I got bored a while back and wrote the beginnings of a story but it is probably not good. Feedback about the beginning will determine whether or not I finish it.


Grey Dawn
3E 417, Black Marsh


"Come in and have a seat Mr?" The bleary eyed Redguard stared hard at the parchment on the desk before him. "Vuncius. Anthonius Vuncius is it? Good." Anthonius reluctantly sat down in the rickety and dirt covered chair opposite the Redguard warden. "Yes sir, Anthonius Petraflavius Vuncius the sixth." The Redguard chuckled and sipped the stone goblet of wine he held in his left hand. "Quite a name Imperial, I am Dalron and I the Warden here as you should know. All the glorious swamp land for days around belongs to me. And you do realize that this is a very dangerous job and while it is my land? I am not accountable for any casualties. You signed the contract and therefore you accept this term." Anthonius stroked his chin and stared off out the one open window at the back of the office. He observed the Argonians being herded about in chains by Human slave drivers. "Um? yes of course." Dalron threw back the last of the wine and tossed the goblet against the wall. "Good, go and see Eustace Fenndrake he will get you outfitted for your first day on the job.

Anthonius stood up and exited hastily, bumping into a large bald-headed Nord on his way out. "Hey watch it you little fetcher!" The Nord shoved Anthonius back onto the office floor and menaced him with a crude spiked club. Dalron spoke out. "Kjoldvier control yourself!" The Nord scowled and tied the club back onto his bearskin belt. Anthonius stood up and hurried past the Nord slamming the door behind him. Anthonius scoffed and looked about for the Breton Slave Captain, not hard to spot he was well dressed and short even for a Breton. Anthonius approached him cheerfully and stood at attention. "Afternoon sir I- The Breton glared at him and waved his hand to silence him. "I don't care Imperial! How'd you hear about this place!? I don't trust you. And that means I might kill you!" Anthonius shook his head with amazement. "What? You- Again the Breton cut him off this time signaling with the crossbow he had picked up from the ground. "Save it! Got a job for you your majesty! Take this and shoot one of those Lizards over there loitering. They seem to have forgotten they are slaves!" Anthonius backed up and frowned. "I don't want to do that! I didn't sign up to kill people." The Breton grinned revealing only a couple grimy blackened teeth. "Then they all get it." He raised his hand and discharged a burst of fire into the center of the group sending them flying and screaming through the air.

That night Anthonius snuck out of the guardhouse into one of the slave shacks. The Argonians looked up in terror as he entered. "We have done nothing master! Do not hurt us!" Anthonius put his finger to his mouth and shushed them. "No listen, I am here working for an organization on Vvardenfell we are putting an end to this trade. I am going to get you all out of here soon." The oldest of the Argonians pointed a bony, quivering finger at Anthonius. "You must speak to Kills-With-Eyes and Runs-In-Terror. They are our strongest, our leaders."

Actually it's not bad at all. The style is rough but if this is your early work that's not surprising. I can definitely imagine what is happening although your writing could use some polishing.

Just a minor hint: don't begin a fanfic by saying "I wrote this because I was bored but if you read it and say it's good I'll like myself today more than I liked myself yesterday." If you have the desire to write, you will continue and you will polish your skills and you will get joy from that. If not then why are we discusing at all?