Preface:

The Oblivion Crisis ended fifteen years ago and the Elder Council has put the Empire on the right track to rebuild. The Empire is now a Republic because it is run solely by the Elder Council, with the High Chancellor as the figurehead. This figurehead is Ocato only took two years to rebuild Kvatch, and now thirteen years later Cyrodiil thrives. The economy is booming and wealth can be seen thought all the cities, including Bravil and Leyawiin.

Sadly with an increased wealth there are negative side effects, namely an increased activity of bandits and marauders. It seemed like every man and women was taking up arms against these trade convoys. Every single day the town watch and Imperial Legion post new wanted posters for a new group of bandits and the black horse currier runs flyers on the attacks.

Little does the Imperial Republic know, but these bands of seeming unorganized bandits are actually a group of high organized and political group of bandits.

This story starts at Battlehorn Castle west of Chorrol where a new Lord has risen to command the Order of the True Horn knights. This is his story.

OOC: I will make a first post in a bit. I wanted get the background out first.

Why is it so short?

Thats what she said.

But seriously, I guess, as posted, the writer simply wanted to set the scene for the story, giving a little background on the current happenings of Tamriel and what-not. :shrug:

I don't think this was actually "part" of the story. More of an authors note.

Indeed, though I am rather against telling people background info for fan fics. Let the story tell us. If you have ever read a sci-fi or fantasy book that took place in an original setting you know what I mean; the author doesn't go out and say "The year is 2501; martians have invaded the Earth."

PS I believe what you meant to say was OOC

Story:

It was raining when the messenger from Chorrol rode up to the Battlehorn gates. "Hail Battlehorn Castle, this messenger from Chorrol requests permission to enter!," The messenger yelled purely as a formality, and then he pulled the rains on his horse. This caused the horse to rotate in a circle reviling to the Knights of Battlehorn that the messenger was not hiding anything.

"Permission granted," The Knight replied signaling to the gate-hand to open the gate. He then went back to his patrol.

As the gate-hand rotated the portcullis, the gate began to rise. The gate-hand silently went about his job and after the messenger entered the courtyard he lowered the gate behind him.

-----------In side Battlehorn, Grotto-------------

Bryon Montague stood at the edge of the grotto with his left hand holding the hilt of his sword while it was still sheathed, and watching the light from the magic crystals reflect of the water. It had been 16 days since his father made him Lord of Battlehorn castle. Bryon was unsure of how to proceed, so he had come down to the grotto to contemplate his actions.

The grotto had always been a calming place for Bryon, and he spent many hours here during the Oblivion crisis. What do I do now? Father always seemed know in what direction to take the Order, and I do not know where to being. I can't believe that my first order was to carry on as you normally would just as Bryon finished his last thought he heard the foot steps on the stone staircase behind him.

Bryon rotated his body in a pivot motion to see his Knight-Captain Castellan Athon. Castellan had been with the Order of the True Horn since Bryon's father broke the Marauder siege fifteen years ago.

Bryon was unhappy to see the man, because he had given the knights orders that he was to be left alone until he returned. "Castellan, I believe my instructions where that I wanted to be left alone," Bryon stated in an aggravated tone took a few steps in Castellan's direction.

"Forgive me Sir, but a messenger from Chorrol has arrived for you," Castellan replied saluting Bryon before removing his steel helmet and placing it under his arm.

Bryon was taken back for a moment at the as he took in the information he just heard. A messenge for me? I am the Lord now, so I guess this will occur more often Bryon thought as he walked over to one of the large rocks in the grotto. This was the rock that Bryon had placed his steel helm several hours ago. Bryon picked up his helmet and turned back to face his Captain. "Fine, let us go and find out what he wants," Bryon replied and headed up the stairs toward the passage to the castle. Castellan followed in tow.

After the two exited the rock section of the passageway Castellan spoke up, "That was an excellent party the Count through you two Mondas ago. Wasn't it Sir?" Castellan was referring to the commencement banquet that the Count of Chorrol had for Bryon when he was announced Lord. The banquet was more to create a positive relationship between the two.

