In Holy Matramony

January 21st "78

Water, fresh, clean water. The first time I had tasted it since I left vault 34, it was cruel. Leaving that many weapons unlocked on purpose was sick. For amusemant? For pleasure? I dont care, it had turned good, honest people into murderers. Disagreement? Shot! Argument? Stabbed! Fight? War! In my 15 years of living there, a total of 915 people werew murdered. And the overseer? Well he just sat back and watched as people looted, ransacked and destroyed every inanimate object which anyone owned. It was hell.

I lived with my father, Bernard. My mother Lilly and my dog Mac. Well we got the dog just before that night in 73... on the night of my fifteenth birthday. My dads best buddy John lived in the vault with his wife Alison and their daughter Holly. My dad managed to get a case of beer from the cantine, I was so greatful. Everybody got drunk and well, something happened. We were attacked. The family from down the hall shot at us when dad wandered out. He was killed along with my mother and Holly's parents. We were spared... But the next day, we escaped. out into the open. Into the ruins of New York. Into what we call freedom. Into what we call the wasteland.

Holly and I grew close, we became a couple and soon left New York. We had heard of some place called Rivet City in Washington DC, apparently it was safe. Safe for Holly. So we began our trek. We walked form the NY ruins to DC, accross the plains of Hell. No mans land. Three years it took us, but we got there. And we soon found ourselves in a place called "The Republic of Dave." Meh Some wackjob has set himself up his own "domain" as he calls it. Stupid really. But we wont be here for long. Were off to Rivet City. Apparently its 30 miles south of here. Ive been given a map. Not much, but a start.

Apparently someone managed to get clean water back into the streams and rivers. Finally, the wasteland beginning to get back onto its feet. Water, fresh, clean, drinkable water.

So here I am, living in a small shack with my wife and my dog Mac. Yes we got married and have a dog. Im young, so what! One moment Holly's calling me... Yes dear? A Father!? You mean...!? How long!? I dont know what to say... I love you!

I guess you heard that, yes Im going to be a father, she's 3 months gone too. Im so happy. Any way. Ive got to celebrate!

Aaron out.

*************

Well this is my first attempt so please give me some tips. What did you guys think?

Pretty good if it's your first one.

Thanks? Any ways to improve?

A few little things that don't detract from the story. You are missing your apostrophes in don't, I've and I'm. Couple of spelling mistakes with canteen, across and grateful.

I personally like to see 'new writers' starting out like this with a good short story rather than a bad long one. Too often a story that drags on for several chapters ends up rushed, and you get the opinion the story is just being written for the sake of continuation without much thought as to the plot, where it has been and where it is going.

Try to expand your story a bit, be more descriptive about your surroundings, the thoughts, actions and behaviour of the characters, in other words put a bit of 'flesh' into it. Otherwise, as I said, a good start to your writing.

Thanks, I see where your coming from. Give the story a bit of "atmosphere" so to speak. Its good to see that the mods take time out to comment on these stories. Grammar isnt the best so please give me some leaby

Chapter Two
Lock, Stock and a Smoking Barrel

As I woke up early on the Sunday morning next to not my wife, but my dog Mac. Ahh, my trusty companion, not forgetting my wife of course. Mac: a five year old labrador who not only protected, but loved and cared like a grandmother. He was my eyes and ears, my one true friend. Seeing him as a pup in the vault gave me a heartwarming feeling. That though vanished as he was left to fend with us in the harshness of the wastes. Looking round the wooden, rickety bedroom door I saw my wife, cooking breakfast. My favourite! Brahmin Steak!

Eating with my wife and the dog I ran through my schedule:
"Okay then, me and Dave are going out on a hunting trip, collecting food for our trip to Rivet City. He says he has a spare gun I can have!" I announced with excitement!
"Promise me you'll be careful, remember, we've only been here a week. I dont want you getting yourself injured." Holly replied in a worried manner.
"I'll be fine!" However I had no idea on what the DC wasteland held. IO had encountered a molerat or two on my trip. But the main problem were boatfly's. Ugh I hated them. They stung, they spat and they were agile. Not to strong, but a pest none the less.

"Im off babe..." I said, leaving our shack to find Dave.
Opening the door to the common house I met up with Dave. A strange fella', bald, self centered. But enthusiastic none the less. I was given a Hunting Rifle, a Granade and a 44. Scoped Magnum.
"Dont use that too often" Dave exclaimed, "44. rounds are hard to come by in these parts!" I was given 15 44. rounds. 50 32. rounds. And to cap it all off a combat knife.

