I don't really know why I'm posting this here, since it's probably going to get locked, not to mention it's going to seem silly, but here it goes.

Recently I've been feeling really crappy. I've been getting average grades at school and I don't really like that too much, I've not been hanging out with friends, I don't have a significant other to spend time with, my family can get on my nerves and I just feel like I want to be left alone all the time. Hell I've even stopped playing games mid-match, I quit out of them because I just don't feel like finishing the game. That's pretty weird for me. I'm also not watching what I eat nearly as much as I was, I just don't even really care about trying to stay active now.

So then on Saturday I check my dating profile. Being gay and a nerd in the south is a pain in the [censored] by the way. Anyway, I send messages to possible dates all the time, and out of the dozens of messages I send I get a response maybe once out of every twenty or more. Well Saturday I got a response, which was simply, without any etiquette "No, I don't want to talk to you." This set me off, and Saturday I felt terrible. I haven't felt rested, last night I kept waking up just feeling crappy. I don't think I'll ever get more friends, because right now I only really have three friends, two of them being really distant and more acquaintances. I don't think I'll ever find someone who actually likes me for who I am either, nor a boyfriend. This morning I blew up with my mom and ended up shutting myself in my room crying.

The worst part of it all is that I've started having suicidal thoughts.

Now I'm not one to think those sorts of things usually, but I'm really starting to run out of reasons that life's worth living. The only thing in the next year that I'm even looking forward to is Skyrim, a game of all things. Not my birthday, not a holiday or a trip, a game. Now that's not to say that I'm going to ACT on said thoughts, but it just makes me more depressed that *I* am having them.

I don't want to go to a therapist because the last therapist I went to disagreed with me on my religious and sixual preferences. It's really hard to feel like spilling your guts to someone you know disagrees with you. I just really don't know what to do or even where to start trying to feel better, and I REALLY don't want to have to explain all of this to my parents. I'm just... I don't even know anymore...

I really don't know how to turn this into a discussion, but yeah... Thanks for listening.

Heads or tails?

I'm no psychological expert, but we all feel depressed sometimes. You should think of the one thing you enjoy doing more than anything and do it. Think of the one thing you've always wanted to do and do it. Life is too good to end it pre-maturely. Just get out and enjoy life. If you need someone to talk to, just pm me :wink_smile:

You could try girls instead?
Not trying to bash you for being gay or anything, but whenever I get down I just call a girl up and chill, maybe get laid, and feel better the next morning.

Try a different therapist maybe? There are some [censored]s out there, but I'm sure there's at least one that will actually help.

Find a couple of new friends to chill with, expand on current friendships..

Maybe you should head out to a bar? Partying a little and having fun is never the wrong answer.

Not sure what to tell you, but thinking about suicide and death wont help. Empty your head, listen to your favorite tunes, and go to a secluded place in your brain where all your worries melt away..

Exercise. May sound like a stupid suggestion, but it's honestly one of the best things for depression. I was in a rut myself last year, and as soon as I started exercising more (running and cycling specifically) I felt better for it, not just physically, but mentally. And therapy can help, but not a hack that brings his/her personal beliefs into the equation.

Also, this forum isn't the best place to get answers for things like this, you really should go to a doctor.

what helps me in times when i feel down is sleeping and playing an old childhood game. try it.

Considering the circumstances it's not very easy for me to think of what to say. Your pretty much doing everything I would suggest to do. I know that not having much to look forward to must svck. I went through depression a little while back to. Not because I hated my life, but simply through boredom of life really, nothing was catching my interest and didn't really want to do anything (though I guess that is depression in itself isn't it). But anyway, I have been there and depression can svck. All I can say is that if you find a way to trump over the depression itself life is sure to get a whole lot better. As of right now you predicament svcks, but then you know that. Still, just try harder. You only make friends by going out and trying. Sitting depressed because you feel you can't make friends isn't going to help. If you already feel the way you do, then just put yourself out there, what have you got to lose? As for the dating thing, that's tricky. I know that you are probably going to have a harder time living where you do. Stick with the service that your using. That's your best bet. Can't really help you too much there. As for the parents thing, unless these fights involve you simply being yourself, everyone fight with their parents. If your between 14 - whatever, it's going to happen. If it's about the way you want to live your life (I don't know if it is or not), then tell them to shove off. They should be the two people in the world who understand and respect your decision. Like I said, I don't have too much advice for you. Killing yourself is not the answer. Never take those thoughts too seriously. It is just you coping with the depression, which says your minds not in tip-top shape at the moment. Hope everything works out. If you need to talk just go to my profile or something. Just throwing it out there.

I'm going to be honest and say that I have no real solution, other than trying to look for a muse in life. Find something new. I'll let you know that I actually read the whole post and that I do care. It's better than nothing right? When there's no one else to support you, BGSF will always be there.

Get to a bar (or a gay bar if you want, it's your choise), get a drink and just relax. Don't forget to wear appropriate clothing. If you find the right one and get laid, you will probably feel better next morning.
I'm not saying that I know something about gay six or anything, I'm not gay myself, so...
Also, if you want friends then you should start some new hobby. Maybe karate or something.

Hi, MorrowindFan. You aren't alone. Just remember that, OK? I know we don't really know each other, but we can relate on some levels. I've been dealing with depression since I was in my teens due to family problems. Also, I'm bisixual and most people have a lot of misconceptions about what that means. It just adds more burden for me to deal with. Depression makes everything harder. I know... but the best thing to do is to find someone that you can talk to. Someone you trust. Lay out your burdens, share them with someone. It helps to lighten the load a little. That's probably the reason why you posted here. So here's a hug from me to you: :hugs: I hope you're days get brighter soon.