Bryon remembered the party that Castellan spoke of, "I did enjoy myself. Perhaps I enjoyed myself a little too much. I had a bit of a hangover the next day," Bryon replied as he rounded a corner inside the structured hallway that lead toward stairs. I hope he is not going with there where I think he is Bryon thought before saying, "Oh and Castellan, I have known you for 23 years. You have been a teacher and a mentor; please when it is just the two of us just call me Bryon."

"You know you father always had me call him by his first name as well. Maybe you have more of him in you then you think," Castellan replied. His comment was designed to hint to Bryon to follow his gut feelings as to how to lead the Knights.

"Perhaps I do," Bryon replied as they emerged through the hole behind the archery range.

"And that girl you where dancing with, she was very attractive. You know?,"Castellan was unable to continue his sentence because Bryon cut him off.

"Enough Castellan; like I told you that night. I will look for a bride when I am ready," Bryon replied in a harsh tone. Ever since Bryon turned eighteen Castellan was continuously harassing him about a girl friend or when he would marry.

The two exited the training room and proceed toward the steps before Castellan spoke again, "Alright, you when I won't harass you anymore," Castellan placed his hand on Bryon's shoulder as he said this.

Even though his steel armor Bryon could feel the pressure from Castellan's hand. "Castellan, why didn't you leave with my father? I know he asked you to retire with him," Bryon's question was straight and to the point.

"I told him that you needed someone to watch your back. Remember your elders have a wealth of knowledge," Castellan replied as he placed his hand on the door to the main hall, "Remember this is your first formal court. You will do fine, my Lord."

Bryon took a deep breath, nodded and the two entered the hall?

Yeah... don't tell us the background beforehand. Just incorporate that into the story itself. History lessons are bOrInG..

Ahh yes, after reading the Preface out loud. I realized it doesn't have the foreshadowing that I wanted and it does sound like a background. Well this will work to my advantage because the twist is still kept in the dark.

Story Ch 2:

OOC: Here is Chapter 2

IC:

The two Knights walked into the main area of Battlehorn. To their right was the staircase to the upper level and to their left was the trophy room. Bryon and Castellan then turned and approached the messenger.

The smell of fresh air filled Bryon's lungs as he exited the lower levels of the castle. The grotto in particular was filled with old musty air, and the lower levels where only a bit better. Bryon looked over the messenger, he was wearing a cloak that covered his Chorrol Surcoat, and he was carrying a sword. Although the man's sword was covered by the cloak, Castellan had taught him how to locate a sword through a cloak.

The messenger seeing the return of the Knight-Captain spoke, "So this must be the new Lord of Battlehorn Castle." The man bowed as he spoke to show a sign of respect.

Castellan, my father, the knights, even my mother told me that inside the castle there is a lot of formal interaction, and that I should always be present at important events. We can never place a black mark on the Knights of the True Horn Bryon thought as he watched the man bow before him. "And you must be this messenger I was told about," Bryon watched and waited for the man's response.

"I was sent by Corvus Valga Count of Chorrol to deliver you this message and?," With that the messenger handed Bryon a letter, and then reached under his cloak for a pouch of gold. The knights seeing the man reach under his cloak drew their swords in anticipation. The messenger froze in place.

As soon as Bryon received the letter he opened it. In the process of reading the letter Bryon heard his knights draw their swords. "Stand down knights he is just grabbing a coin purse." With that the Knights of the True Horn sheathed their weapons back into their scabbards.

The messenger reviled his hand and it was in fact holding a coin purse, "The Count and Countess would like for you to have this. They will not take no for an answer, it is a gift," The messenger offered the gold to Bryon with an outstretched hand.

Finished reading the letter Bryon nodded toward Castellan to accept the gold, "Inform Count Valga that I will meet him when he opens court tomorrow morning," With the business finished Bryon turned around to head to his quarters.

