....That's a built in line. And Matius yells at you for saying that

Random NPC- "Take Care"
Me- "Garnier!"

Bandit: "What's that?"
Me: "Like I'm going to fall for that one." *kills bandit*

Other bandit: "Where are you?"
Me: "Like I'm going to tell you." *kills other bandit*

Marauder: "Where are you?"
Me: "In Cyrodiil, you moron. Where did you think I was?"



Monty Python is the best. And quite a bit of fun to inject into Oblivion. Midas Magic has a spell that summons http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvNdAGwnwm0, so apparently we're not the only fans. It also has the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.


Terminator 2. Ahnuld: "I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle." Good one.


Fellowship of the Ring (book or film). Gandalf to Balrog: "You shall not pass!" Another good one.


:rofl:


Another :rofl:

Bandit: Who's there?
My khajiit assassin: Just the cat.

Antoinetta Marie: I've heard so much about you.
My khajiit assassin: Then i've been pretty crappy assassin.

Two bandits talking to each other in a dungeon, arrow flies out of the darkness and sends one bandit flying across the room.
Bandit: Must have been the wind.
Me: ...

This is a conversation my character had with two guards. The Persuasion mini game was involved.

Guard1: "What are you looking for?"
Me: :whisper: :hubbahubba:
Guard: "Ugh. That's foul."
Me: "Well, you're no help at all. I'll ask one of your buddies." *walks to another guard*
Me "You're buddy over there wasn't very helpful."
Guard 2: "What are you looking for?"
Me: "Well..." :whisper: :hubbahubba:
Guard 2: "Talk tough to me. I like tough guys."
Me: :bolt:


Highwayman: "Your money or your life."
Me: "On a bad day, I'd ask you to do me a favor and take both."
Highwayman: "Actually, this one prefers it that way." *attacks me*
Me: "Fortunately, this is not a bad day." *kills bandit* "Well, maybe for you..."


Bandit: "I need to cut down on the ale. Starting to see things, I am."
Me: "And yet, you continue to stare at the blank wall in front of you. Have a closer look." *fires arrow into back of bandit's head, bandit hits wall face first and dies*

Two bandits are talking when I sneak up on them. I sneak kill one of them and cast Invisibility just as the second bandit spots me.
Bandit: "Where are you?"
Me: *draws bowstring, which breaks Invisibility spell* "Here!" *fires heavily poisoned arrow into bandit, bandit dies almost instantly*

NPC: "I have a feeling you and I are about to become very close."
Me: *casts Midas Force Push, sends NPC flying back* "Still feel that way?"

Emperor- You are the one from my dreams"
Me- Yeah...thats what she said...didn't end well for her either :/

Valen Dreth : "Hah! Let's see you make those bars dissappear, Breton!"
Me: *Command Console --> Unlock my cell door; Unlock Valen's door, kill Valen with flare*
Me: "How do you like that! PC power!"

NPC : "Have you been conjuring up dead things?"
Me: "No, but you're not the first to say that. I think it's this shirt I got from Thoroir's shop....."

Assasin: "You picked the wrong day to take up the Septim's cause!"
Me: "Hm? This old codger? Weirdo isn't he, gives me this amulet thing, tells me he dreams about me.....creepy."
Assassin: "Die!"
Me: "Hey hey hey! I'd give this amulet to you, but it's super glued inside my invisible backpack!"

Shady Sam: "You need something... special? Check out my wares. You won't find this stuff at your local general store, that's for damn sure."
Me: *slowly backs away* "No, I'm good. Thanks." :bolt:

NPC: "Psst. Hey, you! Yeah, you! Come here! I got what you need..."
Me: "Really? You have a copy of the latest album by Sons of Sithis? How much? :drool: "

Sir Torolf (KotN): "Complacency proved to be our greatest enemy. The service of the Nine requires eternal vigilance."
Me: "Eternal vigilance, huh? Well, being a ghost, you shouldn't have a problem with that, should you?"

Sir Casimir (KotN): "We had only the best of intentions. Truly, we did. We meant only to serve the Nine and the Empire. It's hard to believe it all went so wrong."
Me: "Yeah, well, the road to Oblivion is paved with good intentions."

IC Waterfront Pirate singing: "There once was hardy young lad of the sea... A Redguard of courage and honor was he... Sail on, my Cyrus, sail on..."
Me : "Cyrus? Isn't he one of the Emperor's Blades?"

SI NPC: "If you see a Shambles dying, get real close. They'll heal you."
Me: "Really? I tried that once and it had the opposite effect. Why don't you demonstrate the proper method for me?"

SI NPC: "There's been nothing unusual about those crystal obelisks. Nothing strange at all."
Me: "Oh, so big silver crystals that create hostile knights are normal around here? Good to know."

