This post will present Buffy's next story. I am trying to not rush, despite the fact that Buffy is patiently waiting in Bravil at level 11 for our next adventure. I really want to get her stories up to that point so she can play. Then we can play, and write about it while it is fresh. I think that will help me in increasing the descriptive detail of what Buffy is sensing and feeling. I am still working on or redoing stories that catch up to where she is. A huge step in that direction will be gaining admission to the Arcane University. I tried this story in third person. I enjoyed some of the flexibility it provided, but greatly missed the first person, especially when she tries to inject a touch of humor. So, I continue in her first person for now. Heeding some of the wonderful advice I have been given, I have tried to incorporate dialogue and additional descriptive detail. I expect I will be able to increase the descriptive detail more in the future.

4---------- Homecoming ----------

Despite the bumpy road and irritating singing of the driver, I slept most of the way as the enclosed carriage wound its way from the Imperial City to Bravil. I was awakened only once during the trip by the sound of yelling and yelping. As I looked out, I could see that an Imperial Legion soldier had just slain a wolf and was now slowly moving away on his Bay horse.

Finally the carriage pulled up to the Bravil stables. Still wearing my Arena armor, I gratefully jumped to the ground and stretched. Grabbing my iron bow, quiver and pack, I approached two guards at the end of the bridge leading to the Bravil city gate.

They were pointing out into the Niben Bay and barely noticed me. "Just take the boat, row out to that island and relieve the other guard. He'll bring the boat back. Your relief will be out in the morning." I learned that an island had appeared out in the bay. The Count had ordered a guard be posted until they could figure out what it was. I could see the small island, and what looked like some sort of structure on it. Crossing the short bridge, I entered my town.

"Oh Buffy, we were so scared that we had lost you for good!" There were tears in Nilawen's eyes as she fiercely hugged me. I winced - those Arena wounds were not completely healed. "City Swimmer returned without you and refused to tell us anything about it." I told Nilawen that we had simply gotten separated and it took me a few days to make my way home. I decided to leave out the bits about killing a storekeeper, getting knocked out by the guards and the prison?.

An embarrassed look came across Nilawen's face. "Buffy, while you were gone, my cousin Nordinor arrived and I have agreed to let him stay - in your old room downstairs. I hope that will be alright. You're 18 now, and Kud-Ei has agreed that you can join the guild and stay there." I was taken aback. Not because of Nordinor. The words that echoed in my head were: You're 18! Missing my own birthday? Unconscious on the floor of a cell in the Imperial Prison - yep, not a birthday to remember I guess. "Nilawen, I could never be upset with you. You took me in when I was orphaned and loved me as an older sister would for these past 6 years. It is indeed time for me to join the guild."

So much catching up to do! It was hard to be mad at City Swimmer. She felt so bad and that she had abandoned me in the Imperial City. "You saved my life Buffy, and I owe you mine in return. I will give to you the most valuable thing I have. When the time is right, I will share with you the secret of the Gray Fox." I told City Swimmer I forgave her. I didn't quite know what to make of her offer, so I decided to let it pass, for now. She cried and hugged me. I surely hoped my wounds would heal before I received too many more hugs.

Not to be. This time it was me doing the hugging. "Daenlin, my friend. My teacher. You have no idea how many times your teachings have saved my life in the last week!" I told him of my adventures. Of shooting. Of blocking with my bow. Of how I survived an Arena fight. "Buffy, you are the most talented natural archer I have ever seen, but don't let that go to your head. There are plenty of dead natural archers. Natural talent is wasted without dedication to the craft of marksmanship. But archery requires other skills to be effectively and safely used. Since you refuse to carry even the smallest blade, illusion is what you must learn. You are lucky that the Bravil guild specializes in that school."

Kud-Ei and her mages welcomed me like sisters. They helped me move into the guild. They even threw a small and belated 18th birthday party for me after dinner in the dining room. I grabbed Ardaline. "Thank you Ardaline for showing me how to make potions when I was younger. You have no idea how much that helped me when I was in the Imperial City." Kud-Ei overheard and motioned for me to come over to her.

"Buffy, I'll do anything for my girls. And right now Ardaline has a problem. How would you like to start the admissions process to the Arcane University and help Ardaline at the same time?" I got excited and chirped "Arcane University? Help Ardaline? Oh, please! How can I do that?"

Kud Ei explained what I must do to recover Ardaline's staff and gain my first recommendation to the Arcane University. Then she gave me a spell that would make people more receptive when I tried to sweet talk them. I was grateful for the spell. I knew about sweet talking, but I hoped that spell could improve my? mixed results.

Well, there wasn't really too much to getting Ardaline's staff back. Just a lot of walking and talking. With that sweet talking spell, Varen Vamori was ready to do anything for me. I got some good hunting practice on the walk to and from the Imperial City. Even some more magic and sneaking practice while getting the staff back. Kud-Ei was delighted that I was able to get Ardaline's staff and gave me a recommendation for the Arcane University.

I spent the next several days mostly at the guild, learning about illusion and magic. I was starting to get better at magic. I could now control or confuse simple animals. I really wanted to learn how to disappear and how detect enemies before they could see me. Oh, and get better at making potions and poisons. I practiced a lot in the guild basemant; sometimes just casting and casting and casting spells.

