[Klaire]

The twist is that it has nothing to do with your friendly neighborhood Mikedzine's love life. It has more to do with a friend's lovelife and how it is effecting others.

A good friend of mine has started dating a girl. She just turned 16 he's turning 21...they've been dating for about a month now. Anyways, he's decided to throw away his passion for music after dedicating many years with his band (who were first close friends from highschool) in search of an ordinary job.

He doesn't know what he wants to do, he simply knows that the career choice of being in a hardcoe band is not going to bring in enough money to support his potential family. (Which I mostly agree with..its a small niche to fill) He also knows that hes only willing to spend a years worth of schooling as hes wasted too much time as it is. (That I do not agree with at all)

So anyways, this week hes told his band that hes quit and has stopped returning their text messages. For the past month though, he stopped hanging out with them outside of band practice and hes even skipped a few of those to see his girl friend.

Before this girl friend, he was dating another for about two years. After a year and half he started saying the same things about his career choices...though he never acted on it.

Anyways, one of his band mates phoned me and they're worried they're never gonna see the guy again. They want to sit him down and tell him to either break it off, or get his priorities in check. They want me to be there because he values my opinion a lot as i'm a really close friend, as are they.

I think know what i'm going to say, but I carry a lot of biases because i've known all of these guys for a long time.

Thats where outside opinions come in.

Do you think hes making the right decisions? Do they have the right to tell him to break up with his girlfriend of 1 month? Discuss!

[Jack Moves]

He's 21 and she's 16? I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

[Chris Jones]

Even in the dark and dreary Northlands of Canadia from which you hail, Miked, I'm pretty sure that a relationship between people of those age groups is highly irregular.

Your pal might have a few other problems stowed up in the attic, if his response is so drastic, cyclical, and disconnected from reality. Just saying. You might want to point that out in a slightly more tactful way.

[Imy Davies]

What ever happened to the thread dedicated to peoples relationship questions?

[Sophie Morrell]

He's 21 and she's 16? I'm pretty sure that's illegal.

Not in Canada, though it's kind of strange regardless.

[Kelly James]

It sounds like he just never grew up to me. 21 years old, dating a 16 year old, no job, can't handle trying to find a job and playing in a band. He needs to understand that pretty much everyone his age is dealing with more than one thing at a time.

Edit: Better wording. He needs to understand that what he has on his plate is nothing compared to a lot of people his age.

[cheryl wright]

Well really he doesn't have to break off being friends with his fellow band mates to date this girl. It's pretty moronic to blow off your friends every time a girl (or guy) comes around that you may or may not have a future with. Also, I don't see a reason why he really needed to quit the band. I know quite a few musicians who balanced school, relationships, jobs and being in a professional band (in fact most of our music teachers at our high school were and still are in bands and went through college while being in these bands).

But basically it comes down to this: Whether or not he's dating someone if he wants to get his life in order he has to sit down and decide what he wants to do. It's not the bands decision, it's not his girlfriends decision, it's not your decision, it's his decision.

Unfortunately for him school is a very important factor in getting a decent job. Most decent paying jobs now require you to have a degree of some sort (or prefer to hire someone with a degree). If he's serious about getting things straight school is pretty much necessary for him to do so.

[Joe Alvarado]

Well really he doesn't have to break off being friends with his fellow band mates to date this girl. It's pretty moronic to blow off your friends every time a girl (or guy) comes around that you may or may not have a future with.

This

[He got the]

Wait wait wait. She's 16 and he 21? Is that even legal? And you changed your avatar

[Steve Fallon]

What ever happened to the thread dedicated to peoples relationship questions?

This ain't no ordinary "just ask her out" thread. This is more like, "just throw her out."

Edit: Better wording. He needs to understand that what he has on his plate is nothing compared to a lot of people his age.

I totally agree with you. Not to mention whats on his plate compared to whats on his girlfriends plate. His worries and her worries are in two different leagues.

If he's serious about getting things straight school is pretty much necessary for him to do so.

The thing is that hes only willing to invest a year of his time into doing so. Its impossible to get a degree or diploma in a year here. So right off the bat you can tell that hes simply settling.

[Céline Rémy]

Where I'm from that age gap may raise a few eyebrows but it's not illegal. With regards to the band, it's fair enough if he realises that it might not be a viable career, but cutting off your friends is a different matter altogether. Why he can't hang out with them and play music for fun is beyond me - is it that his girlfriend is cutting him off? Because that's bad. Although, as bad as that may be, more fool him for going along with it. I don't know anything about the guy in question, but I have known people who will willingly ditch friends they've known for years to be with someone - and I don't really blame their girlfriend/boyfriend.
I don't know the specific circumstances in this case, but a year of "school" could get you a lot - like over here, if you've already got other qualifications, it doesn't take much to get into teaching :shrug: But I don't know if that's the case for him.
You've been put in a crap situation though - I can't imagine telling him to break it off would go down well, although just pointing out that ditching the band doesn't mean ditching your friends might be an easy medium. I don't envy your position though.

[Wayne W]

If he's the kind of guy who will ignore friends he has known for years, cannot apply himself to either the band, employment, or education to obtain more gainful employment, why the fuss? Sounds like an ass, :shrug:
Also,.....16? JAILBAIT!!


The more I think about it, the more I think he is using her as an excuse to avoid seeing friends or commiting to futher band activities.
He may have issues he is uncomfortable expressing, and feels he needs to escape.
Which makes me wonder what his story is, and what the band's side of story is.
There's not a damn thing you can do about it, except say hello when you bump into him post band breakup.

Either way, train wreck ahead, make sure you are clear of the tracks and don't get hit with baggage.

[Anne marie]

Not in Canada, though it's kind of strange regardless.

Really?!?!?

