Basically the Fan Fiction section should really be called the Role-Play Forum, small pieces like this one have a life expectancy of about two hours. So I wanted to get an honest opinion to my weaknesses in this peice. I realize that it borrows heavily from the Sermons of Vivec, as it's my first attempt into true TES writings, but I'm not saying that so that you don't.

Lore really has the kind of mindset and people that I am trying to bounce this off of. Enjoy. (I hope.)

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An Assassin's Letter to Vehk

Truly, who can begin to fathom the mind that has fathomed the Aurbis? I say with no ego that I cannot. Murder as moaning, indeed. God's holy [censored]-erasure of wet death. The sermon numbered at twenty two, so often read by the priests and the teachers. To place a holiness to an action that is so shunned by creatures of the west.

Often I wondered at my own nature, pouring over old tomes that had been scribed by your scribes, read aloud in the temples, and felt as a three-fold ecstasy in my younger days, before reason clouded my vision, and the laws of the ehlnofey, the earth-bones, became my only absolute.

Then, I came upon them, commoner and noble alike, the one vast moving event of thrusting-kill-laughter as described in my favorite Sermon. The hidden hands of Mephala, darkness within the light, and woven by the threads of your anticipation. Less your words, and more mine.

My First Experience filled me with no lust, unlike my first experience. Rather, it filled me with the tenuous hesitation that precedes the action that will lead to regret, as was present in my first, along with the regret that ensues with the act, that was not present after my first experience. (First Kill, first time. Two differing events, that her webs weave as one.)

Then, my hands became black as yours, dried blood, innocence lost, dirt from shame, hidden in shadow. The interpretations are innumerable, as the methods of moaning, yet with only one clear result.

Perhaps my metamorphosis was self-inflicted, or perhaps it was merely a web of the spider I was caught in, blessed be her name, that anticipates yours. But the result was undeniable as my true desire came to the light as the ashen expression I now wear.

In her name, the true psychopomp, do I execute. In your name, the Lord, do I serve, for I know that our order is true and eternal, in faith I write, in ink I praise, for these words shall not see me draw breath in the morning fog.

Vehk would be tickled pink to read this. His priests and siblings would be very concerned, for it is obviously incredibly dangerous for all Tamriel when people go interpreting Vehk's scripture for themselves.

How Fan Fiction are we talking here? Do you want mechanical feedback? A piece like this can't be too tight.

Ah yes, you picked that part up very quickly. The writer is..not in his right mind. The character in question is a very zealoted Morag Tong. Kind of like serial killers who beleive they are doing gods work. I know, the Morag Tong beleive that they are doing A or two gods works, depending how you look at it, but you obviously get it.

As for feedback, what are my writing/lore knowledge deficincies, overall did you enjoy it, how can this be better. That sort of thing.

I think you have the Vehk-speak down pretty well, but (this will sound strange) try to make it clearer. Perhaps put it in quotes. The more coherent and level-headed the writer sounds, the more compelling and unhinged he is. The most seductive way of looking at it is that a outwardly sane man has swallowed Vivec's teachings, and applied them anolytically, to reach the space he is in now.

Then there's just other stuff... like you say fathom twice in a sentences... 'ego' could be replaced with something more in character... but that's just silly revision stuff, and not my job.