@Renee and Vyper - Thanks a lot Yours are really great too!

I greatly enjoy this thread and Renee′s about NPC conversations. I′m actually kinda tired of all those heavy topics that floats around these forums and this lightens it up quite a bit!

Keep it going folks!

"Ann Thraxx"

Yeah, Renee is quit the wordsmith

The Vyper needs to be credited for thinking up Ann Thraxx, although he first named her Ann Thrax. I added the extra "X".


I know. I wanted to start another NPC Conversations thread, but I was hoping someone else would do it. Oh well. Maybe I should, huh?

I have enough threads up already, otherwise I could start the second one for you. Don′t wanna take over the whole first page though

Hafid Hollowleg: Welcome to Bruma, stranger. Hafid Hollowleg. I'm your host at Jerall View. Bed, food, whatever you need.
Me: Stranger? Really? I′ve been coming here for the last five years, and you call me a stranger?

or

Hafid Hollowleg: Welcome to Bruma, stranger. Hafid Hollowleg. I'm your host at Jerall View. Bed, food, whatever you need.
Me: Ok, so... where′s the women?

Citizen: "Did you hear about Kavatch? They say Dadra came and burned it to the ground!"
Me: "yeah...did you hear about the person who closed the gate?" -points to self-

good one, Trixie, and it's sooo true! Sometimes the NPC's totally seem oblivious (no pun intended) to the roles of our characters. Like this one.

When the Grey Wizard speaks, by the way, you have to picture the typical Hollywood mage, who's very powerful sometimes but can be a little goofy. Most of his jokes go way over people's heads. He's got a deep-sounding voice, and when I RP'd him, I'd try to make my voice as deep as possible!

Arcane Uni Battlemage: "Ahhh...you must be our newest addition to the Arcane University. This Imperial Battlemage bids you welcome"

The Grey Wizard: "Well, I suppose technically I am the Arcane University's newest addition; nobody else has joined since I showed up. A-huh-huh-huh-huh huh Get it? Nobody....else.... it's a joke"

...The Grey Wizard now wanders off into the plaza so he can find a cute female Associate who will follow him around, admiring The Grey Wizard with her smile, which says "take me! I've got 100 Disposition towards you! ...


Mmmm. I hope Skjorda is one of them. She's my babe! A little mean, though.

Forgot to introduce one of my characters earlier:

Arya: Race: Bosmer. Class: Slayer (custom class). Arya is a vampire hunter by trade, but an adventurer at heart. She loves exploring and finding new places. She's particularly fond of going through the halls of the Ancestors (Ayleid ruins). When fighting vampires, she uses a bow called Dawnfyre and a sword called Dawnstrike. Both inflict fire damage on their targets, which vampires are quite susceptible to. What makes these weapons particularly valuable is that vampire souls recharge them, without the need for soul gems.


Vampire NPC: "Come to me, sweet flesh!"
Arya: "How dare you talk to me that way! We're not even dating!" *kills vampire extra hard*

Vampire NPC: "Blood! I need your blood!"
Arya: "Yeah? Well, so do I. And I had it first!" *kills vampire*

Marauder: "Puny elf! I'll pick my teeth with your spine!"
Arya: "Stupid Nord! I'll pick your teeth with my sword!" *drives Dawnstrike through marauder's mouth; mmm...spicy*

NPC: "The Kvatch Guard are driving back the Daedra. Don't you understand what this means? We can beat the bastards!"
Me: "Dude, the Kvatch Guard wouldn't be 'driving back the Daedra' if I hadn't gone in and closed the Oblivion gate. By myself."

NPC: "What can I do for you?"
Me: "Go up to a vampire and say 'Bite me!'. I wanna see what happens."

NPC: "It...It's you. The Hero of Kvatch! This is truly an honor."
Rax: "Why do you people keep calling me the hero? It was the Kvatch Guard who held the line against the Daedra until I got there. It was the Kvatch Guard and a small group of Legionnaires who drove the Daedra out of Kvatch. All I did was lend my blades to the fight."

MD Agent: "The dawn is breaking!"
Rax: "And I'm here to fix it!" *kills MD Agent*

MD Agent: "The time of cleansing is almost here!"
Rax: "So you're about to take a bath? Let's make it a bloodbath." *kills MD Agent and friends*

Vampire NPC: "Come to me, sweet flesh!"
Renee Gade II: "Oookay. If you consider flesh that hasn't been bathed in a week "sweet", have at it!"

Vampire NPC: "Blood! I need your blood!"
Lady Saga (poutingly): "But I need it, too! Are you sure you can't just eat a rat?"

NPC enemy: "DIE CUURRR!"
The Grey Wizard: "You want me to dye some cur? What color would you like me to dye it? I hear Jensine's got some nice indigo in stock. What is cur anyways A-huh-huh-huh...Sorry."

