Thanks!

I've heard others say the same.

Bandit: "What's that?"
Me: "An arrow heading for your eye."
Bandit: "Aarrgh!" *dies*
Me: "See what I mean?"

Conjurer: "I'm just warming up, you pathetic worm!"
Me: "Then let me help you cool off." *kills conjurer with Frostwym Bow*

Bandit: "Where are you?"
Me: "Boo!" *sneak kills bandit with a poisoned arrow to the knee*

NPC: "It's you..the Hero of Kvatch! This is truly an honor."
Me: "Yeah, that's me: Hero of Kvatch, Master of Daedric Pwnage, Gate Closer, Scourge of Oblivion, and Daedra Slayer Extraordinaire. Bow before my Awesomeness, oh puny one."

Guard: "WHY.....WON'T.....YOU....DIIIEEEEEE?!"
Me: "Dragons had some tough bones eh?"

Guard: "What say you?"
Me: "Grammer incorrect it is"

This one's my fave I think

Guard 1: I′m here to relieve you
Guard 2: My feet are killing me
Guard 1: I′m here to relieve you
Guard 3: Another day, another septim
Guard 1: I′m here to relieve you
Guard 4: It′s about time!

Yea, this one's the best! The word "relieve" can have...several different meanings.

Can′t help thinking Beth did that on purpose every time I hear that

I know right?

Good one! That wacky AI makes for some great entertainment. Now we just need a mod that adds the Three Stooges.


Merchant: "I have the best goods and lowest prices in all of Cyrodiil."
Me: "I've heard others say the same."
or
Me: "So does everyone else."
or
Me: "Really? You mean you traveled the length and breadth of Cyrodiil, checked the prices of every single merchant, then opened up shop here and undercut them? Have you managed to turn a profit yet?"

Dremora: "Your flesh is mine!"
Me: "Nope, sorry. I'm still using it. Would you accept a sword through your face instead?" *Dremora accepts*

Adoring Fan: "Yes, oh great and mighty Grand Champion? Is there something you need? Can I carry your weapon? Shine your boots? Backrub, perhaps?"
Me: "Well, would you mind holding the Staff of Everscamp for me? Great, thanks. Now just wait here for me. Yes, right here. I'll be right back. In about two centuries."

NPC1: "I'm done talking to you!"
NPC2: "I've heard others say the same."
Me to NPC2: "And yet, you didn't get the hint."

Bandit: "Do your worst!"
Me: "That might be counterproductive for me, but here goes." *fires arrow and deliberately misses by wide margin*
Bandit: "Is that the best you can do?"
Me: "No, you idiot, it's my worst. Here's my best!" *shoots arrow right through bandit's eye* "Like it?"

NPC: "What can I do for you?"
Me: "Well, do you know the rules to playing Bandersnatching the Jabberwocky?"

Bandit: "I need to cut down on the ale. Starting to see things, I am."
Me: "Dude, it's not the ale. You went a little heavy on the skooma."

Bandit: "Don't feel bad. No one lives forever!"
Me: "Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to live forever or die trying! So there!" *kills non-immortal bandit*

I do this all this all the time, if anything I find it a big part of the immersion except I do it in Niamh's voice - in my head, my wife would think I was (more) nuts otherwise.
I also answer Vilja when she talks, we have had quite lengthy conversations...

x10

Pure man!

Random NPC: I hear the Fighter′s Guild is hiring new members. Not bad work for some folks, if you′ve got the stones for it.
Me: Sounds to me like you don′t

Yea, all of these...you should write for Leno or something.

NPC: Oh, hello
Me: Yeah, you′re not my favorite either *draws sword*

Guard: Excuse me, I′m on duty.
Me: Doing number two, are we?

Guard: How can I assist you?
Me: Well for starters, get me my latte and the latest issue of Guns and Ammo.

You should post some of them here.

Thanks!

Hmmm...never thought of that. I may be having a career change in the near future.



