

Where are you going, my little one, little one?

Angel leapt from the park bench as if she had been hit. As the massive door of Benirus Manor swung open. she impatiently hopped from one foot to the other. In the following minutes she explored the entire house from top floor to sub-basemant. Rushing out she then searched the Mages guild and the Waterfront. From there she was out the main gate, arriving in the burnt ruins of Kvatch in late afternoon. At last she took a moment to talk to someone but Savlian's answers left her unsatisfied and she rushed on.
http://profile.imageshack.us/user/bgoodwin91006/images/detail/#3/athome.jpg
It was in the privacy of a tent in the Kvatch camp that I finally stopped her. "Angel, what are you looking for?" I asked.

There was a long moment in which she stood frozen. In stillness, I was reminded once again of her sweetness and gentle nature.

"I was looking for you." she said in a small hurt voice. "Where have you been? It's been so long."

My mind went back to the time I had left her sitting in sunlight on a beautiful clear day in Anvil. "Wait," I said, It's still the same day, No time has passed at all."

"That's not true and you know it."

"But.. But.. How could you know that?" I stammered.

"How could I not know it?" she answered back.

This was becoming too complex for me to work out on the spot but she was right. I had left her there thinking that Cyrodill was simply too violent and she was too sweet to be exposed to such a world any longer. Now my decision to return was forcing me to face our relationship and I wasn't prepared to deal with it.

"I love you, Mentor." The words came out in a quivering voice, so soft that I had to look to be sure she hadn't vanished.

With all my heart I loved her too. That's why I had left her, safely sitting on a bench in the Anvil main plaza. "I couldn't stand it if anything ever happened to you" I said at last.

"Then why did you leave me there to just fade away?"

The question shook me to my core. Had I done that? Was I someone who ran from challenge. Was it my own character that was was being tested?

"It was a mistake Angel. I wanted to protect you from being exposed to all of the violence I see in Cyrodill."

"I know." She answered. "I also know your own world has it's problems as well and you worry about those. But this is the only place I exist. I want to see the whole world the same way you showed Sarrah. I know my sister was a little wild and I am not. That doesn't mean that I cannot handle seeing the world as it is. If there is great cruelty and ugliness, there is also great beauty. Each has it's place and each strengthens the other. Show me the world Mentor"

Angel stepped out of the tent to the sound of lamenting.

"Maybe she's still hiding in a cellar somewhere in the city"

"It's the smell really."

She searched the skyline for a suitable high spot from which to watch the sun go down and contemplate the day.

» Sat May 28, 2011 11:09 am

It is good to see you are writing agian, and about Angel none the less!

» Sat May 28, 2011 7:09 pm

Wow. I've only read the chapter with the fight of the minotaur. Absolutely amazing, you should be published if you aren't already :]

The last 'minotaur' section was just astounding. Keep it up.

I'll be reading the rest of the story shortly :goodjob: