Chronicles of Buffy the Bowgirl II

Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:00 pm

This installment displays a wonderful weaving together of action, dialogue, and Buffy's "interior" dialogue. Each one moves the story forward and develops the characters. Buffy comes across- again- as strong, independent, principled, and loyal. We see just enough glimpses of Mazoga's pain to know that there is a history there.

Excellent writing and outstanding story-telling.
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Dona BlackHeart
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:44 pm

I like the way a previous quest cam in handy for the current one which all in all is just to get yet another quest done. Very nice. I also like the use of the word impale. The relationship between Mazoga and Buffy is very interesting and seems a lot like a friendship in the making. Keep up the excellent work.
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Damien Mulvenna
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:28 pm

I cannot add more than the others already have but as ever a joy to read :thumbsup:
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Liii BLATES
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:20 pm

Was that the duck and overhead shoot technique I suggested to SubRosa?
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josie treuberg
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 5:21 pm

Another example of why true storytellers are among the most highly esteemed people in the world. Sarrah had an almost identical reaction to Mazoga. It must be one of those warrior princess, slash, kindred spirit things.
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Reven Lord
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 2:56 am

cant get enough, more please! :)
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Marilú
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:29 pm

Orcs, horses, meals, battle of wills, teamwork, friendship.
This chapter had it all.

I loved it. :icecream:
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alicia hillier
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 1:42 pm

The only Oblivion-capable computer in the house died this past July. Good fanfiction like this really helps when 'withdrawal' hits me. The screenshots are especially appreciated.
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Stat Wrecker
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 8:43 am

good job again. im glad buffy stood up to mazoga like that. can't wait for the next one
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jasminε
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 7:15 am

Some comments, then Chapter 37 -

@SubRosa- I determined that show via action and dialogue was how I wanted to try and portray the early spark-filled relationship between Buffy and Mazoga. It is high praise indeed to hear from you that I was close to target. Thank you!

@mALX- If you call it a ROCKED fave then we are happy! Thank you so much for your inspiration!

@RemkoNL - Thanks for reading and for the kind words!

@treydog- Your insight is invaluable to me. Thank you for the kind and helpful words and wonderful example you provide.

@Digz- The word impale - I wrestled with that quite a bit for accuracy. Finally I just decided it was the word I wanted - thank you so much for letting me know I made the right choice! Buffy's 'Expedition' to Leyawiin is quite interwoven with several related parts. Buffy and Mazoga - yes, some fine friendships start off with plenty of sparks. As ever, thank you so much for sharing you insightful feedback. You are a wonderful help!

@jaycar- I'm so glad Buffy brings you a touch of the joy she brings to me!

@D.Foxy- Duck and overhead shoot? I could say some things about the tactical wingman supporting the tactical lead in combat, by transmitting 'I've got a lock, break left!' Indeed the principle is the same. It is also the tactic you mentioned to SubRosa. In truth however, it was inspired by your comments to treydog regarding Athlain and Athynae vs a pack of wolves. Regardless, you are of course responsible for it my friend! Just as you are responsible for any hints of realism in any combat scene I try to write. I hope you get a chance to read the story below. It is my most ambitious combat scene. I hope you will be gentle?.

@bobg- The more I learn of our late Sarrah, the more I can appreciate the references you make to similarities between her and Buffy. I can think of no one in Tamriel I would prefer to have Buffy compared to. Indeed, I can think of no higher compliment.

@areozani- I am so delighted you are staying with us!

@Wolf- Thank you very much. I had a great deal of fun writing the above chapter!

@Nieres- I am grateful for your readership! We try to stay close enough to in game events as to hopefully spark memories of your own experiences in Oblivion. I think that reasonable degree of fidelity to the game lends itself to screenshots, and I am glad you enjoy them! It is certainly a fun 'artform'.

@mcbeanie- I'm glad she stood up to Mazoga as well. Had she previously seen the Mazoga on display in the next story, I'm sure Buffy would have reconsidered.