I didn't let my rusty bow get any rustier either. I went hunting. I couldn't help wondering about that mysterious island out in the bay?.

"Buffy, where in Nirn did you get this?" Daenlin was incredulously examining the bow. I replied, "Well I sweet talked the guards into letting me ride out to that mysterious island in the bay!" "And??", said Daenlin. "The guard said if I was stupid enough to go in there, he wouldn't stop me. I didn't understand much of what was in there. First, there was a funny, bald man who asked me if I wanted him to open the door. I told him sure. He disappeared. Then the room? you're really not going to believe this Daenlin - it exploded into butterflies and I was on a hill in a land like nothing I have seen before."

I continued, "I quickly turned around, just to make sure the door out was still there. It was, so I decided to explore around a little bit before coming home." I found some plant samples that I must show to Ardaline. I found some sort of monsters I have never seen or heard of. I decided to call them grummites. They reminded me a little of goblins. I saw what looked like some ruins and investigated. There were more of those grummites, but with bows. I managed to kill one, and he had this odd bow. I came right home after that. So, what do you think?"

Daenlin turned the bow over in his hands several times. "Hmm, very light. Some sort of wood construction. Incredibly balanced and strong though. Buffy, I have no idea. Let's try it out" Daenlin grabbed some iron arrows and his Bow of Infliction and we went out to the archery target.

Thunk! My iron bow hit the target. "Now", Daenlin said, "take your grummite bow and try to do exactly the same thing." I did as Daenlin instructed. Then he handed me his Bow of Infliction and told me to try to do exactly the same thing. My third "thunk". Daenlin had kept track of which of the three arrows now imbedded in the target came from which bow.

We walked up to the target and Daenlin spent several minutes carefully examining the three arrows in that target. He then recovered the three arrows, took his Bow of Infliction from me and stated. "Buffy, I've never seen anything like this grummite bow of yours. It is much more lethal than your iron bow, yet weighs less. In fact it is very nearly as powerful as the Bow of Infliction. You have quite a find there!"

As Daenlin went back into the Archer's Paradox, I practiced with my new bow. I felt confident that this exciting new find would serve me long and well. And perhaps give me the confidence to venture farther from Bravil than the Imperial City. Well maybe not quite. I probably ought to learn how to disappear first.

I had no idea the Grummite weapons had any special qualities that put them over regular weapons! I usually just left their stuff behind! lol. This is really good Acadian! I love how you manage to weave the quest and tips in your stories !!! Awesome!

That is one of those things that conflict with the entertainment side. Buffy would have a hard time weaving in: "Grummites carry grummite bows only if you have SI and the SI UOP installed (that means PC only). Otherwise grummites carry iron bows."

I found that out by going to the WIKI though, which I was intrigued to go to by the whole bow conversation and scenario, lol. By the way, I am really glad you stuck with the first person style, a small segment here or there of Acadian's viewpoint inserted would not hinder the story, but going completely over to a third person style definately would hinder it, and Buffy's personality would not be able to shine thru like it does.

Another brilliant story acadian well done cant wait to read the next installmant.

I just read all of them and you can't help but enjoy reading those stories

I mostly read oblivion fan fics but this has all but converted me One of the best fan fics I've ever read, 5/5.

My only advice is; keep on writing the way you feel it and keep going my friend.

A note regarding arrows...

I hate to sound like a one-note musician, but if you have ever done any bowshooting, or talked with experienced bowhunters, you will discover that archers pay almost as much attention to their arrows as to their bows. And if you read much on archers of the past - I strongly reccomend the Grail Quest series, Harelequin, Vagabond, Heretic, and Agincourt - you will find that they did the same as well.

The shaft - we will assume that all Buffy's arrow shafts are perfect, although IRL this is not the case - except for aluminium and carbonfiber ones. Wood has this disturbing propensity to warp when the weather changes, and this is why archers before going into battle would always check the shafts of the arrows they shot.

Rapid Shooting - archers in battle usually stuck a dozen or more arrows into the ground in front of their feet: this was a faster way to pick up arrows than from the arrow bag (and the professionals used a BAG, not a quiver)

The tail - different tails were used for short or long range. Some arrows meant for very short ranges had almost no tail at all!

The head - this is the item that attracted the most attention from the archer. The broad, wide broadhead arrow was the general purpose arrow used for maximum wounding effect against unarmoured enemies. This, by the way, was also used with poison, as the greater size of the wound produced by the arrow meant that the poison would spread into the body faster.

Against armour, however, a thin needle shape known in Shakespeare's time as the 'bodkin' was used.

If I were going up against an unknown opponent, I would carry a mix of arrows and use them as the situation demanded.

A note on bows and bowstrings...

In old times archers set great store on keeping their linen bowstrings dry, as wet bowstrings stretched and lost the stiffness that enabled them to store energy.

And unless your Buffy is carryin a recurve bow, she should leave her bow unstringed, and string it only when about to do battle, otherwise her bow will lose its elasticity. Of course, we could argue that in the world of Oblivion this is not a problem...

