Has anybody here donated eggs or sperm? I'm in a bit of a quandary. My wife and I have a child, be she refuses to have another. However, she now wants to donate one of her eggs to a family friend who can't have children due to cancer. The thing is, however noble that may be, as far as the genetics and biology of it are concerned, that baby will be my wife's. So she will be refusing to give me another child, yet having another one herself. I will also resent that family, as I will see it as her giving her genes to another man, which I consider to be a form of advltery. I know that view is extreme, but I can't shift any of those thoughts. What are other people's opinions?

I think you are right, this isn't fair. I'd never be ok with that.

She only wants one baby, to raise one baby and that's it. She's not gonna raise this other baby, she will "only" bless that life-crippled family with the power of life. Which I think is a remarkable and positive thing to do. So I don't agree with you.

Honestly you're coming off as both possessive and resentful. It's her body to do with as she sees fit. It certainly won't have any financial impact on your family, as I assume your wife is planning on being a surrogate, and they are often paid very well.

I assume you've talked to your wife about this, but if not, that's the place to start.

I agree with Freddo

Everyonne should be free to decide individually what to do with their own body and its contents. The couple/marriage is just social convenience, not organic merge.

Anyway that's just theory, in practice I think the weakest link in the couple will eventually capitulate in this kind of delicate matters. Are you the weak link?

It's her body bud.

It's a noble act. You're being a bit possessive. Although I understand your thoughts.

It sounds as if you are blessed with an incredibly caring, generous and giving wife. Perhaps you could focus on that and the child you two do have instead of one (or more) you might want.

I'd appreciate people's thoughts on egg donation and its philosophy, rather than whether I am possessive or my wife caring. My thoughts are my own and I don't care if you think they make me seem like a control freak (I'm controlling because I don't want my wife to have a baby with another man... good one). Anyway, the topic is donations and their moral and philosophical ramifications. Thanks.

The thing is she wouldn't be "having a baby with another man", even if she was the surrogate. She's having someone else's baby for them, because they're not able to.

To think otherwise, honestly, just kinda makes you a dike.

That's very rude

Well, I'm sorry that it comes off as such, but I think you're being rude to your wife and the other family by being so possessive about an egg cell.

Honestly, I'm amazed you think it is so black and white. It isn't as simple as x = good and y = bad. How about my wife being rude, because if she didn't donate an egg, the couple would probably go down the adoption route. Far better for them to save an unwanted child than to have one from my wife.

It certainly isn't black and white, but you've painted it to be quite like that yourself when you claim that it's infidelity that your wife's egg cell be joined with another man's sperm cell. Whether or not someone is rude does not diminish the value of their actual argument.

With all due respect, I don't agree with you. I'm also with others on the possessive bit, but I understand where you're coming from.

Anyways, I think it's a good idea to let your wife be the surrogate for the other couple. They can't have a kid without risks, who are you to deny them that?

Those are my thought, hope you don't get offended. Those are not my intentions.

That's fair, but as above, why not adopt? Why the egg donation? Why put my wife and I through what I consider to be a philosophical minefield when they can instead take in a child who already exists and needs help?

I believe that the genes make the parent, so however you spin it my wife wants to parent another child, just not with me. You think that sounds possessive, but I consider it to be a fundamental aspect of monogamy. Would you think me pisessive if I said my wife wanted an affair and I was against it? What's the difference? Where's the line?

If you're not open for other viewpoints than your own, you shouldn't have made the thread to begin with.

Why should they adopt when they've been offered a chance to have a child that they are biologically linked to?

Edit: At the end of the day the way to approach the situation is to pretend that the egg your wife is donating is not hers. Just pretend it's the other family's, she's just renting her uterus for them. If this still bothers you then I don't know what to tell you, because you seem to have some serious trust issues with your wife.

But the one who can't have the child, the mother, won't be biologically linked to anything.

You should be talking to your wife about this, not asking random people on a gaming forum.

Why do the couple involved specifically want an egg from your wife as opposed to another donor, and who will actually be carrying the potential baby?

So?

Imagine you were in their situation, your wife couldn't have children, some other family has offered you this opportunity, would you take it? And then you say yes, and then it gets called off because the husband in the other family got into a tiff because he thought artificial insemination counted as infidelity.

Put yourself in someone else's shoes for once.

You could apply that same argument to yourself, you know. Why are you looking to have another child with your wife? Having another child with your wife would just put more strain on the world's resources, so why not just adopt a child instead?

An affair in a monogamous relationship indicates something is rather off with the relationship. Your wife wanting to be a surrogate for a couple that can't have children says nothing about your relationship with your wife, aside from the fact that you are being overly possessive about her body and her choices.

I personally take the position that adoption is the best option for a variety of reasons. That is what the couple who can't have a child should do, and that is what you should do instead of having another child.

I'm open to advice, but the fact is that I'm gavibg real problems coping wit this idea. I have fairly strong views on the philosophy of genetics and I came here for advice. The only advice I've been given is that I'm a controlling, pisessive dike. You're right, I shouldn't have made the thread. More fool me for thinking that you guys could help me in a very difficult time instead of simply flaming me for having a different view on life to you.