* * *

Permit me a couple forward looking comments.

So where is Buffy in her progress? She will be in Leyawiin for the next several chapters. I estimate her current 'book' will be complete by approximately Chapter 55, hopefully around January. Following a break after her first book, and should interest support it, I would like to then launch a second book - short stories and 'miniseries' and strive for more flexibility in style and less linearity.

A note on this next chapter. Most of my combat scenes involve a bowgirl who won't touch a melee weapon. Mazoga however is not a bowgirl and is pretty darn accomplished with melee weapons. It is with some trepidation therefore, that I attempt a rather ambitious combat scene involving plenty of melee and no less than six combatants.

* * *


---------- 37 Leyawiin Expedition- A Knight's Oath ----------


http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv43/Acadian6/ScreenShot129.jpg


"Remember me?" Mazoga scowled at the shirtless Nord. He appeared to be the leader of the foursome gathered around the bonfire at Fisherman's Rock.

"No," shot back the Nord suspiciously.

"I'm Mazoga. You killed my friend Ra'vindra."

"No idea who yer talkin' about Orc." The Nord placed his hand near the elven dagger at his waist.

I began nonchalantly moving towards a decent firing position, formulating plans and offsetting myself from Mazoga. In addition to the Nord that I presumed to be Mogens Wind-Shifter, there was a Dunmer archer and two Khajiit, equipped with an axe and war hammer respectively. I was sure my precautions would not be necessary. After all, even Mazoga would not lead us into a straight-up fight against twice our number. Would she?

"You're a lying bastard." Mazoga drew her glass long sword. "You killed Ra'vindra and now I'm going to kill you!"

So much for talking. My sinking heart bounced up to my throat. The Nord reached for his dagger.

Cobra's Dance flew from my fingertips. I was quick enough that it hit Mogens in the chest before Mazoga got in the way. As the Nord fell helplessly to the ground, Mazoga was frighteningly efficient. She thrust her sword into his bare chest, twisting it viciously, then yanked it free to the sound of escaping air.

The arrow that struck Mazoga's hip caused her to wince with pain. It also condemned her next target. She moved quickly to the nearby Dunmer, forcing her to switch from bow to dagger. The Khajiit with the war hammer started to circle around behind Mazoga.

My first arrow staggered the other Khajiit - the one with the axe running towards me. I immediately chased the arrow with a spell that caused him to flee in terror and gave me a few seconds.

I loosed a second arrow into the other Khajiit, knocking her off balance and interrupting the raised war hammer intended for Mazoga. By chasing this arrow with a fear spell as well, I was able to provide my ally a moment alone with the Dunmer.

Mazoga shield-swept away the archer's lunging dagger, stepped back and with a quick slash, opened the Dunmer's throat with such force it nearly severed her head. Bright crimson spurts arced from her wound as she fell.

The Khajiit closest to me had recovered from my spell and charged again. My third arrow of the fight caused him to drop his axe and collapse.

Much less than one minute had passed, and three of the gang were now dead. I nocked an arrow, but quickly realized it would not be needed. The Khajiit, with her massive war hammer raised high, swung downwards. Mazoga deftly sidestepped, and the warhead of the hammer thudded harmlessly into the dirt. Hopelessly off balance, overextended and outmatched, the Khajiit raised her head to look up at the Orc.

Starring at the back of the Khajiit, I knew she did not have time to stand upright, much less raise her heavy weapon from the ground. Although I felt no pity for her, I was glad I could not see her face.

The waist-level swing of Mazoga's long sword was a blur. The forward quarter of the blade hit the side of the Khajiit's head with a sickening crack. I couldn't tell if the noise was caused by impact with her skull or from indirectly snapping her neck. Regardless, the Khajiit was dead.

It was over.

Silence descended, punctuated only by heavy orcish breathing and the crackling bonfire. Mazoga and I stared at each other, standing in the middle of this carnage. Her armor was covered by the blood of our foes, her blade dripping the stuff on the ground. Finally, she spoke with a quiet rage, "I kept my oath. Mogens Wind-Shifter is dead."