We set out, off for meat. Fresh meat. Dave, the dog and I! Climbing up over a mound to the south east of The Republic of Dave we encountered 3 molerats, around about 25 yards in front of us. Dave grabbed his Chinese Assault Rifle, a prime specimin in deed. And let fire on two of them. Where molerats seemed to pose a threat to me, not to Dave. This guy was good. He told me that molerats were dumb. He told me they have no incstict. So I took aim and fired. A 32. calibur bullet right through the head.
"Wow Aaron! You're a fine shot there! Aceshot Aaron!" I chuckled. I whistled for Mac to scout ahead. He sniffed at the bodies for a moment and barked. All clear! Mac was clever. I had tought him signals myself. We collected the meat and headed east.

"Get down!" Dave was serious! Mac led down beside me, beside a bush on the edge of a worn dirt road. "There's a Yao Guai up ahead."
"A what?" I replied.
"Bear family, incredibly quick, but has a softspot right behind the head." Dave asked for the rifle and took aim. BANG! The creature hit the floor. I recieved the rifle once again as Mac stood up and cautiously edged forward. He growled. Bad sign. DAve and I moved close behid the heap on the floor. It was twitching. Its last movement. A slight jolt of the nerves made its paw smash against my leg. It was deep. Very deep.
We only took sections of the body back to base. When we arrived I was hobbling. Holly came rushing towards me.
"Are you okay?! What happened?"
"Ahh nothing Im fine." Was my reply. Dave came to me.
"You did good out there kid! Here take the meat, and this." He handed me his Chinese Assault Rifle.
"Thanks!" I said as I limped off to my shack for the night. Tomorrow I began my trek to Rivet City!

Aaron Out -

Any comments before my next update?

Chapter Three
Out into the Wastes

Leaving behind the Republic of Dave was hard. Dave was a nice guy. He even offered medical assistance to Holly. But it did not offer great security. Rivet City did, thats where I wanted to be. Thats where Holly would be safe. I carried my 32. Calibur Rifle, and my Combat Knife. I also carried the big rucsac full of yesterdays catch, a few stimpacks and a radaway. The Chinese Assault Rifle poked out the top, always ready for usage if the need arose. Holly at my side carried my 44. Magnum, our 44. Magnum. And Mac dordled along as usual, wagging his tale as he embraced the smells of the Wastes. I stepped in an irradiated puddle, feeling a slight tingle in my left leg. I thought nothing of it. The sun had risen above the ruins of DC as I watched the tall pillar in the center of DC cast a giant shadow over the city. Washington, I was here. With my family.

I began to recollect the times me and my father shared in the living room of our home. Creating stories about how we saved the world together brought a tear to my eye. I was close to dad. But all of that seemed a distant memory. We settled into a rythm and at 13:00 we settled down about 6 miles south of Daves domain for a spot to eat. The diner was old , and deserted. People had lived here, but not for a long time. I found an old 10mm sub machine gun in a battered box. It was tatty, covered in cobwebs but fixable.
"I'll have that!" I said as I picked up a bowl of warm stew. Consisting of Yao Guai meat from yesterdays hunting trip.
"You're a good aim with that rifle dear" Holly said to me as we chowed down. "Dave teach you that?"
"Na, Im a natural!" I said as we joked about our morning. She had obviously seen my shot on a molerat 40ft ahead of us earlier in the day. Easy.

I slipped my belt back on and we bset off once again. The time was 15:15 now. An hour later, I noticed something on the horizon. Crap! A Yao Guai!

Holly hid behind a small mound as it came running towards me. I had run Holly over the technique used for killing these this morning. I ran, she got into place and fired. Her nervous hands trembled letting off the shot meaning for wild bullt which cliped the heel of the great beast. It stopped. Turned. And ran for Holly. Holly screamed as the beast approached her. However Mac was on hand as it tugged at the large hand of the beast. I took the Assault Rifle and aimed. I let off five rounds into its back before finally hitting the rear of the animals skull. It was down. Holly collapsed in a heap on the ground, trembling. I picked her up, and hugged. This was not only my wife, but my baby.

