Expedition: Atmora

Chapter I:

Valdimarr rose from his bed in his moderately upscale Solitude home. Although he was not a nobleman, he achieved a relatively upper-middle class status in society by joining the Imperial Legion and facing battle with success, as well as investing his money in all the right places. He was one of the few mapmakers in the city, and he made a small fortune in his line of work. Since an early age, Valdimarr had been fascinated by the early Nordic, as well as Cyrodiilic history surrounding the eventual creation of the Empire of Tamriel, now reduced in strength to Cyrodiil itself, Skyrim, High Rock, Solstheim, and other parts of northern Morrowind that were unaffected by the disaster of Red Mountain's eruption, rendering much of the province uninhabitable, at least for the time being. Of interest to him especially was the continent of Atmora, located some distance to the north of Tamriel. The actual distance, he found, seems to have been lost with time, or at least never actually recorded. An historian in the city had once hypothesized that Atmora would have been relatively close to Tamriel, much closer than Akavir to the far east around 4000 miles. The distance that he thought the legendary, yet very real continent to be, was anywhere between 300 to 500 miles to the north of Skyrim. The journey that King Ysgramor had taken to arrive in Tamriel for the first time, may have taken a month or two, from the Atmoran port city of Jylkurfyk.

After spending a few minutes starring blankly at the ceiling, and then around the room thinking of his plans, he got up, clothed himself in his uniform, a winter-time variation of the standard Legion officer's uniform featuring a thick fur cape and long wool trousers under the tunic, and then proceeded to eat his breakfast downstairs. He would be leaving around 6:00 in the evening to set sail and fulfill his Empire-sanctioned mission; a large-scale and serious expedition to Atmora, and the first official attempt since some time in the Third Era. Specifically, Valdimarr was to locate, if possible, the ancient port Jylkurfyk, from which Ysgramor and his men came. Jylkurfyk was usually regarded to have been the largest city on the continent, and very similar to Windhelm appearance-wise.

Valdimarr put on a heavy fur overcoat over his Legion gear and cape, then went out the door to report to Quintus Lepidius Aelius at Castle Dour, him being the Emperor's primary representative in that hold besides the Jarl. "Good morning Sir," Valdimarr greeted the man.

"Valdimarr Skyfall, our meeting here will be short and to the point. You have been an obedient servant to the Empire for twelve years, and the top brass trust that you, of just about anybody, may have the most likely chance at rediscovering Atmora. Now, ordinarily we focus on warfare, but due to the Emperor's request for this mission to be undertaken, the Legion will spare no expense in making sure that your ships are well stocked, and your crew and soldiers adequately provided for."

"Thank you, Lord Aelius. I will do my best."

"Good. Each of your men on board the fleet's vessels will be clothed in warm fur coats, robes, and hats. We are expecting an icy reception up north, after all. Supposedly it may even be uninhabited, but there is that chance, and it is a risk our Emperor is willing to take. As for the soldiers, we will have the cargo hold a sufficient number of weapons and armor for them as well. In the event of a threat, you should be well prepared. You may take your leave, Captain, and the Divines protect you and your men."

"Yes, thank you. Lord Aelius, I will be departing now, perhaps to never return. If you can, arrange for my house to be paid for out of my own expenses. I don't know how long I'll be gone; the mission should only last a few months, but if I do not return after a year, then you may sell it with my good will, or alternately, offer it to any of my living relatives."

"That can be arranged, Captain," and with that, the two men saluted, and separated from each other.


*NOTES: I will be sporadically writing this fanfiction. It is supposed to be a scenario in which an Imperial expedition sails across the Sea of Ghosts, reach Atmora, and to discover what awaits them. To me, Atmora is one of the most mysterious places on Nirn, yet it may ultimately just be a place as simple as nothing but ice. We do not know yet about the true appearance of the land, so I will be creating a part of it for my story. Ultimately, this fan-fiction will be keeping to some canon aspects of The Elder Scrolls series, but is largely non-canon. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Sound but uninteresting prose. The premise could be entertaining, depending on how you do it - but make sure you include something to ensnare our hearts, too.

Valdimarr rose from his bed in his moderately upscale Solitude home. -> Right off the bat. What does a moderately upscale home in Solitude look like? More specifically, what does his look like? Give it some unique features; you're gonna need to use his nostalgia for the place as a device later on in the story. If I have any sense of anything.

He was one of the few mapmakers in the city, and he made a small fortune in his line of work. -> See, you've just sacrificed so many opportunities to tell us a little bit more about your character and about the world. Instead of 'in his line of work', it could have been 'tracking the bay's ever shifting sandbars for the East Empire Company, scouting the Hjaalmarch's marshes for his Legion commanders, and fleecing his pockets with the naivety of the occasional Cyrodiilic tourist who needed a fine vellum map to guide themselves through Solitude's labyrinthine streets.' Each turn of phrase in a sentence gives rise to certain branches for the next; take advantage of those opportunities to more fully enact your purpose.

'starring' -> only one 'r'.

'...and the first official attempt since some time in the Third Era.' He's a history buff, but he doesn't tell usthe exact date and instigator of the last attempt?

Not even a few words to describe this Quintus fellow. Also, his dialogue is quite unrealistic and uninteresting. I'd go with a gruff, skeptical, monosyllabic type character here, but that's just me. Almost all of the dialogue strikes me as nothing anyone would actually say.

Like I said, your prose is easy to read, clear, well phrased - and boring. Add some color. This could be a cool story, but it needs some work.