I dont expect it to be any good but i'll leave that up for yall 2 to judge.

Chapter One

I cant even begin to imagine how long i've been trapped in this place. It first happened in the middle of the night when i heard my daughter screaming, I ran to her room only to see these tiny green beings about four feet tall standing above her bed so i picked up a chair and threw it at one of them which hit it upside the head and knocked it unconscious. I then ran to grab my daughter, but fell from being hit behind the knee with her baseball bat. I tried to get up, but they proceeded to beat me with whatever they could get their hands on. When they finally stopped one of them pulled out a gun, aimed it at my face, and that's the last thing I remember. I thought to myself "Whats all that noise?" I got up and looked through my room "window" to see what all the commotion was. "Someone...new?" I saw two little green beings dragging somebody down the corridor while the other two followed behind, gun in hand with no emotion whatsoever. I stepped away from the "window" and watched as they opened my door and threw the man across the room causing him to slide and hit his head. They then slammed the door shut and locked it. I stood back and observed the man, he looked like he had been through a lot of troubles in his life even though he was clearly half my age. "Damn it!" He shouted as he pounded his fist into the floor. "Might as well get used to it, besides these rooms and the food, they treat you like sh*t." "Huh?" The young man slowly scooted towards the other side of the room once, he got a good look at me, "Your...face?" I replied back "Stairs." "Stairs don't do that." "Look I know what they can do and what they can't do and this is obviously not what happened." "Oh.." I shook my head. "Dumb kids nowadays." A long silence fills the room. "So anyways what's ya story?" He looked at me with a confused look. "My story?" "Yea ya story, how you ended up here." "Oh.. I was out following this radio signal on my pip boy and..." "Wait wait wait, pip what?" He then looked gave me this "are you stupid" look. "Are you serious, you don't know what a pip boy is?" "Man you must've hit ya head real hard because I'm telling you there's no such thing." "Anyways, I was following this radio signal and found this crashed UFO and next thing I know I'm in this huge room with all these people, they were putting needles inside some, removing others insides and god knows what else." "Well kid I guess they like you more then me cause i didn't get that treatment." "Ha ha ha, we have to get off of this ship and back to the wasteland." "Wasteland, kid something's wrong with you." "What?" "Why are you acting like you don't know anything?" "Kid if we ever get back to earth I'm going to see to it personally that you get some help." We listen as the alarm starts to sound off. "Whats going on?" "We.. We're... about..." The smoke fills the air and knocks us both out.

no good? oh well

i think its because its a bit early in the morning but i think its great for a first chapter please write more but also this is in the wrong section :+.

i enjoyed it but please continue it

Needs moving to Fallout Fan Fiction

No offence but you have horrible punctuation. I couldn't tell who was speaking most of the time. Dialogue should be like this:

"Who are you?" asked the prisoner.

"I'm the Lone Wanderer, of Vault 101!" replied the newcomer.

"The what from where?" asked the prisoner.

etc.

I actually thought it was nice.

Just one problemo. It is about an upcoming DLC, and it just wouldn't feel right until we know the whole story about the DLC itself to truly appreciate a MZ fanfic.


I would suggest locking this fanfic until Zeta comes out.

Giant wall of text= No good

I think you should keep it open. Even though MZ isn't out yet, its good to have a story speculating on the matter. Kind of like the Halo books (Which I never read actually) where they were between Halo 1 and 2.

Break it up, then you might have something. And what do what M'heree said. Use Word or some writing program that can help with grammar etc.

I was awoken to this horrifying sound. It was pitch black and I know I wasn't dreaming because my eyes were wide open but I couldn't see because of the darkness. I called out to see if anyone else was here with me. "Hello?" "Hello...?" The only response I got was a shove to the ground by something large and heavy, I landed with a large thud. "How did I not hear that coming?" I thought to myself. I got up and stepped back a good amount of feet but got knocked down again so i got up and started swinging. I hit something hard and felt like I almost broke my hand. I didn't let out any kind of sign that I was in pain. "What the hell is this?" I thought to myself. I felt useless seeing as how I was in total darkness and there was nothing that I could do. "Is that all you got!" I was suddenly struck in my chest and lifted off my feet, I landed harder then ever and struggled for air. "Enough!" A deep booming voice shouted out. "I didn't say kill him." The lights turned on and I looked around wondering where I was. "This isn't what usually happens." I thought to myself. I saw what it was that attacked me it was a hulking mechanical robot but I couldn't believe that it could move without being heard.

Two guards came over towards me and escorted me to another room with all these women that had these tiny tubes going into their heads and stomachs. "Why'd you bring me here?" I asked them. "To show you." A clear voice had said in my head. "Show me what?" A video started playing in front of us, sort of like a projector but it wasn't on a wall. It displayed babies being taken from the women once they were ready to be born while they were unconscious but in their mind they were living like it was just another regular day and once they had given the so called birth they were awoken and dropped back off to earth. "Why are you doing this?" The guards looked at each other and nodded their heads, a new video started to play on the screen showing the babies growing up and being raised under some kind of vicious training program and then showed videos of people slaughtering each other. "But why?" I asked them. "Its the right thing to do." The voice said in my head. "Right thing to do?" "Why would you want them to kill each other, what if we kidnapped yall and made yall do this?" I asked them."Simple, once THEIR all dead we'll kill the humans..." The voice in my head was interrupted by another voice. "He has seen to much and knows to much you must not show him anything else or I'll have your head and his and feed it to my pet." I dropped down to my knees, the voices in my head were bearing to be to much. "Shut.. Shut up!" "It's ok human, you will get used to it, like the few others who have." I managed to get back up on my feet. "Take me.. away from here."

no responses?

Yet again a giant waal (edit: WALL) of text, space it up, make paragraphs, etc!

fucc it if yall cant read dats yall fault idgaf

Lol... Post a fanfic on a public forum, ask for responses and freak out when someone critiques you. Pretty logical. Dreadful grammar, bad punctuation and massive walls of text.

I give it a 3/10.