Greetings my fellow writers! The first Feyfolken short story contest has come to a close, and we have a total of five stories up for public vote. The judges have already made their decisions, but now it is up to you to decide the winner. Without further ado, here is the voting thread.

Please read the stories before voting, for convenience sake we have links to the stories on the Feyfolken board instead of putting them all here. Thank you for participating, we eagerly await your decision.

You can leave reviews, comments, critique, or any other insights here or on Feyfolken. In fact, please do

Before you read, please take time to look at the voting system. You can just vote in the poll, but we would all appreciate it if you took the time to make a meaningful critique post following the system:

Overall score is the sum of subscores divided by the total number of judges. Each story's final score is then added and divided by number of judges. The resulting over all score determines the overall winner, the subscores determine the "runners up," or winners in each category.

The categories are:

1) Creativity- Originality
2) Story- Development
3) Characters- Believable, with good interaction
4) Feel- Tone and how well it fits in Tamriel
5) General Impressions- Anything else, negative or positive; grammar, really good descriptions, very poetic description, etc.

Each subcategory will have a winner to themselves. The overall winner is decided by who has the best average of each element. The Judges will have their ratings using this system, then the general public will vote using the same categories, but simply choosing their favorite, General Impressions replaced with "Favorite Story". The general public's vote is to be submitted with a decent review (no one line critiques).


http://s1.zetaboards.com/Feyfolken/topic/2274273/

http://s1.zetaboards.com/Feyfolken/topic/2274290/

http://s1.zetaboards.com/Feyfolken/topic/2274264/

http://s1.zetaboards.com/Feyfolken/topic/2274279/

http://s1.zetaboards.com/Feyfolken/topic/2274257/

http://s1.zetaboards.com/Feyfolken/forum/1069842/

http://s1.zetaboards.com/Feyfolken/index/


Thank you again, and please do not speculate about the author's identities. I will give the authors the recognition they deserve when the voting draws to a close.

Don't forget, the next competition is fast approaching! Start working on your stories now

Kinda hard when no one knows the rules (or anything about the contest for that matter).

Righto, I suppose we shall need another thread for next month's contest (wouldn't want ideas for next contest getting mixed up with reviews for the past one) Thanks Redsrock; I'll see what I can put together, but please let me know if I overlook anything.


EDIT: Ah, I just figured I could take the rules off the Feyfolken board. I think we had everything there, I don't see anything that would cause a problem.

Just take your time and make sure everything is set.

I read all the stories, and I placed my vote for what I believed to be the best of the five. I wanted to give a bit more back for the entertainment I received, but I don't fully understand your grading/voting/rating system. I understand that there are 5 parts to it, and I even understand what is meant to be used as the criteria for each of the five, but I am not sure if grading is done on a scale of 1-5, 1-10, 1-100, or some form of "A, B, C, D, F"? Let me know and I will gladly rate some, if not all, of the stories.

We judges did it on a basis of 1 to 5 for each catagory...

EDIT see burntsierra for a better answer

Don't worry about the scoring would be my advice. I'm sure the author's would be delighted with your thoughts, I'm not sure they will be bothered by a score. We had to score, in order to come up with the ranking. I'd argue that the critiques should be more important.

And I would argue that you're right. Oh wait, that wouldn't be arguing then...

Indeed, just some constructive criticism would be nice. Don't worry about rating them unless you really want to Thanks.


The last one went very well, for the very first one at least. I mean, at the beginning of last month it was just a single idea thread and now we have at least twenty five members on the forum, several judges, and plenty of writers lined up.

PS Wooly, I believe last time you showed interest in judging. We are looking for some new judges, if you are still interested. We would need to see you critique a story or two first (perhaps these), but I'm confident in you

I may take some time over the weekend to read them.

Hope it goes well, Darkom.

Come now, I'm sure more than eight people intend to vote. Please, it's for the writers, not me. Thanks

I think most peaople won't really have time to look through till the weekend...

No one else has bothered with a minor review like you requested, but I will. My chosen favorite was Diary of Dust, but it was a close call with Sunrise Purging. Here's my reasons according to your categories.