What about the latest issue of Bows and Arrows?

Owyn: "I heard a rumor that you're an idiot. Any truth to that?"
Me: "I want to fight in the Arena. That should be all the answer you need."

Baeralorn: "I'm Baeralorn. Anvil's castle mage. Perhaps you've heard of my work on magical resistances."
Me: "Magical resistances? I could use a bit of that when going after evil mages. Tell me more."
Baeralorn: "Our gracious Countess funds my research. I ward tame rats with resistance spells, then shower them with elemental attacks."
Me: "I wouldn't tell Arvena Thelas about that if I were you."

NPC: "You are stupid, so I'll make myself clear... you are stupid. Go away. I don't want your blood and puke all over me."
Me: "Just because I have ADHD doesn't mean I'm- Oh, look! A mudcrab!" (Note: I actually do have ADHD)

NPC: "Look at the muscles on you!"
Me: "You can look all you want as long as you don't touch. If you touch me, I'll touch you back. With my sword."

NPC: "What is it?"
Me: "I give up. What?"

Guard: "What are you looking for?"
Me: "That one place. Y'know, the one with people in it. And that big...thing. Know where it is?"

NPC: "Do you believe any of that talk about Oblivion Gates opening up all over Tamriel?"
Me: "Those aren't gates to Oblivion, they're portals to realms of extreme wealth. Go through one and see for yourself."

Phintias: "Good day."
Me: "Why does that phrase always sound like an insult when you say it? You got a tome up your rear, or something?"

This.
I now have beer on my desk.

Store owner: "Tell your friends about me."

Severus: "Yes, I'm sure they're all anxious to get ripped off too."

BattleMage: "You must be the Arcane University's newest addition"

Severus "And you must be brain dead.That's the tenth time you've said that."

Sorry. Didn′t think it was that good myself actually

Good ones

"Stop right there criminal scum!"
"No."

Shouldn't that be...
"Stop right there criminal scum"
"I've heard others say the same"
Then in honor of Skyrim, you give him an arrow to the knee.

Jensine: "Tell your friends about me."

Lou Zehr: "Really? You cater to pirates, thugs, and the Grey Fox?"

Jensine: "Tell your friends about me".

The Grey Wizard: "Okay. I'll tell Martin Septim about you. MM hmm, that's right, I know Martin Septim. We're tight like that".






x

True enough, and being as how Niamh is an archer...

Guard: "Speak."
Me: "Speak? Speak? What am I, a dog trained to do a master's bidding? I speak when I feel like, not when somebody commands me. And when I speak, I get right to the point. I don't beat around the bush at all. And I'm not the slightest bit loquacious, so there's never any sesquipedalianistic bloviating from me. No sir, everything I say is relevant, on topic, and put in the simplest possible terms."
Guard: "Stop talking."
Me: "But you just told me to speak. Jeez, make up your mind, will you? I mean, first you tell me to speak, indicating that you desire conversation, then you tell me to shut up. You really need to learn how to talk to people if you want a decent conversation."
Guard: "You too."
Me: "Oh, bite me!"

NPC: "I saw a ghost once. It put a curse on me I'll never forget."
Me: "Cool story, bro."

A little character introduction is in order for these.

Solina Atrius - Race: Imperial/Bosmer hybrid. Class: War Mage (similar to Battlemage, but doesn't wear armor) Uses a combination of staff, spells, and blunt weapons in combat. Loves the color purple so much that she used Alteration to turn her eyes, hair, robes, and weapons purple.

Raxle Harmevus: Race: Imperial Class: Shadowguard (similar to Agent, but works for the Empire) Prefers to be called 'Rax'. He's extremely skilled with blades, and prefers using two short swords (specifically, Kodachi) in combat.

Vrael: Race: Bosmer Class: Sylvan Ranger (custom class) Came to Cyrodiil in pursuit of Eregor and his followers, known as Warsmers and Archermers, depending on their combat skills (OOO quest). Found considerably more than he bargained for. Vrael has been nicknamed 'The Wind' because of his speed and stealth. He's very good with a bow, but also uses a two-handed sword when forced into melee.

