So guys I have a idea I would like to share

The treasure of galldomoth


Their once was a old tale of a very rich man by the name of galldomoth who was the richest man in all of the lands and was one of the best fighters also. During his tale his wife and children were killed by a minotaur lord, galldomoth was heart broken and wanted his revenge. Galldomoth gathered his weapons and armor and called for the beast. After all of his roars into the woods the beast appeared and battled the warrior in his own home were all his treasure was located. After hours and hours of battle galldomoth slew the beast with his own hands but all the chaos that happened the whole estate collapsed under the mountain range making galldomoth and the treasure lost forever.


Years after the battle a group of explorers found the enormous collapsed mountain range. They dug until they found the estate of galldomoth witch they found the treasure . They explorers knew that the treasure wasn't for a normal man and kept the treasure buried for good. The 4 explorers made a map to the area from the imperial city to the estate, they divided it into 4 pieces each a clue to were the next peace of the map is. After the explorers went there ways the map was lost just like the treasure.

The tale is very popular among the public but some say the tale is true and one man is going to prove that. One day a famous thief known as "The pale ghost" found one piece of the map some heard and told the legion witch wanted his head. He knew he couldn't take this quest alone so he made announcement to all thief's and beggars about the map and told them to meet him at he floating bowl to be apart of the quest.


Keep in mind this is just a rough draft and I will take ideas to make this better

Well, after piecing together what you actually meant (I highly advise an editor, by the way), it seems like a very strange way to have a treasure hunt RP. Why not make it ancient Ayleid gold, Dwemer artifacts, or a similar, more lore friendly, treasure? It's just kind of a strange story, and it doesn't seem to hold that much significance in the plot. Not to mention people questioning how a battle could level a house (or mountain range, not quite sure what happened), why the minotaur even came, or why these explorer's just left the treasure. I can't really give any advice on the first two besides trashing the whole nobleman's house concept, but for the third you could mention something along the lines of them not being able to take it all back, and being killed and robbed on the way home. Then the highwaymen who did it split up after arguing over what to do with the treasure, and they gave their pieces of the map to their descendents. All of which is some kind of folk tale, which I see you have already taken advantage of (in a good way).

Other than that it seems a sound concept, a basic treasure hunting adventure RP. Two final pieces of advice: work on your spelling and sentence structure, and there's always always always room for more detail. Good job, and keep it up :goodjob:


EDIT: Glad to be of help Let me know if you have any questions, or are at a loss for ideas. Thanks.

Ok I get what your saying im righting these things down.

With the ideas darkom gave me Heres a new draft I dont know if it will work but I hope It will!


There is a old folk tale of a ayleid king named galldomoth who owned a treasure like no other ayleid king hade. One day the ayleids lead a revolt against galldomoth to steal his riches and end his rule. The siege lasted for days and left many dead it was even so big that all the banging on the pillars and walls caused the castle to be destroyed witch killed the king and his servants and making the tresure traqed within its halls.


Years and years after the battle caused the cave in a group of explorers found the collapsed entrance to the ruin. They dug up the rocks to open the door, the explorers traveled 2 hours into wear the king held his treasure when they found it the explorers were astonished. They gather as all the treasure and headed out but after a hour of riding they were confronted by highway men and killed.

The highway men gather all the treasure and took it to their cave but argued on who gets what amount of treasure until the four of them quit working with each other for good but not before they made a map to the treasure and put it into 4 pieces each one a clue to the next piece of the map.

The story is very popular to the public but some think its real and one man will prove it. One day a famous thief named "The pale ghost" found a piece to the map, some found out and told the legion. Knowing that the legion wanted the map piece and his head "The pale Ghost" knew it wasn't smart to do this quest alone so he told all the thief's to meet him at the floating bowl to gain a kings treasure

A great improvement, my friend! If you would like I can be your editor and revise it for you, I would be more than happy to help out. Also, instead of having the battle destroy it, you might want to try either A. it collapsed over time, crumbling into ruin, or B. the siege destroyed the castle, and the rubble was too great for the offenders to claim the treasure. I prefer B as it removes the problem of why the attackers didn't take his treasure. Other than that a very good start, keep up the good work :goodjob:

Thank you darkom I would be glad to have you be my editor

Ayleid kings were always at war with each other; instead of a rebellion in his own city, a raid by a coalition of enemy kings would be more realistic. It also doesn't take as much explanation

Why would the bandits do that without taking the treasure. I say you should have some scholar or loremaster have discovered cryptic hints to its location. This one sounds a lot like an RP i tried to start but ultimately ended up anandoning.