I am humbled and grateful for the comments. D. Foxy and I have traded PMs on archery realism and have discussed ways to incorporate some earth archery considerations into Cyodiil that do not contradict the "reality" of Cyrodiil. That is, what a character playing Oblivion might have available and the action the player might see in third person visual. I am feeling more comfortable incorporating deeper and richer detail, discussion of Buffy's feelings and dialogue. I hope some of that reflects in the story presented below.

5---------- You Hear Voices too, My Child? ----------

"You'll not stop me Kalthar! This amulet rightfully belongs to Dagail!" The boldness and authority in my voice surprised me. Kalthar's hand went up to cast a spell. My hand was quicker though, as I unleashed my new power, Cobra Dance upon him at point blank range. Down he went. I started moving backwards as I drew my bowstring and loosed an arrow into Kalthar's chest. His paralyzed form jerked and remained motionless as I nocked a second arrow.

The second arrow was not needed however. Kalthar was dead. I stowed my bow and sat down to think. How did this happen and what to do now?

My main concern was that I had just killed a member of my own guild. When I found the Seer's Stone in the bowels of Fort Blueblood and turned to leave, Kalthar had suddenly appeared. I was delighted to see him and at the prospect of a fellow guildmate to travel with back to Leyawiin. Kalthar quickly proved me wrong.

After complaining about Dagail - well, whining actually, it became clear only one of us would return to Leyawiin. Being suddenly confronted at close range is the stuff my nightmares are made of. I mean, all I carry to protect myself is a bow and some spells.

I continued to review what had transpired over the last few days since I left Bravil, as I sat there staring at the lifeless form of Kalthar.

Acadian had urged I travel to Leyawiin for my next guild recommendation, and I decided to listen. The walk from Bravil to Leyawiin had been pretty uneventful. I found some interesting ingredients and more of those strange blue-green roots. My new grummite bow proved several times to be as light and lethal as Daenlin had surmised.

At one point I saw a rider rapidly approaching on horseback. I stepped to the side of the road. The rider abruptly drew up her horse in a cloud of dust right beside me. Her black horse was breathing hard and I could feel the heat eminating from this most beautiful, majestic animal. The dusty rider was a young women who quickly told me she had no time to chat, handed me a paper and just as quickly was gone in an amazing display of speed.

I stared after them until the hoof beats quickly dissipated into the distance. The paper was the Black Horse Courier and this one was talking all about the Emperor's assassination. I only skimmed it since I had a pretty good first hand idea of what had happened.

As I initially neared Leyawiin I checked my map and noticed a blue mark southeast of Leyawiin that wasn't there earlier. That usually meant one thing. "Acadian, why do you think I should go there?" No answer. I found it quite irritating to get told where to go! But on the other hand, I was scared not to go. Acadian didn't pester me too often, and usually it was for a good reason.

I camped that night outside a cave called Rockmilk. There was a nice little campsite there. I had purchased my own camping equipment in the Imperial City, but this site looked safe and was already set up. I cooked some venison. Unlike some of my race, I really prefer stuff cooked. The beautiful starlit sky, smell of cooking venison, and warm crackle of my fire were comforting as I performed some bow maintenance and checked my arrows. Then I stowed my equipment, stripped down to my undies and went to crawl into one of the bedrolls. I could sense Acadian's irritation. I knew exactly what that was about and quickly became just as irritated.

Men! "Acadian, if you had your way, I would sleep with full battle gear including a bow and quiver jammed into my back! Or more likely, would you have me never sleep at all? I know you worry; That's why I had Ita Rienus teach me how to disappear. You know that every time I camp or bathe in a pond, I make sure I have that spell ready. That will give the time I need to grab my bow if suddenly attacked. Now, mind your own business about what I do or do not wear!"

The next morning I continued south. I chose to bypass Leyawiin and proceed to that blue mark on my map. The land and vegetation became more and more swamp, or marsh like. Eventually I found it. Serpent stone? I touched the stone and felt, or rather sensed, a response that I needed to wait until after dark. I set up my campsite and spent the latter part of the day turning some of the ingredients I had gathered into potions, having something to eat and repairing my equipment.

I needed to improve my ability to repair things if I was ever going to effectively use magic items. My nice blue Arena uniform was getting pretty beat up between the times I could find someone that I could pay to repair it. Especially since I wore it most of the time I was not in town. I also needed to save gold if I was going to buy my own horse. I wondered how much a beautiful black horse like the one I saw the day before cost?

I had taken to carrying extra hammers and repairing everything I could. Even if I just dropped and left it - I mean some dead bandit's greave weren't worth much. Besides, I couldn't carry much weight.

Finally it was dark. I touched the shrine again. This time something happened alright. I checked my spellbook to see a new entry. Cobra Dance. It was a special power I could only use once a day.

I looked at what it did. By Mara! Being confronted or cornered at close range might be a little less scary now! "Oh thank you Acadian! I could just hug you! Well, um, I mean? if you weren't living in my head and all." Then I added, "But I'm still sleeping in my undies tonight!"

