Blood on the Moon- Part 2

Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:01 pm

This was great. A briskly paced story that was fun to read. :)

I imagine Athlain must be now half expecting to see signs 'Athynae was here' everywhere he goes!

And so now the young Nord could go out into the world and try to get himself killed- or married. Perhaps I was more fortunate than I had realized, since only the first option seemed to be open to me.

Wonderful and cleverly put!



The effect of his movements and attire was rather like trying to have a conversation with the beast whose pelt he wore.

Even more wonderful and clever!


So, it seems to be off to the ice caves?



"Tymvaul is you son?" He nodded. Did an 'r' perhaps escape from you?
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Ashley Clifft
 
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Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 8:39 pm

Excellent, as always! I'm not sure if I've said this already or not, but every time I read your story, I want to go play Morrowind. And if that's not a sign that you're doing things very well indeed, I don't know what is! :)

Thanks for the chapters, and please keep them coming! :D
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Kayla Oatney
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:16 am

Woof Woof! (Get off your butt and follow me, it is an emergency!)
What is it lassie girl?
Woof! (Follow me! Timmy is down the well again!)
You say Timmy fell down the well?
Woof Woof! (Yes you idiot! How many times do I need to say it?)
Good girl, Lassie!
Woof Woof! (Of course I am a good girl! If it wasn't for me we wouldn't have this TV show!! You would think I deserve some chickie-bones for this too, but no! I have to stand at the top of this hill barking till I am hoarse, and all I get is a pat and a bowl of "Chow Down!")

I LOVE IT !!!!!! This was all great, from his insecurity where Athynae is involved (and I love how he instinctively knows the right things to do, as if his Skyrim ancestors guide him) to the "Timmy in the well" - and making unintelligible yelps !!! ROFL !!! - Awesome Write !!!!!!
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[Bounty][Ben]
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:52 am

Ding, Dong Bell!

TIMMY IN THE WELL!!

Who put him in!

BEEG FAT TREY DOG DEEED! :rofl:

Who'll get him out?

EVERYONE WHO SHOUTS!!!

:rofl:
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I love YOu
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:25 am

Poor Athlain, once again faced with the young stud who has captured Athynae's heart, not. His jealousy of Ingmar was nicely done though, with a light, sarcastic humor.


Now here are the words of a married man! :P
And so now the young Nord could go out into the world and try to get himself killed- or married. Perhaps I was more fortunate than I had realized, since only the first option seemed to be open to me.

I only wish it were this easy:
and she had no doubt waved a shapely hand and made his problems disappear.
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Spaceman
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:55 am

I have reached the end of the second thread of Blood on the Moon. Now I have to wait impatiently for updates like everyone else. I suppose I can console myself with the fact that I can still read The Story of Trey and Trey in Mournhold, which I now fully intend on doing. :read:

I think we should get something out of the way, I do not think that you are a very good writer. To me the definition of a very good writer is someone with a firm grasp of the rules of proper grammar and English usage (or usage of whatever language you happen to be writing in), someone capable of rendering believable characters in well-described settings. Clearly this definition does not apply to you.

What you are is an exceptional writer. Athlain and Athynae are as real to me as Scout Finch, Tom Joad, or Frodo Baggins. I have never played Bloodmoon, so my only experience of Solstheim comes through Athlain. I doubt if the game provides one tenth of the atmosphere that you provide on the page. Consider me your newest devoted fan.

I have to say that it doesn't surprise me that the last few chapters have been causing you trouble. Athlain finds himself in a difficult position. He must love Athynae enough to trust her to solve her problem without his help when everything in him screams that loving her means that he must find a way to help her. This leaves him at an impasse. Since Athlain serves as your avatar in this story, it doesn't surprise me that this impasse has seeped into your mind as well. The only advice that I can give is the same advice that Athynae gave Athlain in their parting. I think it is relevant towards the treatment of these characters and their story:

"If you truly love me, don't try to hold me so close that I smother."

As a final not, please extend a heartfelt thank you to Mrs. treydog for being the muse that informs the character of Athynae. :)
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Darrell Fawcett
 
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Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:39 pm

Sorry for jumping in at the mid point of the story.
I have scanned down the last few chapters and the use of metaphor and dialogue has immediately perked up my ears. That is some awesome writing going on!!