SI NPC: "This business with the Gatekeeper is appalling. Can no one maintain order around here?"
Me: "You want order in a realm of madness? Good luck"

SI NPC: "Please don't make it rain burning dogs."
Me: "I did that already. I doubt I could do it again."
SI NPC: "You're no fun, I bet you don't like dogs!"
Me: "Well, every one I've come across has tried to bite me." :shrug:

Guard: "Speak, citizen."
Me: "Woof!"

Guard: "You have my ear citizen."
Me in my best Beavis voice: "HEHEH. Yeah, sorry about that."

[During a game glitch]

"What seems to be the problem?"

"Nothing oficer, I'm just wondering if it hurts to have your head stuck in the bridge like that"


Salvian Mathias "We lost the damn town, that's what hapened"

Me "I think you left it on the other side of that big shiny thing"

Mythic Dawner "I'm not afraid to die, paradise awaits"

Me "I hate to tell you this but that passage you read was mistransalated. It is not 72 vigins that are waiting for you, it's 72 daedra, Have fun"

Adressed to the Countess of Bruma
"Maam I just want to make sure I got this right. The cult that assainated the emporer in front of me has succseeded in opening portals to Oblivion all over the province. People are being killed at random by monsters on the road and so far we have lost one entire town in the course of this Daedric invasion. And that is only so far, there is every indication that the crises is escalating very fast. The same cult which is operating in your city is now stalking the emporers heir in the near by fort. And if I understand you correctly I am supposed to put aside these concerns to go traipsing off in to an ogre infested mountaim just to fetch you some trinket of junk jewelery. Madame I must respectfully decline but I will see to it your name is nominated for the Tamriels most self centered [censored] of the year competetion next Frost fall"


Dremora; Dremora battle cry
Me ; "I don't care how much mouthwash you have to gargle, fresh minty breath will not raise my disposition high enough to spare your worthless red ass"

I just love it when my Imperial character is minding her own business, strolling through the IMPERIAL CITY, and she is met with:

NPC: "Out of the way, Imperial Dog!"
Me: "Oh biatch, you DIDN'T just say that to me in my HOMETOWN! *waits a few hours, finds NPCs house, and strips it of everything not tied down*

IC Guard: *grumbling* Oh...it's you.
Me: Yeah, it's me, I live here, remember? And what happened to yesterday's "Oh it's the hero of Kvatch"? Short memory a**hole.

Dremora: "Kneel before me!!"
Me: "WTF! You want me to go down on you!? This is indeed an evil and god forsaken place...


Guard: "Stop you have violated the law!"
Me: "Ehrrrm... yes its the law ive violated." :whistling:

Guard: "Whats wrong?"
Me: "Well ive been wandering around in this so called Cyrodiil for a while now and... im quite curious about where you hide YOURE CHILDREN!!! YOU GOD DAMNED CHILDMOLESTERS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THEM!!?? You're all in on it arrent you?
Guard: :hubbahubba:
(Me thinking) "Omg im short and quite young... and they keep starring at me and..."
(NPC walkes by)
NPC: "Look at the muscles on you."
Me: "Gyyaaaaaahh get away from me!!! (Runs away)
NPC: :confused:

*After being woken from sleep by Lucien Lechance*

Lucien Lechance: "You sleep rather soundly for a mur- "

Me: "Shutup! How long have you been standing there, you creep!?"

This one need a little backstory to make sense, so here goes; I was walking along the road around Imperial City when I run into the Khajiit Dro' Nahrahe. This was very early in the game, so I was weak and low leveled, so I decide to walk with her. (Even though she's unarmed, and not a fighter, but my character was a coward ) Anyway, we're walking along when we come across Fort Empire, where there's an Imp inside. I backtrack in fear, but Dro' Nahrahe just runs in and punches the bejesus out of the Imp, and knocks it down in one hit! I was truly impressed, and engaged her in conversation. Here's how it went:

Me in real life: Hey Dro' Nahrahe!
*begins conversation*
Dro' Nahrahe: Yes?
Me in real life: You're bad-ass!!
*exits conversation*
Dro' Nahrahe: You too.

I was OMG, I think the voice actress actually heard me.

Random NPC: "You have the hands of a healer"
Me: "and a murderer and a thief - shall I demonstrate?"

Hahaha nice.

NPC: Look at the muscles on you!
Me: Thank you! *Flexes muscles by way of readying fists and pressing block button*

NPC: I like what I see.
Me: *removes my character's clothes* Want to see more?

NPC: Hmmm? Yes, yes, I'm sure you have something exceedingly important to say, but the apprentices don't teach themselves now do they? Good day.
Me: I was going to tell you that I boinked your wife the other night and she said it was the best thing ever.

Glenroy: This doesn't concern you, prisoner.
Me: Right, because the natural response to an emperor and his guards entering a cell and magically opening a hole in the wall is to just ignore it and blame it on the prison food.