Good ones!

Hello. Have you seem my two sons? They were...
What? You're looking for Tucson? That's in Arizona.

Yes she is, always complaing about "headache". Old women′s trick, it is

NPC: "It's scent is unfamiliar."
Vrael: "Keep sniffing me up and I'll send an arrow up your nose." (Note: Vrael doesn't like Khajiit. At all.)

NPC: "It has words? It can speak?"
Solina: "It has spells. It can cause great harm."

NPC: "The prey approaches."
Arya: "You really shouldn't call yourself 'the prey'. Wait, is that your name?"

NPC: "What makes this smell? Is it you?"
Rax: "No, it's your upper lip."

NPC: "This is a wondrous encounter!"
Me: "I know. I'm just that awesome."

Guard: *chasing NPC* "You should have paid the fine!" *kills NPC*
Guard: *checks body* "Hm. Body's still warm. Looks like there's a killer about."
Me: "WTF, man? You're the killer. Went a bit heavy on the skooma, did we?"

Count Terentius: "Regulus Terentius, Count Bravil. Good of you to introduce yourself, stranger, but no point, really. I'm the count, and you have no business talking to the count, right? Good. All straightened out. Off with you, then."
Me: "Well aren't we just full of ourselves? As it happens, I'm here on behalf of Chancelor Ocato."
Count Terentius: *snort* "He thinks to use his position as head of the Elder Council to make himself Emperor. He will not succeed."
Me: "Well, that settles it. You're an idiot and not worth my time. Good day to you. Equine's rectum."

Count Marius Caro: "Perhaps you would like to do a service for County Leyawiin?"
Arya: "Like kill that evil, racist witch you call a wife?"
Count Marius Caro: "An Orc named Mazoga here claims to be a knight, but will not reveal her business. Find out why she is here, and report to me, and you will earn a reward suitable for those who serve Leyawiin."
Arya: "Why don't you just get off your 'noble' butt and ask her yourself? She keeps saying she'll only talk to you, anyway."

Vyper is an endless supply of funniness! He takes all my jokes

Thanks!

The only thing I could think when I read this was http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2012/3/3/365a810e-cf7f-4ff1-869c-af16ffa8a099.jpg


NPC: "Why are you bothering me?"
Me: "Because you're easily perturbed. You should see someone about that."

Ulrich Leland: "I don't know you and I don't care to know you."
NPC: "I've heard others say the same."
Me: "Then take the hint and leave town. Permanently."

NPC1: "It...It's you! The Hero of Kvatch!"
Me: "Yep, that's me. Want an autograph?"
NPC2 (standing right next to NPC1): "Have you heard about Kvatch? They say the Daedra came and burned the city to the ground!"
Me: "Y'know, I do seem to recall hearing something about that. Didn't some mysterious guy close the Oblivion gate and help the Kvatch guard retake the city?"


Bandit: "Jump on my sword while you can!"
Solina: *destroys bandit's sword with Disintigrate Weapon spell*
Solina: "And what 'sword' would that be?" *kills bandit*

NPC: "You smell of death. Been conjuring up dead things?"
Solina: "Nope. I've been summoning Daedra. Want to see my pet Bob? He's a clannfear." *summons Bob*
Solina: "Just look at him. Isn't he cute? Oh look! He likes you."
NPC: "Bye."

NPC: "Looks like you're handy with a blade."
Arya: "You'd better hope so. There's a vampire on the loose in town, and I'm the only vampire hunter around."

NPC: "You have the eyes of a marksman."
Vrael: "You should meet some of my friends. Solina has the hands of a healer and an illusionist, while Rax has the ear of a guard. Just a few more pieces and we'll be able to make a person."
NPC: "I've heard others say the same."
Vrael:

NPC: "You smell of death. Been conjuring up dead things?"
Me: "Does Rob Zombie count?"

Set the Stage: I haven’t pursued the main quest since starting the game beyond getting Martin to Cloud Ruler Temple at the start.

After recently advancing the quest, Baa arrives at Cloud Ruler Temple with the Mysterium Xarxes and runs into Jauffre.

Jauffre: … Martin’s gotten little sleep since you left…

Baa: Jeezs, I hope he’s OK, I’ve been gone for four years.

NPC: "What makes this smell? Is it you?"
Rax: "Sorry, had too many beans last night."

MD Agent: "Paradise awaits me."
Rax: "Better get going then. It's not nice to keep Paradise waiting."

Jauffre: "Parry and strike!"
Dremora: "Fail and fall!" *kills Jauffre*
Rax: "Jauffre, Jauffre, Juaffre. Never tell your opponent what you're about to do."