The messenger saw Bryon turn to leave and quickly spoke up, "My Lord, please wait I have a second letter for you. It was from a young woman in the counts court. She asked me to deliver it to you," He already had the envelope in had when Bryon turned back around.
Bryon took the letter from the messenger and sent him on his way. Bryon opened the letter it read;

Lord Bryon Montague,

I quite enjoyed the time we spent together at your coronation banquet two Mondas ago. If you are ever in Chorrol again I would be more then happy to give you that tour you requested
Ariela Doran

As Bryon approached the staircase he caught a glimpse of Castellan's face. The smirk he was wearing must have touched both corners of his helmet. "Captain, count the gold. We will use it for Ravenswood. Ravenswood was the fief of Battlehorn. It was a small farming village to the south.

The men groaned as their hopes that they would be receiving the money were batted away at Bryon's orders. Bryon ignored this instead waited for Castellan's response.

"Of course Sir, but I have to know how did you know that he was reaching for this gold and not something else?" Castellan held up the bag as he asked the question.

"Because Captain the letter says that the messenger would be presenting a bag of 3000 septiums to me," Bryon replied, "Everyone get some rest for tomorrow we ride to Chorrol." Bryon then began to walk up the stairs towards his quarters.

One of the Knights called out, "But Sir, what did the letter say?"

"I will inform everyone in the morning good knight. For now I am off to bed," Bryon replied and with that he disappeared around a corner?

Dear Bmont,

You CARRY a sword when you hold it in both hands by the blade. You HOLD a sword when you have it in your hand. And when you have a sword in a scabbard at your waist or on your back you are WEARING a sword.

Now, when the messenger reached under his pouch - did your Battlehorn castle Lord know beforehand that he was reaching for a purse, and that purse was a gold purse? ...No?

Then why say so?

It ruins the tension, and it also shows that you, the writer, are intruding yourself into the story. Bad. Baaaaad.

And a tip on bodyguard behaviour, Bmont...

When a bodyguard sees suspicious behaviour, not only does he draw his weapon, he automatically steps to interpose his body between the suspect and his principal. I didn't see that here. Not realistic. Not at all realistic.

The chief defect of your writing is that I suspect you don't read what you have written. You are not making the reader see, you're telling him what is to be seen. There's a difference.


And last but not least...

Do not revile the poor messenger's hand, please. And you do not reveal the messenger's hand, either. You reveal WHAT IS in his hand.

There is so much more I want to say, but I have very little time. But I think this will be quite enough to get you thinking.

I thank you for your advice and criticism D.Foxy they have been noted, and I do have a tendency to not read what I have written from the prospective of a reader. Also, I did realize after I posted that the body guards didn't step in front of my Lord, but it was to late at this point. Finally, in the third to last line the Lord reviles (lol) reveals that he letter said he would be presenting a coin purse. I should have described the situation in a more fluid manor though.

I welcome any and all criticisms. We are all writers here and each one of us sees something different then the next, so please speak your mind. I will not flame you for it, as I have witnessed others doing.

I will add part three sometime today. Also there still won't be any fighting until several more posts maybe three, but when I do have a battle post I am going to try and add Realistic fighting and the "magic effects" of TES. Please let me know how it comes out.

Ch 3

Bryon and two of his knights arrived at the Chorrol gate around nine o'clock that next morning. It was Tuesdas and for Chorrol that meant the city was sending out caravans of merchants along the Black Road to the Imperial City and the Orange Road to Bruma. The party could see that the merchants where preparing their wagons to leave, and that the guards that where to escort them where mounted and looking impatient.

The letter Bryon received from the Count of Chorrol last night requested an audience with the Lord of Battlehorn. The letter asked Bryon if he and his knights would assist the guard in escorting merchants from point A to point B. Bryon was prepared to accept the request, and his knights where excited to get back into the swing of things.

The party arrived at the stables where they then stabled their horses for their stay. Bryon then paid the stable master the penance for each horse before they headed into town.

