Air swooshed by Latchuk's forehead, a twisted wooden club slashing through the air. The nimble Redguard twisted into his opponent's guard and plunged his shortsword into the Argonian's shoulder blade, grinding and snapping sinews and bone, the Argonian howled in fear and pain. The man smashed his fist into the Argonian's face, sending him sprawling, but still conscious. The desperate lizard man lashed out with his studded boot which hit Latchuk on the shin, and he backed up in recoil nursing his leg.

"Son of a.." muttered the Redguard, who rubbed his leg as the Blue Team Argonian stood. "RAAH!" shouted Latchuk, rushing forward with his shortsword held out before him and his combat knife held upside down behind him. He rushed in with the shortsword, swinging it up so that the lizard could easily block with its mace. The blade embedded itself a quarter of the way into the wood and stuck. The Redguard let go of the sword and rammed the knife into the Argonian's unprotected abdomen, rupturing its intestines.

The lizard knew he was going to die, and decided to go down honorably. It got on its knees in front of the Redguard.

The shortsword cracked halfway into the scaled head, blood and brains gushing out of the opening.

The crowd roared in applause with a few Boo's here and there.

"What the.." muttered Latchuk, as he saw one of the members of the audience fall onto the spikes lining the arena. It was too gruesome a sight for even one as tough as the Redguard to look at, and the crowd gasped in shock.

Purplish green blood gushed out of the broken Wood Elf on the spikes, the confused and awe-struck crowd cringed in disgust.

Latchuk wrenched his steel sword out of the lizard man and walked back towards The Bloodworks.

The audience was more focused on the body hanging on the spikes, so they didn't see the Yellow Team Redguard vomit a vile stomach acid onto the steps and trudge away.


OOC: Sorry that it's so short, but I have a LOT of really cool things planned for this fan fiction.

Well I really liked it actually. I don't know much about fan-fictions so I can't give any real criticisms. The only problem I could think of was that at first I wasn't sure whether Latchuk was the Redguard or the Argonian. But in the end it really didn't matter.

The opening paragraph I liked because we weren't told straight away where we were, so we had to imagine it for ourselves. Then you explained the scene in the second paragraph. Not sure why I liked it exactly. I guess I'm just weird .

I enjoyed the fight scene a lot. You described the attacks well and where they hit etc etc so I knew what the battle was like and could picture it in my head. Which is obviously a good thing. I also like how you described the Argonian a fair amount. Clearly he isn't a main character but you still wrote about his feelings and what he felt physically and mentally. Once again that is good as we know what he is like.

I like the air of mystery we have around the Redguard, who I imagine is the main character. We don't know exactly what he is like yet. Which is clever because now I want to read on to find out what he is like and all that. In my opinion I like that you decided to describe an event in the story rather than the character because like I said in the sentance above, we'll want to find out about him next.

Of course the ending was brilliant. Again we want to read on to see what all the 'Bosmer falling on spikes' commotion was about. And even if it isn't much to do about the story, it's a good little detail .

I guess it was a little short but to be honest I don't see how you could of make it any longer. But then again I know next to nothing about writing fan-fictions.

So yeah overall I really enjoyed it and can't wait to read more . Keep doing it!

Thanks for the review m8! I don't want to give away anything yet, but I'll probably reveal a lot more in the second / third chapters. I really want to make this story good. Darkom if you could get in some constructive reviews that would mean a lot, that goes for everybody. Thanks

Y'mellus licked the envelope sealed and stamped it with the Mages Guild Seal.

Mannfred Von Carstein,

Make all haste to the Imperial City. Do NOT speak to any of the locals. In fact, avoid contact with anything and everything non-military. This is an Imperial decree, and if you are not in the City within two days, you will be brought here by force.

Sincerely, Y'mellus

The Altmer passed the letter to a Dunmer messenger, who instantly darted from the room

"It disgusts me to call upon such worms as Mannfred. Are you sure we need him?" spat Y'mellus, stabbing a steel dagger into his table out of mere boredom.

