Time to find out how forgiving this community is or is not. I was reading a news story about some guy's parole hearing and I found the comments of the victims interesting, so it caused me to be curious: if you feel that someone has wronged you, do you stay angry with them forever, or do you forget about it and move on? Do you feel the way you handle it is good, or not? Do you differentiate between petty slights and major wrongs?

When I was younger I held a grudge like no one else. As I've gotten older, I've learned to let things slide. Life's way too short (or long) to sit there worrying about what some dude did to piss you off umpteen years ago.

I used to hold grudges. But as I've gotten older I find that holding grudges is a waste of my time and energy.

I refer to my signature. Both lines

What if what they had done to you was really bad (like maimed you or killed a family member), would that change anything?

YES, i stay angry with them forever...(if it has anything to do with my believes on any kind of matter - and if i am aware that they are wrong !!!)

btw, i agree fully, with ToJKa^P signature: Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. VERY WISE...

So...i am working on it.

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. !!!

I'm pretty forgiving and chill, and I'm not good at staying angry with someone for very long. So yes, I tend to forget about and move on from wrongs done to me. But, I suppose if the person in question is stupid-looking there's a higher chance I'll hold onto it.

But in general, nah.

For myself, I do not really hold grudges. Not so much because I make a conscious act to forgive someone or let go of something, but simply because I forget. I do not forget what happened (I have a good memory about such things), I just forget that I should be angry about it. I can only stay angry about something until something else comes along to distract me (which, given that I have ADHD, is not long ) and then it is gone. Even being reminded does not usually rekindle the feeling, and I will probably forget again quickly anyway. I am not sure what that says about me.

Well, if someone did something to my family, it would be difficult to forgive. However, I've never been in a situation like that. Not sure how I'd behave, but I was always raised to forgive. I suppose if someone did their time and was repentant, it would be hard for me not to forgive them. If they were a psychopath, I might not forgive them, but I would pity them.

I don't hold grudges at all, really. It's not because I'm a pushover...it's because staying angry makes me unhappy, and if I allow that then I'm allowing the person that wronged me to continue to do so. I adjust the degree to which I expose myself to shenanigans on a person-by-person basis. If someone wrongs me then they will either be forgiven (subject to my review of their worthiness) or closed off in a way that doesn't allow for the wronging to be repeated. I move on because that's what is best for me. Grudges are dead weight on my mind that I'd rather not have to carry around.

That said, if someone intentionally hurts someone I care about then there will likely be some sort of punishment in order. You know...as a deterrent.

Nah. Nobody is worth that much of my thought. Plus, I don't like to live in the past.

There'd be no one to hold a grudge against.

When it comes to the petty things? Not really. My panties would get in a bunch at first but I would just forget about it not long after.

As for something major, I have yet to experience anything very traumatic in my life to say how I would react to it. But I have a feeling I wouldn't be as forgiving, if at all.

When I was younger I had many but now that I'm older I really only develop them when somone wrongs a family member or loved one. I rarely care when its about me. I believe bad things happen to bad people why waste my energy on them.

to me it depends entirely of what the grudge would be about

guy stole my bottle of Coke? yeah wouldn't last long
if a person (theoretically) took a sledgehammer to my truck causing it to be a write-off? yeah, that would last awhile

When I was younger yea, but as I got older, well to be frank they are not worth my time and energy.

I feel a lot of resentment towards anyone who as much as insults me for a good while, I know I shouldn't and I try to keep it down but I just have conflict with other people so rarely each little thing becomes special and memorable. I need to mingle more with people that have a different mindset from my own.

Nah. After a small stroke and anxiety attack in the same year 3 years ago, I just let things go. It's hard to make me worry now or hold a grudge.

Depends on how much I've been slighted. I got into an argument with my mother over my sister and her less than upstanding boyfriend; that resulted in both my mother and sister being uninvited from my wedding, missed my daughter's birth and the first 3 birthdays of her life. I held that grudge for about 5 years and only recently invited my mother back into my life. I have not forgiven my sister and have basically told her to her face that as far as I'm concerned, she's dead.

The short answer is, if you piss me off or hurt me we won't be talking...ever. If I didn't like you from the get go, I don't acknowledge your existence. So, yes, I hold grudges.

it absolutely depends on what offense has been committed against me. If it's something minor, I'll stay mad for between 5 minutes to 5 hours. If it's big, but not "big", a couple of a days to a week, if it's major, and you aren't my best friend or close family, it's likely I'll never be speaking to you. I got into a fight with my two sisters when I was 17(they were both already in their late 20's by that point), they were extremely offensive to our dad(not going into it on here). It was over a decade before I reconciled with them, and I still barely talk to them.

So yeah, I can hold grudges, and will hold them if the situation dictates.

Question for grudge-holders: do you hold onto the grudge because letting it go feels like letting the offender off the hook, or is it because you feel a need to make the offender feel bad? Something else? Is it spite or do you feel like you're teaching the offender a lesson? Does holding onto the grudge weigh on your mind and/or spirit? I'm curious.

Im not sure if this counts as a grudge, but I stopped talking to my sister a long time ago because she's a total hypocrite, and I got tired of it. We both are almost 50, and cutting off contact with her brought a peace of mind. Not sure if that counts.

Depends on what it is. Antagonise me for too long after I've told you to stop and I'll never look at you the same way again.

I'm a simple man. I always like everyone. Until I figure out that for some reason they don't like me and then I could possibly start to seriously dislike them.

I personally wouldn't call that a grudge unless you still actively feel angry about it. Sometimes you just have to close people off to some degree to avoid being affected by their destructiveness or negativity. To me that's different than holding a grudge.

For me it was/is punishment. I know my not talking to my mother hurt her. She felt like she lost me because when she tried to reach out to me I completely ignored her and refused to acknowledge her at family gatherings. In fact I made it a point to leave whenever she showed up.

As for my sister, it's more out of anger even though punishment is implied. She however does not recognize it because she is constantly hopped up on whatever drugs her loser boyfriend has her on at the time. Eventually when she wakes up and gets sober she'll realize that she screwed up. I just don't see her ever getting sober. She'll more than likely end up dead in a ditch at the hands of her boyfriend and his loser parents.