I walked slowly into castle cloral the stench of the dead in my nose,I walked a bit further in and i see a man in a black robe. I walked forward and nearly tripped over the counts body "Lovely is it not?" The man said removing his robe.
I look then i gasped "Master?" i stuttered "You vanished without a trace,they thought you dead!"
He Smirked "You think so don't you James?" He proceeded to cackle then spit in my face, this is not the man who trained me he has changed so much. I gritted my teeth" I don't want to kill you but i must!" I unsheathed my blade and charged, he blocked with own sword.Tears filling my eyes i slashed wildly crying while i did it."YOU ARE WEAK"He scream at me.
I swung again and missed then i felt a coldness filling my chest.......im going to die arnt i? i feel to my knees and blacked out.
I awoke to a women over me healing me, "Where is that heartless bastard" i seethed
"He's busy ruling the world" She said.


-end-

Comment please

I have no idea what just happened.

Without sounding offensive; is this a serious attempt at a short story or are you just being silly? If it is the former then I'll give you my criticism... if it's really necessary.

Although I will say you need to work on your spelling and grammar a lot. Especially if you want to be writing stories.

eh i rarely do this

With all due respect, that is NO excuse at ALL.

How is this fan fic? What's it have to do with The Elder Scrolls?

And what the heck is with your grammar? Is English not your first language? If so, sorry for the grammar criticism.

But, seriously, what IS this?

I don't think he really cares.

But if you do, then there needs to be a story, and it needs to be long and detailed. You can't just give us 10 lines of nonsense (no offence) and then go, "comments please." What is there to comment?

If you do want to write a fan-fiction take a look around the forums and view them with your own eyes, taking in information such as length, grammar etc etc. If you do that, then you'll be on the right track

Some of the posts here contravene that rule, if you have nothing to add other that a snarky, unhelpful and unnecessary remark then just pass on by, this topic is not for you. Posting just for the sake of it with what you perceive as a 'smart' remark is classed as spam and will get unwanted moderator attention.

I'm not assuming that is pointed towards me, but if it is then I have to say that I've actually given him a few tips. Which is that he should look around the forum other fan-fics.

Also, I recommend you type your story on Microsoft Word and then post it here. That way all the spelling and grammar will be corrected for you

I don't really understand it. You should write up a storyline first or something, because I hadn't a clue what was going on.
As Chriso suggested, go onto Microsoft Word and type it up on there, because there are some grammar and spelling mistakes that you've wrote.

As John, son of (unknown) above me said (yes, I can translate your name), you need to be clearer. I don't suggest writing a prologue, even if fan fiction is probably the only place where you don't need to be an expert to pull that off. But what I do suggest is making sure that information you do not show the reader is important to the story or would help to decide our perceptions of it.

Not telling us everything about the story at once is a good thing, and even not showing us is a good thing, but giving away no clue to what's going on, such as a conflict or dialogue, is not. I'd recommend starting the story with a conflict of some kind - just something between two characters. It could even be one character being unusually angry, and we read on to find out why. That or a strange line at the beginning of the story, the best one I've read being: 'this was hell's season, and the air smelled of burning children.' Don't copy that, obviously, but any weird crap makes people pay attention, as long as it's relevant.

I understand your point, Gallow, and it is indeed a very good one. But I think we should keep with the basics for the time being, then move onto the more professional writing techniques