"Y'mellus it is necessary. Stop worrying about it, they will probably just kill him after he's finished," said General Currux, scratching his neck, sitting back in a chair, trying to forget the recent events. He popped a cigar into his mouth and puffed on it. Smoke rose gracefully into the air, dancing wisps of gray cascading from Currux's mouth.

"You're right, but it bothers me that the Mages Guild cannot deal with this matter."

As Y'mellus was about to sit down, a figure burst through the door. It was a filthy man, a Breton, maybe a Nord, by the looks of it.

"By the Nine how did you get in here?" bellowed Currux, unsheathing his sword. The figure vomited green and black liquid onto the unfortunate General.

"You filthy [censored]son!" howled Y'mellus, leaping onto the desk in the middle of the story and lopping off the man's head, sending him flying back, vile fluids leaking out of his already rotting body.

The General was moaning, his arms reaching outwards in jerking motions.

"By the Emperor! Currux no!" shotued the Altmer.

"The.. disease.. It's going to kill me. I never got to say goodbye to my kids...." drifted Currux, drooling green saliva out of his mouth, the cigar had fallen onto his lap.

"Don't say that, man, you are going to make it! By the Nine I ORDER you to make it!" Y'mellus yelled.

"Don't.. fight with me. Accept the gift of Narsiym!" blurted Currux.

"What are you talking about General? You're crazy!" screamed Y'mellus, backing up with his ebony longsword raised.

"Leave! Get out of here before you catch it! Quickly damn you, Altmer!" screamed Currux, who seemed to have grabbed ahold of himself for a few seconds.

Y'mellus leapt over a pile of bile and blood, and through the door. He closed the double door to Currux and stumbled out into the hallway. Nobody was in sight.
+++
Alvex Meveil, the Dunmer messenger that was delivering Y'mellus's message, slid out of the room and jogged down the hall, bumping into a sickly looking Nord, and kept on jogging.

Whoa that was awesome! I really liked it. Once again the mystery was great and I want to read on! There isn't much more to say really but I really do enjoy this fan-fic. Keep it going!

Once again thanks for posting .. I'm trying to open as many windows as possible to expand the story really far. I'm glad you like it.

Y'mellus skidded down the hallway, making slight contact with a wall, before regaining his speed and booking it out of Currux's Legion Office Building out into the streets.

"By the Nine.." stammered the awe-struck Altmer, seeing the disease-ridden, maggot-bearing rotbags shambling around. One of them stumbled towards him, but he waved it off with his sword.

"Carstein better hurry the hell up, or the entire world will succumb to pestilence."

He strode through the hordes of plagued citizens, everyone lucky enough to escape was locked inside buildings or they left the city. A terrible realization dawned on the Altmer. By the time he made it to his house he would be infected like these freaks.

Half-seen figures flitted at the edge of his vision, terrorizing him. He hoped the messenger was able to make it through the crowd.

Y'mellus would just have to be strong and push on. He cringed with hate and disgust as he saw one of the infected throw up his innards, ropey intestines dangling limp and lifelessly out of his mouth.

The Altmer pushed the vomit back down his throat, he would not succumb to the instinct to ralph up acid.
+++
Alvex finally made it out of the Imperial City, and raced out into the woods, heading towards Carstein's tower. He took a small sip of skooma and continued.

A deer came into view about three yards ahead. It sniffed the air and bound away.

"Ahh if only I could ride one of you," murmured the messenger, who continued on his way.

Twenty minutes flew by the Dunmer, who could now see the tower in the distance.

Before he could register anything, he was at the gate to it, two royal Imperial Guards standing there, purple plumes rising above their heads like a warhorse. Damn skooma, why did he have to take any so soon? Stupid... stupid.. stupid!

"What is your business here, Dunmer?" asked one of the guards.

"I am on official Imperial business, here is a letter proving it," he held up the letter with the Mages Guild Seal on it.

"Approved, Dunmer, but don't cause any funny business. Carstein has a short temper in his age, so don't make him mad."

"Uh.. I'll keep that in mind," he said, striding through the gate as the guards opened it.