The party of three had to walk the open streets to reach the Castle. During this walk one of the knights spoke up, "Sir, I really like this new cloak you purchased for us" The cloak he referred too was a royal blue and pinned together with the seal of the Knights of the Horn. Bryon purchased this item so that his knights would look a bit more formal and they would keep them warm on patrols to Bruma.

"I am glad you like it Maximus," The Lord of Battlehorn replied as he noticed several of the Chorrol townsfolk starring as they walked by. It must be the steel armor. Plate armor has a tendency to cause the where to look larger and more intimidating then they would without it Bryon thought as they arrived at the Castle Courtyard gate.

The guard at the gate held up his hand with the palm facing the men, "Halt!" He commanded and the party obeyed.

Bryon had been through this situation once before with his father, so he knew what to do and before the guard asked then to Bryon slid open his cloak revealing is sword. His two escorting knights noticed their Lord's action and followed in suit.

"You may proceed. Take notice that it is illegal to draw your weapon while in the castle, and the offence will be dealt with as the Count sees fit," The Guard replied as he stepped aside to let the party through.

At this point Bryon turned around to his knights, "Stay here. I will return after our business is completed." They nodded and Bryon entered the Castle.

------Counts Court---------
Bryon entered the realm of Count Valga's court. The Count and Countess where sitting at the front of their court awaiting any visitors. The Lord of Battlehorn stopped and bowed before being beckoned by Count Valga.
"Sir Bryon Montague, Lord of Battlehorn, Commander of the Knights of the Horn. I assume you are here because you have accepted my request?" Corvus asked.

"Count Valga, my Knights and I will protect your roads and the merchants traveling on them from any brigands that would hinder them," Lord Montague replied once again bowing to Count Valga.

Corvus smiled because this turn of events was in the favor of the Imperial Republic, "I see your Father taught you how to act in the presence of nobles," After saying this Corvus stood up from his chair and walked down to where Bryon stood. "Come have a drink with me, and we will discuss your patrol roots and times of your patrols."

Bryon was taken back at the Counts request, "Sir I, umm" Bryon was not sure how to approach this situation for it was the first time he had ever been in this position.

"Come now Lord Montague, you must remember you are not only a Knight but a Noble as well. Plus, your father and I used to have drinks together all the time, and I want to continue a standing relationship between us," Corvus at this point had his arm around the Knight's shoulders and was walking him toward the dinning hall.

---------Two hours later--------

Bryon exited the main castle where his knights where waiting, "Well boys we have our mission. Our mission entails this; protect the convoys on their way to Bruma or the Imperial City, sound simple enough?" Bryon waited a response.

"Yes it does," The men replied.

"I am glad you like the idea because you two are part of the first protection detail," Bryon replied, but only received groans as a reply. Suddenly Bryon heard the voice of a young woman calling his name behind him.

He turned to see who it was. It was Ariela Doran, then woman Bryon met and spent most of his time with at this coronation ceremony. Bryon waved off his knights and they headed toward the town gates.

"Hello Miss Doran, how are you this morning?" Bryon asked as the woman ran up to him smiling. It was clear that this woman had feelings for the Lord of Battlehorn and maybe the Lord had feeling for her as well.

"I am fine my Lord, thank you for asking," She replied catching her breath, "I heard you where in the Castle and I was wondering if I could give you a full tour of the city like you asked me too." Her face was beat red, and Bryon was unsure if she was blushing or if she was flustered from running. Bryon could only guess it was the first though.

The only other thing Bryon had on his schedule for this morning was to check on Ravenswood to see how their harvest was going. Bryon did not want to do this task because it involved ridding around each wheat field listening to the village elder talk about of fruitful the harvest is for that year.

Because of this Bryon decided to take the walk with Miss Doran. "Yes, I would enjoy that. Shall we proceed?" Bryon asked holding his arm out as she could accept the escort.

With that the two where off?

BMont, I am glad that you have, as you said in your PM to me, begun looking over and re-reading your chapters before you post them.

That said...there were quite a few mistakes in this one, some of the absoloute howlers...

Let's go over them, shall we?