Four hours later, at 8pm we stopped. A small, abandoned hut next to a field of Brahmin met us. The sign on the door read "Regulators now relocated." We stepped inside. Im sitting in a chair now, recording this diary entry. The Capital Wasteland is a frightening place, but I will protect my family.

Aaron out -

No comments

Seriously, I could do with some advice on how to improve

hey man this is a great story. Keep it up, might try to add some more action maybe and have a cookie :cookie:

oh yeah and try to space out when your characters are talking it makes it harder to read. also work on your punctuation, other than that great job

Okay! Will do, any suggestions for the next part of my story?

Chapter Four
DC, The Depths of Hell

There it stood. Rubble, dust, agony and destruction. We had just reached the ruins of DC. It stood, laughing at us. Somehow it new that we were no match for the terrors that awaited us inside. Daunting. But I will protect my family.

It was 11AM , in summer the sun would be ready to take pole position in the merky sky. It was snowing. My wife, Holly, rapped up in her fur blanket from yesterday's ordeal with a Yao Guai said to me:
"Is this the only way to Rivet City?"
"As far as I know." I replied. Our map led us along the river, past the Jefferson Memorialand the once great bulidings of DC. Where rich men and women dwelled as their days passed on our god for saken planet. The wind channeled through the are where the river stood making for a bitter trip. Mac's paw prints left a trail through the snow. You could always tell where he went.

And then it hit me, like a blow to the head. I fell, unconscious...

Waking up inside a room, lying in a double bed I wondered what had happened.
"Are you okay?" A man walked into the room.
"Um, yeah.." I replied
"You almost gave your wife a heart attack back there." The strange man said. "The name's Michael!"
"Aaron." We shook hands as I clambered out of the bed. "How did you find us?"
"Luckily I was passing in the area, Ive been grabbing some sewage samples for my friend Doctor Lee at Rivet City. Where you headed?"
"We're actually on our way there now, seeking refuge."
"Stick with me and you'll be fine." He winked.

We walked out of the bedroom and downstairs. I was met with a huge hug from Holly and the wagging tail of the dog.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Your cut on your leg, It was infected. Your blood stream became toxified and you passed out. Michael explained. "My father used to be a doctor."
"Well thank you very much." Holly came in

"Who lives here." I asked?
"Used to be a guy named Dukov, Before the Enclave murdered him... They've been clearing out he DC ruins the past year. The Super Mutant threat is almost over." Michael seemed toknow what he was talking about. I had no idea what a Super Mutant was, but it sounded bad.

Sitting round a fire, we told Michael our story. He too had lost his parents. His father James, a scientist and Doctor. And his mother Catherine, who was also a scientist, died in childbirth. The last few years, he had, like us, come out of a vault. But it was obvious he had a dapted quickly. This was a man woth experience. Also like me, he was young. 19 to be exact, but he seemed mature. He told us that we would move out tomorrow, reaching Rivet City in the afternoon. I was glad we had forund Michael, we bonded really well. Like brothers. He was a nice guy.

And he had saved my life...

Aaron out -

I really could do with some feedback...

Next update on its way soon

wow really good, had a feeling the LW was going to enter the story. Advice, try to watch your spelling.

Chapter Five

Fire! On the Flight Deck!

As we approached the exit to Ancostia Station, Michael told Holly and I to grab some Nuka Cola.
"That stuff is deliscious!" He exclaimed.
We pulled the faceplate off of the Nuka Cola machine and picked ourselves up seven bottles. I opened a bottle with Michael and we began to drink.
"Cheers." I held my glass up as we clashed bottles. I liked this guy, he had style. We had just came through the Mall, coming through the Metro Substation at the Museum of History. The place was empty, apart from a few ex-slaves up near the Lincon Momorial. I had also seen my first ghoul. How could the human body live through an ordeal like that has me astonished. In the station we encountered a few Feral Ghouls, wild beasts with a bad temper. These were the kind of creatures you expect to see in a monster flick'. It was dark, damp and smelled like a hobo had taken a giant leak everywhere you walked. Ugh I hated it! Michael was a tall guy, around about six foot. His hair was ragged, shaggy surfer look and he wore a long overcoat. And shades, that completed the clinical look.

We opened the gate out of Ancostia Station as we walked up the stairs a glow came from over the brow. Our group of three humans and a dog reached the top of the stairs to be met with a horrific sight.
Michael dropped his bottle.