Sorry you feel that way man, and also your therapist is a total dike.

Just stay strong and whatever you do, do not kill yourself.

I like you man, and i wouldnt want you too hurt yourself, just remember, you have a full life ahead of you, and there is much left for you to do

Or just troll omegle, thats what i do when im feelin down

I'll be your friend!

I want to add something to what I said previously. Online friends can help too. I've had a lot of support from my friends at the ORE Forums, they are a great bunch. So talking to online friends is a good idea.

you dont have to answer but if your taking a medicine, see if it causes these thoughts or depression. i remember they put my grandma on an anti depressant since she qualified as depressed on this questionnaire and it just made her worse. just something to consider.

This almost made me cry, thanks Holy, and thanks guys, this really is helping... I think I might call a friend later... See if they wanna go anywhere.



Only two medicines I'm taking right now is prilosec and metformin. One a heartburn med and the other one to help with my blood sugar.

Find a new hobby, an extreme sport maybe, like I go paintballing when I'm angry, also a place to make new friends.

Just don't think about killing yourself. Your going to do more pain to the ones you leave behind than you are experiencing right now, I would know, my uncle that I was close to died this year and my brothers best friend hung himself a few weeks ago.

This, I have depression atm (in and out of depression anyway (and not this serious)) But for me exercising makes me feel better, I am unfit, but I still feel good after a day in the gym, I havent gone in 2 and feel sad again, I dont know how it works (something about endorphins or something) but I reccomed it, it makes you feel better.

Ask your doctor for medication, however medication isnt a long term thing, you dont want to be desensitized or addictied, it will just make things worse.

Find a therapist who has similar religious views as you if that was an issue before, dont let one [censored] put you off the idea of therapy.

Also it may not mean much becuase I am just a faceless person you never met, but I hope you get better soon.

I went through a rough patch a while back when I turned 29 and was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder. I thought my life was over and my music just wasn't coming to me any more so I decided to end it all. I was lucky that the phone rang and snapped me out of it. After a regime of drugs, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and making an effort to put my self in uncomfortable situations, I can now function normaly without any avoidance issues. I also no longer need the drugs and my music has come back to me.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is the key here. It teaches you to identify your negative thoughts and challenge them with logic before you enter the downward spiral, thus quashing any resulting depression. You learn to think in a completely different way from what you have learned in previous negative situations. It requires some effort on your part though: for example, it might be something as simple as you always use the self service at the supermaket to avoid having to make contact with the checkout girls - so to remedy this you make sure you always go to the checkout. After a while things that seemed (because "seemed" is a distortion) scary have now become routine and no longer cause anxiety. It works 100% and youll be amazed at how powerful it is in helping you overcome your depression and neurosis.

The best thing to do in your situation is to go to your GP and tell him/her what youve been going through. They will refer you to a psychiatrist who will maybe diagnose you with something and/or refer you to a psychologist (because it's not a psychiatrist's job to listen, but rather to drain your bank account and prescribe psychiatric medicine) and prescribe some drugs. However I don't reccomend taking the drugs unless you combine them with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. On their own, they'll just make you feel slighlty ill, hungry all the time and de-motivate you.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy however requires a psychologist, and the one you saw was obviously corrupt, as they are under no circumstances allowed to bring personal prejudice's or anything of a personal nature into the equation. They are there to listen and offer positive feedback and advice on how you may better cope with your situation (they also make you fill out multiple choice sheets alot, for some strange reason :wacko: ).

If a psychologist is out of the question for you then I reccomend self help. Their is a fantastic book by David Burns called Feeling Good. It even has exercises at the end of each chapter for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

http://www.feelinggood.com/books.htm

Beyond that, the best advice I can give is to talk to a real person even if you don't feel like it. Get lots of sunshine. And do lots of physical activity.

Hope this helps, and that you feel better soon

BTW. Contrary to popular belief, suicidal thoughts should be taken very seriously. If youve gotten that far, I urge you to go see your doctor.

I just get over it eventually though it does start getting channeled off as anger sometimes. But it goes away.

That happened to me about 1 or 2 years ago for christmas, it just went away, but I dont think its a very good idea to wait it out, you could wait a very long time and just make things worse.
Best to tackle it instead of wait/hope it goes away.

I can feel for you because I was in the exact same situation last year. Everyone has different ways to cope with it, some negative and some positive. Isolating yourself is a negative coping method, trust me it just makes things worse. What you have to do is just take baby steps to make yourself feel better. I would suggest exercise as a first step because it's probably the easiest to do and will not only improve your mood, but you'll improve your self image. I'll just explain what I did to combat my fears/depression.

1. I felt really skinny and a bit nerdy to be honest, so I started to work out. (If you aren't experienced in working out I would suggest a trainer)
2. I was worried about being alone because I wasn't having much success with girls, so one day I just went up to them in class and started talking.
3. I felt like my friends weren't really there for me, so I joined some clubs and extended my friends circle.

This may not work for you, but by taking things one step at a time and blending your goals together you can come out of depression, and when you do life feels amazing!

Working out almost every day helps a lot, I'm usually too tired to worry about things like that.

Yeah it also feelsas though you are doing something productive with your time, and increases self esteem, and in the long run makes you look more attractive and will make you more likely to get a GF/BF.

Here is what I recommend you do:

1. Talk to someone, whether that be your parents, a real-life friend or even a teacher about what is bothering you. I know its hard, but it is very important that you do this, even if you don't believe you will act on your suicidal thoughts. Someone, aside from us here at BGSF, needs to know about your issues.
2. Find another therapist. Just because one therapist disagreed with you on things does not mean that the second one will.
3. Call a crisis hotline - they will listen. One such number is 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline)