This is my first Fan Fiction so I dont really know what im doing. Constructive Critisism Please!

Thursday. 17\8\2277
Dear Journal...Thats how people start these things right? I found this old journal in one of those old Vaults. It seems to have been used a few times and there are already multiple entrys inside. Now i have never had a Journal before but Jack said that I should use it so I guess I will. Oh I guess I should write in my name to...Im Victor I live in the Capital Wasteland (Washington D.C) I live in the town of Megaton but im almost never at home. Me and my buddy Jack like to Travel around the wasteland and see what we can find. Well I think thats enough for my first entry. Good Night Journal.

Friday. 18\8\2277
Dear Journal: Today me and Jack are heading out again. We plan to travel north and check out a place called "Minefield" its supposed to be a ghost town, Cleared out by Slavers or somthing. Well Jack is shouting at me so I have to stop writing now. I will finish this entry later. Holy [censored]!! Okay so me and Jack walked down to Minefield today. It looked completly deserted. A few steps into town I heard a soft beeping sound. Out of nowhere Jack tackles me a second later theres an explostion where I had been standing. The whole town was full of mines! I thanked Jack for saving me and he told me to follow his lead. We kept going and then suddenly a bullet whizzes by my head!. There was a f**king sniper camped in town!. We eventualy gave up and left the town. I am never going back into that town. Well im tired so Im gonna stop writing. Good Night Journal.

the writing wasnt that great, but i really like the premise

will finish this entry later.

later...

Holy [censored]!!

See the difference?

It also is kinda bland of that Fallout-ey feel. I mean, who in the Fallout universe would say good night journal (besides Moira Brown). Also, don't be afraid to really delve in and create an enthralling story with description and plot and all that good stuff. I like the layout though.

Welcome to the forums!

In case you didn't get what Ant was saying, make sure to put in the space so we know that he wrote it later. Otherwise it's just confusing, in fact you could have a separate journal entry entitled Later instead of having a date. Also, make sure to watch those grammar errors.

I'm not going to add much more than that right now as this is your first entry to your first fanfic. Don't get discouraged from what people say, people will offer valuable advice here, but you can take it or leave it. Just keep it up :thumbsup:

Thank you guys. Ill try to watch my grammer errors and Ill try to work up my courage to write more and be more "into it"