These are the accounts I made up for my main RP character, Aidan Christophe. His character sheet can be found in my profile! Any positive criticism will be appreciated. Bear in mind, Im just a high-school junior, no advanced training. Enjoy!

The Christophe Chronicles.

"And finally, Thou Shalt Not Covet Anything That Belongs To Your Neighbor" I repeated after my father. This had to have been at-least the millionth time! I get it already! Why does he make me recite them everyday?
"Good Son, you're free to play now" said Father with a gentle smile.
"Pfft.. No one says 'play' anymore Dad, its hang out" Father gave a light chuckle, "Alright Son, you're free to 'hang-out'. " Again with the familiar, gentle smile which made him so like-able in the town. He was the towns 'preacher'. He would often be in the Chapel to 'preach', and advise the people on how to go about their lives. Who need one of those anyway?

Our settlement wasn't very big. In-fact, it hardly had twenty settlers, but we made do. Atleast we had proper houses, unlike those shacks in that town called 'Megaton' or whatever it was called. Not bad for a place in the middle of the DC Wasteland. I liked it a lot here. Sometimes my cousin David would sneak a pack of cigarretes from Uncle Jacob's drawer so we could smoke behind the chapel building. I doubt there were any places like that to hide in over at 'Megaton'.

I grabbed my favorite red baseball cap and left the house, rushing past my baby sister Kristen. She was so cute, but annoying too, she would often cry in the middle of the night, and Mom would try and shut her up so Raiders don't hear, or else they'll come by. I wanted her to shut up so I could get some sleep!

Once outside, I stood for a moment and took a deep breath, and enjoyed the fresh air, I closed my eyes, and entered an almost trance like state all was peaceful when-"Ouch! hey!"
I just got hit on the head with a baseball! What gives?
"Sorry Aidan, my bad!"

The voice belonged to no other than Abigail Summers. I had the biggest crush on Abigail. She was the prettiest girl anyone could ever imagine. (Not like I had seen much anyway). She had long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail most of the time, but sometimes let it loose, and it would flow down just below her shoulders. She had the most beautiful big brown eyes, and her olive skin tone was irresistible! She had a nice figure too, slim and lean since she would often play base with us. I better stop thinking about her before It gets hard for me to walk!
"Sorry Aidan, I didn't mean to" She said apologetically with a small giggle.
"Don't worry Abbie, I've survived worse".

"Come on wimpy, walk it off!" yelled my knob of a cousin David.
"Yeah, yeah" I groaned back, more to myself than to him, and walked over to the 'pitch', still rubbing the spot where the ball hit.
"Hope it didn't hurt to bad Aidan" Abigail said, in her soft sweet voice. "Relax, Im fine" I replied with a smile. If only she knew how I felt about her. If I could tell her how I wanna just hold her and -- *Slam* David thrust a bat into my chest, which woke me from the second daydream I had today about a girl.
"You're up, lets see what ya got".
"This puberty stuff is killing me, man" I mumbled, and ran up to the plate. "Alright, times up, lets do this!"



It was a pretty grueling ordeal, that game. But relatively peaceful, only five fights, three wounds and a single bruise.
"Its nothing, really" I said to Abigail as she tried to tend to my 'wounds' sitting on the porch of her house. Her father was the town doctor. She must've picked up some skills from her father.
"Seriously, they're just scratches" I added, but in vain. Its not like I was really trying anyway, I didn't want her to stop, spending time with her made me feel like I was in heaven.
"Im not gonna let you get infected and turn into a Ghoul you know" she said playfully, as she bandaged the gash on my arm.
"Ouch! thats twice you hurt me today!" I groaned after she tied the last bandage a bit too tight.
"Im sorry, Im no expert you know!" she giggled. We sat and pvssyd for a long time, until dark when our Mothers called for supper.
"See ya again tomorrow!" She said, and gave me a light peck on the cheek before she got up and went inside. I sat there for a minute,
"What if she likes me too?" I thought to myself, and skipped back home, ecstatic with the thought.