1) Creativity- (sunrise purging) Not very creative, to be honest. The only real creativity was in how the story was introduced. From there, it got more and more predictable.
(Diary of Dust) Until about half way through the story, I hadn't much a clue of what was happening, which gave a lot of suspense. Not only was the method of writing unique within this contest, it was a rarely used -properly- method of narration. And the story itself was a creative twist on its subject. I liked the idea concerning the wrist irons as well.
2) Story- (Sunrise) The story developed well, but predictably. (Diary of Dust) THe story progressed very well, leaving suspense and teaser bits of the mystery with each diary entry.
3) Characters- (Sunrise) Truthfully, I saw very little of the main character throughout the story, other than the typical stoicism. (diary of Dust) I didn't even know the gender until 1/2 through the story, and got to understand the character in little pieces and steps, but most of all, got to understand the character at the same time they were coming to understand themselves.
4) Feel- (Sunrise) Felt very stoic and depressing and reminiscent. (Diary of Dust) Suspenseful unsureness, general panic at many points, and sense of desperate need to know and understand, which mirrored my own desire to figure out my questions.
5) General Impressions- Sunrise Purging was well written with great description, grammar, word use, and writing technique, but Diary of Dust just connected to me more, immersed me more in the character's mind and situation, making me care for them more and read on eagerly.

Kudos to both writers, well written pieces they are.

I figured as much Evil, and thank you very much Frank Just what we were looking for.

Well, I have now managed to read all the stories and although I voted for Sunrise Purging, I would have voted for Tale of Qutuz as well if I could have, I liked them both pretty equally. I'm going to go ahead and copy FC4 in what he did

Creativity
Sunrise Purging I enjoyed the narration as I started to wonder what was wrong with the main character and I was curious to read on to find out what he was going to do now that he was a vampire. Although I do agree with FC4 in that although it is enjoyable to read it wasn't overly creative.
Tale of Qutuz I have never read a story written in this style before and so as I have never really come across it I found it an interesting read, having said that it wasn't quite crazy and creative enough.
Story
Sunrise Purging: I found that the story flowed very well and was easy to slip into and easy to follow although nothing completely spectacular happened.
Tale of Qutuz: I wasn't gripped by the story until about halfway through when the battle between Francis and Qutuz began. I found the an overveiw of a lot of charcters with lots of details is interesting but hard to get excited about.
Characters
Sunrise Purging: I found it hard to like the character simply because the writer breifly scanned over parts of his life. This puts distance between the character and the reader and as I said before it was very easy to slip into the story and it was interesting but I didn't find that I cared much for the character.
Tale of Qutuz: As with sunrise, the main character was hard to like while scanning over his life, but when the battle began and it got more personal, I cared a lot more about the outcome of the fight and about Qutuz. (Who I might add has a very difficult to pronounce name )
Feel
Sunrise Purging: I liked how even with the distance between the character and the reader there was bitterness hidden in the words, even though he spoke about how he hunted vampires I picked up a certain amount of anger and bitterness because of what has happened to the main character.
Tale of Qutuz: It felt a bit like a history textbook until the battle began, which was when I genuinely felt suspence because unlike most stories where you think... 'oh the main character is so going to live' in this I honestly wasn't sure which way it was going to swing which made the end fight exciting to read.
General
Sunrise Purging: It's the sort of story I would go back to and read again, I did enjoy reading it.
Tale of Qutuz: I would read this again now that I've read the ending because the begininng will have more meaning to me now that I care about the character, but reading through it the first time was a bit challenging.

Thanks Half Tooth, that's exactly what we wanted to hear But guys, c'mon, there are more than two or three stories. Writers, please don't critique your own, or all but your own, but everyone else go to town. Thanks!

By the way, public voting will be closed at the end of the month, as well as announcing the public and judges favorites. We will also finally reveal the authors of each story.

Thanks again, happy writing :goodjob:

Alright, just a bump to let everyone know the voting will be closing in five days. On the same Thursday, I intend to tell everyone who wrote which story. Writers, you can finally get all the credit you deserve However, if any of you wish to remain anonymous for some reason, please let me know.

Thanks to everyone who wrote, critiqued, and/or voted on a story. You are the backbone of this contest :goodjob:

EDIT: Well, yeah, but if for some reason they wanted to stay unknown, I'd trust people not to go and try to figure it out. Anyway, I am really trying to sound like a caring, official host here, Frank. You're little snide comments aren't very helpful

No point to being anonymous is there? Five stories, just need three revealed authors and the other two would be easy guesses anyways.

