two mexicans are walking through a desert, they have not ate or drank in days.
1st mexican: amigo i am so very thirsty.
2nd mexican: hey look ita bacon tree!

the 2nd mexican runs toward it.
BANG!!!
some one shoots the 2nd mexican

2nd mexican cries out: Amigo ita not a bacon tree, it a ham-bush!

A priest and a rabbi walk in a bar.

so that's where my Islamic friend got it from

his version:
a man sees a boy getting attacked by a dog, he takes the dog and throttles it, reporter congratulates him. She asks him where he's from
Man: Well I-
The reporter interrupts him and says "LA I'll bet, it'll read "LA resident saves little boy from vicious dog'"
Man: well no ac-
reporter interrupts and says "Ah, New York then? it'll read "New York Resident saves little boy from rabid dog"
The Man finally shouts "No! I'm from Iraq!"
the reporters replies "In that case it'll read 'Islamic extremist brutally eviscerates cute dog with weapons believed to be linked with Al Queda'"

I thought iit was really funny at the time and that he was being original ._. Oh well

AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T TURN THIS INTO A POLITICAL RANT!

oh how clever

it's funny because it's chemistry!

well then:

An Irishman, a blonde, and a mexican are working high up on a construction site, when lunchtime hits around they open up their lunchboxes.
The mexican says "Dangit i got tacos and rice again, i swear if i get this tomorrow im jumping off this building."
The irishman says "well shoot, i got chipped beef again, ill jump with you if i get this again tomorrow."
the blonde says "I got a ham sandwhich...again...ill jump with y'all if i get this again."

The next day, the mexican opens up his lunchbox to find a taco, he immediately jumps.
The Irishman finds his chipped beef, and jumps.
The blonde finds a ham sandwhich, he jumps.

All three had the same funeral, the mexicans wife and the irishmans wife were crying together, the mexicans wife said "if i had known about this i wouldve made something different!" the irishmans wife agreed, they both glared at the blonde's wife, who said "Dont blame me, he makes his own lunch!"

_____

two guys are sitting at a bar, one says "Well i never thought it would happen, but my son had six with his teacher."
the other guy says "Oh man, thats crazy."
the first guy says "oh it gets worse, hes homeschooled."

:rofl: That is great!!!

yes!

a blonde woman wrecked her car in a ditch, when the police arrived she told them the story: "This tree popped out of nowhere in the middle of the road, i totally didnt see it, i swerved around it, but there was another one, and i lost control and got in the ditch."

the policeman looked at the road, then into the car and told the woman, "Ma'am that is your air freshener."

:rofl: Blonde jokes are priceless!

aren't they?

a blond and a redhead are skydiving. who falls first? the redhead because the blonde has to ask for directions.

Yay, someone got it

They are.

And :rofl: that is good!

All the mailman had to look forward to was the dog chasing him. His life was that bad.

Somebody tell more blond jokes.

So a blond, brunette, and redhead are stranded on an island a mile (about 1.6 km) from a mainland, unnoticed by the crowd. Wanting to get home, they agree to try to swim across and get help for the others. The redhead starts, and swims 400 meters before becoming too tired and swimming back. The brunette then tries and makes it 600 meters before having to return. They all talked and agreed that the blonde was the last hope for a while (days of recovery). With that the blonde set out with stubborn determinism and made it 900 meters before becoming exhausted.
The blonde then returned to the island.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

:lol:

You want blonde jokes? Okay.

A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the English Channel briast Stroke Competition.

The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by causing grave concern and worry. Just as everyone was losing hope, the blonde finally arrived, badly winded and heaving heavily. Nevertheless, the crowd was extremely happy and relieved to see her. They embraced the young girl as she came ashore. After all of the excitement died down, she turned to a judge and said, between gasps of air: "I...don't mean to...sound like...a bad loser or anything, but I...I think those other girls used their arms."

:rofl:

Favourite blondes joke from school:

A blonde, a brunnette and a ginger are running away from the police. They turn down an alley and find 3 sacks. Each gets in a sack in the hope of hiding from the police.

2 policemen, who saw them go down the alley, follow them but, to their surprise, they are nowhere to be seen. They spy the 3 sacks however, and are suspicious.

He walks up to the first sack, containing the Brunette, and gives it a sharp kick. The Brunette makes a "meow" sound and, satisfied that the sack contained a cat, the policemen move onto the next sack.

This sack contains the ginger. He gives it a sharp kick and, remembering what the Brunette had done, she makes a "woof" sound. Again, the policemenare satisfied that the bag contains a dog.

Finally, they get to the sack with the Blonde in. They give it a sharp kick. Remembering what the other 2 had done to get out of trouble, she says "potatoes".

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde, a brunette and a ginger are sentenced to death by firing squad.

They lead out the Brunette. Just as the squad take aim, she screams "Tornado!" They panic and, in all the confusion, the Brunette manages to slip away.

Next up, they lead the ginger out. Having seen what the Brunette did, just as the squad take aim she screams "Volcano!" Again, they panic, and the ginger is able to slip away unnoticed.

Lastly, the blonde is led out. Having seen what both the Brunette and the ginger did, she waited for her moment. Just as the squad take aim, she yells at the top of her voice "FIRE!"

Hehehe. :hehe:

What do you call a homosixual elf?

A Gamer.




:ninja:
Think TES.

So an easy elf is a Lamer?

A polar bear is in a heat of massacering a large groupe of penguins. When he's towering over a penguin it shouts out:
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!!"
"I'm bi-polar"

http://xkcd.com/194/


A Mafia godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks.
His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is.”
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The attorney tells the godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple, and says, “Ask him again!”
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him!”
The bookkeeper signs back, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”
The godfather asks the attorney, “Well, what’d he say?”
The attorney replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

Nice. :chaos:

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother, a beautiful mansion that a woman as wonderful as she deserves to live in."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver. A fast, top-of-the-line vehicle that she deserves to drive after so long!"

The third smirks at the and says: "Well, I've got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well? So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."