Alchemy:
Brewer: you can now brew ale but only guards can consume it.

Destruction Level 50:
Gas Man; All flame effects are now coloured blue

Block level 100: Inpenetrable Knee guards. Sorry if this has already been said. :sadvaultboy:

Speech 100: Unconditional Patience
Your followers will now be able to wait 6 days instead of 3 before returning home.

Internal Compass: You cant get lost in a dungeon.

Dragonslayers Soul: Dragons are much easier to kill.

Moneybags: You gain more gold from all sources.

Conjuration level 100: The bound sword makes lightsaber noises!

Not really useless, I would love this though.

Instant death: You die, all your saves are deleted and your console/PC blows up.

Conjuration (level 0), "Bethesda Patch": The ancient gods of Skyrim will initiate small space-time ruptures within the realm that, while initially meant to make Skyrim a stronger, more prosperous land, have unforseen and dire consequences.

Dumb Dovahkiin: learning a new shout from a dragon wall requires the player to read the word twice.
Dumber Dovahkiin: after a few days you forget the word and you have to read it again.

Those first 2 are already in the game. :sadvaultboy:

Speechcraft 100 "Blind-Looter" Now you can sell your loot to merchants while blindfolded.

The ability to transform dragons into A10 Warthogs. That's more awesome than useless though...

One-Handed 20: Paranoia
Enemies are lurking behind every corner. Or are they? Either way, you are ready. Or are you?

Hey, I like the sound of that one, if it also includes the "And improve them twice as much".

I really wish I could spend a perk to make the armors I actually wear improve twice as much. I don't like non-leather/fur/hide armors.

So is the 3rd if you're Imperial.

Sneaking 95: Peeking

If you get close to a woman and press Y, you can see their panties (If they're wearing any)

Crafting 20: Knitting.

With the knitting perk you can craft clothes, robes, hats, shoes and gloves! Essential for the smart dresser!

Tired of hearing Nazeem say "Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh, what am I saying - of course you don't."?

No more! With the knitting perk Nazeem will finally shut his trap and you can stroll the Cloud District in peace!

The 'Paris Hilton' perk. Your housecarl spends all your money on bling fo yo crib. Including a hot tub.

The 'he ain't heavy, he's my brother' perk. Your housecarl gets a piggy back thought the next dungeon, and steers using your ears.

The 'war - what is it good for?' perk. All weapons heal and give money to your foe per strike. Each strike, produces a shower of gummy bears.

The 'How does your dog smell, awful' perk. Your dog tells a random joke whenever you are in the presence of a Jarl. Normally about the Jarl.

The 'Braveheart' perk. Your character gives a rousing speech 'they may take our lives...but they'll never take our FREEDOM!' just before every battle. Even if being struck in the face at the time.

The 'Caddyshack' perk. You get Alloys for your cart.

The 'Hobbit' perk. You grow ten feet, whilst everyone else....doesn't.

The 'Hippy' perk. Your hair grows down to your feet, and beyond. Can be used as a cape in inclement whether.

The 'Obama' perk. Not sure what this one does yet, but we are hopeful.

The 'iOS' perk. Outside your house appears a slingshot. There appear to be some annoyed avians on the horizon. Your move.

The 'How could they cut the power man, they're ANIMALS!' perk. Your housecarl keeps a never ending stream of Hudson quotes, especially 'stop you're grinnin' and drop your linen' in the presence of a Jarl.

The 'Smug' perk. Drops the resolution on a high end PC to that of an Xbox for a period of time. Makes you glad what you have.

Regards
Kilominium

Smithing 50: Armorer- Your repair hammer never breaks!

Speech 100: Merry Journeys
You may now whistle a merry tune while not in combat.

Marksmen: Aim for the Knee's - 100% chance to paralyze guards

Karmatic Sweets - Speech 60 - 25% chance while traveling through town that a guard will bring you a sweet roll.

One-Handed 10: Proud worker
You may now sharpen your woodaxe.

Eagle Stare: Your character never blinks, doubling his intimidation score.
Salmon Skills: You may swim backwards and against the stream without turning around.
Iron Chef: Wearing heavy armor makes you burn your cooked dishes.
Eye see you: You can look behind you without turning around.

Pied piper: 50% chance of skeevers not attacking.

Road rage: frenzied enemies are twice as angry.

Merfolk: swim 10% faster (per rank) 5 levels.

Batman: No one knows you're the Dragonborn.