A Family Argument...

Post » Thu May 19, 2011 2:30 pm

Please, please, please reply. I spent a lot of time on this and the first one I posted didn't get any replies. I felt cheated! So please just give me some feedback...


"Why"? asked Hirgol.
"Because you're an Orc"! replied his raging father, Gumph-na.
Hirgol was not an average Orc. He was, what his father called, a "tree-hugger". As a boy, Hirgol loved nature. He nursed sick deer back to health and explored the countryside of the West Weald, where he lived, in a hut just outside Skingrad. He always carried with him paralysis scrolls so he wouldn't have to hurt any of the creatures that may attack him. These cost him all his pocket money but to Hirgol, money was a materialistic substance of no real value. The lives of these beautiful creatures however, was beyond any price.
He remembered the cruel words of his father when he was just seven years old. "You may as well go live with those spellcaster High Elves. You're no son of mine..." Gumph-na grew up in the traditional Orc way: As a barbarian, donning heavy armour, steel warhammer in hand, resolving all his problems with violence. He had hoped that his son would make him proud. Someone he could bring hunting, someone he could pass on his vast knowledge of blunt weapons to. But Hirgol was an embarassment. More interested in playing with teddy bears than killing real ones. His latest announcement was that he was a vegetarian.
Gumph-na was on the verge of striking the boy when his wife stopped him. "He'll grow out of it." she had promised. Now, 3 weeks later, Gumph-na had enough. "I've tried to accomodate your namby-pamby ways for long enough. The guys down at the West Weald Inn are laughing at me! Hell, that raving lunatic of a bookworm Glarthir has bigger stones than you! Be a man! Eat that meat!". "You can't make me!". Hirgol's courage was to be admired. Gumph-na was an intimidating man. He had an extremely short fuse and because of this, the Watch never hassled him, no matter how many drunken bar brawls he got involved in.
"Don't you ever take that tone with me again, you little scrib!" roared the Orc, bearing his sharp teeth. If Hirgol wasn't his son, he'd probably be dead by now. It was taking every ounce of self-control Gumph-na had to not strike the boy. Today was Hirgol's 15th birthday. His father had hoped that by claiming it was an initiation into manhood, he could trick the boy into eating meat. A few days ago, he had got up early an slew a boar. He skinned it, and took the meat. He even had a coat made from the hide, for Hirgol to wear as a badge of honour for becoming a man.
"Now if this isn't eaten when I get back, I want you out of my house..." said Gumph-na coldly. Hirgol's mother, unable to take anymore, ran from the room in tears. Gumph-na stormed out, leaving the boy alone. What should he do? Compromise his beliefs to please his father? Or leave the house to follow his true path in life? So as a compromise, he did what he normally did after his father's abusive rants. He burst into tears...
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Sarah Unwin
 
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Post » Fri May 20, 2011 5:16 am

I don't know whether to clap or lol. I'll ignore the contents it id decently writen, not overly choppy and reads fluidly.

Edit: I had to switch to the large font skin to read it though.
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JeSsy ArEllano
 
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Post » Thu May 19, 2011 6:12 pm

I don't know whether to clap or lol. I'll ignore the contents it id decently writen, not overly choppy and reads fluidly.

Edit: I had to switch to the large font skin to read it though.

So do I take that as positive or negative feedback? Also, keep in mind, I didn't give it a great deal of thought. Basically made it up as I went along. Thanks for replying though...
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Julie Ann
 
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Post » Fri May 20, 2011 2:39 am

Its well written, but its rather difficult to anaylse and give comments considering the length. I enjoyed the content and the speech was also written well. I would like to see lots more from you. I hope I can, a great start so far.
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kasia
 
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Post » Fri May 20, 2011 12:54 am

Its well written, but its rather difficult to anaylse and give comments considering the length. I enjoyed the content and the speech was also written well. I would like to see lots more from you. I hope I can, a great start so far.