After supper the family sat around the table as every-night and talked about the days events and happenings.
"Aidan got his ass whooped by Mr.Burkes kid" David ejaculated.
"Did not! I let 'em have it too if you hadn't noticed!" I retorted. David was really trying to get on my nerves. Shame he was a year older than me, or I would have put him in his place.
"Now, now son, what did it the Lord say about this?
"Honor thy neighbor" I groaned.
I hated it when he brought 'The Lord' into everything.
"Look at how we live. Look at everything around us. 'The Lord' left this place a long time ago." I often thought to myself. Even though, deep in my heart, there was still hope and faith I couldn't help wondering at times. We all retired for the night, and slept soundly and peacefully. Not a care in the world, a perfect existence. That night, I had another dream about Abbie. This one was even naughtier than the last. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Christophe Chronicles.


"Aidan! Aidan! Get up!" my father yelled, I sensed despair in his usually calm and gentle voice, and rose instantly.
"Aidan, there isn't much time, we have to get out of here, the Creatures have spotted our town, we are all preparing to leave" he said, in a strained demeanor. My heart was already racing, and I felt fear like never before. We had heard stories of the Creatures before, larger than regular humans, with skin like Ghouls, and faces twisted like freaks. We were told they were strong, but fierce and mindless, that they would kill and torture humans. But what we weren't told, is how they could be quick as-well. As we were shakily packing, ours ears stood up, and we heard something I could never forget. Blood curdling screams and guns roaring.

We looked out of the window in terror how the entire settlement was being decimated within seconds by hideous mutants straight out of a horror novel. Even bigger, and uglier than I had imagined. Far more fearsome than I could ever have dreamt, and they were here in-front of us, brutally slaughtering our families. My father dropped what he was doing and stood in shock. We saw through the carnage, Uncle Joseph trying to fire back with his old hunting rifle, but to no avail as his head was torn off his shoulders by one of the freaks, the bullets simply soaking into his flesh and disappearing with no apparent effect. Blood sprayed everywhere, similar was the fate of all the residents, but we saw running towards the house a figure.. Mom! She was running and crying, holding Baby Kristen who too was wailing in agony. No! A freak saw her. Don't kill her! My prayer seemed to have been answered, but no! They began following her over and she was headed for the house! Mom was a mere arms reach ahead of the freaks when my father suddenly snapped out of his shock and yanked the door open so they could enter and shut it tight behind them, stirring me from my own state of shock and we together piled furniture in-front of the door.

There was an obscene silence for a moment. Like it was all a hallucination. We all stood there, whimpering, all the muscles tense in our bodies, awaiting whatever may be in store for us. Nothing. For a full dreaded minute. Not a dust particle moved from its place. I looked at my father, his eyes were squinting and looking down, as if he was thinking. He looked at me for a second, and regained composure, suddenly grabbing me, and thrusting the wardrobe door open, with one fell swoop of the arm he cleared of of everything and pushed me inside.
"Stay here, no matter what. God will watch over you. You are a big boy now, and you can take care of yourself, your judgment is sound, and if you are ever in doubt refer to this" he spoke solemnly with tears in his eyes, as he placed his Bible in my arms. With tears of my own welling up, I gave my parents a final hug, as I knew what was coming next. I sat cross legged in the wardrobe, smiling with eyes full of tears as I was well aware this was the last time I would see my family.

"Give me Kristen" My father said to Mom. "She needs-" *BOOM* He was cut off by a blast at the door, the freaks had planted a grenade at the door and let it blow the entire door off! Realizing there was no time, my father shut the wardrobe and turned around, whipping out a Revolver from out of seemingly nowhere, and held it aimed right at the door, as my mother crawled into a corner with Kristen. A freak slowly entered, holding a rifle, and aimed it at my father, who shot first. Right in the head he hit. The freak dropped dead. A second freak entered, and a third immediately after, two shots, two dead freaks, I noticed my father wasn't looking at them, but looking downwards, yet shooting with perfect accuracy. This time a platoon of freaks entered, overwhelming my father, he fired until he ran out of rounds when a freak with a large gun entered, which fired with lightning speed, in rapid succession.