"Sir Mazoga, I have led us here and even fought alongside you." My voice had a gentleness that surprised me. "We have saved each other's lives more than once this day. Isn't it time you told me what this is all about? Who was Ra'vindra?"

Mazoga's perpetual scowl was gone. "Mogens Wind-Shifter had a gang. They robbed and killed travelers, but Ra'vindra saw and told the guards. Mogens got away, but first he killed Ra'vindra? my best friend, Ravindra." Mazoga paused and looked down. When she raised her head and met my eyes again, determination had pushed aside the sadness in her voice. "That day I became a knight and swore a knight's oath. I searched a long time, and asked everyone. Then finally I heard he was hiding at Fisherman's Rock. So now you know everything."

My perception of this green monster was now confused. I didn't quite know how to respond to the passion or nobility of her cause, so I didn't. "Let me heal your wounds, Sir Mazoga." There was an arrow protruding from her hip that had made its way between the plates of her armor. By simultaneously healing the area with one hand and gently pulling the arrow with my other, I was able to remove the projectile without causing much pain. "I'd like to stay here and think for a while." Smiling at the Orc, I asked, "will you meet me in Castle Leyawiin tomorrow morning?"

"I will." Mazoga curled her lip, but it was different this time. I think she was returning my smile. "I won't forget what you did for me Buffy. Say, you ought to be a knight yourself."

As Mazoga approached The Yellow Road, she looked back over her shoulder and waved.

After bringing Superian into the campsite and repairing my equipment, I checked the bodies. I saved Mogens' enchanted dagger for Mazoga to use on wills-o-the-wisp.

"Acadian, Mazoga thinks I should become a knight." Were it not for the death around me, I would have laughed at the thought. "A knight who must shoot enemies from the shadows to survive - how noble." Nevertheless, I took a set of woman's mithril armor from the body of the Dunmer. I walked the few paces to the cleansing waters of The Lower Niben. So much blood.

* * *

"Such vengeance is a noble deed," Count Marius Caro declared. "Buffy, you were brave and wise to assist Mazoga. I offer you one thousand Septims for your service to Leywiin, but I hope you will refuse it." He held up one hand to prevent my response as he continued, "instead, I would prefer you consider the following offer. I have created a chivalric Order of the White Stallion. Find and kill the leader of the Black Bow Bandits, the Orc named Black Brugo. If you succeed, I will bestow on both you and Mazoga, the titles of Knights Errant of the White Stallion for your service. Take some time to think on this, and perhaps consult your friend, Mazoga before letting me know your decision."

After I had properly withdrawn from the throne room, I slowly walked towards the main area of the Great Hall. Knight Errant would be a title accepted throughout Cyrodiil. My head spun from the possibilities. I would be a member of the Court of Leyawiin. What better way to access one of the Countess' dinner parties? Perhaps as a knight, I would have better luck recruiting assistance for Savlian. Sir Buffy? My giggle was cut short as I thought of Mazoga and how much it would mean to her to become recognized as a real knight. I approached the waiting Orc and told her of the Count's offer.

"Gods' ghoulies Buffy! A Knight Errant? That's better than a free knight, right?" After I nodded, she continued, "real knights! You and me! I know this Black Brugo. He and his henchmen swing by Telepe every night around midnight. Gives Orcs a bad name. Let's take him out for the Count!"
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cosmo valerga
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 6:39 am

This is great Acadian! It was about the most accurate depiction of that quest you could write! As you know by now, I do not excell in Melee, and this quest always ends up with Mazoga yelling, "Hey, I'm on your side!" and a notice at the top of the page that reads, "Your killing has been witnessed by forces unknown" (not Mazoga, the forester that always joins in.)
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Connie Thomas
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:41 pm

God's Ghoulies!

Very gripping action scene, with you usual display of cunning tactics that one can use in the game, such as Buffy's use of cobra dance and chasing her shots with the fear spell.