There is no doubt that I shall back-pedal to the start on this one. Please excuse.....
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lilmissparty
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:38 am

I've been a huge fan of your writing ever since I found "The story of Trey" and have been an avid reader of your art from then on... It's obvious why... :bowdown:
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how solid
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:48 am

@Everyone- I simply had to play out Bethesda's "Timmy in the Well" easter egg for all it was worth.... Thank you all for reading and commenting.

@hauteecole rider- Trust a veteran veterinary-type person to spot the canine implications- more lore on the way soon!

@Acadian- Thank you for your continued reading and support- and for locating my pirated "ARRRR."

@Rachel the Breton- I am glad my words make the story come alive for you- I know that I cannot look at some Oblivion characters in quite the same way after reading of Edward... but that is a GOOD thing, because they have become so much more VIVID.

@mALX1- Ah, yes. Another interpreter of caninese... Thank you, dear.

@D. Foxy- Yes, I admit it! I pushed him in the well! But Bethesda MADE me do it! It wasn't my fault......

@SubRosa- Athlain- misinterpret? Never happen. I will take the 5th (of Jack Daniel's) on whether his thoughts on marriage and courting death and dismemberment are in any way related to my own....

@Destri Melarg- Ummm.... (in a very small and humble voice)... thank you? I am still reading Interregnum- slowly, because I want to savor the nuance and skill. So your words mean a great deal to me. And you are absolutely right about the source of my writer's block- and the solution....

@Winter Wolf- Welcome and thank you.

@RemkoNL- I hope my characters have the same life you have given Rales... You have set a high standard for writing living, breathing people.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lassnr handed me the key and stood by with an expectant look on his face. When I hesitated, he seemed to take it as unspoken criticism, saying:

"I fear I am too old to survive Rimhull. Tymvaul came to us late in life- and then his mother died. There is supposed to be another entrance?." He waved vaguely to the west, toward the Isild River.

But he had misunderstood- it was not Lassnr's courage that I questioned. At last I asked him:

"Please. Go inside and warm yourself by the fire. When I have word, I will come to you."

His old eyes searched my face and he gave a wan smile,

"Bring him back to me, Athlain. I hate to think of him lying hurt and alone down there."

Then he turned and shuffled back to the cabin door. I heard it open and close, leaving me more or less alone beside the old well.

An old well, yes. People got tired of going all the way to the river for water, tired of having to worry about getting eaten by a bear every time they got thirsty. So they dug a well. It was a useful thing, and it was no one's fault that it was also a deep, yawning hole in the ground.

I fit the key into the lock and raised the door.

A hole that disappeared into an echoing darkness that seemed to breathe cold air?and to smell of a recent grave. And besides, I was an officer of the Legion. I was not supposed to be afraid of the dark- or of holes in the ground, even if they did seem to murmur just below the threshold of hearing.

There was no ladder- and why should there be? This was not a dwelling (or so I hoped). I stared down into the depths and understood how someone might fall in- the darkness seemed to pull at me. And I thought about the dark and about what Senior Trooper Carbo had said.

We do night exercises for a reason, recruit. And it ain't so we can scare the scrib jelly out of you young "gentlemen." Fear of the dark is a good thing. We want people to be afraid of the dark. We want them to be afraid that YOU might be out there. And you are going to be the scariest thing there is- an Imperial Legion trooper trained by ME. You are going to be the last thing they never saw.

I made sure my equipment was secure and put first one leg and then the other over the stone coping, so that my feet dangled inside the well. And then I took a deep breath and pushed off into the dark. To this day, I cannot explain why I did not make use of a spell to slow my fall?. It simply did not occur to me that there was any other way than to jump in feet first- until I had begun dropping into the cold, by which time it was far too late.

The fall took forever and no time at all, ending with a plunge into icy water that closed over my head. Almost, I gasped in surprise, an action that would have given this story a much different ending. Instead, I clamped my lips and opened my eyes and kicked toward a lighter patch in the gloom. Another change in the quality of the light signaled blessed, breathable air above, and I clawed for the surface. I saw a sloping shelf of ice and pulled myself onto it.

My gasping and splashing should have alerted every creature for miles around, but I did not care. I was cold, I was wet, and I could feel the water that dripped from me turning into ice. I kept moving my feet for fear that my boots would freeze to the floor. I was shaking too badly to even consider casting a spell, so I munched holly berries and dried bristleback meat. The combined flavors were awful, but the alchemical reaction provided a bit of warmth that spread outward from my stomach. All of which meant I was only half-frozen, but had a foul taste in my mouth to make up for it.