He wandered through the tower for a little bit, before he came upon a very large chamber with a huge boiling pot in the middle. A tall, thin figure was hunched over a book.

The Dunmer cleared his throat. "There is a letter for you from Y'mellus. They require your assistance immediately, and I suggest you make all haste. The condition of the city is worsening with every newly plagued victim!"

The figure whipped around, snarling, revealing two extremely sharp fangs. "You dare disturb my studies on these matters?"

"Just read the letter, sir, I'm just the messenger," he said, placing the envelope on the counter. "Farewell."

"Get out of my study!" howled Carstein, sending the Dunmer running for his life.

Mannfred cut through the seal and read the letter.

He spat with disgust. It was so like Y'mellus to call upon his skills just after he got out of the Imperial Jail for manslaughter, when he accidentally ripped open a man's neck when he was feeding. The man, who had been asleep, let out a bloodcurdling screech that alerted the guards and Mannfred was thrown in a cell. Carstein was one of the only vampires that the Empire tolerated, if not only for his pledge to help them whenever they needed it.

"Omyir gather my things. Take as much blood as you can carry. We leave at nightfall," he shouted, his manservant scurrying to act out his orders.

The servant hustled himself into the old vampire's private quarters, where only him and his master have been. Ancient, priceless books line the walls, collected over the vampire's centuries in this world.

Omyir was a humble man, and owed Mannfred thousands of gold. The servant did not remember why, for he had washed it all away with skooma and beer. Now he was a robotic manservant, doing anything and everything his master orders.

He grabbed twenty bottles of human blood and stuffed each into old wine bottle boxes. He took enough clothes to last his master for a while, and entered the study. "Lord I have gathered your items."

"Good, Omyir. Now get some rest. I will be back in a week or so," said the weary old bloodsvcker, who took his bags and place them by the door. "I'll be in my coffin until the moon rises."

OOC: Srry it was so short I'm kind of having a mind blank right now but I wanted to squeeze in a chapter today.

Wow really nice!
I'm really tired right now so I'm not gonna give any CC yet. My hands hurt.

Once again I really liked it and look foward to reading more . If only the posts were longer though, that is the only problem I can really think of. But then again I'm just greedy for more!

The Argonian stumbled into view.

It moaned tiredly. "Kill me.. please.." murmured the lizard.

"You've got to be kidding me. I don't have time for this!" shouted Carstein, who was now in the Imperial City, walking through the disease-ridden crowds to the Palace District.

"Pleaaase.." it rasped.

"Get out of my face," he said, kicking it away viscously. Mannfred was in a terrible mood. He was being forced to trudge through these slums, and he hated every second of it.

The Argonian fell onto a barrel, which was full of gardening utensils. A pitchfork punctured through its back and out its sternum.

"Well damn," said Carstein, amused at what had just happened. He turned on his heel and left the lizard man to bleed to death.

"Ahh there are the gates!" he shouted, several infected civilians looking his way. He pushed past a sickly beggar with a brown robe and finally neared the closed gates. He went up to the smaller door built into the gate and knocked on it.

A weary, tired looking Dunmer in Imperial Guard armor slid back the maggot-filled wooden eyeslit. "Ah, Carstein. Y'mellus told me to look out for an angry vampire."

"Well tell Y'mellus to shove it up his [censored], because I have better things to do than tarry just because the lives of thousands of mortals are in peril!" Carstein sneered when he said mortal, almost rubbing it in that he could live forever.

The Dunmer opened the door, and the vampire walked in.

"Well, welcome to the "clean" section of the once grand Imperial City."

"Where is Ocato?" he asked.

"Right here, Manny," spat the Altmer.

"Why have you called me here?!" shouted Carstein.

"You know damn well the reason for that! Unless you somehow teleported to the gates, and happened to not notice the thousands of infected surrounding you, you know!" he countered.

"Of course I do, damnit, I know everything!"

"Shutup and follow me," Ocato said, leading Carstein down the cobble road.

