:goodjob: :rofl: Ive seen many great posts here but you have posted by far the best ones!! Were do you get it all from?? XD Does it strike you suddenly when u play or what? =D

Thanks!



Most of them I just come up with. Some, I adapt from elsewhere: Monty Python, Johnny Carson and some others. The quotes about the 'unclean horse' and the 'vasectomy with a mudcrab' are adapted from Johnny Carson's Carnac The Magnificent character. Look it up on YouTube. Look for SIS BOOM BAH in particular, as that's one of the funniest.

Anyway, here are a few more:

NPC: "It...it's you! The Hero of Kvatch!"
Me: "I know. I can't believe it's me either."

NPC: "Look at the muscles on you!"
Me: "Look all you want. But if you touch me, I'll touch you back. And you won't like it."

NPC: "You're a sneaky looking sort."
Me: "Well, if I'm so sneaky, then how did you notice me?"

NPC: "Have a look at my wares."
Me: :hubbahubba:

NPC: "This is a wondrous encounter."
Me: "Finally, the respect I deserve."

NPC: "What can I do for you?"
Me: "Jump head first off Dive Rock."

Guard: "What are you looking for?"
Me: "That ear I took from you. I can't find it anywhere."

Owyn: I heard a rumor that you were an idiot, any truth to that?
Me: At least I didn't boink a barmaid without thinking that it could produce a kid.

Martin Septim: The blood of the Septims may flow in my veins, but you have the soul of a hero...
Me: Correction: You have the blood of a servant woman and a Septim.

Martin Septim: We must hold fast until the Hero of Kvatch can destroy their Great Gate! We must kill whatever comes out of that gate!
Me: Right. Because I have the soul of a hero and he has the blood of a servant woman. I should be emperor!

While sprinting through Imperial City and passing a guard:
Me: *sprinting*
Guard: "You have my ear citiz..."
Me: *sprinting*

Generic Enemy:I've fought Mudcrabs more Fearsome than you!
Me: Yeah, your mother is quite fearsome.

They usually cry then I kill them.

Gift-to-Night-Mother: "You are no mat-"
Me: "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE.........."

Bandit: "I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you."
Me: Well, if your crabs problem is that severe, you probably should have it checked out by a healer. ASAP.

Emporer: "I am your emporer, Uriel Septim."
Me: "I didn't vote for ya."

Random NPC: What's this about?
Me: Your life. Why? *Stab*

Alval uvani or whatever: Don't come any closer or i'll turn your bones to ash. Back off.
Me: *Comes closer, uses a powerful flame touch spell over time, Alval dies* "Your bones are ash, not mine."

Highwayman: Your money or you lif-
Me: Answer me these questions three.
Highwayman: Wuh-
Me: What is your name?
Highwayman: Apparently it's highwayman.
Me: What is your quest?
Highwayman: To steal money from idiots like you.
Me: What...is the airspeed velocity of a falling adoring fan?
Highwayman: Annoying or European?
Me: Annoying.
Highwayman: What? I don't know tha-
Me: *smash*

I really don't do many funny replies when I'm roleplaying but here's a couple.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uriel Septim:"I am your Emperor, Uriel Septim"

Me: "Lighting a giant torch with jewelry is no system of government! Supreme executive power derives from the masses, not some farcical pyro ceremony. I mean if I was to go around saying I was Emperor because some fiery tart threw an amulet at me, they'd put me away!"

Baurus: "Stay put prisoner."

Me: "HELP HELP I'M BEING REPRESSED!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Uh...here's another one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adoring Fan: "By Azura By Azura By Azura, it's the Grand Champion!"
Me: "HEY APPLE, APPLE, HEY APPLE! YOU LOOK FRUITY! HEHEHEHEHEHEE"
Adoring Fan: ...
Me: "It's not fun when you're the victim is it?"

Some more i remember now:

NPC 1: I've heard Darm-ma has gone missing.
NPC 2: Hooray!!!
Me: :blink:

Guard:How can i help you?
Me: Stop talking and go to jail!
NPC: That's true. (or something like that)

Bandit: A live one!
Me: *kills bandit* A live dead one!

NPC #1= Did you hear about the Hero of Kvatch? They say he actually went into an Oblivion gate and closed it!
NPC #2= Nooooo!!
Me= o___o

:rofl: I love the Monty Python references! Keep it up! there's definitely gold there.


Okay, time for some more:

Guard (sounds angry): "What do you want?"
Me: "How about a little respect? I'm the Arena Grand Champion, Archmage of the Mages Guild, Master of the Fighters Guild, Madgod of the Shivering Isles and Daedra Slayer extraodinare! How dare you sneer at me, you arrogant nobody? :angry: You don't even have a proper name!" *arrogantly smites arrogant guard*

Alval Uvani: "Back away or I'll turn your bones to ash!"
Me: "Okay, I'll just kill you from over there." *goes 'over there', turns around, kills Alval with heavily poisoned arrow*

Mai'q: "Mai'q knows much. Tells some. Mai'q knows many things others do not."
Me: "Does Mai'q know how to refer to himself in the first person?"

Guard (during Persuasion minigame): "Talk tough to me. I like tough guys."
Me: :blink: "And on that note, I'm going to have to leave. If you ever hit on me again, I'll put an arrow through your eye. Twice."