He let it rip, and laid waste to my entire family in a blink of an eye. I simply sat looking through the shutters of the wardrobe. Gripping the book tightly, in complete, utter horror. I think my heart stopped beating. I watched as the blood splattered all over the walls, but the freak was unrelenting. He continued further. Then left, I heard what sounded like laughter from him. I was absolutely petrified. I simply sat there. I saw several other Mutants come in and clear out the bodies of my deceased family members, but could do nothing. I sat there. Even after they had left. Simply sitting and staring into space. So fast, everything had happened, everything was gone. No one I knew lived any longer. All was gone. I sat for what felt like weeks, not eating or drinking. I wasn't crying either. Completely emotionless. Still and silent. Shellshocked.

Christophe Chronicles.


It had to have been a week later, as the sun had gone down and come up atleast a dozen times. Everything was still, and silent. Thats when I heard talking from the outside. The first time the silence had broken, the first interruption to my silent mourning.
"There's gotta be something around here, come on, check that crap-hole over there!"
"Alright, Im goin!"
I could clearly make out the words now. From the sound of it, two people were talking. Footsteps were audible now, growing louder slowly. They reached their peak, and I saw a man enter the house. This man was dressed strangely though, a tire around his shoulder, and other scraps and junk was what his clothes were comprised of. Strangest thing about him was his hair though. It was Blue and straight up in spikes, only in the middle, shaved on the sides. I would've laughed if it weren't for the pistol he was carrying. He was pretty dirty looking though. And somewhat smelly, but maybe that was the dried blood on the walls.

"P.U! Does it smell like a [censored]-storm in here!" He looked around the spoils of our home of apparently something of value, when he spotted my fathers gun lying on the ground.
"Woah, a sweet shooter we got here. Looks like a .44. This one's mine."
He holstered it, and dropped his own on the ground.
"Shame about the poor bastard who lost it!" He sneered. The comment enraged me. My heart beat restarted, stronger, and faster than ever before. With a sudden burst of energy, I kicked the wardrobe doors open shouting at the top of my lungs. I grabbed the gun on the ground and fired at the man before he even knew what was going on.
"Aah!" he yelled. "Right in the [censored] 'nads!" He groaned with pain. And began limping, when the other man burst into the room.
"What the [censored] happened?" He exclaimed. But then he saw me there. His expression was blank for a second, before he burst out laughing. His appearance was not unlike his friends, but his hair was green instead.
"You got shot in the balls by a kid?" He chuckled. Laughing madly.
"[censored] You" the other suggested.
"So, you got some fight in you kid?" He said recovering from his fit of laughter. Hang with us, we can take care of you.
"What?" The shot one yelled.
"Shut the [censored] up, Rex, he's worth something" The shot one, now identified as Rex, smiled, and complied.
"My name is Max" said the second man who had entered, "and this is Rex" he continued. We're a gang, wanna roll with us?

I was reluctant at first. But I soon realized I had no other option than to join them. I couldn't fend for myself anyway. If they can sustain themselves, perhaps they could help me sustain my own existence as-well. They introduced themselves, their thoughts and their ideologies. "They call us 'Raiders'. Mostly because of what we do. We go to places that no one actually lives in any longer, and we 'raid' it, see? Take everything not nailed to the ground!" he explained. He continued to say how their particular gang was a relatively peaceful one, which is why there were only two of them. They were low on caps, and low on manpower. And that is why I was offered to join them. I agreed shortly after, and told them to give me a moment.
"Hold on there bud" Max said.
"I think I'll take that thing back, just to be safe" he gestured at the gun, still in my hand.
"Oh, right" I replied, and handed over the gun to him.
They both exited the house, and pvssyd outside, I could hear them laughing though I didn't make much of it, they seem a bit on the crazy side, but atleast they're not enemies. I took a piece of the curtain and wrapped it around the bible I left in the wardrobe. Once it was all wrapped, I reached for one of my fathers old satchel bags, emptied it, and place it there. Strapped myself with it, and went to start a new chapter in my life.

