Guard: "Stop! You've violated the law!"
Me: "And now I'm going to violate your face!" *puts an arrow through the guards face"

Dunmer NPC: "You remind me of my homeland. During the Blight."
Me: "You mean I've brought back unpleasant memories for you? My work is done."

"I've seen Mudcrabs fiercer than you!"
Hate to break it to ya. But I'm no Mudcrab

"Why won't you-" (Die!)
*Arrow through the throat*
You were saying?

"You will make-" (Me a fine pair of boots, lizard)
*Arrow through the skull*
You a nice corpse?

"This will give me great pleasure"
*Sword to the torso*
Oh, miss Hlaalu?!
(Cake for any and all who get the joke )

"Help me kind sir, me children are starving!"
"Have a coin, beggar!"
"Blessings of Mystara upon ye!"
*Walks away*
WAIT A SECOND! There are no children in Oblivion! The beggar lied!

Some argonian: You've got some nimble fingers. What have you been getting your hands into?
Me: Your mum.

Some bandit: I'm just warming up
*sets on fire*
Me: I noticed.

Random person: "you're a sneaky looking sort"
Me: "So I take it you didn't see me steal everything from your house this morning while you were eating breakfast?"

LMFAO... hahahahaha, True =] lolz, Thatz just flucking funny

Thats just down right Hilarious Lolz =]

ROTF LMFAO, Still Has Me Laughing!... Best One Yet... Lolz =]

Warlord: "HAHA... jump on my sword while you can!"
Me: "WHAIT!?!?! WHAT!?!?! did you just say!?!?!"

Guard: "Hail good citizen. I speak for the Emperor. At least, I did."
Me: "You spoke for the Emperor? Listen, pal, I met the Emperor and he didn't have any trouble speaking for himself."

Khajiit just outside the gate to SI: "No, go away. I'm not here."
Me: "Really? Then who's talking to me?"

Khajiit just outside the gate to SI: "You can't see me. You can't see me. No one can see me."
Me: "Who said that?"

Bolwing: "Fribble! Just fribble!"
Me: "You want me to fribble? What if I don't?"
Bolwing: "I'll Kalicrak the Findoo. I will. You Terratet it!"
Me: "Umm, yeah. You do that. I'll be...somewhere else."

Chapel Healer: "How are you?"
Me: "You tell me. You're the healer."

Bolwing "Gorble. Can't you hear them gorbling?"
Me: "Gorbling? It sounds more like a game of Bandersnatching the Jabberwoki to me."

Bolwing: "I've got a Quintat that says they can ipanate."
Me: "Oh yeah? Well, I've got an Octat that says they can't. :meh: "

Golden Saint: "Speak quickly, mortal."
Me: "I'mtryingtogettoNewSheothtoseeSheogorathcanyoutellmethefastestwaythere?"

guard: "Evils afoot citizen"

Me: "Luckily i'm 5 foot 10"

NPC: "What is it?"
Me: "Dunno. I was hoping you could tell me."

NPC: "I saw a mudcrab yesterday."
Me: "How special."
NPC: "Nasty little creatures."
Me: "They're prettier than you."

Guard: "Stop! You've violated the law!"
Me: "Yeah? Well, you're next!" *violates guard's face with a sword*

Bandit: "Jump on my sword while you still can!"
Zayede (my female Imperial Battlemage): "Thanks, but I'm not that desperate." *summons clannfear, watches bandit die unfulfilled*

Marauder: "Don't feel bad. No one lives forever!"
Zayede: "Speaking for yourself?" *casts Doomsday spell, marauder dies horribly* Zayede: "Thought so."

NPC who's just standing around: "Everybody needs a copy of the Black Horse Courier!"
Me: "Well then, stop shouting and start handing them out. Go on. Get moving!"

Mythic Dawn guy: "Dawn is breaking."
Me: "What?! Dawn is breaking?! That's terrible! Dusk fell yesterday, dawn is breaking today, what's next?" *jumps off Dive Rock in despair*

Me: *shoots Bandit from long distance without killing her and remains undetected*
Bandit: "I guess it was nothing."
Me: "Well, something must have fired that arrow." *fires second arrow through bandit's head. Bandit dies*
Me: "Was that 'nothing' too?"

Adoring Fan: "BY AZURA BY AZU"/ Me: "Shut the [censored] up"

*Roleplaying as an Imperial Guard, so standing next to one patroling"

NPC Guard approaches my patrol mate: "IM here to relieve you"

Me: *turns to guard* "I get Carwen to do that for me."

Imperial Gaurd: "Stop! You violated the law!"
Me: "Stop! Hammertime!"

Imperial Guard: "You have my ear citizen"
Me: "No look! I really have your ear!"

Sheogorath: "Free cheese.. for EVERYONE!"
Me: ".....SHUT THE [censored] UP!"

Is your real name MC Warhammer? :laugh:

"By Azura, By Azura, By A-*smack!*"

Can't believe I haven't seen this one yet:

Talk to a merchant in Imperial City:

NPC: That Palonirya, it's hard to get her prices down.
Me: And I bet that's not all...

Otumeel: I am Otumeel.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAhAHAHAHAHAhAHA!... I seriously laugh my ass off at that.

Yeah, that's a fun one to hear. my response is usually:

Otumeel: "I am Otumeel."
Me: "Oatmeal? Mmm...tasty." *nom nom nom*

NPC: The Fighters Guild is recruiting again. Not a bad way to make some money, if you've got the stones for it.

Me: You referring to my 'loot'?

Laughed my head off !!!! :rofl:

NPC: Look at the muscles on you!

Me: Keep your pants on, it's CGI.