The next morning, I left the Serpent Stone, retraced my steps somewhat and arrived at Leyawiin. Lots of Argonians and Khajiit. I didn't understand why they seemed to dislike each other here. I didn't know any Khajiit really well. Argonians were a different matter. City Swimmer and Kud-Ei were among my best friends. Some of the Argonians here though were saying terrible things about Khajiit.

I found a general store called Best Goods and Guarantees. Gundalas was the storekeeper and I sold off anything from my recent travels I didn't need. I also helped myself to some good alchemy ingredients growing just outside his shop. I was especially pleased to find some milk thistle.

After arriving at the mages guildhouse I quickly learned that Agata was the one to see. The guild head, Dagail, was ill - she seemed confused. Something about voices in her head. I tried to talk to her about it, seeing as I could kind of identify with having a voice in my head. But we really just couldn't communicate. After talking to everyone, it became clear I needed to go to Fort Blueblood and find a special amulet that would help Dagail.

Clearing Fort Blueblood had not been that hard. I had a strong bow and poisons and could sneak like a shadow. Those marauders were also pretty spread out, so I could snipe them off one at a time.

Buffy! Quit daydreaming!

So there I was. Sitting in front of a dead guildmate. A whining, traitorous one, but a guildmate nevertheless. I knew that sitting there was not going to help, so I packed up and headed back to the guild, not sure what my reception might be.

Well, it seems my worries were not necessary. Agata understood and assured me the guild would not hold Kalthar's death against me at all. As I gave Dagail the amulet, the change was magical. I could see the older Bosmer's head clear and a piercing wisdom fill her eyes. She calmly smiled and said, "Thank you my child. The voices have cleared. For that, you shall have my recommendation." I explained about the Acadian voice in my own head and asked if she could help or knew what it meant.

Dagail replied in slow, measured tones, "Ah, the force of your father's father's father and more. Walked with all of them he did. Guiding paths. As he might guide yours. If you choose to listen. Your mind is your own, child, and there will be many hard choices ahead. Choices that only you can make. But I grow tired now."

I had much to think about as I went to bed that night. I felt kind of creepy crawling into Kalthar's old bed in the basemant. On one hand I felt badly that I had to kill him. On the other hand, I admitted to myself the thrilling exhilaration that I felt sinking my killing arrow into his chest. He had been mean to Dagail and to me. Is that what vengeance is? I enjoyed it - I think. Was that bad?

Before drifting off to sleep, I smiled. After my talk with Dagail, I felt as if a great weight had been lifted from me. I still didn't understand it all, but at least I was convinced now that I wasn't crazy. I helped Dagail see more clearly. She returned the favor. I think I know why Acadian urged this trip.

This fan fic is extremely interesting. Please make new post as fast as you can acadian. By the way what are buffys skills and attributes?

Another great story! I really enjoy reading Buffy's feelings and fears on this quest, the same I things I was worried about doing that quest - really spot on with how females think Acadian, especially in the instantaneous spark of anger at the first sign of someone trying to control her, lol. Great Story!

You have brought back memories of Snape and my first deadly encounter with Kalthar. There is never a more unsure moment than that first time. It was as though I was living through it again. The battle will always be different but the first time is special and you captured it to perfection.

Thank you all again for the kind words. I am definitely feeling more confident in my writing and can see my own improvement progressing.
For Alecrayrocks, here is some of the game data on Buffy: She is a Bosmer/Breton halfbreed. Her attributes are a mix of the two races. Her appearance and skill perks are Bosmer. She has only two special racial abilities - Breton magicka and magic resistance. Mage b/s. Stealth specialization. Her major skills were selected to assist in capping her level at 23. That is, she may play forever, but will never exceed level 23. She does this by having three majors that she will max (marksman, block, light), three she will never use (blunt, h2h, speech) and one she will use only rarely except to fine tune her last levels (security). She levels via a console- assisted +5/5/5 system. She will max agility, speed, endurance; then intelligence and willpower. She will never raise strength or luck. She is designed to be lethal, but only if played with creativity and caution to counter her restrictions. But enough pixel talk. The real Buffy is level 11 and patiently waiting for her stories to catch up to where she actually is.

6---------- Superian ----------

"Don't waste my time unless you are ready to do what it takes to earn my recommendation, associate." snapped Falcar, the head of the Cheydinhal guild. "I? I'm ready." I stammered, a bit taken aback. Falcar briefly explained the task he required. Recover the Ring of Burden that some other stupid associate had lost. Then he abruptly walked off. I wasn't sure what to make of my reception here.

An argonian mage wearing a beautiful blue dress motioned for me to approach. She quietly said, "We need to talk." I learned her name was Deetsan. She glanced around to ensure Falcar wasn't near, then explained that another young associate, Vidkun, had been given the same task by Falcar and had disappeared. "Try the well behind the guild, but please be careful. I would hate to lose another useful associate. Now, here is the well key, and let me teach you this spell. It might just come in handy."

I was quite wary after Deetsan's warning, as I removed my Arena armor, bow, quiver and laid them on the ground. I then unlocked the well. If there was anything dangerous down there I figured I would have to rely on the close range frost spell I had recently learned. I had discovered that long range spells don't work underwater. I cast two spells enabling me to see and breathe in the dark well, and dove in.