Christophe Chronicles.


They escorted my out of the town. I saw a fresh dead body behind our house on my way out. It was strangely familiar. Then it hit me, it was the caravan trader that stops by once a week. I assumed it was the freaks, when I realized, it had infact been a couple of days since that incident, and they took all the dead bodies. I was beginning to suspect these 'Raiders' weren't as harmless as they made themselves out to be. We walked out of the town and a short way into the Wasteland. I had never been this far out before. The whole place was barren and desolate. Dead trees everywhere. Nothing but miles of dirt stretching in all directions. A few destroyed buildings here or there, and an entire destroyed city in the distance. That must be was was called D.C.

We walked along a broken road, in the middle of nowhere. It was hot, humid and dirty. The wind blew steadily but it wasn't cooling in the least. I was getting thirsty. Didn't think I'd have been able to last it much longer, when in the distance I saw a small hill. Three armed men standing on it. I looked strangely at them. "Thats the spot" Max gestured, and we all began walking towards them. Bewildered, I looked up, first at Max, then at Rex, searching for an answer, but both looked straight ahead. The figures of the men grew larger, we were almost a-top the hill when we heard a voice, an unfamiliar one.
"[censored] took ya so long?" It came from one of the three men, he was wearing a blue overcoat and held a sturdy looking rifle in his arms. "I got a good one this time" Max replied. "You know these guys?" I pitched in, but was ignored. "It's a kid, and he's got spirit" Max continued.
"Seven hundred caps, take it or leave it"
"[censored] you, Five hundred"
"Alright, alright, don't get yer panties in a bunch"

The man tossed Max a sack, apparently loaded with caps. Max caught it, momentarily dropping his gun. While Max was distracted, counting the caps, the man shot him in the head with his rifle. Max dropped dead. "What the [censored]! We had an agree-" Rex too was shot down by the man, uttering his final, incomplete words.
At this point, I was tired, and hungry, but the casual ease with which these two 'Raiders' were shot down filled me with an all-too-familiar fear. I was alert and tense once again.
"Wh-why did you do that?" I asked the man, trying to sound intimidating but ultimately sounding even more scared than I already was. "We didn't need em anymore" the man replied cooly, reloading his gun.
"Who a-are you?" I whimpered.
"Heh, sorry for not introducing myself. I'll let you know what's been going on." He paused, to holster his gun on his back, then continued, while I stared at him, perplexed.
"My name is Wrath, kid. Im here to take you in"
"T-take me in where?"
"Those [censored]s didn't tell you did they? Bastards" he said with a chuckle, the other two men joined in.

After recollecting themselves, the man, known as 'Wrath' continued.
"We take slaves back to a place called 'Paradise Falls'. We hired those goons to do our dirty work."
"You're gonna make me a slave!?" I demanded. Now infuriated, not only was I lied to, I was going to be made to be a slave? This was unacceptable. I had heard of Paradise Falls, it was the center of the Slave Market. Unfortunately, slavery was abundant in the Wastes.
Wrath gave another chuckle, so did his two cronies.
"It's not that bad, once you get used to it, maybe you'll get a nice Master" he chuckled once more.
"Why did you kill Max and Rex?" I asked, now feeling more confident, and brave.
"This was our crew's last job, we didn't need them anymore" he replied calmly, and proceeded to walk over to the body of Max and pry his sack of caps from his cold, dead hands.

