Okay, time for more:

NPC: "You're a sneaky looking sort."
Me: "You weren't supposed to see me." *kills NPC- can't leave witnesses*

Me: *kills everyone in the IC Market District, then another NPC enters*
NPC: "Looks like you're handy with a blade."
Me: *gets a real good laugh* "Yes, I am." *demonstrates on observant NPC*

NPC: "Everybody needs a copy of the Black Horse Courier!"
Me: "Why? To wipe with?"

NPC: "You're talking to me and I don't like it."
Me: "Do you like this better?" *puts arrow through NPC's eye, NPC dies* Me: "Guess not."

NPC: "HELP! MURDER!"
ME: "Help murder? Okay, I'll help. Who's the target?"

NPC: Jump on my sword!

Me: But..you have an axe.. :unsure:

LOL, the AI can be so funny sometimes.


Bandit: "You're a traitor to your own race!"
Me: "You're trying to kill me & loot my corpse and you're calling me a traitor? You should be a politician." *kills bandit*

Guard: "Do you have a deathwish, Citizen? Put that weapon away or I'll put you down myself."
Me: *kills guard and everyone else in the vicinity* "You were saying?"

NPC: "You've got a bounce to your step. I'l bet you're quite the Acrobat."
Me: "Wouldn't you like to know?" :hubbahubba:

I am in the Thieves Guild...AAAND I steal; quite a lot. Mostly food (I turn it into potions, and sell them. Quite lucrative, actually)..So, whenever I hear "You have the hands of a healer", I always respond with "No, I have the hands of a THIEF!"

Lord Rugdumph: "OUT! GET OUT!"
Me: No u.
*smacks Rugdumph with sword so he falls off the balcony and dies*

Adoring Fan: "By Azura! Its you!"
Me: "How dare you compare me to a mere god? "
*makes Adoring Fan Commit sucide*

NPC: I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you!
Me: That the same one you saw the other day?


And yes, this thread was good enough for me to come out of lurking

Bandit: "You move like a pregnant cow!!!"
Me: "Yeah? Well, so did your mom . . . LAST NIGHT!!!!!! OH, BUUUUUUUURN!!!!!!!!!!"

I actually yelled this aloud when I was playing, I was really getting into it, and the next time I look up, my sister is just staring at me with this wierd look on her face. Kinda embarrassing.

I usually find myself muttering things to the NPC's under my breath. Usually taunts. Like when you enter dialogue with one that really dosen't like you.

They greet with a smile and wait for you to say something with the nastiest look on they're face.

I also find myself in Tamriel when I'm not playing MW or OB. Only sometimes though.

*My thoughts before leaving the house for work* - I should save before I leave, just in case.

Sometimes as I'm working or walking somewhere, I swear I can hear the title music and exploration music from MW.

After things like that happen, I usually take a break from the Playstation 3 and the Xbox....

NPC: "What do you want?"
Sir Killsalot: "To end your life!" *kills inquisitive NPC*

Guard: "What are you looking for?"
Me: "Trouble. You got any of that, or do I need to make some?"

Guard: "Stop! You've violated the law!"
Me: "I've violated more than that."
Guard: "Pay the court a fine, or serve you sentence."
Me: "I'm not paying squat, and if I serve anything, it'll be a paragraph, not a sentence." *resists arrest*
Guard: "Then pay with your blood!"
Me: "How about I pay with yours?" *kills guard and all of his buddies (and everyone in town)*

OMG, that's the best one :clap: :rofl:

Some Argonian chick in Anvil: "How are you, you... you... uh... How are you, you rat?" (I think this peculiar greeting may have something to do with one of the quests I did but I honestly don't remember this girl or any quests involving her)
Me: "... Oh, I'm fine. How are you, you squid?"

Lazare whose surname escapes me, in Skingrad: "You're talking again. You will stop."
Me: "No, you will stop. *kills*" (I wish)

DB assassin: "I heard [name] feasted on his entrails!"
Me: "That's .... charming"

Girl in Bruma: "Hey, you look just like your statue!"
Me: "I have a statue? Cooooool!"

