Anyone who is reading this, please comment.

CHAPTER 1:
0400:AM, Kealthis Skystriker, ID #6258, DC
The taste hit my mouth, I couldn't belive it, a taste of actual barbeque. I hadn't smelled it since... I can't remeber... it wasn't scortched flesh. It had the odd flavor, Seasoning, then, it hit me.A wastelander standing in the road with a grill. It wasn't uncommon to see wastelanders still trying to make the most of life, live like they said it was. They still had barbeques, but usally not Brahmin steak, usally dog.But this time it was Brahmin steak. I don't know how someone could get one, they are about a 1,00 caps each... unless you kill the brahmin yourself. The steak wasn't really the point, it was that someone acctually had a life. He sat there, gorging himself and all the other wasteland neighbors went over. How can anyone live in a Hell hole like this? I can't belive anyone acctually had a life anymore. The only time we saw wastelanders together was if they were dead, gathered for something, or freed by us. Or, of course the occasional "hero" runs in trying to kill some mutants. My patroll was smooth. I just walked around.And watched they're inviting hands wave to me while the rubble-road was piling with mutants. Just before I went back for punch- ins I saw it. A behemoth came in and destroyed the whole barbeque, throwing them around, I didn't have my Fat Man with me, it was a regular patrol, what was I supposed to do? I decided to use my mini-gun, I just sprayed, and prayed.I finall shot at his legs, his knees were my targets. The bullets, each of them like a speeding hornet, ramming into the flesh, rending it to the bone. Finally he fell, he had a hard Thud sound. I just walked away and punched-out. My most uneventful day yet.

It was ok, break the text up a bit, paragraphs and such.

I didnt get the barbeque suddenly being attacked by a behemoth though, maybe a mutant raider party. But a behemoths a bit to farfetched, even for Fallout. Some good writing though, nice metaphors and similies

Proof read please! I found several spelling errors, missing spaces, and things capitalized that should'nt of been capitalized.

Thanks for the critisism, I didn't really put it into something that others could read or get, like myself, and My spelling is pretty bad now that I see it. Oh, and the barbeque was to be that the wastelanders still wanted a regualr life. And that they would try to get the closest thing to steak no matter what the price, I know it was rough to read but the feeling I was trying to put out was kind of hard for me even to grasp. Very sorry, I'll work on it if I make more, which I probably will

Its "Spelling", with 2 L's not 2 E's. Just wanted to make that clear, and your story was good. I like it, it was rough in some area's but besides that it was good.

Why don't you just edit it now?

mmk