There's been no new votes or critiques on this in almost a week. I think it's safe to assume that we've got as much as we're going to get from this thread now. My suggestion Darkom (which you are of course entitled to ignore if you don't like it ), is post up the results and judges scores and comments now, and then let's focus on the second contest. Of which there's only a few weeks left to go now

There just doesn't seem to be much point in stretching this particular thread out any longer. :shrug:

Indeed, I suppose you are right, my friend. Well then, the results are as follows:

Judges Vote:
Creativity- Diary of Dust
Story- Diary of Dust
Characters- Sunrise Purging
Feel- Tale of Qutuz
General- Sunrise Purging

And the overall winner is Diary of Dust! Sunrise Purging scored a close second, but the Diary came out on top.


People's Vote:
Out of seventeen votes, Sunrise purging wins the public contest with an eight vote majority. Congradulations!


And now, the authors:

Beginnings- FC4
Diary of Dust- Half Tooth
Chalice of Purity- Demonstar
Tale of Qutuz- Person from Anticlere
Sunrise Purging- Rachel the Breton


So, our Judges winner is Half Tooth, while our popular vote winner is Rachel the Breton :celebrate: Hooray!


Interesting how the Judges chose differently than the rest of you. Anyone have any thoughts on this, or any of the results?

Should we post the judges comments up? I'd assume so, but I'll wait to see what the other judges opinions are. Quite happy to put mine up for people to disagree with though. And do we put the judges scores up? Unsure on that one. What do people think?

Sure, lets put the commentary and scores up.

Story One: Tale of Qutuz

Shades:

Story 1
creativity ? 2
story ? 3
characters ? 4
feel ? 5
general ? 4

It's not the most creative thing to have a death match between two warriors for a story, but I think you've really captured the way the person who won would retell the story. He focuses on what he remembers from the ordeal, he plays up the might of his enemy so it makes his success seem more epic, and he retells his glory while he dies.

He doesn't come across as very human or relatable until the end, but the poisoning seems a bit over the top. It does come across as stiff.

Redsrock:

Creativity ? 3
Story ? 2
Characters ? 2
Feel ? 3
General ? 3

The story was rather bland. I felt like I was reading a history lesson the entire time, and it seemed to drag on much longer than it should have. In fact, I think it would have been better to focus on the actual battle and the subsequent poisoning to the protagonist. That said, the characters were flat, and there weren't many to begin with.

I didn't find the protagonist an interesting character, which will often doom a story. If you're not going to have many characters then you have to have a protagonist and antagonist that are interesting. Unfortunately that wasn't the case.

All in all, if less was spent on the build up and if more effort was put to the protagonist's battle and death, the story would have likely been much better.

Burnt Sierra:

Creativity ? 3
Story ? 4
Characters ? 2
Feel ? 5
General ? 4

The premise behind the story, a historical recounting of a battle, may not be the most original; however, I thought you came up with an effective way of communicating it. The way you showed it purely through the eyes of the lead character worked, and I felt there was a distance between the reader and the narrator that helped to suggest that the narrator's wish could come true, I could imagine it retold by the fireside as men swapped competing tales of valour.

I found the structure of this story to be one of its strongest points. The opening set up the tone of the story nicely, and the momentum built strongly from there. The lead up to the battle was logical, the battle itself worked well, and the twist after the battle I felt you introduced in a believable manner. There was a nice balance and completeness throughout, and it kept the style consistent.

The characterisation was probably the weakest aspect of the story. Outside of the narrator, no other character was really given an opportunity to express anything. When it came to his adversary, too much was told, and not enough shown. What were his eyes doing? What kind of sounds was he making? What was his breathing like? Details like this can give an idea of character, even if that character never really gets the opportunity to speak. Too much was told about them, both Kings and the Prince, and not actually shown, and when there was dialogue, it was a little stilted. If you plan to redo or polish this story in the future, this is the area I'd suggest you focus your attention on.

The tone, as previously touched upon, I liked, and I was impressed by how you kept it consistent all the way through as well. The combination of the style chosen to tell the story seemed appropriate. The details and the lore were used very effectively, and I felt that it fit into the TES universe very smoothly. I have no criticisms to make of this aspect of the story, as it was done very well indeed, and is quite possibly it's major strength.

