Now, that. ^ ^ ^ That is good.

And har har har, Sweeney-Todd-Hjalti knockin' up Nocturnal, hef yoodt cess koht iya neht geth.


Monkey Truth is by definition produced by fans, and anyway I'm not sure this qualifies. Eyesore did say something about resolving the Arcturian Heresy and us getting to play it, though, so I guess this could be the work of some devs leading up to that.

By the Nine, I hope so.

Not going to lie. Got about a third of the way through this before I lost all ambition to continue further.

Dear Thalmor,

Please give us more Hjalti adventures.

Love,
Harzawuranial of Qqmphold

PS: Please don't kill Talos.


As I understand it, Monkeytruth is fan stuff that's sooooooo unbelievably good that a secret meeting of the SFC is held in an armored bunker 75 miles under the earth of Tucson, AZ where they ratify it into pseudo-deutrocanon with ballots written on the backs of supermodels.

Yes, except that the Tucson location has been defunct for some time now; they only use it as a decoy for the slew of overenthusiastic hopefuls. The real SFC never meets in person, but rather in a state-of-the-art audio-visually enabled M.U.D. globule, which can only be accessed by the sacrifice of a Lamed Wufnik during certain celestial conjugations. The servers are buried on the moon; that is, in Lleswer's gloomy backside.

For clarity's sake, though:
"A monkey truth creation therefore is one which is successful in achieving the sense of an alien and exotic universe, avoiding standard fantasy genre conventions to achieve an overall sense of alterity, while still containing a successful narrative."

The aesthetic is the core of it. T0 likes to call it stuff that should have been in game, but I've personally never been super-duper-wow impressed by most of the texts they choose worthy of the Title of Truth. (But let's not get into a discussion about that in Vvv.'s thread.)

All my pores and orifices are concurrently screaming with anticipatory joys ten-score beyond elated.

So the Akaviri Kiai is the same as their Word-Eating.

The connection to thu'um grows clearer still.

Also, I just noticed this in the title:


Hur hur

T-PAL thm Thalamorwide Aethermail Client

To: “Bosoathiil of Scintillaeth”
CC: “Varlavavarda of Skywatch”
Protocol: Coarse and Rude
Subject: Poetic Clusterfetch

Bosoathiil,

What kind of perverse, solipsistic self-love are you up to in Mantis control? Because we’re awash in miseries down here in 139. The S-Soma’s Prosaic Flow-Reg Tendrils are acting mannish again, and we’re getting back fibre synoptic threads in betmer-treacle rhythmic bursts. Just look at this atrocity:

Tiber, Tiber, riding wright
his palanquin, in the night
slave-backs straining up
Hroth Gar’s skyward stairs.

His followers, one th’sand men
march in step, a forest of spears
the Gray Culdees upon to set
and snatch Kyn’s Cant-Tempest.

It’s horrible. No meter to speak of, illogical rhyme scheme, etc. It’s a waste of time and valuble resources, and I shouldn’t have to remind that we have an extremely finite supply of majilithics left with which to run this brass beast until Dawnguard shows their polycubic hind-carapaces, but Xarx knows exactly when that’ll be. So fix it, or, and I promise, I’ll put in a request with Vvv to have you extirpated for sub-aldmeric performance - something your podnurse should have done ERAS ago.

Severely,

Ain. of Sil.

Why does that sound like Ghost Choir 9's work?

Because Blade-Stringform...Things are known for their sense of humor.

As much as we all appreciate (and were, for that matter, originally captured by) Elk-speak, it's through bits like Hjalti's and the Cyrus stories that the Eyesore really demonstrates his adaptable, genius writing gift.

Hey, I happen to like Blake... even if you pun him to death.

Y'know, presumably, there's a dusty old codpiece lying around in somebody's attic in Wayrest that could of been put to use in Martin's Paradise-ritual.

You know, I sorta feel bad for Tiber. He seems like an ordinary man who got in way over his head, not just at a political level but a metaphysical one. He would never expect that he would become Emperor, or be prepared for the divine cluster[NUMINIT] he was about to get himself into. He was just an assassin with some noble heritage who accidentally ended up becoming the most important mortal that ever existed. I doubt I'd be able to cope with that. Imagine all the stress Talos has as a Divine. Dude really needs a break. But if he has a break, then Mundus will fall into ruin and whatnot. I don't think any man would be able to deal with such responsibility. It's like some random secretary to a governor becoming President, and then discovering that as President she must single handedly organize the secret multidimensional hypermagics designed to fend off aliens who eat souls.

EDIT: Did anybody else notice the and being a reference to Merrey Eyesore and Lady Nerevar? Wonder what that means. Just a shout-out or a subtle tipoff to the authors of this piece?

I write in my own guise. One alone is hard enough to keep track of.

I like the original dialog way better than the excerpt of Hjalti's life posted by the other account.
I knew it!

I'm tellin' ya, Manky got his start in the Empire-hatin' Industry with an Alinor Thalmor cornerclub, with T-money's face plastered on the dart-board.

I was very happy to see Tsaesci OM NOM NOM in action. Good show.

This made my day.

Has your name always been Mudd?

This is the best reference to anything ever.

Wait, I just realized. Hjalti was a champion of Nocturnal. In the Thieves Guild questline, the Dragonborn enters Nocturnal's service as a Nightingale. Leads more credence to the theory that the Dovahkiin is walking in Tiber's footsteps.

Also, Hjalti getting his name eaten? Wouldn't that have a similar effect to when Draeloth got cursed by the Grey Cowl? Would explain why his origins are so mysterious: his name is gone and thus without magical scrying his past is unable to be known.

Mankar may very well BE a Thalmor. He and his upper eschelon are Altemer. And he's trying to destroy the only dragonborns he knows about.

Highly unlikely, since what Mankar was trying to pull and what the Thalmor are after are two completely different things.