Guard (during Persuasion minigame): "Talk tough to me. I like tough guys."

This is really disturbing, a guard addressing u like this...

Now I remember some more, here they are:

NPC: You shouldn't be here.
Me: Why? It's a store, I know it's 3 AM but im desperate for the free amulets!

NPC1: What's new in the other provinces?
NPC2: *SNORT*
NPC1: Noo!!!!!!!
NPC2: Indeed.
Me: :blink:

Guard: What are you looking for?
Me: :whisper: :hubbahubba:

Bandit: Jump on my sword while you still can!
Me: -i would love to, but first you would have to stop shooting me with your bow and draw it first.

NPC: You got the hands of a healer.
Me: And a thief and a murderer.

Uvani: You get any closer and I'll turn your bones to ash. Back off.
Me: *Struts away* Haters gonna hate.

Uvani: You get any closer and I'll turn your bones to ash. Back off.
Me: I love you too, sweetiepumpkin.

Uvani: I have no time for your pathetic attempts at small talk. Now walk away, before I get... nasty.
Me: You shouldn't have done that...
Uvani:You get any closer and I'll turn your bones to ash. Back off.
Me: You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?

That guy is so much fun.

Starter prison playing a Khajiit.

Valen Dreth in starter prison: There's a rat in my cell.
Me: Yeah, that's you!

Dreth: They don't feed the new prisoners.
Unlocks the cell doors via command console and enters Dreth's cell
Me: Hello dinner!

Emperor Picard: I am your emperor, Uriel Septim.
Me: Khajiit have no Man as their ruler.

Starter prison any race.

Captain Peugot in starter Prison: What's this prisoner doing here?
Me: Waiting for a chance to inhume Emperor Picard.

Emperor Picard: You are the one from my dreams..
Me: Almost right. Your nightmares.

Emperor Picard: Assassins attacked my sons, and I'm next.
Me: The Contract is progressing smoothly then. Good.

Emperor Picard: I am your emperor, Uriel Septim.
Me: Wrong. You are a corpse not yet dead.

Ordinary game play.

Bandit on the road: Showing your face was the last mistake you'll ever make!
Me: What makes you think it was a mistake?
Fires the Failed Levitate spell from the Hilarity mod, and watches as Bandit falls to death.
Me to Bandit corpse: I need to SEE a target so I have a clear shot to KILL it.

Bandit: Don't feel bad--no one lives forever.
Fires the Failed Levitate spell from the Hilarity mod, and watches as Bandit falls to death.
Me to Bandit corpse: Correction. I've yet to live forever. You didn't. Oh, and I didn't feel bad about inhuming you.

Guard after I select Resist Arrest: Then pay with your blood!
Me: Wrong. You will pay ME with your blood.

Guard inspecting my handiwork: Looks like there's a killer about.
Me watching from hiding place: Yes. Me.

Generic NPC: You have the hands of a Smith
Me: Correct, BluePill. Agent Smith. I cloned them from its code.

Me to wolf that tried to annoy her: Be dead, Rover.

Jenifur Charne

Guard: Why Won't you die!
I smile showing vampire fangs.
Me: Lets see, fangs, bloodshot eyes, alabaster skin, feeds on blood, can only go out at night. Yep. I'm already dead.
svcks the life out of guard.

Guard: I'm just warming up, you pathetic worm!
Launches Fire Column Damage spell at guard.
Me: You're more than just warming up. You're flash fried.

Guard: Evils afoot citizen.
Me: Yes, I am afoot.
Launches Fire Column Damage spell at guard.

Jenifur Charne

*Checks body*
Guard: Hm, looks like there is a killer on the loos- AGH!
*Guard checks other guard's body*
Guard: *gasp* Are...are you all rig- AUGH!
*Guard checks other other guard's body*
Guard: The bodies still war- EURGH!

Me: *facepalm*

wat

Guard(who just killed somebody):Who did this?!
Me: Umm you did.

Guard: I like what I see
Me: Well *edges closer to guard*

Beggar: "Me children are starving."

DB Silencer: "Here, have these apples. They're absolutely delicious!" *

Owyn- He's good with a Blade too so keep your damn head down
Me- Did you give the barmaid that advice because if you did thats pretty good advice if you know what I mean.

Baurus- The emperor is dead
Me- Yeah thats what you get for telling me to guard him.

Me- Lord Sheogorath you got something on your shoulder
Sheogorath- Thats your last mistake (Teleports you above the Isle)
Me- I never got to see the unicorn wahhhhhhh (Dead)

Jaufree- This is this is the Amulet of Kings
Me- Well duh I mean its Red, the Emperor was wearing it and I can't put it on and it did the Star Trek theme song whenever I touched it


Adoring Fan- By Azura By Azura By Azura
Me- Say Azura one more time and I cut off your ears and feed them to an Orc
Adoring Fan- By Azura I want my mommy wahhhh
Guard walks over
Guard- Yeah he was annoying me too I was about to charge him for assault
Me- How could you charge him for Assault
Guard- His words they wear doing damage to my health

Adoring Fan- By Azura
Me- Is that the only thing you can say
Adoring Fan By Azura, By Azura
Me- So that means you like eating Children
Adoring Fan- By Azura, By Azura, By Azura
Me- Good Grief at least Maglir's quiet all he says is Pay Day lets go
Adoring Fan- By Azura