Necromancer: "I'm just warming up, you pathetic worm!"
Solina: "Then I'll just cool you off with Hypothermia." *necromancer freezes to death* (Note: Hypothermia spell - Frost Damage 40 points for 5 seconds on target)

Conjurer: "Showing your face was the last mistake you'll ever make!"
Solina: "Well then, I guess I'll just have to hide it." *casts Total Concealment* (Note: Total Concealment spell - Chameleon 100% for 30 seconds)
Conjurer: "Where are you?"
Solina: "Over here." *casts Tempest, conjurer dies* (Note: Tempest spell - Fire, Frost & Shock damage 20 points for 5 seconds)

MD Agent: "For Lord Dagon!" *attacks*
Rax: "For the Empire!" *kills MD Agent with ease* "Okay, that was too easy. Something isn't right." *doesn't relax his guard even slightly for the next six months*

MD Agent: "You cannot escape the Master's vigilance!"
Rax: "Ha! Your 'master' is the one trying to escape me, you idiot!" *kills MD Agent*

Warsmer: "Huh. Must have been the wind."
Vrael: "Yep. That's me." *kills warsmer*

Archermer: "Where are you?"
Vrael: *kills archermer* "In the land of the living. Unlike you." "Wait, why am I talking to a corpse?"

Countess Narina Carvain: May luck be always on your side.
Me: Yeah, I always go 5+5+1 so I got that covered.

Carius Runellius: Have you ever considered a job in law enforcement? Hehehe.
Lothran in full Bruma guard outift:

Random Khajiit: Its scent is unfamiliar.
Me: *sniffs armpit* -Yeah, sorry

All of these are perfect! I like that you put your character's specific replies, The Vyper, I like doing that too. Some of my characters can't participate in this thread (like Dyan phor a'Cauz) because take themselves way too seriously, and they have no sense of humor. But EradiKate? She's mean and heavily sarcastic. Lady Saga? She's always teasing Erthor,...her sense of humor involves a lot of poking and teasing. The Grey Wizard is out-of-touch with common people, his humor is like that of a college professor's: nobody gets his jokes but him.

These are great!

Thanks!


NPC1: "How are you?"
NPC2: "Been better. How about you?"
NPC1: "Been better."
Me: "Seems to be a lot of that going around."

NPC1: "You have the hands of a healer."
NPC2: "You have the hands of an illusionist."
Solina: "I also have the ear of a guard. But I'm not a necromancer, I promise!"

NPC: "You're a sneaky looking sort."
Vrael: "I'm a Sylvan Ranger. I'm supposed to be sneaky."

NPC: "Looks like you're handy with a blade."
Vrael (with only bow & arrows visible): "And how would you know that? The last time I used a blade was two days ago, and my opponent escaped. Wait a minute..."
NPC: "Bye."

NPC: "What can I do for you?"
Rax: "I'm looking for the most wanted criminal in the Imperial City. Tell me everything you know about the thief known as the Grey Fox."
NPC: "Ohh. He's that wanted criminal."
Rax: "Umm..yeah, I just said that. I want you to tell me what you know, not what I know.""
NPC: "Isn't he a master thief?"
Rax: "Again, I've already said that. Do you know anything about him besides that?"
NPC: "I hear he's dangerous, too."
Rax: "Well, any thief of that caliber would be. Anything else?"
NPC: "I've heard that the beggars spy for him."
Rax: "The beggars? Hmm, interesting..."

Imperial Guard: "Have you seen Armand Cristophe?"
Lou Zehr: "No, and I'm not happy about it. Now I have to pay full price to rid of my bounty".

Lou Zehr is a Redguard male who was doing the TG, but his game lost steam. I think at some point I'm gonna pick it up again by writing a story about it like I'm doing with Ann Thraxx.