Hell's Gate

October 23, 2077


Dear Diary,

I have been lucky and got a spot in Vault 63. Im in the car as we speek. My butler Teg Bond is taking me to the vault. I said i would buy him a spot in the vault but he said the vault is a waste, that the bombs wont really fall. How wrong he will find himself. We are about four miles away. Now Teg is joking that we are not going to make it, say's the bombs will fall today or never. Ha, he makes me laugh somtimes. The bombs are not due to drop for at least another week. It's scary to think tho, my whole life will change when i enter that vault. But at least i will still have a life. ______________ What the..... What was the light. Nooooo, it can't be not yet! Noooooo...........

"War never changes, that's one thing im posotive of." Tak says with a tear in his eye. It's been 130 years since this diary has been made. The bombs have desimated countrys all over. War still rages, everywhere. The worst of these fights however takes place in the center of U.S.A. They call it the Shadow War. The center of the country has many abandoned millatary silo's and bases. Thats were we are. My friends Heavy, Buffalo, and Grubble are all part of the Enclave. Our oponets. Non other then the Brother Hood of Steel. So far non have recorded any of this. Top secret, all of the American wasteland has not heard anything. Those who venture by the war never make it out.

"Theerp!", Captin Grady yells out. "Sir! Im ready Sir!", Responds Theerp saluting the captin. "Alright men, Group one is on me, Group two stick with Sergant Theerp. May we have a great victory today!", Yells Captin Grady. "On ward.... March!", Commands Captin Grady. After half an hour of marching from Station Alpha to the outskirts of what used to be Kansas City the Captin Yells out "Welcome to Hell's Gate, Soliders, your stay won't be pleasent! Dispearse!"

My group, Group 2 marches to the right flank of the city. A loud wizz goes right behind my head. "Gah, I'm Hit!" Screams Pvt. Balinger. "Keep moving soliders. We leave babies in the back, to die" He says at us with a stern look. When we get to our position a radio message comes in. "Begin the assualt" a man on the radio commands. "Charge!" Screams Theerp. I leap from my position firing randomly at the buildings. "Incoming!" A motor hits the side of the building above, rubbel drops and lands on one of the soliders. Then heavy walks in carying a large mini gun. "Die Traitors! This is America!", Heavy says furiously. He looks scary even to me, and i have known him since i was seven.

The line infront of us pauses. "Fall back! Fall back!" A few soliders infront of me yell turning around and retreating. As i look ahead i see a massive lazer rise out of the sky. "What the [Censored], what is that!" I ask astonished by the sight. Thats when i see it touch down and desimate the buildings infront of us making them tip over and block the street. The few soliders that didn't retreat get zapped and turn into ash.

We dont stand a chance! Thats when i see our helicopters fly above us. "Look the reinforcments!" Everyone shouts with relief forgeting about the lazer. Buffalo and Grubble are part of the 61st volture division. So one of those birds must be carrying them. "Run, get inside a building!" I get snaped out of my trance rembering what is happening. I dive through a small hole that is in the side of a building. Taking off my helmet to get a better look around i hear a hiss. No, not this, not now. I slowly turn around to see 5 ghouls pearing at me suspicously. Then they retreat deeper into the dark.

Odd... They never run away from food. I follow after the ghouls. Lazer rifle at the ready. Then i remeber Heavy. As i pear out the hole i see the lazer pass by. No Heavy, i sure hope he escaped. I fear the worst but i have to get to higher ground. I start to head toward the dark part of the building. I run into a dead end and to my right a stair way leads up. I round up the stairwell and at the top there is the ghouls. They look at me again then run futher up the stairs. I round my way after them wondering about there strange behavior.

I reach the last floor then they run to the roof. I chase after them, then relize im going outside. I pre pare my armour. Get my gun ready and peer the gun out as i slightly open the door. The 5 ghouls are look furthur to the distance. I can see a massive machine, the laser is being charged up from there. I head out and the ghouls run back inside the room. I blockade the door behind them incase they try to attack again. I find a dead raider on the building. He was holding a sniper with 5 clips and some binoculars. I duck low and take the raiders equipment. When i reach the side facing west i look into the binoculars at the strange laser. I look into the sky and notice the reinforcments are being droped on building roofs.

Then i spot a massive legion of Brother Hood troops marching towards the city. They have with them a robot. I have seen this robot once before. I can't rember were and throw it out of my mind. Then i hear a loud explotion. It came from below. Then the building starts to shake. The building starrts to fall. What am i to do. I will die if i stay here.

Okay...Here I go:

Your grammar: I've said it before, I'll say it again, it needs work. Download some kind of word software: Microsoft Word or Open office. Fixing those will help a lot.

Your Story: A couple things. You open up with the diary, and putting aside grammatical errors, there is something else that bothers me:



If I ever saw a nuclear bomb going off, I'd might scream "Noooo" for a split second, but I would never write that in my diary. Think about it: Bombs are going off and your frantically scribbling in your diary you screaming instead of actually screaming? It would work if it was a holotape, not for a diary. Also, every time you switch characters in the story, put a "*" in the center right in between each passage to indicate it. Like this

Joe was running down a slope, hunting rifle in hand, he eagerly jumped and glided down the rocky slope of a cliff. He had just spotted a dear, it was a deer with five legs, the least mutated creature he had every seen. And it was meat. Joe couldn't remember the last time he had meat, drool coming from his mouth, he picked up pace. Suddenly he tripped, he went flipping through the air, ground and sky merging to one, until the ground came up to meet him one last time...

*

Jack started down at the grave, his hands clenched in anger....

Just like that. Understand what I'm saying? Mainly fix those spelling errors, if you need to you can message me the chapters and I'll fix them up for you and then give them back. Anyway, whatever story you plan on, stick with it.

Na dude this aint really gonna be a story... was just throwing an idea out there and got lazy. My real story is The Settlment.

Who says its not a holo tape....... Just cause he said dear diary dont mean its a notebook.

That may be true, but since it was so misspelled my brain automatically assumes it a written journal, cause an audio would have capitalized "i"s and what not. It's how my mine works, so I just going to assume it's a diary until you sate otherwise.