Nothing attacked me and I could breathe, so I relaxed a bit. It was cold and dark, but my spell let me see enough in the dark water as I searched. I found a dead body as I began to have trouble breathing. Recasting the spell Deetsan taught me allowed me some more time to breathe. I searched the body and found what had to be Falcar's ring. Once I grabbed the ring, I found I was not strong enough to carry it up and out of the well. Ok Buffy, don't panic. My mind was racing.

I managed to replace the ring on the body and get out of the well. Was this Falcar trying to kill me? I figured so, and that the body belonged to that other associate. What did Deetsan call him? Vidkun, I remembered. I could feel my anger towards Falcar growing. Enough time for that later. Right now I wanted to get that ring out of the well.

I stripped off everything I could and set it by the bow and armor I had already placed by the well. Then I completely emptied my pack. Hopefully that would be enough. I recast my spells and dove back down the well. I quickly found Vidkun and grabbed the ring again. This time I was able to make my way back to the ladder. I recast my breathing spell and with every bit of strength in my little wood elf body, was able to climb out of the well carrying the ring.

Wet, exhausted, wearing only my underwear, and furious. Welcome to Cheydinhal. The guild head killed Vidkun and tried to kill me as well. As I sat there drying off, a fleeting image popped into my head. An arrow streaking from my poisoned bow towards Falcar's heart. Let it go Buffy. Well, I could either carry the ring or put on some clothes. I wasn't strong enough to do both. I dropped the ring next to the well, got dressed and loaded up my pack.

Falcar was nowhere to be found inside the guild, but there was quite a ruckus going on. I found Deetsan. She explained that she had confronted Falcar. "He was furious. I thought he was going to kill me." Deetsan went on to explain that Falcar then stormed out of the guild spouting threats. "Don't worry about that ring. You can leave it by the well or just drop it anywhere."

At Deetsan's urging, I searched Falcar's room just in case he had written a recommendation for me. No recommendation, but I found a locked drawer. I tried the open spell I had recently learned. Whoosh, and it was unlocked. I wasn't very good with lockpicks and they took a long time for me to use. This worked much better! Inside were two soul gems. These were unusual, in that they were black instead of the normal blue gray color I had seen on other soul gems.

"Black soul gems? Oh dear, this is worse than I thought." Deetsan said, surprised at what I showed her. "You had better let me have those. I will send them on to the Council along with my report. I will write and include a recommendation for you. I'm sure, under the circumstances that will be more than acceptable."

I liked Deetsan, and hoped the Council of Mages would make her head of her guild. I was ready to leave this place. I had a couple more things to do first though.

Inside Borba's Goods and Stores, Borba gra-Uzgash said she was a retired adventurer. I believed her. I sold everything I could spare to her and didn't buy anything. I decided not to have my magic Arena armor repaired at the March Rider. It would just have to do as is, for now. I figured I would need every septim. Then I walked out the Chedinhal gate.

I could feel my mouth hanging open as I just stood and stared at her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The black mare tossed her mane and lowered her head to graze inside the corral of the Black Waterside Stables. I closed my mouth and approached the stable hand, "Is she for sale?" The Dunmer replied, "Beautiful, isn't she? I just take care of them though. You'll have to go inside and talk to Tovas."

I entered the stables building. "Is the black mare for sale?" I asked, my heart pounding. Tovas replied, "Do you have 5000 gold?" I rummaged through my pack, desperately counting. "YES!" I squealed. "Then she's yours young lady." Mivryna will saddle her up for you.

"What will you name her?" asked Mivryna with a warm smile as she handed me the reins. "I shall have to think on this." I replied as I climbed upon the mare's back. I reached down to pet her neck and we slowly walked down the road.

I knew a little bit about riding. Carandial of the Bravil mages guild had allowed me to often ride his Bay for several years now, but just around Bravil. I could feel a connection already to this mare as she seemed to sense my will. Superian! The name popped into my head, but I instantly knew where it came from. Superior was my father and Terry Ann my mother. I said the name again. It fit this beautiful animal.

Well, here goes, I thought as I leaned forward. I apprehensively whispered the mare's new name in her ear, and gently squeezed her with my knees. Her response was instant and frighteningly dramatic, as we shot forward like an arrow. The trees flew by so fast I could barely see them as I held on for dear life. My fear changed to pure joy as we raced down the road. The same road I had walked only days before as a slow, Nirn-bound creature. I crouched further forward, my face against her neck. Black mane and blond ponytail blending and flying behind us. I never wanted it to end!

Oooo epic

:rofl:

You seem to be getting better at slowing down the pacing. The Leyawiin chapter, in particular, struck me as fairly well constructed--you pulled us into it with a dramatic scene, and then flashed back to explain how it got that way. And either you're deliberately slowing down the battle sequences, or D.Foxy's tips have sunk in pretty well. Hopefully both. :dance:

A smidge more dialogue might help pull people a little more into the world... right now, your dialogue is still a bit flat and somewhat uninteresting. Try to really show a character's personality through the way they interact with others.

Then again, that might be undermining your actual intention for writing these stories... so feel free to ignore the above comment if you feel it doesn't apply.