"This will get me a nice little [censored] of my own!" and all three men laughed once more. Their laughter was really beginning to get on my nerves. I was now enraged, I won't be fooled twice, Im not gonna be a slave. With my rapid reflexes I dashed towards my fathers gun, which was still holstered on Rex. I lunged down, grabbed it, took quick aim with both hands and blasted twice at Wrath, however I missed both shots.

Recovering from their hysteria, all three men drew their guns on me, and prepared to fire. If I was gonna die, I would die fighting, I thought to myself.
"Drop the gun, kid" Wrath said cooly, adjusting his grip on his gun, looking down the sights.
"[censored] you!" I yelled, the first time I had used the F-word in my life. It felt good. And felt even better holding this gun in my hands, even if the recoil did hurt my arms.

The other two men adjusted their aim as-well, and prepared to attack, Wrath opened his mouth to order "FI-". *SPLAT*. He was cut off by a bullet between the eyes. He dropped to his knees, and let go if his gun. Blood pouring out of this new hole in his body. He finally dropped to the ground, face first, dead. *SPLAT* An instant later, one of the other men shared Wrath's fate. The third looked around himself in utter shock when *SPLAT* the third man went down, with the bullet in one ear, and out the other.

Christophe Chronicles.


For a moment, I thought God had saved me, and after inspecting their bodies, and pinching myself to make sure I wasn't dead myself, I gave a silent prayer. Getting down to my knees, and closing my eyes, with my hands clasped together. I uttered my gratefulness to the Lord. "Thank you Lord, for saving my life" I continued silently.
I spent atleast five minutes like this. When I opened my eyes, I saw a man trudging up the hill I was on.

He was a relatively tall man, and dark skinned with short, black hair, and a bushy beard. He was wearing cargo pants and boots, with a T-shirt and a large brown raw-hide overcoat, wrapped around his body for protection, and a pair of shades to protect his eyes from the sun. In his hand was a large rifle, unlike I had ever seen before. It had a scope on it, perhaps for shooting long distances.
"Your'e Welcome" were his first words to me, in a gruff masculine voice. He said this with a light smile.
"Um, thanks?" I replied, a little confused. Perhaps he had gone mad from over-exposure to the sun.
"You seem thirsty" he continued, and pulled a bottle of water out of his satchel.
I looked at it dubiously.
"Don't worry, its purified" he added, with a smile.
I drank until the bottle was empty and wiped my mouth.
"Thanks"
"I already said You're Welcome, didn't I?" he replied, smiling broader than before.
To this I giggled slightly.
"Here, have some of this too" he said, pulling some fruits out of his satchel and handing them to me. I sat cross legged on the floor and began munching on them. They tasted much better than anything I had ever eaten before! But maybe I only felt that way since I hadn't eaten in a very long time.
"I got em good, didn't I?" the stranger said, shuffling over to the dead bodies, first inspecting them, then searching them for supplies. I put all he collected in his satchel and sat next to me. I took no notice of his comment, but then it hit me.
"So you're the one who shot them down!" I ejaculated.
"Wait, you just realized?" he chuckled. So that's why he said 'You're Welcome' when he approached. He must have used that fancy gun of his.
"Sorry, Im not my sharpest these days" I said, with a smile. Despite all that had happened, I still had my sense of humor.
"No worries, kid. Happens to the best of us" he replied, returning the smile, as he sat down next to me, and took out some fruit to eat himself. The sun was setting in the distance, the weather had cooled down considerably, it was more comfortable now.
"What's your name, kid?" the stranger asked.
"Aidan, Aidan Christophe" I replied, munching the delicious fruit.
"Christophe? Any relation to John Christophe?" he asked with a curious expression.
"Yea! You know my father?" I asked back, now curious myself.
"Know em? He was my mentor!" he exclaimed.
"Mentor? You're a preacher too?" I asked.
"Preacher?! Is that what he is now?"
The stranger burst out laughing. I was enraged once more, as I often become.
"Stop Laughing! He was a preacher, he's dead now!" I yelled.
"Dead?" the stranger asked. Suddenly becoming sombre, and serious.
"I.. I'm sorry. What happened?" he asked, back in his solemn tone.
"Freaks, big, green, ugly. A bunch of freaks just came out of nowhere in the morning. Killed everyone. I.. I think Im the only one left."
"Damn Mutants" he mumbled.
"Mutants?"
"Super Mutants, that's what they're called." he explained.
I sighed deeply, missing my family now. Around now, my mother would be calling me in for supper, and we would have sat around the table and talked, as we did every night. All of it was gone now. For a long time we were both silent. The stranger lost in his own thoughts. I, reminiscing about my life. A life that was going to change completely. For a long time we watched as the sun set, and even then.