Well my friend the highway men left the treasure for the people who piece together the map plus darkom is helping me so I got a good shot at this.

Im just saying. Highwaymen are bandits and theives, they wouldnt leave something they could sell where it was. Perhaps the highwaymen killed each other, and the one who was left went insane, beliving the treasue was cursed, and scattered the pieces of the map? Also, you said that the legion wanted the map piece. Why? The legion is spread thin, and wouldnt bother treasure hunting for more obcene wealth than it already has. In the final draft, I say you shaould have some particular corrupt official who wants it for himself, as it adds a possible plot for later.


By the way, I would like to join this, it sounds good, and I would also like to help smoote out plot descrepencies and the like. I would also advise you change the "He called together a band of theives and beggars" because it limits charicter options.

Just trying to help.

-Sannes

Good idea.

Work on your grammar and spelling...

"Witch- which, umm... righting - writing...etc.."

Good idea though. Just thicken up the plot a bit and you'll do fine.

I believe they were going to take the treasure, but couldn't decide which way to split it up, and could well end up having killed one another. I'll edit it in my revisings for him, thanks for letting us know And the legion are after this criminal, not necessarily the map.

I believe this should work for an OP. I'm actually kind of proud of it myself But if you don't like it let me know, and I'll gladly change it. Thanks.


You, yes, you there. Come closer. That's right, sit down. I noticed you over by the bar, and I think I have something that might interest you. The Pale Ghost has sent out the call, and every deft handed shadow and fortune seeking adventurer would be wise to heed it. The Ghost has found part of a map to an ancient treasure, the remains of an Ayleid castle in the mountains. You know the tale of Galldomoth, right? No? Every child in Cyrodiil knows about Galldomoth's treasure. Well then, I shall tell you the tale?


Long ago, in the ancient age of Ayleids and Dwemer, there lived a great elven king named Galldomoth. They say his coffers were overflowing with gold and jewels, piles upon piles of sparkling Ayleid gold. However, the other Ayleid kings grew jealous of his wealth, and plotted against him. Their armies came in the night to his mountain palace, and Galldomoth was overwhelmed.

The wizard king was murdered in his bed, and the other Ayleid stood victorious in his hall. But while they toasted to their own success, the dead Galldomoth had one last trick up his sleeve. A great magic was unleashed, and the sparkling walls came crashing down upon their heads, leaving none of the usurpers alive.

It lay silent for centuries, untouched by greedy hands. But the ruin's peace was not to last. One day, a group of climbers stumbled upon the entrance to the fallen hall. They filled their packs with as much gold and treasure as they were able, and set off smiling for home.

But before they could reach their eager families, a band of murderous highwaymen stopped them in their tracks. They demanded the adventurers to draw them a map to the ruins, and after stealing the poor travelers' treasures and secrets they left them bleeding on the road. The four bandits lived like kings; doing what any man on their side of the law would do in face of such a treasure. However, their joy was short lived, as soon enough one was caught taking more than his share from the castle. The men fought until only one remained, and he alone knew of the treasure.

He spent the treasure with reckless abandon, but the piles never seemed to shrink. Of course, like the owners before him, the wealth eventually caused his demise, when his four children plotted against him for full control of the fortune. They found the map to the castle among the man's possessions, and agreed to split the map amongst themselves. They could only get to the castle when all four came together, and these men were cautious enough to not let on where there wealth came from. They lived peacefully and comfortably, passing the map pieces down to their descendants.

See, you know the tale, I knew you would. Well, are you interested in the Ghost's offer? Yes? I knew it; I knew you would appreciate this kind of treasure. Here, take this note. It will tell you everything you need to know, but be watchful. The Legion has eyes everywhere, and the Ghost is top on their list.
We'll be waiting?


"I'm glad you have accepted the offer, my friend. I'll keep this brief, go to the Flowing Bowl, in the Imperial City Waterfront, midnight next Morndas. I promise the rewards will be well worth it.
The Pale Ghost"

I will join this, sounds interesting, treasure hunt .!

Great draft darkom thanks man and sannes Im just saying with the thieves and beggers because some of the places to get the map are places that require theivery and other sorts but if you want to do some other kind of character be my guest! =)

well now that we have a good draft from darkom (cant thank you enough man) how long before we a sign up thread!

http://www.gamesas.com/bgsforums/index.php?showtopic=1057897