Final thoughts - It's a well-written story, nicely executed in the main, with a good structure. It's hampered by disappointingly thin characterisation and dialogue, but uses its framework and details well. From a technical perspective, the writing is solid and dependable for the main, albeit without ever quite managing to dazzle. Overall, though, it's a very good effort, and one I enjoyed reading.

Evil Pigeon:

Creativity ? 2
Story ? 4
Characters ? 3
Feel ? 5
General ? 3

I enjoyed the story and I felt you managed to maintain a good tone throughout - The retelling was well implemented and you never lost that feeling that the protagonist was talking about a past experience. I will say that a duel isn't the most original concept and I felt that you didn't explore the other characters inolved very much past some rigid traditionalism on the part of Qutuz's father. The lower score in general is because I felt that, after the epic buildup, I found the description of the battle scene to be a bit of a dissapointment.

Story Two: Beginnings

Shades:

Story 2
creativity ? 2
story ? 2
characters ? 2
feel ? 2
general ? 2

This story was rather erratic; I didn't quite see what you were going for. The switch to Hukral's thoughts right in the middle of Jassan's bit was strange, and then this thief leaves in the middle of the night to slaughter bandits? It feels in the story as if they just keep moving on to something else without relating it to a narrative.

So the major thing you'll need is some kind of transition between the elements if you need to keep the elements. The strange ending with the mage coming out needs to not be the ending, and you've gotta find a different way to show Jassan than as The Joker (I mean the gleeful killing).

Redsrock:

Creativity - 2
Story - 1
Characters - 2
Feel - 2
General - 2

I'm not going to lie. I was very disappointed. The ending wasn't an ending at all. It reads as if you simply ran out of time or got bored, and just decided to end. That's not a good way to get your readers interested. Not at all. There didn't seem to be a point in the story, either. It was very hard to follow.

There were also a few questions that I had to ask myself here and there. Things like having the Nord think to himself. Don't do that. When you start changing perspectives in the middle of the scene everything gets confusing. Another thing that bothered me was your choice of terms in several instances. I don't think they do the waltz in Tamriel.

And this sentence really bothered me: "What gives man?!" Man? Really? On that note, don't use more than one punctuation mark at a time. It looks tacky and amateurish.

I know we're not supposed to grade on grammar and such, but there's something I definitely need to point out.

"My name is Bobby." the boy said. There's something wrong with that sentence. There needs to be a comma, not a period. By saying "blah blah blah said," the sentence is continuing. Since it hasn't stopped, you don't use a period. You use a comma instead. You made this mistake throughout the passage.

Burnt Sierra:

Creativity - 3
Story - 2
Characters - 3
Feel - 3
General - 3

A nice idea, which fits smoothly into a long line of these type of stories, from Robert E Howard's "Conan" stories, to Fritz Lieber's "Lankhmar" stories. Whilst it doesn't offer anything wildly original, it does offer a tried and tested formula which seems to be appropriate to the genre.

The way the story develops is quite a tricky one to judge, primarily because it just stops. It offers no resolution, and seems to be an excerpt taken from a longer work. The progression of the story up to that point had been reasonable, although there were a couple of leaps the plot took that weren't explained clearly. The plot clearly has promise, but it just isn't fully developed enough. I suspect it will work much better as a longer piece.

The characterisation again has split my opinion. Some of it is great, some not so good and I have a few issues with character motivations at times. The lead character, Jassan, I must admit I think is terrific. Lively and entertaining, I could read about his adventures quite happily for hours. Hukral is also brought across pretty well too, and some of the interaction between them was very entertaining. However, even with so many positives surrounding these two, there are still some issues. Why is a thief going in all guns blazing. Why isn't he trying to sneak his way past. Why does he speak like he's a modern day surfer? "What gives, man?" It's a strange mix of great at times and...less good at others. There's the potential for a great double act with these two, but again, it isn't fully developed yet.

It does fit quite nicely into the TES universe, and there's a light and entertaining pace and tone throughout. A solid fantasy stalwart, that works reliably in this genre.

