Prologue


They sat around a large round table, seven in number. They all drank, they all were loud. The patrons stared, while trying carry on their conversations. A bar maiden brought them a new round of ale, mead, wine, beer, or any other preferred stiff drink. The Two Sisters Lodge proved to be a hospitable place for these men, a company of adventurers. The large tap room was fitting their to their accommodations.

They called themselves The Demons, for what strange reason only they and the Gods know. Their leader was a foul smelling Orc, named Bugdulg gro-Snagarz, otherwise known simply as "Bug" He was of the age of 40 or so. Scars ran up and down his stern face. His hair pulled into a knot in the back, keeping his ugly and sneering face in good view. He bore a cuirass of iron plate, which covered all of his muscular body. A great warrior, indeed. An odorous one, indeed.

He lead the company into dungeons, or ruins, of caves. If it looked dangerous, they'd go inward happily. These men have been in most nooks and crannies all over Tamriel. Many knew them, they "reputation" proceeded them, greatly. They were always ranting and hollering about adventures past, of how they killed this legendary monster, or slain this nefarious Vampire. Of course, no one would believe them, if not openly.

The ale was quickly consumed, so more tankards and flagons were bought and brought. depending on where the bar maids came from, some one would try to sneak a grab on them, which usually resulted in a slap, walk off, and a turned head smile. Much gold was spent on alcohol, food, and the company of female..."healers" As long as the Lodge was making gold, they didn't care who would happen to disrupt the peace.

And peace was disrupted. Many times.

Bugdulg stood, towering over most of the tavern. The fireplace behind him flickered, and the light form it caused a grand shadow come over the room. He looked over to a Dunmer, who grinned and talked to a Maiden. The Orc shouted,

"Drath, tell the bar the song of the Company of the Demons!"

Drath being a bard, he happily obliged. He stood, lift said maiden off his lap. He stood up on his chair,

"Yes, Bug," He said, clearing his throat afterward.

"Monsters and Marauders, Bandits and their daughters,
If you house treasure, be it grand or small, prepare
to hand it gleefully over, or face thy downfall.

For when the Company of Demons enters your lair
you shall know your death, albeit short and fair.
Be it a Silver plate, or Golden bands, you will
place them in our rightful hands.

It be best for you to abide.
You could hide your treasure.
But that gives us the pleasure
of slaughtering your sorry hide."


Some of the patrons clapped, others just scuffed and went back to their boring, daily actions. Drath lowered himself. They would pay for women and mead, but not a broken chair. People began to leave, obviously due to the company. Even the bar maidens began to lose interest. Only rounds of ale were left, too many to count, and far too may to drink. The company climbed up the stairs for bed rest, some went up sooner, other later.

Only one was left, the second in command, a young Imperial named Raxleon Siallo. He mulled around a small tankard of ale and a slab of mutton. Finished up his final meal of the day (And his second dozen round of ale) and wandered up the stairs. His room had the door open. He stumbled around the door way, seeing a thief rummaging throughout his things. He was simply to tired for a brawl. So he simply grabbed the thief by the neck and though his out the door way.

The thief uttered a curse at Raxleon, to which he calmly responded,

"Muttering won't reward you my possessions, thief. Find some dense shopkeep to slip over"

The thief did nothing but curse him again, then walked off. Raxleon only managed to unfix his sword sheath off before falling to the ground, passed out. Didn't even manage to hit the bed. Only the agenda of the Company of Demons.

Interesting...

Well, this was only the Prologue, mind you. I have a great story lined up, just need to get past a few posts.

I enjoyed the read for the most part. You just need to work on punctuation and a few minor spelling and grammar errors. Besides that, I anticipate more.

Thank you.
I wrote quite late, so I didn't have much time to proofread this. I'll work on it next time.

I must say the title captivated me. I will read this as soon as I find some time.

Well, I don't have much time for a lengthy critique, but I do have a couple pieces of advice for you. Keep in mind, these are all stylistic choices, and aren't really required for great writing, but it's always good to try new things.


Two things: infodumping and "Show, don't tell". I have always been a fan of not telling the reader anything that they don't absolutely need to know. We don't need to know anything but a general description of the scene and characters; all this background information about all of them is really just wasted space. I'm not trying to sound mean, but no matter how many words you write, if it all tells the same thing then any extra is just extra work for the reader. Your goal is to trap them in with some kind of hook, be it a mysterious character, sudden conflict, or what have you. We don't want to read about their past exploits, if you want to convey a sense of pride and boasting then do it with your writing.

That leads me to my second point, "Show, don't tell". This can have many meanings, but my favorite is that you have to write in a way that makes us see the scene. You can have an omnipotent narrator if you want, but you still have to convey the scene to us, and giving us a bunch of words with no feeling to them doesn't accomplish that. You say "His hair pulled into a knot in the back, keeping his ugly and sneering face in good view." Now, you have just described your character to us, in a fairly acceptable manner. This is a style thing, but I find it is better to describe the characters with some kind of action. Something you see a lot is "His long black hair blowing in the wind." This is cliche, but it is a good example of showing someone's features through action. Not only does it give the reader a view of the person, but it gives us an overall feeling of who they are. Your method shows us a snapshot of his face, while the action technique gives us a kind of video. You can rely on stereotypes and cliches to give the reader a feel of who they are, so you don't have to keep explaining it with wasted words.

Also, something I forget to mention is the problem of pace. Long winded descriptions make the flow of the story very slow, and action crawls to a halt. You don't want an introduction that is too fast, but yours is actually a little too slow. You give us all these descriptions, mixed with some dialogue and action, but one lessens the other to the point where neither accomplish their goal. Pace can help to hook your reader, and quite honestly I found it a chore to read. Not trying to be offensive, but no matter how cool these guys sound, cool doesn't mean interesting.

And before I go, I'll say one thing about introductions. They aren't like other chapters, they have to hook the reader while simultaneously introducing the characters and setting. It's the exposition, on the plot curve it's still flat. We get no closer to the climix, and we do that for a reason. You did a pretty good job, except there is no hook. All we have to go on is this "Demon" company, and once again, cool names don't make for interesting stories. Sadly, there is no valuable hook, and thus very few will take the time to read further.

All in all though, the writing itself shows promise. You just need to figure out all the tricks of attracting an audience :goodjob: Thanks for writing, and keep it up!



EDIT: Just wanted to throw in that I agree with Peleus, be sure to put in something, but nothing too big

Some spelling/grammar issues but nothing that cannot be fixed.

The plot itself was virtually static. Nothing really happened. It was a description of a setting, not a story. Some people might lose interest if nothing profound happens in the first chapter. You don't have to start a story with a nerve wrecking hook but it is good to put in something that will capture my imagination.