I also liked your depiction of Mazoga as well (erm, Sir Mazoga I mean... ;))

The Order of the White Stallion does sound a bit odd for a pair of two female knights though... But I know that is not your fault, that is how it is in the game. I think it ought be the Order of the Green Mare, given Mazoga and all...
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Sherry Speakman
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 5:57 am

I have nothing at all to criticize regarding the battle scene. In fact there is one touch that is realistic - the fact that in the heat of battle, adreanolin and endorphins make you ignore pain. I know that Mazoga felt no pain at all when that arrow slammed into her, because that's how it is IRL!
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Alexis Acevedo
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 8:59 am

Make sure Buffy stays in charge of the situation when they meet the Black Brugo gang. Mazoga's impetuous nature causes her to charge straight into the middle of the gang where she is rapidly cut to pieces.
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Chris Cross Cabaret Man
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 7:07 pm

Very cool combat. A potent team if I might say so.
Did the combat scene occur exactly the same way in-game?

Will be interesting to see how the entire quest plays out.
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El Khatiri
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 8:52 am

I just caught back up with Buffy's adventures. Great stories as usual.

I busted out laughing in Chapter 35 when Buffy says: "I guess you don't know how to follow instructions from a scout, so I'll teach you. Wait, when I tell you to wait. You got a problem with that?"

I could just imagine Buffy with her hands on her hips, looking up at Mazoga, as serious as she could be, without thinking of the consequences if (Sir) Mazoga took offense.
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u gone see
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 8:47 am

Wonderfully described- I really enjoy "listening" to Buffy's thoughts as she watches events around her. And I also found her bonding with Sir Mazoga quite touching. Excellent.
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Mr.Broom30
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 8:04 am

After reading the latest chapter I can feel the friendship growing even more. It is such fun to read about, and the way you have developed it while keeping up with the action and progression of the quest is just amazing. As far as the combat goes I give you an A+ I loved it. It seems like the fight could really have gone that way in game. Sorry for the delayed reply, but I took a last minute climbing/camping trip this weekend and just returned about an hour ago. Keep up the excellent work my friend!

~Digz~
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loste juliana
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:57 am

Your tale of Mazoga is far more entertaining than the quest itself in the game Well done m8!
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Myles
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 6:59 pm

God's Ghoulies!

Very gripping action scene, with you usual display of cunning tactics that one can use in the game, such as Buffy's use of cobra dance and chasing her shots with the fear spell.

I also liked your depiction of Mazoga as well (erm, Sir Mazoga I mean... ;))

The Order of the White Stallion does sound a bit odd for a pair of two female knights though... But I know that is not your fault, that is how it is in the game. I think it ought be the Order of the Green Mare, given Mazoga and all...

/\i agree/\
now i see wait you meant in your reply to my comment!
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mishionary
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 5:13 pm

Some comments on Chapter 37 above, then a new Chapter - 38.

@mALX - Well, we do know of Maxical's aiming challenges?. I didn't see a forester this time and Buffy even managed to avoid hitting Mazoga in all the chaos. Thank you so much for your advance help on this story and the wonderfully kind words. I am so pleased you liked it! :twirl:

@SubRosa- Gripping action, good depiction of Mazoga - my goodness, I couldn't ask for nicer feedback than that! Thank you. Curious you mentioned the Order of the Green Mare for Mazoga. Buffy was hoping for the Order of the Black Mare for Superian. Methinks there may be a future Dame Buffy. ;)

@D.Foxy- I didn't want to bother you by asking you to preview my big combat scene, so I reviewed your thread and the things you have taught me and gave this very complex battle scene a shot. Since it seems that it turned out ok, let me simply thank you for teaching me how to do it. At least I didn't write 'Mazoga waved her sword around until they all died.' You have been such a help to me? bow, blade, craft, encouragement, all of it. Thank you my friend.