1. It was Tuesdas Did you not use spell check?

2. The party could see that the merchants where preparing their wagons to leave, and that the guards that where to escort them where mounted and looking impatient. If you WHERE paying attention to your reading you would not have made 3 mistakes in 1 sentence!

3. his knights where excited :facepalm:

4. Bryon then paid the stable master the penance for each horse A penance is the penalty you pay for a religious infraction. A FEE is the money you pay for a service. Use vocabulary properly!

5. The cloak he referred too was a royal blue Did not your eighth grade English differentiate between the use of "too" and "to"? *But then it's been such a long time since I was in that grade...perhaps teaching has changed...*

6. he noticed several of the Chorrol townsfolk starring Starring in ... which movie?

7. Plate armor has a tendency to cause the where to look larger and more intimidating then they would without it Bryon thought as they arrived at the Castle Courtyard gate You mean WEARER, don't you? And "Byron thought" should have two commas, before and after.

8. followed in suit. Followed suit, NOT followed in suit.

9. The Count and Countess where IF I SEE ONE MORE 'WHERE'...JUST ONE... oo:

10. and we will discuss your patrol roots ROUTES!!!

11. dinning hall Must be quite noisy... DINING hall.

12. where his knights where waiting AAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!! :flame:

13. then woman Bryon met THE woman he met...

14. Her face was beat red BEET, as in the vegetable called the beet, which is RED.

15. because it involved ridding around each wheat field listening to the village elder talk about of fruitful the harvest is for that year. RIDING, HOW FRUITFUL. WAS or WOULD BE.

16. With that the two where off? :stare: (expetives deleted) (censored) (content removed) (various small objects destroyed cleared away) (hand over mouth cautiously removed)


Bmont my friend...REALLY...

:facepalm:

WHERE you drunk or half asleep or what?

You're far better than this. CHECK your posts for the love of swords!

sadly enough I as I read over the post I actually read where as were. I do not what to think about what word I would have used if I need to ask "Where something was" :bolt:

as for the Tuesdas, I now found out that in TES Tuesday is Tirdas not Tuesdas and I would have put money that it was Tuesdas oh well.

It seems like these mistakes were made because I had something on my mind, I think it was my probability and statistics test, so my next post should be better.

Time to introduce the love intrest.......well the first one anyway :celebrate:

Thanks again D.Foxy

Ch 4 Fighting will be coming soon oo:

Ariela Doran started her tour at the Great Fountain of Sancre Tor. "My Lord this is the Fountain district. Here in front of us is the great fountain of the Saint of Sancre Tor. The fountain was filled in with dirt, but four years ago the Count ordered the fountain returned to it original form. Now as you can see; water once again flows thorough it."

Bryon looked at the fountain for a moment and everything in Chorrol looked as though it branched off from this central area. Taking a look above the fountain and over the town wall, Bryon could see the Jerall Mountains as the glistened in the morning sunlight. "The fountain is beautiful, but so is the view of the mountains in the background," Bryon replied pointing a gauntleted hand in their direction.

Ariela knew the view Bryon was talking about for see had stood in his position and stared at the mountains on several occasions, "Yes they are very beautiful. Do you have any views of scenery at Battlehorn castle?"

Bryon thought for a moment Should I tell her about the roof of the manor? I might as well, it couldn't hurt anything. "Through my private quarters there is a secret passage leading to a small room for storage. In this room there is ladder which leads up to the roof of the manor. There I have a table and chairs set up, and from this spot the sun set is remarkable."

Ariela was now more interested in the secret passage then the sunset, "Does Battlehorn have anymore secret passages?" Chorrol does not have any secret passages, well unless you count the spaces made by the large bolders laying everywhere Ariela thought while she awaited Bryon's response.

"Yes there are a few others, but I really can't tell you anymore then that" Bryon replied knowing the girl was interested, but also for security reasons Bryon couldn't reveal too much. In light of this he decided to remove the thought from her mind. Bryon followed up his answer with this, "Is that the smithy over there?" He pointed to a building with a hanging sign.