So, when the skeleton guardian rounded a bend in the ice cavern, I was in a perfect frame of mind to meet him. I lumbered forward, the ebony and silver mace practically leaping into my hand, and I swung it with all the fury of someone who has just taken an ice-bath. A mace is the perfect weapon for dealing with animated skeletons- it crushes, smashes, shatters. My Legion training and Brynjolfr's sparring sessions had put strength into my arm. And the mace Athynae had commissioned for me was a thing of beauty- at least if one takes delight in destruction.

Two swings were sufficient to reduce the undead warrior to his component parts, plus a handful of bonemeal. I did not stop to examine the bones, nor to wonder about Tymvaul's fate. Instead, I stalked down the corridor with a snarl on my frozen lips. One way or another, I was going to get warm again.

The caves of Rimhull were not extensive, nor terribly elaborate- simply tunnels carved through the ice by melt-water and preserved by the flow of warmer air from the outside. I moved forward, keeping the draft in my face and destroying several more skeletons. It was almost a surprise when I at last saw a human figure standing in a small chamber, a figure that at least appeared to be made of flesh and blood. The man turned to me, and I nearly took a step back from his gaze.

The first thing I noticed was the ornate purple robe he wore- a robe that glowed and crackled with eldritch energy. The magicka made my skin prickle and I tightened a suddenly sweaty palm around the haft of my mace. The man's face was known to me- it had the same structure as the one in the portrait Lassnr had shown me. But instead of the ruddy complexion of a young Nord, the skin was almost the ashen hue of a Dark Elf. And the eyes were pools of darkness, with no light of humanity. It was Tymvaul, and he was alive. But he was far from well.

His eyes bored into me with a burning cold, and he growled:

"Intruder! Who dares to venture so deep into Rimhull and to attack my guardians? The Mantle of Woe is mine, d'you hear? I have claimed the robe and its power!"

He reached his hands up to touch the fabric, as if drawing the essence of its evil magic deeper into himself, then continued in an unnaturally deep voice:

"I could not believe my eyes when I read the old stories. How could it be that an artifact of such power lay so near? It had to be my destiny to take up the Mantle of Woe and to command the dead to walk once more. So I jumped into the well and braved the chill of Rimhull to claim my rightful place as Tymvaul the Dark."

He paused, and then looked at me with an almost pleading expression.

"It?called to me. Can you understand?"

Indeed I could. Some of the artifacts Father kept in our home seemed to whisper to one another- and to me. He was careful to keep them locked away, as far from our living and sleeping areas as possible. And he had warned me to tell him immediately if I ever had any strange dreams- especially dreams of wielding any of the weapons. And then I touched the bronze and silver horses that decorated my Legion cuirass, and thought that there were all kinds of dreams?.

Meanwhile, Tymvaul was speaking again, his voice filled with longing:

"The Mantle strengthens my magical power, but causes the sun to burn me. So I have to stay underground most of the time?. I do miss the sun- and the sound of the wind in the trees- and my father. But the magic! The power it gives me! It fills me until I think I will burst!"

I had feared for the young man's sanity- and I still did. Worse yet, I feared that I would have to injure or kill him to stop his madness. But his words had given me the clue I needed. Putting away my mace, I infused my voice with every bit of persuasion that I could muster:

"And what of your father? Will you turn your face away from him forevermore? He sent me to find you- he knew that you were still alive?. Take off the robe and put aside the evil it has wrought."

His face seemed to settle into an expression of wonder and hope.

"Father? He sent you to find me? He still holds me in his heart?"

With convulsive strength, he wrenched open the robe and flung it away from him.

"I only wanted to study magic, free from the rules of the Skaal. Necromancy seemed an easy path to power. Now I see that I was a fool. Take that awful- thing- and destroy it."

He straightened his shoulders and smiled ruefully. "As for me, I will leave Solstheim and study true magic. Tell my father that his love has saved me. I will return when he can be proud of me. And I would ask one more favor of you. There are some? items in the house that need to be removed. If you can do it without Father knowing, I would appreciate it. Thank you."

And with that, he turned and disappeared around a bend in the corridor.

I whispered to his retreating back, "I think your father is already proud of you."
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Scotties Hottie
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 1:50 am

Athlain is an unsung hero - Awesome Write! (Woof Woof !!!)
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i grind hard
 
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Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:42 pm

lol, I know what you mean...when I was writing the parts where Edward and his valet were wandering around Cyrodiil on this quest or that, I would always find myself looking around for the valet when I played. :-\ And every time I see Jauffre, I giggle now, LOL, because the character in the game is so very, very different from the one in my story.