Jauffree: I'm one of the few who knows of his (Martin) existance. One night Uriel called me into his private chambers...
Me: Eww! I don't want to hear the rest!
Jauffree: ...A baby boy laid sleeping in a basket. Uriel told me to deliver him somewhere safe...
Me: So, it's like the story of the Exodus, except this time it's the prince in the basket being smuggled to safety. I wonder if there was a rich equivalent to Miriam there singing to him?
Jauffree: ...He didn't tell me anything else about the baby, but I knew it was his son. From time to time he would ask about the child's progress.
Me: *mimicing Uriel* Hey, did my son stop wetting the bed yet? Have you discussed puberty with him?
Jauffree: Now it seems he's the illigetimate heir to the Septim Throne if he yet lives.
Me: Wait...baby boy in the basket...illigetimate heir...it all makes sense! Martin's mother must've been a servant woman!!
Jauffree: His name is Martin. He's a priest in the chapel of Akatosh in Kvatch south of here. You must find Martin and bring him here.
Me: I've got so many questions...



*After you kill Rufio, sleep in his bed next to his body*
Lucien Lachance: So, the deed is done. How do I know this? You'll find that the Dark Brotherhood knows a great many things...
Me: Right, because it takes an entire secret organization to peice together that an old guy with an arrow in his head equals a dead guy.

"I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you!"
"You're scared of crabs? I guess this fight won't be so hard after all"

Thaurron and Sparky: "I'm so happy to see you, I could BURST!"
Me: (Enemies Explode Spell)

:lol:

The Jauffre and Lechance ones were epic. :rofl:

Weebam-Na: Have you seen all the rats around here? Its making me crazy!

Me: I have a feeling you don't like rats that much do you?

NPC: "I saw a mudcrab the other day. I steered clear of it."
Me: "Let me get this straight: The emperor and his heirs have been murdered, Oblivion Gates are opening all over the place, Daedra have been sighted in the wilderness, Kvatch was obliterated overnight and you're worried about mudcrabs? What is wrong with you?"
NPC: "You cannot escape the Master's vigilance!" *summons Mythic Dawn armor and attacks me*
Me: "Of course you're a Mythic Dawn agent." :facepalm: *kills MD agent*
NPC's last words: "I do not fear death."
Me: "And yet, you steer clear of mudcrabs."

NPC: "I'm so happy to see you I could burst!"
Me: "Like I don't have enough blood and guts on my armor already." :rolleyes:

NPC: "You too."
Me: "Nope, sorry. I don't listen to U2. How about Sons of Sithis or Tiber and The $eptims? Maybe some Whitestrake?"

NPC: "What do you want?"
Me: "Nothing you've got."

NPC: "I can eat for a day on a single coin."
Me: "I could give a coin and you'd eat for a day. Or, I could teach you to make potions you could sell and you'd eat for the rest of your life. Which would you prefer?"
NPC: "Spare a coin for an old war veteran?"
Me: :facepalm:

Begger: Me children are starvin', please help.
Me: What kids? That sixteen-year-old beggar on the other side of Bruma, near the castle?

Begger: Have pity on an old war veteran.
Me: Okay, you aren't old. Second, you get killed almost instantly when I hit you, so I sincerely doubt you've swung a sword in your life.

Begger: I could eat for a day with a single coin.
Me: Uh, dude? A bread loaf *alone* costs about three gold. Plus, I can put down a feast for a king in front of you and you wouldn't eat it.

Begger: One more coin and I can get me a new pair of shoes.
Me: *puts some fancy shoes on the ground* Okay, because I feel generous, I'm giving you a free pair of fancy shoes. See it? See it? Okay fine. I'll give you coins. *does so*
*a few days later*
Begger: One more coin and I can get me a new pair of shoes.
Me: :shakehead:

NPC: "It..It's you! The hero of Kvatch! This is truly an honor!"
Me: "For the millionth time, my name is not 'YOU!' It's 'Elberond!' Get it right, people!"

NPC: "What do you want?"
Me: "I want people to stop asking me that every time I pas within five feet of them. I want people to stop talking about mud crabs and start doing something about them. I want Daedric Princes to stop trying to invade my home. I want the Black Horse Courier to report something I don't already know. I want those weirdos in the red robes to stop attacking me every time I visit another city. I want beggars to decide, once and for all, what voice to use. I want to throw knives at people like they do in Vvardenfel. I want to see birds, not just hear them. How about you? What do you want?"

NPC: "It's true what everyone's saying. Kvatch is lost."
Me: "No, it isn't. It's still on top of the hill. It may not look as good as it used to, but it's still there."

Bandit: "Jump on my sword while you still can!"
Me: "Or what? You'll cut my legs of? You'll have to get close to me first!" *kills bandit form a distance with poisoned arrow*

Highwayman: "Your money or your life."
Me: "I choose 'your life'." *kills highwayman*

M'aiq the Liar: "M'aiq knows much. Tells some. M'aiq knows many things others do not."
Me: "Does M'aiq know why highwaymen are the only bandits who don't try to kill you on sight? Or why they only ask me for 100 gold when I have over 1,000,000 on me?"