Also, when someone says "my friend", they usually mean themselves.

[jess hughes]

I think Its weird to date anyone 5 years apart from you, its gross. The male generally should be the older one so he can be more responsible. But not that much older its strange :\ i dont think its meant to be

~White Warloc

[suniti]

is it that his girlfriend is cutting him off? Because that's bad.

I don't know the specific circumstances in this case, but a year of "school" could get you a lot - like over here

I've never met his girl friend and she doesn't influence him at all. I'm pretty sure (aside from the fact that she was a fan of his old band which was a pretty popular band in Ontario) that none of his band mates hold a personal grudge towards her, only towards the way he handles relationships.

He was in college at one point of his life for maybe a half semester. He dropped out after that. He doesn't value education, but feels as if it has to be done in order to be qualified to do something.

If he's the kind of guy who will ignore friends he has known for years, cannot apply himself to either the band, employment, or education to obtain more gainful employment, why the fuss? Sounds like an ass, :shrug:
Also,.....16? JAILBAIT!!

Well, its becoming more of an issue to them than to me. I'm a busy body, so i'm happy with the few times I see this guy. They on the other hand are little bit more segregated when it comes to friends. So i guess every one is worth fighting for. :shrug:

[Shiarra Curtis]

Where I'm from

... Never thought I'd live so close to a fellow forumer o.O . I'm with everyone else on this, I'd tell him to get to school, get a degree, and a job, then on the side (what time he has left) spend it with the band , or his girl.

[sam smith]

Let them make their mistakes.

[Ray]

I've never met his girl friend and she doesn't influence him at all. I'm pretty sure (aside from the fact that she was a fan of his old band which was a pretty popular band in Ontario) that none of his band mates hold a personal grudge towards her, only towards the way he handles relationships.

He was in college at one point of his life for maybe a half semester. He dropped out after that. He doesn't value education, but feels as if it has to be done in order to be qualified to do something.

Well if that's how he handles relationships, maybe that's just how he is - there are plenty of people like that out there. Maybe you could just talk to him about this whole education hang up he's got - whether he really does have a goal in mind, or if he's just following the motions (i.e. giving up on bandmates, going back to school to try and seem more "grownup" or something). If his previous band was already doing ok, and if he can make a living out of it (even if he's not selling out stadiums) then why do something he's not really interested in?

And @Kodaz - I'm in a relationship with 7yrs difference, and my sister has a nearly 20yr age gap between her and her fella - it all depends on the couple. Plus, the age difference really only seems weird earlier in life. My Nan's about 10yrs older than my Grandad, it's no biggy

[Amanda Leis]

@ Chineapplepunk ~ i guess ive just been around the wrong people, darn wanksters who are 26 with no jobs dating 16 year olds, i chouldnt stand that. So i asked my girlfriend to stop communications with the girl, i guess if their both mature its okay but... i havent seen it yet.

[Claire Jackson]

It's a bit of a strange age gap, but I can definatly tell who the Americans here are. I think 5 years is fine, but 16 and 21 is too much, if it were even 18 and 23 that would be fine for me but high school and being in college/working is just asking for trouble. If he keeps doing this he's going to end up having no friends and a failed relationship.

[Franko AlVarado]

If he keeps doing this he's going to end up having no friends and a failed relationship.

I just have a bad feeling, that this girl is caught up in having her first real boyfriend, who is also someone she admires, and she'll come to her senses that they're totally different and she'll dump him...and like you said, nobody will be waiting around for him when he gets out of this relationship.

I think thats where his band stands too..which is why they want him to cut it off before he burns more bridges, so to speak.

[Elisabete Gaspar]

Possible solution: Get him really drunk, tell him his girlfriends been cheating, and reaffirm it with shooped photos.

[Sarah Knight]

That age gap is really freaky. I think the common saying is that the minimum age to date is half your age + 8 years. Anothing under that gets funky...

He shouldn't be ditching all his friends for a girl that isn't even halfway through highschool yet. Everyone here knows how fickle highschool girls are, they never stay with the same guy for long.

[Kristian Perez]

I honestly don't see the age gap as being that wrong. Sure, its a bit... odd, but its only 5 years and its perfectly legal over here, in fact I think I know a couple that have a similar age difference.

EDIT:

That age gap is really freaky. I think the common saying is that the minimum age to date is half your age + 8 years. Anothing under that gets funky...

So 12 year olds aren't allowed to date 11 year olds?

[quinnnn]

I just have a bad feeling, that this girl is caught up in having her first real boyfriend, who is also someone she admires, and she'll come to her senses that they're totally different and she'll dump him...and like you said, nobody will be waiting around for him when he gets out of this relationship.

I think thats where his band stands too..which is why they want him to cut it off before he burns more bridges, so to speak.

I think your right, he is going to sacrafice his friends and the band for a relationship that wouldnt work. Especially with that age gap. I know girls who were 16 dating 21 year old guys, they didnt last long.

That age gap is really freaky. I think the common saying is that the minimum age to date is half your age + 8 years. Anothing under that gets funky...

He shouldn't be ditching all his friends for a girl that isn't even halfway through highschool yet. Everyone here knows how fickle highschool girls are, they never stay with the same guy for long.

I thought it was 1/2 + 7.

About the age, I think because of the relationship with Canada and the Uk they will have a few of our things, and 16 is legal. But that dosent really change the fact that it is a grown man dating a highschooler who is only just able to give consent. Personally the age gap is creepy, and from my experience (what I see around here) those relationships dont last, and usually they are shallow, I know one girl dated an older guy just because he could drive and had money. Yeah she will go far in life. I dont think relationships with that gap could work, made worse by the fact the dude has no plan for his life, he is going to throw away everything. But hey it seems he has made his choice.