But, I want to talk about your story...alas, but words fail my tired brain, so I shall not do justice with this comment I fear...yet as always, this was an awesome write.
This part, especially, stood out to me:

Indeed I could. Some of the artifacts Father kept in our home seemed to whisper to one another- and to me. He was careful to keep them locked away, as far from our living and sleeping areas as possible. And he had warned me to tell him immediately if I ever had any strange dreams- especially dreams of wielding any of the weapons. And then I touched the bronze and silver horses that decorated my Legion cuirass, and thought that there were all kinds of dreams?.


There are all sorts of dreams, and the 'magic' of our own infatuation with an idea can be as potent as anything...

Very well written!! I look forward to more ( *not so subtle hint* :D ;) ).
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latrina
 
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Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 8:02 pm

The first thing I noticed was the ornate purple robe he wore- a robe that glowed and crackled with eldritch energy. The magicka made my skin prickle and I tightened a suddenly sweaty palm around the haft of my mace. The man's face was known to me- it had the same structure as the one in the portrait Lassnr had shown me. But instead of the ruddy complexion of a young Nord, the skin was almost the ashen hue of a Dark Elf. And the eyes were pools of darkness, with no light of humanity. It was Tymvaul, and he was alive. But he was far from well.


Chilling right here. Ugh. Brr!

Great write again. I enjoyed this once more.

Please, more, more, more.
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Noraima Vega
 
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Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:10 pm

When you described Trey as being so royally pissed off by his cold ice water dousing that he simply TORE through the skeletons, you have described a state of mind, and reaction thereof, that is very, very familiar to warriors all over the world.

'Grats, Trey, for that gritty realism.

I shall be away for 10 days or so. Hopefully (glances tensely around for the brickbats and molotov cocktails, then relaxes as realization dawns that everybody is either drunk, at work or asleep) you will not be posting in that time!

*dives into a steel vault...just in case...*

(Sings: "Justin Case was a wary man, an werry wary man indEEED...")

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Robert DeLarosa
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:44 am

I struggle writing first person narration, which is why I so admire those who do it well. You make it look easy. I could feel the cold water in the well, and the icy breezes in the tunnels.

My favorite passage:
Two swings were sufficient to reduce the undead warrior to his component parts, plus a handful of bonemeal. I did not stop to examine the bones, nor to wonder about Tymvaul's fate. Instead, I stalked down the corridor with a snarl on my frozen lips. One way or another, I was going to get warm again.

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R.I.P
 
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Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:23 pm

I'm never quite sure what equipment I'm going to need when I read your stories. For this one, you took immersion to a whole new depth - I found myself shivering and wishing for my rebreather and dry suit. I also enjoyed every minute of it.

Well done to both Athlain and treydog!



We do night exercises for a reason, recruit. And it ain't so we can scare the scrib jelly out of you young "gentlemen." Fear of the dark is a good thing. We want people to be afraid of the dark. We want them to afraid that YOU might be out there. And you are going to be the scariest thing there is- an Imperial Legion trooper trained by ME. You are going to be the last thing they never saw.

Yep. With just a couple of TES tweaks, that's the same thing my DI taught me. Spot on!
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Charlotte Henderson
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:05 am

Good bit of misunderstanding there at the beginning, where Athlain is trying to find the courage to venture into the well. It bumpers so nicely with the final sentence, one which I am sure Athlain has never considered applying to himself, no matter how painfully obvious it may be to the rest of us!

This was a simply lovely use of description:
even if they did seem to murmur just below the threshold of hearing.
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Sammi Jones
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:50 am

Sorry it has taken so long for me to catch up.

When I read this, I actually did laugh out loud,
"What are you trying to tell me, Lassnr? That Tymvaul has fallen down the well? Is that it?"


This is a wonderful bit of the earthiness that truly transports one to a different time and place.
An old well, yes. People got tired of going all the way to the river for water, tired of having to worry about getting eaten by a bear every time they got thirsty. So they dug a well. It was a useful thing, and it was no one's fault that it was also a deep, yawning hole in the ground.

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trisha punch
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:57 am

Bye all for 10 days!!! Keep up da good work, girl!!!
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Bellismydesi
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 2:43 am

Bye all for 10 days!!! Keep up da good work, girl!!!


