When The Dadrea Return
Chapter 1
It was a stormy day in Bravil the swamp waters rose higher and higher,a redguard explorer name William Marchini was in Silverhome on The Water a nice inn.Bravil was his first step in Cyriioldil."Have the waters ever rose this high,"asked William,"No,I've never seen it rise to this height,"replied Gilgondorin,the owner of the inn as he poured William another ale."Some say if the town is flooded Mahrunes Dagon is to blame,"laughed Gilgondorin as he was reminded that Mahrunes Dagon was defeated by the great champion of Cyriioldil."I doubt thats true,"laughed William as he jugged down his ale."That would be 10 gold please,"said Gilgondorin still giggling as William put 10 gold on the counter."Well goodbye,"said William about to exit the inn."Wait,your going out there are you crazy,"asked Gilgondorin."Your right ill rent a room,how much,"asked William.Later that night William was awoken by a strange sound of a high piched cakle,he grabbed his dagger and put on his lethear currias over his pyjamas.He slowly tip-toed down the stairs to see that the inn was empty.After some searching he found Gilgondorin hiding in a closet,"Quick get in,"wispheard Gilgondorin,"The argent dawn killed my costemers outside the back,they want revenge and are going on a rampage all around Cyriioldil."William sneaked out of the closet and looked out of the window,The argent dawn where gone but the bodies remained,the waters had calmed and it was already morining.William signled Gilgondorin to follow him,they went around town finding only 10 other survivors.Many houses were burnt and many survivors crying,there and then William wanted revenge on The argent dawn for what they did."I WILL GET REVENGE,I WILL GET THE ARGENT DAWN,AND I WILL HELP YOU ALL!"promissed William."First I will go to the Impearial city and get help from the legion and I will get some supplies to help."The idea was absured but Gilgondorin still came with William and asked William"Why are you so focused on getting revenge all of a sudden,"asked Gilgondorin on there way to the Impearial city."The argent dawn killed my parents,my parents where a bit crazy and where argent dawn members for a time untill they had me,I was the reason they sneaked to the swamps of Morrowind,and I was the reason they died,"said William with a mix emotion of saddness and anger.

Brilliant. Please write more, your work is a pleasure to read. We can always use great new fan fiction writers like you on the forum. Your work is of a genre of it's own.

Now my friend, you've got a good plot going on here, but we need to work out the bumps. Like Grammar.

Now my friend, you've got a good plot going on here, but we need to work out the bumps. Like Grammar. I edited it a bit. So I want you to look at the things I changed.

You use their names way too often. Instead of William every line, try using things like, "He" or "The Imperial (or Breton, or Nord, or Redguard)". Always remember instead of saying 10, write ten. Another thing to note, people don't call gold, gold. They call it drakes or septims. I would advise more spacing (after each person talks, keep going until another person talks). I would also advise getting word, so that you can spell-check it. But do keep writing.

Hmm... I'm not sure what to think of this. The Good News: it's a very amusing read, and seems to have some great story potential. On the other hand... said amusemant and "Great Story Potential" is more along the lines of the "Half-Life: Full Life Consequences" series than, say, our local Rumpleteasa's "The King and I," or BSparrow's Oblivion fanfic (It's been so long I can't remember what it's called anymore ...

Do you consider that good, or bad?

(Note: I find Half-Life: Full Life Consequences one of the best pieces in the history of fanfic as far as entertainment value goes.)

Also, the Argent Dawn is a faction in World of Warcraft

Which will make adapting this into a kickass Machinima so much more awesome!

WOW!I cant belive it i will indeed write more thanks.I know the grammer and all but wow thanks guys.

i just failed but i am still doing it argent dawn=WoW MYTHIC DAWN=oblivion but im going with the argent dawn.

Good job so far. Its a good start to the story! You have my attention and Im looking forward to reading more.

Chapter 2
On there way to The Impreial City William stopped and signaled for Gilgondorin to stop,the redguard took out his dagger and his elfish friend put his hand in his back,searched around a bit and pulled out a club."What is it?"asked Gilgondorin."Bears,"he paused"two of them,"the redguard countinued,William was an excellent tracker.Suddenly 2 grizzly bears leaped out of the bushes,Gilgondorin swung his club wildley hitting the smaller bear,the young bear staggerd off.Meanwhile William was struggling with the bigger grizzly,just then Gilgondorin heroicly hit the bear repeadily knocking the bear unconcious.They then ran to The Imperial City worried that they would be attacked again.When they got to Weye they spotted a legion soilder."HELP! HELP! THE ARGENT DAWN ATTACKED BRAVIL!"they cried to the legion soilder."Don't panic I will get more of the legion to investigate,do you need anything else,"replied the legion soilder."Supplies,"answerd William.
William and Gilgondorin went with 10 legion soilders back to Bravil,luckily no animals attacked them.When they where at Bravil the survivors ran and fought over supplies."Don't fight theres enough for everyone,"called out a legion soilder in white armour with red decorations on the curiass,it seemed he was the leader.The leader handed the survivors the supplies.Everyone tucked in.The legion left 5 soilders to protect the town.William couldn't sleep so he joined the night shift.Later that night they heard footsteps and halted the hooded figure that was wearing a black robe.One of the soilders tried to pull his hood down but got hit in the face with a dagger,it was the perfect killing blow.The hooded figure dissapeard and the William searched around.William came to the conclusion that the hooded figure was not with The Argent Dawn but with The Dark Brotherhood,he told the legion soilders."How can you tell?" asked one of the legion soilders."I can tell by the armour,you see for a while I was with The Brotherhood,either they were sent by The Argent dawn or getting revenge for me sneaking away and not finishing the job,as I had got enough gold for my exploring supplies.



Less stuff going on,but more of Williams history.

Good stuff, keep it up. Just watch you punctuation lol.

...Could you break it into paragraphs?

Your writing style only needs 1-2 sentences per paragraph, and two people should never share a paragraph in dialogue.

Once more, this is brilliant stuff. Your style is on par with Tolkien's. Please write more.

STOP!

I don't mean stop writing. I mean stop and smell the flowers.

You are rushing through each action as if the world is about to end and you need to get the word out fast. It comes out sounding like a summary.

Try to be there with your character and feel what they are feeling. Understand that they have fears and are vulnerable the same way that we are vulnerable. The greatest triumph is in being no more than what we are and yet through desire, perseverance, and luck, we survive and sometimes even win. Luck and the intervention of the Nine is the only thing separating the hero from the beggar in the streets.

Have a look at this http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/862718-angel-the-fan-fiction/page__view__findpost__p__15177406