Oh, but I did catch one nitpicky mechanical thing regarding dialogue: when a new person starts speaking, you need to start a new paragraph. So this...



...should be this:



On a further point... don't be afraid to vary your paragraph lengths. You can use big long ones for description or reflection, and little teeny ones for things you want to emphasize. Personally, I make excessive use of really short paragraphs.

(Like this one!)

In the end, it's all about the fine art of pace control, which is something of a skill you need to feel out for yourself. You may not be quite as interested in actual craft as you are in finding a creative outlet for your RP character, but I had to give my two Septims on it anyway. I'm pathologically incapable of NOT giving a critique on a story posted in the fanfiction forum.

Keep it up; I can tell you're enjoying this, and that's the most important thing about writing. :twirl:

Oh I love that quest, and I could actually hear Deetsan saying, "I thought he was going to kill me" - I'm really glad you put that line in there. Great read Acadian, just really enjoyable!

I have been away playing Fallout 3 for a week and was pleasantly surprised to find that the chronicles have kicked off. Fantastic.
I read the whole thing in one hit and thumbs up for the upward improvement in the storywriting. Great finish to the latest story. Bosmer + wild nature.
The use of dialogue now adds to the flow and the suggestions from the forum members were spot on.
Shadowhider's daydream idea really allows you to take the narrative in any direction you want and that is the real beginning of limitless storytelling.

Bravil (as you know) has always been my favourite 'little shack' and iam keen to hear more stories from there. I smiled when i read the background of Buffy and City-swimmer,
so much for the 'sly sliding unseen' !!!
The town has so many interesting NPC's and will be cool to see them appear and reappear.
It will be great to see which problems Buffy takes on and how the need to grow as a woman is in conflict with your guidance. Sometimes she will listen and other times she will have
to learn the hard way.

I'm sure Buffy has her favourite dungeons and will be great to find which ones she spends her time in. Try doing some stories that put our much loved enemies in those situations.

Dont forget to tell us when you have caught up to her current level, wil be interesting to see a randomness creep into the storytelling.
Even you will not know what's coming next and that is the essence of what this is all about.

The crazy part is that by the time you have finished she will feel like she is our grandaughter as well. :lmao:

Then I have succeeded in one aspect. In many cases, I am trying to perfectly, or closely quote, memorable lines that many of us know and love. The fact that it sparked a vivid memory for you means Buffy hit a bullseye.

That said, I relish every word of the critique from BSparrow, and eagerly embrace the challenge of trying to bring my non-quote dialogue more to life. In fact, I have PM'd Sparrow so that I may minimize my gushing appreciation here.
Winter Wolf, you and I both have ties to Australia and Bravil - I am delighted to see you here.

This next adventure is a side trip Buffy took between mage guild recommendations. It is a precious, but emotional roller coaster. I vividly remember the experience. I cried right along with Buffy at her profound fragility; and I shared her grim satisfaction as she demonstrated the beginnings of true skill at her craft.

7---------- Blood, Tears, and What? ----------

The unfamiliar sound in the dark tunnel ahead stopped me dead in my tracks. I remained hidden, listening to an ominous mechanical whirring that had suddenly begun. There was also a rhythmic, repeating sound.

The sound a heavy blade makes as it cuts the air.

I cast my new spell. No evidence of life ahead - at least not for the short range of my spell. I had come to love being able to see pink glows ahead, but really needed to learn more so I could see them at farther range. Oh, and a spell that would last longer. I had begun to get pretty good at keeping that pink glow spell going while I was in dangerous places. The bowels of Vilverin had so far, qualified as dangerous for sure.

The noise got louder as I approached. The deadly challenge ahead began to come more clearly into view. Illuminated by a blue green eerie glow, giant blades suspended from the roof were swinging across my path. They apparently were controlled by whatever mechanism was making that whirring noise. I had heard that Ayleid ruins contained traps that, despite their antiquity, remained as lethal as their builders had intended. Each of the several blades swinging in front of me was shaped like a cleaver and as big as I was. They could surely kill me. It looked like there was room to stand between the blades though. Perhaps run past one and wait to time the next? Mesmerized I watched. After a time, I could see a pattern. There was a recurring brief period when all the blades were clear of the tunnel. I decided to stow my bow, get ready to run and wait for one of those brief windows.

When I was pretty sure my timing was right, I raced forward and cleared the blades. I was in a small square chamber with four ways in or out. Each of the entrances was protected by the same type of swinging blade trap I had just survived. The sound of all four sets of blades going was deafening, and made concentration difficult. In the center of the room was a softly illuminated pedestal that served as a perch for a statue of some sort. The statue looked valuable. It was small enough to carry, so I stowed it in my pack. Along with the varla stone and numerous welkynd stones I had gathered, I figured I'd be rich if I ever made it out of here. I couldn't carry very much more weight though.

Which path to take? Each one could kill me with a single misstep or error in timing. I decided to take the path to the left of the one I had used to enter the room. My bow was still on my back so I could run faster. I stood before the deadly dance of those blades, waiting for the right moment. I raced safely through the blades, down the next tunnel and into the next room. Finally the blade noises stopped. Ha! I figured I was smarter than those old Ayleids. Then from the silence, I heard a quiet, ominous sound.