Checks mirror

Checks picture in Member Pictures Thread

Checks references to Mrs. Treydog

Schedules appointment for D.Foxy to have eyes checked.
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Sammykins
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 2:47 am

Checks mirror

Checks picture in Member Pictures Thread

Checks references to Mrs. Treydog

Schedules appointment for D.Foxy to have eyes checked.



ROFL !!! I read that, and would have PM'd Foxy with all kinds of jokes that sprang to mind if he hadn't have already left town, ROFL !!!
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Jason Wolf
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 12:30 am

Thank you, everyone, for reading and responding. Obviously, I love the characters I am writing about, and I would continue to do so under any circumstances. But having the support of so many talented writers makes it so much more rewarding. Stories are made to be shared, and I am glad I can share this one with all of you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Mantle of Woe lay at my feet, crumpled and torn, but still pulsing with a magicka that made my teeth ache. My Breton blood was drawn to the evil garment; its power calling to the magic within me. But I had seen the effect it had had on Tymvaul, so I very much wanted to avoid physical contact with it. If it could call to someone through so many feet of ice and soil, it was too dangerous to be left lying about, waiting for another victim.

At last, I retrieved a sword from one of the skeleton warriors I had defeated and used the tip to raise the robe from the floor and stuff it into a bag. Even that indirect contact allowed me to "read" the magical properties of the aptly named garment. It would give the wearer a vast reservoir of magicka upon which to call, as well as significantly improve his skill as a conjurer. At the same time, its evil nature made the user vulnerable to standard weapons and unable to endure direct sunlight. In other words, it was the perfect apparel for someone who wanted to become that darkest of all mages- a necromancer. And now it whispered its insidious song to me.

After I had pulled myself from the icy water at the bottom of the well, I had been cold and angry. The fight with the skeletons and the emotional battle to free Tymvaul from the robe's influence had drained the anger out of me, and now I was simply cold- and frightened. It was all very well to say "destroy the robe," but accomplishing the task would be more difficult. An artifact, especially a powerful one, stored unimaginable amounts of magical power. It also absorbed something of the nature and the desire of its creator. Destroying the artifact released all of that power and will in a cataclysmic instant.

Had I been on Vvardenfell, I would have dropped the thing into a lava pool, trusting the elemental fires of Nirn itself to unmake it. But I was not, and did not know when I might return. Perhaps Korst Wind-Eye could provide some guidance. For now, I had saved Tymvaul from the robe, and that would have to be enough.

I followed the passage the young Nord had taken and found an opening onto the east bank of the Isild. The slope of the land told me where the Skaal village stood, and I turned towards it and the warmth of the half-timbered dwellings. Lassnr opened his door at my knock, a guarded hope in his eyes. His expression clouded as he looked past me and did not see anyone else.

"He is not with you, then? I had hoped?."

I interrupted, reassuring the old man: "He lives, and he is? well. He had a- ah, difficult time, but is much stronger now. He has decided that he would like to study magic and said he was going to Vvardenfell- and perhaps to the Imperial City after that. He wanted me to tell you that he would not have survived if not for your love. I think that he will do well."

Lassnr's face cleared and years seemed to drop away from him. He even smiled, though the expression was tinged with regret.

"Well, I will miss him?. He always was mad for anything to do with magic- or with books. He lives, and he knows that I love him. It would be selfish to ask for more."

He stood for a time then, lost in thought, perhaps remembering the past or envisioning the future. But then he shook himself and took in my condition. He placed a strong hand on my shoulder and guided me to a seat near the fire.

"Forgive me, Athlain. Warm yourself and I will make us some stew."

He paused and added. "If it is not too much to ask, would you guest with me? You could have Tymvaul's bed. It would be pleasant to have company."

I considered his words. In truth, I had no better place to stay, saving perhaps the great hall. Thirsk was too far to walk, and I did not wish to return to the fort until my task was done. And then a wave of loneliness washed through me, an awareness that it had been many months since I passed a night in anyone's home. Except for the weeks in Uncle Sweetshare's cabin, I had rarely been alone, spending my sleeping hours in Legion barracks and at Thirsk. But those places were transient, somewhere to wait until moving on, soon or late.

So I found myself hanging up the damp furs that had kept out the worst of the cold and unbuckling my armor. When I stood in my quilted under-tunic, Lassnr handed me a wolf-fur robe and a mug of mulled cider. Waving me back to my seat, he busied himself with a pot, which gave off a wonderful aroma.

