Jokes : Othor Games

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 10:36 am

A woman had two sons, they were big and strong but they were lazy. They always cut the grass on Fridays. One day they saw a magazine with a picture of a woman sitting on a lawn-mower and cutting the grass. They took it to their mother and said: We wan't one of those. Their mother asked: One of those lawn-mowers? They answered: No! One of those women sitting on it!

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A drunk man went to doctor. Doctor said: You should drink milk instead of whiskey. Drunk Man said: But drinking milk is dangerous, it killed my friend. Doctor asked: How the hell did it do that? Drunk Man ansewed: A cow fell on him!

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One day, a wife and her husband went near a river. There were a cow and its calf. The Husband said: Cow is kissing its calf, Isn't that nice? Doesn't it make you want to have a kiss too? Wife said: No, does it make you? Hasband said: Yes! then Wife said: All right! Then go get a kiss, it's cute cow!

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 5:31 pm

Here is my usual cacophony of jokes:

A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

Spoiler

A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

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How do you drown a blonde?

Spoiler

Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Spoiler

Because it was just the decomposing remains of a long forgotten murder case in a remote field.

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A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

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Why was six afraid of seven?

Spoiler

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

Spoiler

Because she was blind and deaf.

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A guy decides to buy a new ceiling fan, but the salesman says, "Well I'm all out of tunafish."
So the guy says louder, "I want a ceiling fan."
But the salesman says, "I told you, I'm all out of tunafish."
The guy frustrated, yells, "I WANT A CEILING FAN!"
The customer, now irate, realizes that the salesman was actually a mentally impaired vagrant who had wandered into the store.

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These never get old.

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 12:30 am

Here is my usual cacophony of jokes:

A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.

-------------------------------------------------

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?

Spoiler

A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

-------------------------------------------------

How do you drown a blonde?

Spoiler

Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.

-------------------------------------------------

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Spoiler

Because it was just the decomposing remains of a long forgotten murder case in a remote field.

-------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

-------------------------------------------------

Why was six afraid of seven?

Spoiler

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

-------------------------------------------------

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

Spoiler

Because she was blind and deaf.

-------------------------------------------------

A guy decides to buy a new ceiling fan, but the salesman says, "Well I'm all out of tunafish."
So the guy says louder, "I want a ceiling fan."
But the salesman says, "I told you, I'm all out of tunafish."
The guy frustrated, yells, "I WANT A CEILING FAN!"
The customer, now irate, realizes that the salesman was actually a mentally impaired vagrant who had wandered into the store.

-------------------------------------------------

These never get old.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I didn't get it! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 12:50 am

A man loses his towel in bathroom. First looks at his left, it's not there. Then he looks at his right it's there!!!

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:02 pm

If you're driving down the highway in a one-wheeled canoe, how many pancakes does it take to cover your dog house?

Spoiler

WRONG! Ice cream has no bones

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:03 pm

If you're driving down the highway in a one-wheeled canoe, how many pancakes does it take to cover your dog house?

Spoiler

WRONG! Ice cream has no bones

*tells a random number* Eight?

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:43 am

*tells a random number* Eight?

WRONG! Ice cream has no bones

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:39 pm

http://images.uesp.net//3/3c/OB-npc-Adoring_Fan.jpg

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 10:42 pm

http://images.uesp.net//3/3c/OB-npc-Adoring_Fan.jpg

Justin Bieber and Justin Bieber had a baby?

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 12:08 am

A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condems. Being a curious young lad, the boy asked his father, "What are these things daddy?" His dad said, "condems son." The boy asked, "Why do they come in packs of 1,3, and 12?" The dad replied, "The packs with one are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night, the ones with three are for the college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the ones with twelve in them are for the married men, one for January, one for February, one for March...."

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:30 pm

An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 12:41 am

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 6:36 pm

:laugh: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

...

Because it was dead. :mellow:

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 1:08 pm

:laugh: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

...

Because it was dead. :mellow:

:cryvaultboy:

:rofl: That is good!

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:50 am

Man, anti-humor is entertaining and easy (except in large quantities, where it becomes predictable)!

A man walks into a bar. He was later hospitalized for life-threatening head-trauma.

One afternoon, King George asked his top lieutenant to have the dissidents beheaded.

A teacher asks her students the following question: "If I have 3 oranges in one hand, and 7 apples in the other, how much fruit do I have in total?"
A boy in the front row raises his hand and responds. "10", he says.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 6:38 pm

So a seal walks into a club...

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 12:23 am

What does 'DNA' stand for?