They arrived soon at the gates to the Arena district, and they opened the door to it. There were no sick people in the district, in fact, it was a ghost town besides a rotting body here or there.

"Pleasant," spat Carstein when he stepped in a pile of blood. "I am over seven hundred years of age, and I still have to answer to high and mighty people like you."

"Stow it, vampire. We have arrived at our destination."

They entered the audience stands and the old bloodsvcker followed the Altmer to the section of the spikes that the Bosmer had fallen on. It was a gruesome sight, even more so that the body was now half eaten by flesheating maggots and worms.

"By Necromancy! I've never seen anything like THAT!" shouted the vampire, pointing at a huge worm inside the Bosmer's opened ribcage. All the organs were gone from there, but his intestines seemed intact from what the two observers could see. The worm had to be atleast three feet long, and half a foot in diameter.

"I didn't see that before.. How in the gods does a worm get that big?"

"It has been two weeks since the incident, and he still has skin and flesh, even though he is open to the elements of nature. This is strange, very strange. Perhaps this.. Disease.. Makes the host body regenerative in the state of extreme?" questioned Carstein.

"I don't know, but either way, I don't like it, and I want it out of my damned city," replied the Altmer.

Wow another excellent one Walrus! I really liked how you made Carstein look like a right bastard! I could really imagine him and what he's like. Good job there. Oh and the part with the Bosmer at the end was gruesome yet awesome .

Heh yeah.. As I was rereading it I read the part where he kicks the Argonian and says "Well, damn.".. It made me laugh rlly hard the second time through

This is very good. It keeps you interested and has a particularly untraditional protagonist. However, this paragraph confuses me:



I'm guessing it was Carstein, not Y'mellus, was practicing Necromancy although it was not made entirely clear (especially after Carstein says "By Necromancy", something I doubt even Mannimarco had ever exclaimed). What confuses me is that he was put in jail for it, something that might make sence in Morrowind but not in Cyrodiil.



Right?



That's always a good sign.

No, you read it wrong.. It was supposed to mean Y'mellus calling on Carstein's skills, not his own. and thanks for the review :]. It would make sense in Cyrodiil 'cuz Traven banned it no?

Oh and just so you all know, this fanfic takes place just after the Crisis, and Ocato is basically in control.

lol, "right" in this case is an British way of saying total

I know that. I just meant it wasn't made completely clear which of the two had been practicing Necromancy because of the way that sentence was worded. For a few seconds I thought it was Y'mellus who had just gotten out of jail.


Yes, that means you can't practice it and be in the mages guild. But it's still legal.

Oh.. I didn't know that. I'll change it to murder or something

Glad to have made the information available to you.

Don't change it to murder. If you want to keep the concept of his necromantic practices in there, say he got arrested for grave-robbing so he could have corpses to practice on. Or something like that, because in my opinion the Necromancy thing seems like it will be important, at east to his character.

Length. I don't mind short stories, but I can see you have an excellent idea for a plot, but the length isn't there and its not drawing me in. And to achieve length, you need more detail.

The first fight scene was well done IMO, but from there on in, when I try to imagine everything it like I'm watching the story through a thick fog. Clearly the Imperial City has been ruined a little with whatever it is these things are, but I can't actually feel the destruction of it, ya know?

When Carstein was walking through the city, you should be describing what he feels, what he see's, smells, hears, ect, ect, so the reader can also feel all thses things and better understand the level of catastrophe the city has fallen under.

Other then that, I see a promising plot, with a good cast of characters, and I hope you keep at it. Of course you can disregard my comments, as I've never written a successful fan fic here

He changed it to manslaughter, but I agree with you.

BM, Carstein is a vampire, and a very old one at that, so he shut out everything as he walked, because he doesn't think it's worth his attention

BTW the reason I'm not writing much right now is because I'm really stressed because my mom is missing. Car and everything, idc wtf happened.

How long has she been missing?

Since Saturday morning.. I'm not assuming anything bad happened, but I hope nothing did. It's not like her to do something like this, so idk. But I'll try and push myself to write a chapter soon