Burd: "It was an honor to serve with you, sir."
Rax: "It was, wasn't it?"

Dremora: "Your flesh is mine, mortal!"
Arya: "Not till I'm done with it!" *kills presumptuous Dremora*

Bandit: "You're presence here is not welcome."
Arya: "Tough. Accept it or die." *Bandit chooses death*

Vampire: "Come to me, sweet flesh!"
Arya: "Okay, hot stuff." *kills vampire with Dawnstrike*
Arya: "Happy?"

Male NPC: "What can I do for you?"
Arya: "Anything you want, handsome. Mm."

NPC: "Things seem to go from bad to worse nowadays. First the chapel attack and now the Prophet ranting about the end of the world."
Me: "The Emperor and his heirs have been murdered, Oblivion gates are opening all over the place, Daedra have been sighted in the wilderness, an entire city was obliterated overnight, hostile agents are randomly attacking in each of the remaining cities, syndicates of wizards are boycotting Imperial goods in the land of the Altmer, birds can no longer be seen, Night Mother rituals are on the rise, a retired Legion officer was murdered while out for a swim and his finger was cut off, an island has appeared in the middle of the Niben, it's raining burning dogs in Border Watch, and all you're worried about is a raving nutcase?"
NPC: "I saw a mudcrab the other day. I steered clear of it."
Me: *makes a series of inarticulate noises, then departs*

I have a new character I'm using to help Alpha test a mod. He's a Knight Skirmisher who really gets around, but he's a bit of an idiot (think Robin from Robin Hood: Men in Tights). He also thinks a proper Knight should speak...well, see for yourself. And just who is this wondrous knight, you ask? I give you Sir Cumphrense, leader of the Knights of the Octagonal Ottoman!

NPC: "I heard there were some goblins around here recently. Foul creatures."
Sir Cumphrense: "Good sir, pray tell me where they can be found, that I may eliminate these foul beasts who so besmirch our fair land."

Bralsa Andaren: "Begone, stranger! I have business with Kynareth’s shrine, and I will not be disturbed."
Sir Cumphrense: "My most humble apologies. I wish not to intrude upon thine devotion to one of the Nine, but my need is great. Verily, I would increase my skill in the magics of Destruction that I may destroy the enemies of the Nine. It is said that thou art a master with no equal. Will thou train me?"
Bralsa Andaren: "You seek training? If I were to aid you, you would first have to assist me. I would strip the Creators of their works... you will help with this. Bring me 20 bear pelts, as proof that you have helped tear nature asunder. Then we shall speak of spells and teaching."
Sir Cumphrense: "You dare to take such actions against the Nine? Have at thee, foul wench!"

Lazare Milvan: You are talking again. You will stop.
Me: No I won′t no I won′t no I won′t no I won′t no I won′t no I won′t no I won′t no I won′t no I won′t no I won′t

or

Me: But... if I cut your throat because you are an arrogant [censored], then you will stop talking. Right...?

Rayvin Dreth (my Assassin character) had a different response:

Lazare Milvan: "You are talking again. You will stop."
Rayvin: *stabs him through the eye, traps his soul (yes, he actually has one) in a Black Soul Gem*
Rayvin: "Happy now, Breton s'witt?"

NPC 1 to NPC 2: How are you?
NPC 2 to NPC 1: How are you?
Me: No one′s going to ask me?

I felt lonely and forgotten

Hirtel: Deedra have overrun Kvatch!
PC: Stendarr's mercy!* We'd better...wait a minute. Say that again.
Hirtel: Deedra! They attacked Kvatch!
PC: Oh, phew! I thought you said Daedra. But Deedra, thats a relief.

PC: Any rumors?
Kurz gro-Baroth: I found some good pauldrons at the armorer the other day.
PC: Who is Paul Drons?
Kurz: Not who, what. Pauldrons. You know, the shoulder guards you wear as armor.
PC: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

*PC enters Mage's Guild*
*Alberic Litte enters Mage's Guild*
PC: Gah! What are you doing?!
Alberic: Entering the Mage's Guild of course. I work here, and offer Conjuration training and sell various spells.
PC: That's not what I meant. You were just outside! I saw you!
Alberic: And?
PC: Well, you're inside now!
Alberic This surprises you?
PC: Yes! I grew up in Morrowind, and people who were ourdoors never went inside
Alberic: That makes no sense.
PC: It makes perfect sense! This...this is just too much to handle.
Alberic: Maybe you should sit down, and gather your wits.
PC: Sit what now?
Alberic: Sit down, in a chair.
PC: You can do that?!

* Yes, I'm a Boethiah worshipper, but I think praying to the God of Mercy would be better than the Lord of Murder and Deceit.