Thanks. I reckon I can put together a pretty decent one if I give it a bit of thought. I'll anolyse other fanfics and see if I can pick up tips. Thanks for the confidence booster... :)
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sw1ss
 
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Post » Fri May 20, 2011 12:57 am

Thanks for the confidence booster... :)


Glad I could help, the main thing whether its brilliant or not, is just to enjoy writing it. ;)
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Kelvin Diaz
 
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Post » Fri May 20, 2011 6:26 am

Well, not your average TES fan fic, that's for sure. I see no story here yet. There is no development, only a setting. It's static. Give me dynamics.
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Nitol Ahmed
 
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Post » Thu May 19, 2011 8:00 pm

Also, keep in mind, I didn't give it a great deal of thought.

Then what's the point? And how can you expect someone to give you serious feedback if "you didn't give it a lot of thought" ?
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Red Bevinz
 
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Post » Thu May 19, 2011 1:58 pm

Then what's the point? And how can you expect someone to give you serious feedback if "you didn't give it a lot of thought" ?


Its sorta like posting a joke and expecting an essay on its meanings. See serious and not giving a thought don't go well together.

PS: Yes I can provide an example for anything.
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DAVId MArtInez
 
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Post » Fri May 20, 2011 12:18 am

I spent a lot of time on this and the first one I posted didn't get any replies. I felt cheated!


Sometimes you (Not directed directly towards you, but others also) write trash, and no one wants to reply because its just a waist of time.


Also, keep in mind, I didn't give it a great deal of thought. Basically made it up as I went along.


Then how can you say you spent alot of time on this, if you were just writing as you went along?

-The Topic-
The story for me was a little hard to get into, and I could'nt get into the characters "minds", it just seemed like it was put together WAY to fast.
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Queen
 
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Post » Thu May 19, 2011 9:19 pm

Remember:

Alot=/=good
not enough=/=good.

See size does matter, it just hppens to be how much good is crammed in.
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Carys
 
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Post » Thu May 19, 2011 5:00 pm

I think you pretty much screwed up when you said that you didn't spend a long time writing this story. You shouldda just post the story and ask for thoughts. Ya know, the story itself is more important than the time given. People can write glorious pieces in just a few moments, yet some write an epic-piece of trash, taking the eternity. And others (i.e. people who have commented), likewise. Concentrate on the story not on it's background.

To comment on the story, first I have to say that this rather "emotional" kind of story is not for me. The writing style is pretty good, yet the plot seems somewhat unoriginal. Overall it's a simple read, yet not something a TES enthusiast would like to read, I guess. :)
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Sabrina Schwarz
 
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Post » Thu May 19, 2011 3:00 pm

Sometimes you (Not directed directly towards you, but others also) write trash, and no one wants to reply because its just a waist of time.




Then how can you say you spent alot of time on this, if you were just writing as you went along?

-The Topic-
The story for me was a little hard to get into, and I could'nt get into the characters "minds", it just seemed like it was put together WAY to fast.

I mean that I'm a slow typer so it took me ages to write it. Also, the damn thing wouldn't post for about 10 minutes...
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elliot mudd
 
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Post » Fri May 20, 2011 3:17 am

I mean that I'm a slow typer so it took me ages to write it.


You think I was any different at the beginning? You don't get to type blindly without practice.
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michael danso
 
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Post » Fri May 20, 2011 12:10 am

You think I was any different at the beginning? You don't get to type blindly without practice.


Same goes for the writing, practice improves, well everything.
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Andy durkan
 
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Post » Thu May 19, 2011 5:39 pm

Is it true that we're not allowed to have more than one fan fic active at one time? Cos I have a few more ideas that I wanna put up one of these days...
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Epul Kedah
 
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Post » Fri May 20, 2011 4:01 am

Yep, it's true. Unfortunately enough.
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Rachel Briere
 
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Post » Thu May 19, 2011 5:15 pm

Is it true that we're not allowed to have more than one fan fic active at one time? Cos I have a few more ideas that I wanna put up one of these days...


Write them all you can, just don't post them yet. Take the given time to go through it and improve your story.
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Penny Courture
 
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