@bobg- Keep Buffy in charge vs Black Brugo - Thanks for that GOOD advice! I hope you will see that Buffy listened to your wisdom in this next chapter.

@Wolf - Potent team, yes - I hope the next story depicts that Buffy's problem with melee goes somewhat beyond her lack of ability. The combat scene at Fisherman's Rock went close to as described, just messier. She did get that Cobra Dance spell off nicely, but had to spam her 'run away' spell a couple more times than depicted in the story. Thanks for the kind words!

@D'emjii- Buffy's lesson to Mazoga- I'm so pleased that it not only caused you to laugh, but created such an accurate image in your mind. You do indeed know Buffy well. Thanks!

@treydog- Buffy's thoughts and bonding with Mazoga- Buffy does love to ruminate, and sometimes on the oddest things that would never occur to me. The bonding with Mazoga is great fun to write. I am trying to do it via action and dialogue so it is taking more words than I had intended. I love the interaction between the two ladies however, and just could not bear to speed things up. Your encouragement and advice are priceless.

@Digz- Thank you so very much for continuing to graciously give me feedback of what you perceive in the stories. It helps more than you know, in trying to assess how close to target I am. Thank you even more for your steadfast encouragement. I hope your trip went well!

@RemkoNL- Wow! Better than the game? High praise indeed. I have always loved the Mazoga quests and Buffy is having a wonderful time - well, except for all the blood and carnage that seems to follow Mazoga around? more about that in this next story.

@mcbeanie- I'm so glad I was able to depict some of the lethal power and ability of the fearsome Orc that Buffy sees in Mazoga. :toughninja: I see the makings of a close friendship, forged in blood and trust.

* * *

---------- 38 Leyawiin Expedition- Telepe ----------

I slid Slayer from my back, nocked an arrow and aimed towards the two distant pink glows. By concentrating, I pulled the area around Telepe clearly into focus. "I see the life sign of one man or mer atop the ruin, hidden by a ledge. That's a good shooting position - it must be an archer up there." Slowly continuing my sweep, "there's the other bandit by the camp fire, a hedge wizard. That's it, just the two." I carefully eased tension off the bow and removed the arrow.

"You can see farther than I can, Buffy." Mazoga seemed impressed with my scouting abilities. "What do you want me to do?"

"Your eyes are fine. I'm using a couple scout tricks. I want you to stay close and protect me so I can shoot." As I poisoned the arrow, I added, "I'm worthless without a 'safe perch'."

Mazoga looked down at me and nodded acknowledgement of the difference in our stature. Nevertheless, she cheerfully replied, "you're in charge."

This would be a very long shot. I was pleased to note a lack of wind and no intervening high branches as I nocked the arrow and applied some tension. I again pulled the hedge wizard into clear view. After calculating my offset, I took in a normal breath. Exhaling half, I smoothly and fully drew the bowstring as I adjusted up and left to my final aim point and loosed the arrow. The impact was a tiny bit lower on the Breton's chest than I had hoped for, but still knocked him off his stool. He struggled to his knees before succumbing to the poison.

"How'd we do Buffy?"

"A good kill. Sir Mazoga, I can't get a shot at the archer. We need to move closer and draw him out. Do you see that large tree ahead?"

Mazoga nodded again.

"I need you to move up behind it. The archer will probably take notice and stand to fire at you - in fact I'm counting on it. Use the tree or your shield if necessary. Once he shows himself, I'll do the rest." I poisoned another arrow. "Let's go."

Mazoga clanked and rattled towards the tree, as I offset to her left and snuck closer. I was touched by how much she trusted my judgment, even when it meant drawing fire for me. I hoped I knew what we were doing.

Sure enough, the archer took note of the Orc's approach and stood to fire. An arrow darted past Mazoga as she deftly stepped behind the tree. The Bosmer remained standing, waiting for another shot. I loosed an arrow that knocked him from atop the Ayleid ruin to the unseen ground behind. Whether from arrow, poison or the fall, his pink glow extinguished.