Spoiler

National Dyslexic Association

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:21 pm

So a mad engineer, an evil chemist and a mathematics student is sitting in prison, sharing the same cell during a night.
"So I'll be getting out of this rotten place tonight, but I never got to ask you two; What, exactly, are you guys in for?" asked the chemist.
"I tried to detonate a nuclear dirty-bomb in the city mall, but got stopped by Batman. You?" said the engineer.
"I tried to release a poisonous substance into the city water system, which would've culminated with the covert deaths of hundreds of thousands of people. But that darned Superman stopped me." said the chemist.
"What about you, eyeglasses?" asked the engineer to the maths student.
"I tried to divide by zero but my teacher told me no such thing is possible, so she sent me here as punishment" he said.
"Duh, everyone knows that's impossible." said the engineer.
"Well I don't see any stars tonight." the maths student replied.
"Of course not, it's cloudy." said the engineer.
"Um, my accomplice said it's a clear night today. Only way to conceal the chopper's light signal." the chemist said.
"OH SHI-!"

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 12:44 am

So a mad engineer, an evil chemist and a mathematics student is sitting in prison, sharing the same cell during a night.
"So I'll be getting out of this rotten place tonight, but I never got to ask you two; What, exactly, are you guys in for?" asked the chemist.
"I tried to detonate a nuclear dirty-bomb in the city mall, but got stopped by Batman. You?" said the engineer.
"I tried to release a poisonous substance into the city water system, which would've culminated with the covert deaths of hundreds of thousands of people. But that darned Superman stopped me." said the chemist.
"What about you, eyeglasses?" asked the engineer to the maths student.
"I tried to divide by zero but my teacher told me no such thing is possible, so she sent me here as punishment" he said.
"Duh, everyone knows that's impossible." said the engineer.
"Well I don't see any stars tonight." the maths student replied.
"Of course not, it's cloudy." said the engineer.
"Um, my accomplice said it's a clear night today. Only way to conceal the chopper's light signal." the chemist said.
"OH SHI-!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8E_zMLCRNg

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:08 pm

A police officer pulls up to the side of a house and knocks on the door. A woman answers it and ushered him inside.

"I'm so sorry, but your husband has perished in a terrible car accident." The policeman said solemnly.

"What? No, that can't be true!" The woman cried as she burst into tears.

"Yes, we'll be happy to provide you with any informqation you need Mrs. Castor."

"Mrs. Castor? You mean Lucy down the road?" The woman replied, puzzled.

"What... you're not Mrs. Castor?" The policeman replied gravely.

"No, I'm Mrs. Jenkins. Lucy lives at number 42; The one with the green door. Well, I'm glad I'm not a widow!" The woman laughed as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

At number 42, Lucy Castor had already heard about the accident and killed herself. The policeman was sued by Mrs. Jenkins for causing her uneccesary emotional discomfort and the Castor children were sent to an orphanage where they were constantly abused. The Jenkins family died a year later in a house fire.

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» Thu Jan 21, 2010 11:25 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8E_zMLCRNg

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 12:29 pm

A brown bear and a white bear jump into a lake at the same time. Which one dissolves first?

Spoiler

The white one - it's polar

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:14 pm

So a mad engineer, an evil chemist and a mathematics student is sitting in prison, sharing the same cell during a night.
"So I'll be getting out of this rotten place tonight, but I never got to ask you two; What, exactly, are you guys in for?" asked the chemist.
"I tried to detonate a nuclear dirty-bomb in the city mall, but got stopped by Batman. You?" said the engineer.
"I tried to release a poisonous substance into the city water system, which would've culminated with the covert deaths of hundreds of thousands of people. But that darned Superman stopped me." said the chemist.
"What about you, eyeglasses?" asked the engineer to the maths student.
"I tried to divide by zero but my teacher told me no such thing is possible, so she sent me here as punishment" he said.
"Duh, everyone knows that's impossible." said the engineer.
"Well I don't see any stars tonight." the maths student replied.
"Of course not, it's cloudy." said the engineer.
"Um, my accomplice said it's a clear night today. Only way to conceal the chopper's light signal." the chemist said.
"OH SHI-!"

http://halshop.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/dividedbyzero2.jpg!

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 11:13 am

Q: How many recovering alchohol addicts does it take to screw in a lightbulb

A: One, but it takes twelve steps

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:42 pm

A Blonde goes for a haircut

The barbor tells the woman to take off the MP3 player shes listening to

She says " but I'll like totally die if I stop listening to it "

The barbor says too bad

She then takes it off and recieves her haircut

While the barbor is giving her the haircut, he notices that she has stopped breathing

He checks her pulse, she's Flat sadly

He then checks her MP3 player, no real reason

The MP3 player is playing a repeating track saying " Breath in, Breath out "