Jokes : Othor Games

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:44 pm

Sorry, no jokes about present political figures, not even funny ones.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:55 pm

Why was Queen Elizabeth I so effective?

Spoiler

Because she kept her head while everyone else lost theirs.

[edit] I am a word magician.

Spoiler

That just burned himself.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:42 pm

Some of my favourite one-liners come from Jimmy Carr...

"Throwing acid is wrong...in some people's eyes"

"Swimming's good for you...especially if you're drowning! Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout, you also don't die!"

"3 in 4 people make up 75% of the population...now there's a fact!"

"I broke up with a girl because she lied about her weight...I say broke up, she died in a bungee-jumping accident!"

"They were doing a makeover on a 34-stone woman...it was like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic!"

Plus many more...

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 7:40 pm

Mythbusters!

Urban Legends

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 6:02 pm

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 1:23 pm

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

:rofl: This is win.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:37 pm

Schr?dinger's cat walks into a bar and it doesn't.

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 2:16 am

Shr?dinger's cat walks into a bar and it doesn't.

The Shrodinger's cat paradox I'm guessing.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:55 pm

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Second best pun ever! :rofl:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wVrq6K9LpI

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 8:49 pm

two blondes are staring at the night sky, one asks:

"Which is closer? The Moon or Florida?"

the other esponds "Helllllllooooooo??? can you see Florida?"

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 4:09 pm

Shr?dinger's cat walks into a bar and it doesn't.

:rofl:

Here are a few amusing language pokes:

Chinese Translations:
Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?
I got this for free - Ai No Pei
I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?
They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum
He is a fat man - Wun Fat Gai
It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim?
See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man - Dum Gai
Anonymous young man- Somyun Gai

The next time you think about going to a doctor, first consult the Scale of Pain:

0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don't know why I'm even here.
1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.
2: I probably just need a Band Aid.
3: This is distressing. I don't want this to be happening to me at all.
4: My pain is not messing around.
5: Why is this happening to me??
6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.
7: I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.
8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.
9: I am almost definitely dying.
10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.
11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.
Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have Ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata.

And here is the gripping tale of Bobo the Warrior, by Acadian:

Bobo see monster.
Bobo draw sword.
Bobo hit monster.
Monster fall down.
Bobo happy.
Bobo lick blood from sword.
Bobo cut tongue.
Bobo sad.

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 2:11 am

Joke from the funny jokes app for my Droid:

I almost fell on the ground because of this joke hahaha!

:rofl: :rofl:
LMAO

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 3:22 am

A man loses his towel in bathroom. First looks at his left, it's not there. Then he looks at his right it's there!!!

I don't get it?

CRAP :facepalm: sorry double post

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:29 pm

Well, its just right there.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 6:14 pm

Anyone mention the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swifty yet?

Well, here are some from the wikipedia page:

* "Who left the toilet seat down?" Tom asked peevishly.
* "Pass me the shellfish," said Tom crabbily.
* "That's the last time I'll stick my arm in a lion's mouth," the lion-tamer said off-handedly.
* "Can I go looking for the Grail again?" Tom requested.
* "I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly.
* "I might as well be dead," Tom croaked.
* "We just struck oil!" Tom gushed.
* "They had to amputate them both at the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.
* "Who discovered radium?" asked Marie curiously.
* "Hurry up and get to the back of the ship," Tom said sternly.
* "Would you like to ride in my new ambulance?" asked Tom hospitably.
* "Who put the moss in the bog again?" asked Tom repeatedly.
* "A word that contains all five vowels? And I suppose you want those vowels to appear in alphabetical order?" asked Tom facetiously.
* “Charlatan! Pretender! Mountebank! Quack! Rogue!” Tom said euphoniously.
* "I'm not going to evangelize the rest of the neighborhood," concluded Tom distractedly.
* "The robber is coming down the stairs", Tom said condescendingly.
* "Nnnn", Tom murmured forensically.
* "I think I'm a homosixual", Tom said, half in earnest.
* "I am the bone lord," Tom proclaimed skulkingly.
* "I know who turned out the lights," Tom hinted darkly

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 7:14 pm

Want to hear a joke?

Spoiler

The civil rights movement

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 5:45 pm

Anyone mention the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swifty yet?

Well, here are some from the wikipedia page:

It took me a good 3 minutes to get those, but I can't stop laughing at them now.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:17 pm

Want to hear a joke?

Spoiler

The civil rights movement

:slap:

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 9:48 pm

Want to hear a joke?

Spoiler

The civil rights movement

:rofl:

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 10:09 pm

Want to hear a joke?

Spoiler

The civil rights movement

:slap:

:rofl:

Which opinion do I side with? I'M SO CONFLICTED! :bonk:

Damn two party system, gets me every time.

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 2:15 am

Which opinion do I side with? I'M SO CONFLICTED! :bonk:

Damn two party system, gets me every time.

depends if your from the north or south.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 7:00 pm

Screw it. I'm going with Nader. He's still running, right?

» Fri Jan 22, 2010 2:56 am

Screw it. I'm going with Nader. He's still running, right?

You know how when you were young there would be always be there answer to a multiple choice answer that was there just so you know it's wrong? Like, what's the square root of 324? A) 16 B) 18 C) chocolate. I feel like nader is chocolate of the political system.

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 6:18 pm

You know how when you were young there would be always be there answer to a multiple choice answer that was there just so you know it's wrong? Like, what's the square root of 324? A) 16 B) 18 C) chocolate. I feel like nader is chocolate of the political system.

Exactly!

» Thu Jan 21, 2010 7:40 pm

I entered 10 puns in the pun contest to see if I could win, but no pun in ten did.