These two perfectly elegant kills gave me a familiar sensation of exhilaration - something I had not felt during my recent white-knuckled bloody fighting alongside Mazoga.

Looking up at the late afternoon sun, I said to Mazoga as she rejoined me, "We have plenty of time before Black Brugo shows up. Let's rest by the campfire for a bit and talk about what may happen inside this ruin." I stripped off my leather armor, placed it in my pack and produced a black cat suit. I saw Mazoga staring. "What?" Standing in my underwear, I held up the shrouded armor. "I wear this inside dungeons so I can hide better in the shadows."

Mazoga wasn't looking at the armor. "Kinda scrawny, aren't you?" she teased good naturedly.

"Thanks a lot." I frowned as I self-consciously wriggled into the black leather suit. "Just what I need to hear."

"It's ok Buffy. Not every woman can look like me. Besides, I hear some men like skinny girls."

I cocked my head and, with a raised eyebrow, stared at Mazoga. Was she that comfortable with who she was? If so, I sure envied her. "I don't really know what men like," I honestly shrugged. "Sit down Sir Mazoga, let's talk tactics. I don't suppose you know how to snea? um, nevermind." I used an arrow to draw diagrams in the dirt as we discussed procedures and signals to work effectively together. I knew she would protect me with muscle and steel; I hoped that mystic archery and planning would help me to protect her.

* * *

"Wait here," I whispered as soon as we entered Telepe. I could see the life signs of two bandits and cautiously advanced, like a shadow, with Slayer in my hand. The first corridor to my right led to a room containing the pink glows. Signaling for Mazoga to reposition behind me, I was pleasantly surprised how carefully and quietly she moved up. I slinked along the wall until I could just see into the room enough for a shot. My target was in chainmail with a bow on her back. I backed away, selected and poisoned an arrow, then returned to my firing position. The archer jerked when the bodkin tip arrow pierced her cuirass. As her body flooded with poison, she fell.

The erratic movement of the other glow signaled I was detected. I backed up until bumping into the unyielding comfort of orcish armor. Sliding to the wall, I simply said, "I need you".

As soon as Mazoga rushed past me I followed. The unarmored Dunmer lunged at the Orc with a dagger. I didn't want to see what was coming, but I couldn't look away. Mazoga swept the dagger aside with her shield. She then stepped back to optimize her distance and opened the Dunmer's abdomen with a single slash of her long sword. I winced, involuntarily grabbing for my own midsection. I recalled Gladius, a Bravil guard, killing my friend City Swimmer with the same precision. The Dunmer bled out quickly on the stone floor.

I stowed Slayer and lit a torch.

Mazoga sheathed her blade. "How'd we do?"

http://i668.photobucket.com/albums/vv43/Acadian6/ScreenShot134.jpg

I looked at the mighty Orc. She was indeed my protector. Perhaps it was being in the middle of so much melee combat recently that disturbed me. I still remembered the carnage at Fisherman's Rock. Mustering an appreciative smile I responded, "Sir Mazoga, you were magnificent! Let's check the rest of this ruin before our host, Black Brugo shows up."

We discovered Telepe was a very small ruin. After clearing the three chambers, we returned to the room where we had killed the two bandits to wait.

"Buffy, how'd you learn to talk so good? You know lots of fancy words and string them together really well. You sound like you belong in that castle."

"Why thank you, Sir Mazoga. I'm just a simple orphan like you. Even my home town of Bravil is quite unsophisticated." I was done repairing our equipment and handed Mazoga her sword. "I did however, attend the Arcane University. While there, I read almost every book in the Mystic Archives. I'm sure that must have helped. I have found use, on occasion, for the ability to control and optimize words to suit my purpose. That is," I added with a smile and small giggle, "when my emotions don't get the better of me."

