As I understand things, my Arwen_Realism.esm should have things that are unique (such as my scripts, quests, messages, and anything else that couldn't be overwritten by other mods); which would mean that it would be a pretty small file. And then my Arwen_Realism.esp would contain all my edited game settings and anything else that I would not want to to be overwritten (so that it could be put near the end of the load order, just before my optional esps).
Yes, it is a good idea if you intend to create a modular mod or share the core with some other mods in the future. But :
There is no need to put it in both files, as it is redundant. If you put it in the .esp it will override the .esm, so it is useless to place it in the .esm first.
But if you plan to make standalones .esp not dependent of the .esm then it makes sense.
Your .esm should contain all the defaults you can alter in your optional or additional .esp. Then if you want one of the options to alter a value, of course it needs to be in both the .esm and .esp, but if it is the same it is pointless. It is good if it is a new setting but not if it is a vanilla game modification.
Keep in mind any .esp will override the .esm values, and you never know what mess the user will do with it's many mods. It is tempting to try to foolproof your mod by confirming the value in the .esp but even another mods loaded in improper order can change the value or cause conflicts, and if your .esp is intended to modify the value you entered in the .esm then it is useless in the first place.
The major problem is you never know what mess the user will make with it's mods. Fo me, I limit the .esm to completely new things added to the game itself (what could be called resources, used in all mods) , and all modifications to the vanilla game or use of the resources to .esp.