"It's just fish stew," he said apologetically. "Venison comes from Skyrim or Tamriel, so we don't see much of it. And it has to be dried or frozen for shipping, anyway. But fish we have in plenty, and carrots and leeks travel well enough."

He tossed some feathery green leaves into the mixture and gave it a gentle stir, then carried the pot to the table. As we ate, he spoke of his son and their life together in the village.

"His mother, bless her, taught him his letters, and he read every book he could find. Mostly, he liked stories of magic and lost treasures. He was never interested in being a hunter, like the rest of us. He only brought in enough furs to earn coin to send off for more books. Maybe if we had been able to give him brothers or sisters, things would have been different. But he's a good boy for all that, and even if he's not like me, he is still my son. But what about you? Do you have any family?"

And so I found myself telling this man who I hardly knew about growing up near Ald'ruhn with two sisters. He laughed when I described some of the elaborate pranks Mae and Cai had played on me, and smiled when I spoke of Mother and her garden. If he noticed that I did not mention Father, he kept it to himself. We settled into a comfortable silence, each lost in our own thoughts.

At last, Lassnr spoke quietly, his eyes on the jumping flames in the fireplace.

"We always hope our children will turn out better than we did. And we try to keep them from making the same mistakes. Sons have a hard way to go, trying to live up to their fathers. But you know, fathers have a rough path as well, trying to be everything their children think they ought- fair and strong and brave. Good night to you Athlain- and thank you for saving my son."

He turned down the lamps and rolled himself in his furs, from whence there soon issued a gentle snoring. I tried to follow suit, but sleep would not come. As I tossed and turned, I recalled Tymvaul's request that I "remove some items" from the house. Moving quietly, I arose and went to examine the bench and shelves where Tymvaul's possessions were stored. What I found was chilling: a copy of Darkest Darkness, several human skulls, and a ghoul heart. Anyone with the slightest knowledge of magic would know these items indicated a study of necromancy. And I was also certain that I must get rid of this evidence.

While I considered how to do it, a voice spoke from behind me:

"I knew what Tymvaul was doing, but I feared driving him away, so I said nothing. But then, I'm about as magical as a lump of mud, anyway."

It was Lassnr, who had obviously heard me moving around in the dim cabin. I should have realized that such an experienced hunter could move quietly at need. I turned to look at him and explained:

"We need to be rid of all this; it would not do for anyone to find it. The ingredients and the book can be burned, and I will place the skulls inside a barrow when I can. Tymvaul has taken a different road now, and he should be allowed to follow it."
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Josh Dagreat
 
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Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 11:28 pm

Whew! I freaked out when Lassnr crept up on him like that! I thought something bad was about to happen to Athlain, sleeping in a strangers house where a necromancer had been - WHEW !!! Scared me to death! AWESOME Write !!!!
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Tracy Byworth
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 11:41 am

Very well done.

The explanation of destruction of magical items is thorough and believable. Not something to be undertaken lightly! Especially with something that seems to be as powerful as the Mantle of Woe. Remember I'm unfamiliar with Morrowind and Solstheim, but your story includes enough detail that I don't have to be to enjoy it, or follow the plot.

And yes, once that anger goes, the cold does stick around and sink into your bones. Brrgh!

More, please. This is like fine wine after a good, hot dinner.
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djimi
 
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Post » Sat Feb 19, 2011 7:28 am

A nice quiet interlude between a father and a son, albeit not of the same family. One wonders how much of what Lassnr said about fathers sunk into Athlain?
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Timara White
 
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Post » Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:48 pm

Well, when I see a new treydog story, I know I'm going to get some of it on me. Be it smoke, ice water, ale. . . But this was a new one - my teeth hurt now!
The Mantle of Woe lay at my feet, crumpled and torn, but still pulsing with a magicka that made my teeth ache.

How totally clever and brilliantly perfect is that?!?


So I found myself hanging up the damp furs that had kept out the worst of the cold and unbuckling my armor.

Anyone else would have said, "Yes, I'll stay the night." Your creative choices in phrasing things is always rich ground.


He turned down the lamps and rolled himself in his furs, from whence there soon issued a gentle snoring.

Same as above. 'The old man went to sleep.' Wow.


Thank you, as always, for giving us the priviledge of traveling with Athlain. You bring him to life in such a way that he feels like an old friend. Simply wonderful description, dialogue and ruminations.



Did you perhaps miss a word here?
'But I had seen the effect it had had on Tymvaul, so I very much wanted {to?} avoid physical contact with it.'
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ZzZz
 
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