"You're father used to be what was called, a Regulator" the stranger said, breaking the silence.
"Regulators were great men and women, who patrol the Wastes, trying to make wrongs a right. Try to bring law and order in a lawless land. It is a tough job, but it must be done. Regulators help any and all that are in need, and dispatch the evil and wicked with a shot to the head." he calmly explained.
"You're father was the best, he's the one who brought me in, and trained me. But he left to get married and start a family of his own."
"I see" I said. I now knew my father's secret past life. Also, I now know why he was able to shoot down the first few freaks with such deadly accuracy.
"My name is Abdul-Hakim Jenkins" the man continued.
"And I wish to take you under my wing" he finished.

It was apparent I had reason not to trust anyone out in the Wastes. I was deceived before, the Wasteland is a harsh place, and is home to harsh people. But this man, Abdul-Hakim was different. I got a positive vibe out of him. Besides, like before, I had no where else to go. This would probably be the best proposition I would ever get. Plus, the man knew my father. That is worth something. I accepted.

"Alright, I accept, Mr. Jenkins" I nodded.
"Excellent" he smiled kindly.
"I have a camp a little way north of here, further north is the Regulator's HQ" he continued.
"We'll head for the camp, rest for the night, and continue for the HQ in the morning.
Once there, I shall train you. I won't lie, it will be hard, but at the end of it, you will be a Regulator, and an excellent one at that."
"Sounds good"
"That gun there" he said gesturing to my fathers gun.
"That .44 was your father's right?"
"Yea, it was"
"It's very special, it is. Take good care of it."
"Yes, sir" I replied.
"Alright" he said, getting up, dusting his clothes and packing his things.
"You ready?" he asked, while reaching his arm out to help me up.
I grabbed his, pulled myself up, dusted my own clothes and stretched.
"Alright, times up, let's do this!"


*THE BEGINNING*


If you've actually read all this, I love you! Thank you for putting up with this menial attempt at a narrative. I know it has it's flaws, but if anyone actually likes it, and warrants more in the series, please, tell me, and I'll write more! Also, any positive criticism will be appreciated!

Really liking this so far, Assassin! The story is clearly well thought out and you've opened a lot of plot choices, as you can do near enough anything with what you've written so far. Endless possibilities!

Though, to avoid confusion, don't start a new line of dialogue when it's the same person speaking. Example:

"Alright" he said, getting up, dusting his clothes and packing his things.
"You ready?" he asked, while reaching his arm out to help me up.

Because you started a new line, I automatically it's someone else speaking. Instead, simply do this:

"Alright," he said, getting up, dusting his clothes and packing his things, "you ready?" he asked, while reaching his arm out to help me up.

I can't wait for more! Man, these kind of stories tempt me to start my own.

Alright, advice noted. Thanks for the input. In this story, nothing really happened, I got the whole thing thought out, which is a-lot more interesting. If you liked this bit, you'll love the rest!

Although it may take a couple weeks to actually finish, as I haven't even started that bit. This was just "The Beginning". Im going to have a couple adventures, like say 3 or so, maybe more if its they're good.

Thanks again for the advice, I truly appreciate it.