Ariela sad that Bryon was unable to tell her of the other secret passages, but after his question she giggled and quickly returned to tour guide, "Why yes it is, and next to it are two inns; the Gary Mare and the Oak & Crosier. Guess since you took a mission from the Count you will be an active visitor?" Ariela only hoped that her question did not appear to be too bold.

Well this girl gets right to the point, Bryon thought before he answered. "Not likely because we have a smithy and garrison in Battlehorn. There wouldn't really be a functional need for us to use Chorrol's establishments." Bryon's answer was truthful and he only hoped that it would not hurt the woman's feelings.

A sad expression came over Ariela upon hearing the answer, but she quickly replaced it with a smile as he tried to hide her feelings, "Well you already know where the Castle is, so take me this way and I will explain the Chapel street to you." Ariela grabbed Bryon's arm and pulled him toward the Chapel.

-------About one hour later-------

The two where now back at the fountain and Ariela had the side of her face against Bryon's briastplate. She was supposed to be giving Bryon a hug, but the hug was an extended. Well this is slightly embarrassing Bryon thought before speaking up. "Ariela, Ariela," She finally looked up.

"I'm sorry my Lord, that was inappropriate?" Her face blushed.

"No Ariela it is fine," Bryon replied before thinking Wait it's fine what am I saying? I can't take back my words, so I might as well keep going.

"Ariela, would you like to come and see Battlehorn castle tomorrow?" Maybe I should have a bit more female interaction. Looks like old man Castellan was right, Bryon awaited the woman's response.

Ariela's face lit up with glee before she responded, "Oh yes I would love that" the woman then proceeded to hug the Lord of Battlehorn for a second time.

After Ariela released him, "I will return here after my patrol tomorrow. It will be around 11 o'clock. With that the two waved goodbye and Bryon headed to the stables to obtain his horse.

I like your story. But again; the "where/we're/were" thing;


Keep it up, it's improving.

Hey, I'm Lady N, and I have taken the liberty of "reviewing" the first chapter of your story. I hope you don't mind, I have a lot of time to waste at work...

___

First thing I noticed, both in the story and in the preface, is that you seem to be confused about the meaning of some words. In the preface you use "republic," which is a democratic form of government where representatives are elected. The Elder Council is not elected but appointed, and hence would be considered an oligarchy (a dictatorial government with a small upper class ruling, i.e. the Elder Council). A figurehead is someone who is ceremonial (such as the monarch of Britain, who doesn't actually make decisions) as opposed to practical: since you say Ocato fixed up Cyrodiil he could not be a figurehead. In the story proper you have "rotated the portcullis," but a portcullis is a heavy metal gate and as such cannot be rotated (you probably mean the winch to which the gate is attached). The simplest way to fix mistakes like this is to look up these words on a dictionary site of or on wikipedia.

"hilt of his sword while it was still sheathed" - "hilt of his sheathed sword" concise is better.

"I can't believe that my first order was to carry on as you normally would" - I'm assuming "you" is the father? since you previously refer to him formally as "father" this is a bit strangle. Perhaps change " Father always seemed know in what direction to take the Order" to "You always seemed to know in what direction to take the order, father" - that way its introduced both ways and establishes a relationship between father and son.

"Bryon rotated his body in a pivot motion" a pivot is a rotation about an axis, and I'm pretty sure that there is no other way to rotate ones body, so its superfluous.

"Knight-Captain Castellan Athon. Castellan" - a castellan is a position (someone who is in charge of a castle), not traditionally a name. The way he is introduced also reinforces it being his title, which becomes strange when you refer to him by it as his name.

"Bryon was unhappy to see the man, because he had given the knights orders that he was to be left alone until he returned." Since you say the same thing later in dialog this is unnecessary.

I think you need commas after the end of italicized thoughts just as you do at the end of dialog.

"through" - needs to be "threw" from to throw.

"The banquet was more to create a positive relationship between the two." - what was it "less" of? remove the "more" all together unless you provide other motives for it.