I looked at the corpses in the room and my smile faded. The archer simply had an arrow protruding from her chest. The Dunmer on the other hand, lay in a pool of blood with parts of his intestines protruding from the gaping belly wound. "Sir Mazoga, do you ever get used to the blood? I mean the way you fight is so close and... personal. You see the terror in your enemies' eyes before they die. If an enemy gets close enough for me to see their face, usually the terror's in my eyes. When things go well for me, my enemies are just faceless targets that fall to an unseen arrow from the shadows."

Mazoga scratched behind her ear and thought for a moment. "It's the only way I know. I can't do what you can any more than you could wield my sword." There was a wisdom in her eyes I had not noticed before. "Look Buffy, we're pals, right?" she continued, "our differences in style are not important. Simply remember our cause is just. And no," she shook her head, "you don't get used to the blood when you live or die by the sword."

Voices! I could see three glowing figures moving. I watched silently, using hand signals to tell Mazoga what my magic rings were showing me. The three figures settled into the room directly across from us.

Mazoga and I quietly moved into the entrance corridor and towards the ruin's exit.

"Wait here please, and guard the exit," I whispered.

Mazoga engulfed my forearm in her hand and looked at me with concern. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, "Let me try my way. If it doesn't work, I know who to run to."

Bringing forth Slayer, I crept into the room with the three figures. The Breton woman with a dagger was arguing loudly with a Redguard man who carried a mace and was drinking ale. Black Brugo was easy to spot. The Orc had a sword like Mazoga's at his waist and he looked just as deadly. I didn't want Mazoga in the middle of this. No, I needed a plan that would minimize risk to? my friend.

Forming a glowing orb of green energy in my hand, I pointed towards Black Brugo and discharged the illusion magic from my fingertips. Instantly, I started backing out of the room.

By Mara! Shouts, weapons being drawn, more shouts, steel on steel, cries of pain. As the command spell was causing havoc, I crept into the entry corridor and slid into the shadows. Mazoga now guarded the only escape.

I watched the clashing dance of the glows on the other side of the wall until there were two. Finally one remained. Black Brugo limped from the room and headed for the exit.

I nocked an arrow as the green titans charged each other. Blades crashed into shields. The narrow corridor greatly constrained the combatants, but also provided me a steady shot of Brugo's back. The impact of my bodkin tip arrow caused Brugo to arch his back and involuntarily jerk his arms and head backwards. Mazoga ferociously thrust into the newly exposed neck. Before I could nock a second arrow, the leader of the Black Bow Bandits was dead.
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CArla HOlbert
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:19 am

Wow. Let me catch my breath. I liked this combat even better than the one at Fisherman's Rock. It was more intense, even though it was over a longer period of time. As to using more words than you intend, I would say you are using exactly the right amount- somewhat like Lincoln's response to his son's question about how long a man's legs should be.... All dialogue (or all expostion or all action) would make for a one-dimensional story. And Buffy is assuredly not that. Now for some quotes and some suggestions:

"I hoped I knew what we were doing."

Again, you are a master of saying much with a very few words.

"Thanks alot." I frowned as I self-consciously wriggled into the black leather suit. "Just what I need to hear."

My dear Acadian- at last you give me a nit to pick- you know it is "a lot."

"She was in chainmail with a bow on her back."

For clarity, I would change this to: "The bandit archer was?." At first, I thought Mazoga- sorry- Sir Mazoga had switched outfits and tactics.

"The Dunmer on the other hand, lie in a pool of blood?"

"..lay in a pool of blood?" I believe.

I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoyed getting to watch Mazoga and Buffy explore their growing friendship. And I especially liked Buffy's awareness that she is responsible for someone else's survival.

Excellent.
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Britney Lopez
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:05 am

a strange friendship, but a good one. although, the fighting seems a lot bloodier than the actual game. but, it's fine.
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Leonie Connor
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:51 am

Gaaah that was bloody! Great job Acadian, and I love the screenshot! Guess I won't eat my dinner for a while, lol. (Just kidding!)
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Alexandra walker
 
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Post » Wed Mar 23, 2011 2:48 pm

can't resist this...

BLOODY GOOD!!!


:P
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Danny Blight
 
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