The rattle of bones.

I jumped to my left, but the skeleton's axe thudded across my right shoulder with a glancing blow. Had the angle of the impact been slightly different, it likely would have severed my arm. No room or time to pull out my bow, and nowhere to run with those blades ready to start swinging again. As I rolled back to my right, I felt his axe graze my left thigh. I managed to disappear with a flick of my hand as I recovered my footing and quickly sidestepped further to the right. I had a few seconds of invisibility now, and reached for my bow. I nocked an arrow and partially drew my bowstring as I continued moving to a position behind the skeleton. I backed up against the wall as far as I could, but he was still awfully close. I loosed an arrow into his back and could see my hands and bow reappear as my invisibility dissipated. He threw up his arms at the impact, then spun around to face me. With a taunting screech, he raised his axe and charged. With only a few feet between us, I didn't have time for a second arrow. I turned my bow to block his approaching axe and began casting my flare spell as fast as I could. His axe struck my bow, but only with the force of his weight as he fell to the ground, bones scattering and bouncing on the stone floor. Several more flare spells slammed harmlessly into the wall across the small room before it registered that I could stop casting.

My right shoulder was throbbing. The glancing blow had done more bruising than cutting, but blood was running down my arm and dripping from my elbow. Although my left leg didn't hurt too badly, it was bleeding quite bit from a shallow gash on the outside of my thigh. Both my legs were wet all over? but not with blood. I felt the hot flush of embarrassment spring to the skin of my neck and face. I? I had peed myself.

"Acadian!" I cried out in pain, shame and anger. "Why did you urge me to come here?" Tears were streaming down my face now. "Are you trying to get me killed?!? Does it give you pleasure to see me bleed?" I knew I was yelling and that it might attract more skeletons.

At that moment however, I welcomed the prospect of skeletons finishing the job the pile of bones surrounding me had started. "I hate you Acadian!"

Sobbing uncontrollably, I sank to the cold stone floor into a pool of my own blood, tears, and pee. I was pathetic. If I could have mustered the energy, I would have gotten up and walked slowly into those blades.

I felt Acadian's presence and closed my eyes tightly trying to make him go away. Images began to flash rapidly in my head. I tried, but couldn't stop them. Fire, smoke, explosions, blood, death. Battles waged on fields that were foreign to me. Flags, battlestreamers and graveyards I did not recognize. More images that I could not understand.

Then blackness again.

I couldn't begin to process all that I had seen, but I now knew a couple things. Acadian had spent his life as a paladin, in a time and place that was older than Nirn. He had traversed valleys of death. He? he knew first hand, the pain of my wounds and depth of my fears.

After what seemed like hours, I finally ran out of tears and began to think a bit more clearly. How did this happen? This was no one's fault but my own. I was distracted by those blades and forgot to keep my pink glow spell active. That could have prevented this. I had barely survived a harsh lesson. I slowly and stiffly got up. Everything still worked and was still attached, but I was a mess. Covered in blood, tears and worse. I actually started to smile a bit as I imagined what I must look like. That hint of a smile was as quickly cut off by the pain. I tended to my wounds as best I could, even casting my healing spell several times. I found an apple in my pack and ate it. Then I washed it down with a soothing potion. Not perfect, but good enough to continue. I repaired my bow. My damaged Arena uniform was pretty beat up, but repairing it would have to wait. I had still not figured out how to repair it myself. I walked around the small room, stretching to ease the stiffness.

I started forward, then stopped. A couple things to do first. Sheepishly, I started, "Acadian, I? I don't really hate you."

I looked at the floor. Blood rushed to my face and I continued even more hesitantly, "Ever since I was a little girl? sometimes when I get really frightened and surprised at the same time, I?. well, you know." Then I added, "That really needs to stay just between us."

As I retraced my steps to the room with the statue pedestal, the blades started swinging again. At the right moment, I raced back into the statue room. Which tunnel now? I decided to take the next one to my left. But this time I kept my pink glow up and was quite sure that I would for the rest of my time in Vilverin.

I raced through the blades, drew up short, and slowly snuck forward while pulling out my bow. Finally, I was far enough away for those infernal blades to stop. The quiet was welcome. I continued forward until a life sign appeared. I could tell from the size and shape it was humanoid.

I could see the humanoid now, encompassed by the pink glow of my spell. I let the spell expire briefly enough to see my target better before recasting it. Black hood and robe. I had been told that was the clothing of necromancers. That, and the nature of what I had encountered in this ruin so far made my decision easy. Shoot first, then figure out exactly who it was. I wished there was a better way to try and identify my target from long range. I shall have to think and study on that?.

I had several types of poison in my pack. I selected one that would both damage the necromancer and prevent him from casting spells. I made ready my disappear spell. Just in case, well? maybe if things didn't go so well again.