Final thoughts ? this story has caused me the most difficulty in judging. It has some good ideas, a likeable lead character, a decent double act starting, some really good description at times, a fast and entertaining pace. It is enjoyable. But... it's unpolished. It ends incredibly abruptly. Some of the dialogue seems out of place. Some of the character motivations seem strange. You've got a bizarre mix of great and disappointing. With that in mind, I cannot score this as highly as I'd like to, there are just too many flaws as it stands now. In terms of potential and entertainment though, it could be right up there. I hope you develop this further into a longer story, I think it would benefit from that.

p.s. This also goes quite a long way over the word limit. Whilst I cannot mark this down, as it was accepted as such, I do feel it's unfair to those stories that came in under or on that limit.

Evil Pigeon:

Creativity - 2
Story - 2
Characters - 3
Feel - 2
General -3

Not a bad effort, I feel the work could've done with being longer, you tried to fit in too much into too small a space. As a result what you do have feels rushed and the characters underdeveloped. The tone of the piece also goes through some shifts that don't fit together very well and the story isn't the most original. On the positive side, pieces of the story were individually very entertaining in their own right and, although it didn't hold together well, you actual writing was quite good and the protagonists were entertaining to read about.

Story Three: Chalice of Purity

Shades:

Story 3
creativity ? 2
story ? 3
characters ? 1
feel ? 3
general ? 3

This story felt rushed, I think there should have been more at the start before they met in the woods and saw Christine. There wasn't much about the characters then, it would have been nicer perhaps to start with the commissioning of the job and some of the preparation so we would know the characters and be on their side by the time they're out adventuring. It does feature the feeling of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, but I like twist of the evil chalice. The dialogue was rather cheesy.

Most of the names seem outside the Elder Scrolls style, like Angelus, Christine, Derek. Most of the characters are inconsequential though, try slimming down the roster.

Redsrock:

Creativity - 3
Story - 3
Characters - 3
Feel - 2
General - 3

I found the story as whole rather rough to read. The narration needs to be sharpened so that it reads smoother. Also, the dialogue was rather boring. Cheesy as well, I thought.

It seemed to me that the story could have done a bit more with a longer beginning. I wish it would have been explained as to why Christine and the protagonist have a rival. It would have been interesting.

More about the man and his sick daughter would have been nice as well. I know they aren't major characters in the story itself, but the tale does revolve around them.

The story was decent, but it was rough to read. Sharpen your narrating and dialogue skills and I think you'll be a fine writer. The plot was interesting at least. I quite liked it. An evil chalice was a cool little twist.

Burnt Sierra:

Creativity - 3
Story - 3
Characters - 1
Feel - 3
General - 1

Like a few of the entries, the story isn't particularly on the original side, but it's a good fit. A traditional fantasy story, transplanted to the TES universe. On that basis the idea works just fine.

The plot for this is actually the strongest part of the story. The ideas move quickly, there's some nice set pieces and a good, and well thought out, twist in the epilogue. A solid plot, with a nice ending.

Having said that the plot was the strongest part, sadly the characterisation for me is the weakest. I have several problems with this. Firstly, I think you have too many characters, and they're basically interchangeable. If it didn't say who was saying what, I wouldn't have a clue. There's virtually no individualism, no depth or life to any of them in their dialogue or motivations. The number of them actually makes it harder as well, as you have less scope to bring them to life within the word limit. In my opinion, this aspect of the story needs quite a bit of work I'm afraid.

The ideas in the story fit quite well into the TES universe, and there is a light hearted and rapid pace throughout.

Final thoughts ? A good, well thought out plot, that is appropriate to the genre. A nice ending, and several good ideas. It's just let down by execution and is seriously lacking polish. You've obviously done a spell-check, but I'm not convinced it's been proof read properly. Numerous examples of the wrong words used. Numerous examples of the tenses changing. There's a quite ridiculous amount of occasions where words are missing. Several instances of repetition. The cave entrance turning into a cave complex, turning into ancient ruins in the space of three lines ? before they even step inside ? before later the narrator decides it's now a sealed dungeon. A bridge that they're all walking on, that the narrator says is only big enough for one person at a time. These examples just go on and on and on. It's more like a first draft, than a polished piece entered to try to win a competition. Sorry, but this needs a lot of work.

Evil Pigeon:

Creativity - 3
Story - 2
Characters - 1
Feel - 3
General - 2

Well, I think the best i can say about this piece is that the final plot twist was unexpected and that the tone was consistent. You didn't show much character development and the story wasn't the best. Ontop of that, the dialogue wasn't the best and it felt rushed and cut short. i think this story would've benefitted from a more focused plot or from being much longer.