Hey man, I'm enjoying this story so far, it's open to so many possibilities! I'm not the person who gives out criticism, so I'll just tell you this: Write the way you want to write, if your enjoying it that way then stick to it
So if you wanna keep going with it mate, then keep going, because I certainly want you to keep writing!

Thank you for saying so! Really, when I uploaded this, I was double-minded. Thinking "who's gonna read all that anyway?" But since you guys apparently have, I truly am happy.

I'm currently working on the first of a series of Adventures now, thanks to the positive criticism. Even if I have 5 fans, It's still worth it to keep on going! Thanks again for cheering me on!! :foodndrink:

Edit: If you see any plot-holes, or things to explain further, please don't hesitate to ask. I don't want things to go on a shaky foundation. If anything needs clearing up, please ask!

Loved it, but I have a few questions, but I guess I can wait for the next parts to see if they get answered.

Thanks! The second one is out already! If your questions aren't answered, ask them there. If you feel they may lead to a spoiler however, kindly PM me instead. Thank you!!

Actually, after posting my last post, I read the second one, seems Aidan has the same question I did about another kid from the town.

Oh, I see.

Just wait for the third one now.. :hubbahubba:

Unlike most people in here, something about continuous long posts just turns me off from reading, but I did read the first one and some of the the second, and this is what I gotsta stay:



This makes me think about the DC map, which doesn't include your settlement, so I think outskirts of DC would be better. Also, you should give your town a name, so the story won't seem so generic.



The comma should be a period, and there is no fresh air in post-apocolyptia. If anything Aiden would get a nose-full of dust and dirt.
Lastly, the Aiden/Abbie discussion was a little awkward for me, but that was just me.

Overall, there is no hint of wasteland in this story. It seems like you wrote a random story about a random kid and then pasted fallout names in there. No settlement is this happy and free, and prosperous. Now you could make that for your character, but you connect with the reader more by making your story more realistic. And don't use age as a crutch, I'm a junior.

Pt2



Father? Preacher? Gun? .44 Magnum! Where does he have the bullets, and how does he find that?

If you find this long, then it really isn't for you, for starters. Its my story, I don't want the place to have a name, it keeps people guessing where in the map it may be, when they look at the countless abandoned, or destroyed areas on the map. As for the fresh air, he's grown up in the Wasteland, that's as fresh as it gets for him, that's his idea of refreshing. He doesn't know what Pre-War air was like, so he has nothing to compare with.

About the Pt. 2. Before looking for plot-holes, try reading the rest of it. You sound like those people who watch the first five minutes of a movie and say it svcks, without even going on. Remember the first 15 minutes of Inglorious Basterds? Yea. To each his own, if you weren't entertained by this story, I blame myself, not you.

If he grew up in it, would it still be a wasteland, or just his home?

Why does it seem everyone assumes I'm an [censored] just because I dont likeputting smileyfaces avverywhere and making everything I say like cotton candy. Yeah, my words are sugarcoated, but that doesn't mean I'm not at leasst interested. If I was an uninterested [censored] do you think I would have spent my time trying to make you a better wirter, or even read it all all for that matter. I'm not knocking you for saying it's long either, I'm actually trying to push myself to read all that text cuz there might be a good story beind it.


And about the fresh air thing, even if he'd gorwn up in te wasteland and got used to it, it still doesnt quite work. Like in America where I live, the air is polluted as hell, so when I wask out, I don;t call it fresh air, even though I've lived here all my life. Either way I'm trying to HELP

His home, yes. But everyone calls it a Wasteland, so he just goes with it. :shrug:




It seems you took my response to your last post the wrong way. I didn't mean to be offensive in anyway, If you felt I was, you have my genuine apology. As for fresh air, alright, whatever makes you happy. It wasn't fresh. Is that better? To be perfectly honest, I thought it might not fit in too well, but I was using it as a contrast to him being stuck inside his house with his father who was giving him, what is meant to be another boring religion lesson.