With my bowstring partially drawn, I sighted in while studying his movements. I was looking for any pattern or an opportune moment. I was prepared for the surge of pain from my shoulder that full tension on my bowstring was going to cause. Crouched, I patiently waited. He stopped, facing away from me. I smoothly drew full tension, gritting my teeth as my right shoulder screamed and released my arrow. Immediately, I started sneaking backwards and to one side to a preselected spot in order to break the line of sight between us. I heard him grunt as my arrow hit. I was still undetected. Perfect. I still had several seconds before he would be able to cast spells. I crept forward while nocking a second arrow. No poison this time. Another sharp surge of shoulder pain as I drew full tension and loosed the second arrow into my target. It knocked the necromancer to the ground and his pink glow quickly ceased. I crept forward cautiously looking for more life signs. There were none. I stowed my bow, stood up and walked fully into the room.

There were several lit torches and other light sources in this room, so I could see pretty well. I approached the body, anxious to confirm who I had just killed. I searched him and the area around him. A nearby undelivered letter confirmed who and what he was. I relaxed a bit. Good call Buffy. Ouch! My shoulder still hurt. Further searching of the room revealed some nice treasure and a key that I put in my pack, groaning at the weight.

Then I noticed a bag in the middle of the room in a large ceremonial bowl of some sort. Inside the bag was an ancient parchment that explained the magical properties of the bag. The bag was waterproof, and I could carry it with me in my pack. I could put things in this bag and they would weigh nothing! I had never heard of such a thing. Surely it must be the only one in all of Cyrodiil, probably all Tamriel.

By Mara! I sat down with this bag to think about the possibilities. A place to keep my bowstrings dry. A safe dry place to keep this journal. I could put extra arrows in it to stay safe and unclutter my pack. Extra hammers. My camping stuff. Then it really hit me - Clothes! Every girl needs extra clothes. I mean, I only carry four pairs of shoes and just a half dozen or so outfits and a rain robe with hood, but the weight sort of adds up. Especially including my leathers. And oh yes, that fur cuirass if it gets cold.

I figured I would really sort things out later. For now I just put some bowstrings, my journal and my extra shoes and hammers in the bag and slipped it into my pack. Ah, much better!

Aside from the way I came in, there was only one other tunnel in or out of that room. I felt I had pretty much been scared and beaten up enough down here, so I made real sure to clear my mind and focus on staying alive. I grabbed my bow, cast my spell and snuck off down that tunnel. Soon, that key I found came in handy; It opened a gate and I was near the exit.

I had to cover my eyes from the bright daylight as I emerged from the darkness of Vilverin. I gave Superian a hug and led her over to the small pier behind the ruin so we could keep an eye on each other by the lake.

I carefully avoided catching a glimpse of myself in the smooth waters of Lake Rumare - I had scared myself enough today. I started washing Vilverin off of me and everything I owned.

Brutal! I love it, this gets better every installment man, :whisper:

Keep bangin it out my friend!

The fear and chaos of battle were captured wonderfully. So many times i have fired either arrow after arrow or destruction spell into an
empty wall after the enemy dies. Great !!
Cool to see Buffy learning through trial and error. And even setting up the future with the part about detecting longer range enemies.

First...congratulations.

Your writing is getting better - especially in the combat scenes.
Your understanding of psychology is improving too.
Your control of the craft of writing shows that you are, indeed, beginning to get the semi-automatic control over what to put in, where, and when, that is the mark of a good writer.

That said, here are some suggestions. Perhaps they will be useful.

Combat

Bow damage is a SERIOUS thing IRL. Even for the most simple of bows, the longbow, the smallest nick in a longbow can ruin the bow, especially if it is drawn to full tension. I doubt if IRL a bow could be draw to full tension after taking a blow from an axe : surely the shaft would have been nicked badly.

You could get around this by having two staffs for spare bows. They could be enchanted with feather spells to weigh almost nothing! A better idea would be to have a magic bow enchanted with a shield spell, so that it could be used to send weapons glancing off as they strike.

With a very strong bow, you have a small but useful advantage at close range - a shot at ten feet distance IRL will slow down or even stop a charging enemy. It's basic physics. Think of the strength used as you draw the bow as the strength of your punch. If the enemy is not moving too fast and if he/she is as light in weight as you are, it will stop him/her cold. Heavier enemies will just be slowed down. Skeletons...I suspect they would be knocked backward. Of course Oblivion physics may not be the same as our world!

Combat Psychology

You pee in fear BEFORE combat - never during, unless you are paralyzed with fear. So unless Buffy peed before, it is highly unlikely that she will have peed in combat and survived!

Nice work. I have been reading since your earlier post, and have enjoyed every bit of it. Keep up the good work and know I will be back for more. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

I'm not an editor nor a writer heck to be even more honest I not really much of a reader either, but still I figured you would enjoy any advice that one might send your way. I have read my fair share of fan fics and I know what catches my atention, and what leaves me uneager to continue reading on. With your story I find the character that you made fairly interesting, but the real reason I am still here, and planing on returning, is to see what you do with this other person that is living inside your characters head. Great things could come from this, and I wish you the best of luck in creating these great things for your readers.

Great writing, and very realistic reactions from a young girl - especially in how she takes her fears out on Acadian - very female! Buffy's Tales always leaves me wanting to read more!

Wow..

+1 more person in line waiting for the next installment.