There it stood, the so proclaimed safest place in the Wasteland, Rivet City, burning. Strange choppers flew above us, landing on the deck. Red lasers shooting, flying all over the brow of the ship. People fleeing down the hill, to the now irradicated lake. It was horrible. What we travelled for years to reach was now gone. Our goals were crushed.

Michael burst on ahead, stopping and talking to a woman in a white overcoat.
"You've got to help us Michael, the Enclave, they..they, they attacked us!" the woman, tears pouring down her face.
"What the hell happened Madison! I leave for a day and you get the place blown up!" Michael replied.
"This is no time for arguments, Michael! Get everyone out of here. Gather them just West of the city! Go!"
"Come on Aaron, follow me!" Michael turned to us. We ran, passing the lake. Holly and I ran, I even picked up the dog. Hundreds of people running, screaming. Children crying at the sight of their homes burning, destroyed.

Michael got a few of what I presume were the Rivet City security guards together and managed to lead the group out into the wastes.
"Okay, we'll stop here." We stopped at a flat patch in the earth. Hills to our West and East protected us from the burning horizon. We were a few miles west of DC now.
There were around about thirty people in the party. Michael assuming command. I approached him.
"Well, what are we going to do now?" I asked.
"Well, we'll set up camp here. You and I must speak with Doctor Lee to find discuss our further plans. I trust you Aaron, unlike many of the people from Rivet City."
Holly waited with a Mrs. Vera Weatherly, who began by cooking a large pot of stew for the camp. Mac, led next to some guy called Flak chewing his bone which he had picked up. Flak rubbing his fur as they sat around a campfire.

We met with Doctor Lee
"This is terrible she said, the most secure City in the Capital Wasteland over run with Enclave scum.""
"Enough of that." Michael said,"Meet my friend Aaron, he travelled form New York to be here."
"Welcome." Madison stook out her hand. We shook.
"What we gonna do then?" I asked.
"Well, we should find an are to set up a campground. Live there temporarilly. But where though?" Madison began thinking.
"How bout here", I asked .
"It could work. You're a doctor, I could be head of security and Aaron here could be our leader..." Michael came in.
"What!?" I said.
"You heard me, you're trustworthy, loyal and a good shot I have noticed."
"Umm okay, Doctor Lee?"
"Well, I dont know you that well, but if your friends with our hero here then Ill accept." Doctor Lee replied.

Leader huh? Well I didnt expect that. Im off to bed soon but before that I must tend to some duties.

Aaron out -

good job, you spaced it out. Hey going to be gone for a few, but keep it up its awesome

Yeah! I took onboard what you said Seems like you're the only one thats reading at the moment

Update on the way

Chapter Six
An Inconvenient Truth

Two months had passed since the destruction of Rivet City. The town members had finally accepted me as their leader. It took a while, but they did. After all, I was a complete stranger to them. And me coming in saying that I was leader. Well, I guess that must have been hard for them.
Our community had expanded. We no had fourty residents within our town. New Rivet had finally got up onto its feet.

"How are you this mornin'?" I asked Michael.
"Im fine, Flak is leading another one of his hunting groups out today. So we may be a few guns short." Michael replied. Security was now of vital importance now. After our trouble with the enclave, we had men on 24-hour patrol. The security tam comprised of: Shrapnel, Ted Strayer once he had conquered chem addiction, Garza and of course, Michael. But residence in New Rivet were always on their toes if the need arose.

We had set up small tents temporarily until we could find a secure location to live. Or 'temporary' as it was called a few months ago now seems like permanent. I dont know how long we can withstand these Raider attaks. They come every couple of days. Heck! They've killed four of us this month. However, since the community of Rivet City had 'relocated' we hadnt had any trouble with the Enclave. Especially since the Brotherhood of Steel had set up an alliance. We now had escorted trade routes to and from the citadel and they had sent us a few sentry bots as a thanks to our friend Michael, who had helped set up some sort of water purifier.

We had a nice little set up in the town, twenty tents in small rows with our marketplace dead in the center. Our arms dealer was run by Flak, unless he was out hunting. Gary Stanley ran the food store and Seagrave homes specialised now in items of clothing, and other general items. Holly worked with Doctor Lee in our medical tent. While Mac accompanied me as I tended to the needs of our community.