Guards say "What is it Citizen?" all the time, and every single time I say "Herpes, thanks for asking." It's a strange compulsion.

Dulfish gro-Orum: Buzz, buzz, buzz. Go away, little fly.
Me: Yeah, because everyone knows flies can make people explode with a spell (guess what happens next)

Some Redguard: You move like a pregnant cow!
Me: Dude, you just hit me with paralysis. I am not moving. :facepalm:

I made a point of killing him emphatically.

One time I ran across a Bandit that had been killed by a mudcrab. I thought, "that must be that one fearsome mudcrab they all talk about" and then killed the mudcrab with a single blow (well it WAS seakened by the fight) and then a couple others nearby.

NPC: "Why won't you die?"
Me: "Because it's your turn!"

NPC: "Don't feel bad, nobody lives forever!"
Me: "Did you expect me to be upset over you death?"

adoring fan: its the grand champion!
me: ah crud, first glarthir now you, why do i always get the crazies?


citizen: i ran into a mudcrab once, nasty little things.
me: a mudcrab dies in one stab! how can that qualify as NASTY?

citizen: i ran into a ghost once, seemed to svck the life right out of me.
me: i wish thats the ONLY thing they did! they silence you, drain your stats, and stab you, and you need a stinking enchanted, daedric, or silver weapon to lay a scratch on them!

adoring fan: its the grand champion!
me: this is my reward? i get to be pestered by a fan? im going to dive rock. *3 days later* NUUUUUUUUU HE BACK!

bandit: rats, always scurrying in the shadows,
me: theres no rats to be seen in this dungeon! and dont blame it on the wind, cause im pretty sure a door doesnt unhinge, open a door entirely, and shoot you in the head with an arrow because of the wind!

begger: coin for the infirm?
me: theres no such thing as an infirm!

guy whos name i cant remember: go away before i turn your bones to ash!
me: how do you turn something to ash? this isnt fallout where you have a better decapatation and melting combat!

i don't remember his name but he always says ''i don't know you and i don't care to know you''

me: ''good''

Tonight I had fun...

Two bandits were talking to each other...


I heard Deadra worship is on the rise....


Me: (Summons a Clanfear and Daedroth, who promptly wipe them out as it was overkill.)
Be careful what you worship, sometimes they bite...

(loot)

NPC: I saw a mudcrab the other day!

Me: Hey guess what! SO DID EVERYONE ELSE!!!"

"Must have been the wind..."
...(Twaang-thunk!) Call me Maraya.


"Tell your freinds about me!"
...We talk about you ALL the time.


"I'm not going in there!"
...What a little girly-man you are!


"By Ishmere's beard, we got ourselves a live one!"
...By the festering forelock of Nickademous, I've got myself a dead one.

Aval Ulvani, Dunmer master of Destruction, and frequent victim of my characters.


Ulrich Leland, corrupt Captain of the Cheydinhall city guard.


Bandit: " I need to cut down on the ale. Starting to see things, I am."
Me: "I'm sneaking. You're not supposed to see me, or even start to." *puts arrow through perceptive bandit's eye*

Marauder: "Must have been the wind."
Me: "How did you know that I'm called 'The Wind'?" *kills well informed marauder for knowing too much*

Guard: "Stop! You've violated the law!"
Me: "Well, what else am I supposed to violate? You? No thanks, I'll stick to the law!"

Bandit: "Don't feel bad. No one lives forever!"
Me: "Well, I'm going to live forever or die trying! So there!" *kills happily mortal bandit*

Owyn : Leave me alone I'm a busy man

Me : No actually , you just stand there all day waiting for me to be ready for a match

"ill turn your bones to dust"

my reply: lets see how you try it without your head

NPC: "Ah, you must be the newest addition to the Mages Guild. This humble Battle Mage bids you welcome!"
Me: "I'm the [censored] Arch Mage! God Damnit bow to me!"

NPC: I used to think you were a holy crusader, turns out your a sinner just like the rest of us.
Me: And you care why? I mean [censored] I saw you last night with that dog and your comparing me to you?