Dead Skin Mask
A Fallout fan Fiction By Daviddek

Prelude

There i was, lying on the altar. I couldn't talk, everything felt so Massive, My arms, legs , I didn't feel like i still had them. Then I heard that voice again : Well, Get Ready.... My son.
An emerse shockwave of pain went through my body. It blew my away. It went on for about 5 seconds and then..... Ow i can't even describe what happend.... It was like my body and mind were 2 separate things. I just felt like my eyes, mouth, arms everything was not connected to me. It was like........ I really don't know what to say about it. It's strange but i felt reassured. Like all my troubles were gone. Like i was going to be born again. Well, i was kind of....


This was just a little Intro to see people reactions on this. First Chapter coming very soon. Hope you guys will enjoy it. Please leave any comments of what you think so far

I like so far. You starved us for information.

In B4 Yttrium!

It was.. Interesting. Can't judge on much, since you only fed us a small portion, but I'll give it another glance in the future when a real chapter is published.

I will point out, however, that the post was littered with lowercased I's. I would fix them.

:stare:

So I see...

At any rate, David, you do have a nice opening. Though I spotted a cople things that my lead to further....Complications. You see, you have a nice post there, too short really to say anything about your imagery, but your diction...Immense instead of emerse , quotations when there was dialogue (and if there wasn't, then it was a tad bit confusing.) Small stuff that you should watch out for. Nothing serious.

Time to play the grammar Nazi

Write numbers one through ten.

Three dots for ellipses(...) or four if ending the sentence(....).

Capitalize the i's(Like dead already said).

Proper spelling.

Proper comma placement.

Other than that, good job mate. I'm thinking a super mutant story but at the same time I'm thinking it's something entirely original. I need to see the next chapter to know for sure though, so you've got me waiting.