"Looks like we've got Raiders on the hill!" Michael announced. I grabbed my Chinese Assault Rifle and clambered on top of one of the outposts we had, which were marked every fourty metres along our protective fence. Michael raised his arm as he led, his back up against the fence. The residents clambered inside their homes locking their wooden doors behind them. The raiders approached closer. Until finally they where a hundred yards away. Michael flung his arm down and the security jumped up, opening fire. A grenade came landing at my feet. I picked it up, smoking and threw it back to where it came from. Blood flew. The fighting went on for around ten minutes. I managed to bag myself a headshot when I emptied a clip into an unlucky son of a b*tch raider. What a mess! It was over.

Searching the bodies of the dead I found a note.
"Here Michael, come and take a look at this." Michael approached me.

To whom ever would like a bounty of wealth, fame and glory
I am rewarding whoever brings the good do-er known as Michael
to his death. Kill all those he loves and befriends as a sign of loyalty to your country.

REWARD - 50,000 Caps

Signed
President Augustus Autumn

"Ahh Autumn!" Michael sighed


Knowing that the president of the United States is after my death brings not only a sense of worry but dissolusion aswell. Michael seemed to know him. We must leave. We must find somewhere more secluded than here. I must keep my family safe.

All I know, is there is a man, by the name of Autumn. Sitting, waiting, watching.

Aaron out -

Chapter Seven
A Bazaar Takeover

"Its just over that through that valley", Michael told us. "There are Raiders though, its best to be silent. We can approach from the surrounding cliffs.
Michael and I had led the team to an old refinery, Evergreen Mills. It was pretty secluded and well hidden by the towering cliffs. We had left the rest of the party group back at an old metro station, not far from the place we were headed.

"Okay" I said. "Flak, Shrapnel, Ted and Garza, you come in from the cliffs to the north. Create a diversion." They aknowledged my tactics."Michael and I will approch from the West. Michael will move in silently and hit them from behind. I'll pick them off with my Rifle." The plans were set. Flak and his group moved around the gourge, taking up position on top of the cliffs to the north. Michael and I clambered up the rocky slope crawling over towards the cliff edge for a better look. When Flak had arrived back from his hunting trip he had brought with him a sniper rifle. Together with Shrapnel they managed to fit a suppressor. A lethal concoction of deadly silence.

I took out the scope and scanned the area beneath us. I followed Michael as he moved in behind a hut. Where a few Raiders were talking. Flak began his mpve down the slope with his group. He let off a round with his Assault Rifle. Our hostile enemies rushed to where they were, ensuring a fire fight broke out. I took aim with my Rifle, and Fired.
One' Two' Three! The Raiders dropped like flies. I caught sight of Michael taking a Raider, unnoticed from behind. Sliding a knife into its kneck. He moved in the shadows. eventually securing s holding are near the enterance to the interior.

I moved down thew slope into an open area. I caught a glimpse of one Raider moving on top of one of the old train carrages. He never saw it coming. A bullet raced into his chest. Down for the count. I took up place with Michael before pulling out my Chinese Assault Rifle from my back. I replaced it with my Sniper Rifle as I began to prepare for some close quaters combat inside the Bazaar. We werew rejoined by Flak and his group moving into the refinery.

From the experience I had in the wasteland, although thick in numbers, Raiders had no combat intellegance. This was confirmed as we cleared out the lobby of any remaining threat. Our team were a force to be reckoned with, deadly with a weapon. Moving into the caverns, we encounterd a few more Raiders. This time though asleep. Michael disposed of these with his knife. The place was ours.

A few hours later, when the rest of the New Rivet group had rejoined us we began ssetting up shop in Evergreen Mills. Flak set up shop in an old weapons store. While Doctor Lee and Holly stayed inside the Bazaar. People began to create their home eventually settling for the night.

I met with Michael that evening.
"We are going to need more security, we cannot last here without more." I said.
"I agree. We need to create some alliances, get some people to join the settlement!" Michael explained. "I know of a few towns, who may be willing to join us here. That way, we can be safe."
"Okay, you and I will set out in the morning, but now, lets get some rest." I planned.

Michael and I had work to do, we need to strengthen our defences. Im going to get some shut eye.

Aaron out -

This is great! Certainly better then mine...

One small, but unimportant detail, it's Li, not Lee. Also, some words are misspelled, but all in all. It's pretty good.