"I hope he is not going with there where I think he is Bryon thought before saying," needs italics. it should either be "I hope he is not going there," or "I hope he is not going where I think he is." Also, it might be nice to give the reader more info so that we can infer where he is going just as Bryon does.

"in you then" - "than" for descriptions, then for time. also, "His comment was designed to hint to Bryon to follow his gut feelings as to how to lead the Knights." sort of breaks the limited omniscience of the narrator by clueing us in on the thoughts of someone other than Bryon. Perhaps change this so that Bryon catches on to the implication himself.

"Castellan was unable to continue his sentence because Bryon cut him off." - show, dont tell. it would be more effective to end at the ellipses and then jump strait into Bryon's dialog. Also, its not very realistic for a lord to mary some girl, perhaps give her a claim and title, however minor.

"Alright, you when I won't harass you anymore" - eh?

"Even though his steel armor Bryon could feel the pressure from Castellan's hand." either thats really tight and flimsy steel armor or Castellan is some sort of superman.

"Bryon's question was straight and to the point." - not necessary, we can see this from the dialog.

"Bryon took a deep breath, nodded and the two entered the hall..." -needs a comma after "nodded" and remove the ellipsis. It makes it seem more complete and gives a better, more dramatic closing.

___

there were several places where you could use some more commas, though i did not point them out. Over all the story is pretty interesting, however, i'd like more descriptions and displays of character and location. what did they look like? what were they wearing? what time is it? the setting adds a lot to atmosphere, does the castle have "a grand granite gate rising a hundred feet above the cobbled road" or "a small, squat barbican ornamented with brickwork"? Don't assume that the reader has played the mod, and dont make the game your only description. games have all sorts of limitations, writing has none.

I would also provide more info about what Bryon is struggling with right in the first chapter. It says he is having a hard time, but with what? Your preface makes cyrodiil seem like a peaceful, idylic haven, so I'm having trouble imagining what he would have to decide (what color rugs to buy? how many parties to throw? Whether to take up polo?)

Anyways, its a pretty nice start

Ariela Doran started her tour at the Great Fountain of Sancre Tor. "My Lord this is the Fountain district. Here in front of us is the great fountain of the Saint of Sancre Tor. The fountain was filled in with dirt, but four years ago the Count ordered the fountain returned to it original form. Now as you can see; water once again flows thorough it."

What is she feeling as she starts the tour? Is she feeling flirtatious, or worried that her gushing might make her man lose interest? I suspect any girl who was trying to impress her man would sneak a quick glance at him under her hair as she rattled on.

Ariela sad that Bryon was unable to tell her of the other secret passages, but after his question she giggled and quickly returned to tour guide, "Why yes it is, and next to it are two inns; the Gary Mare and the Oak & Crosier. Guess since you took a mission from the Count you will be an active visitor?" Ariela only hoped that her question did not appear to be too bold.

Now THAT's what I mean.

The rest is good enough...if it weren't ( wheren't ) for those annoying mistakes.

Is the Order of the True Horn Knights part of the Host of the True Horn from Lainlyn? Run by Lord Kain?

Yep, that would they would be the decedents that Order. They arrived in Cyrodiil after where kicked out of Hammerfell. http://www.elderscrolls.com/downloads/updates_plugins_fightersstronghold.html . Of course that is 15 years ago

Bryon rode along the cobbled stone of the Black Road heading back to Chorrol from the Imperial City. He was with Captain Athon and Julius Marcus, a first year knight. Each one was dressed in full steel armor with a dark blue cloak, and they each rode a Black Horse from Cheydinhal. "The forest is always beautiful at this time of year," Bryon said referring to the orange and reds of the trees as they changed for winter.

"When you are my age these trees will only mark the coming of cold weather," Athon replied thinking of how his bones would began to ache just as the snow fell. He then looked back over his shoulder past the merchant and to the young knight at the rear, "Julius, are you alright back there?"

Julius, whose thighs and butt ached from the four hours of riding, looked up from his saddle, "Yes Knight-Captain I am fine." His tone disagreed with his words, because his voice contained the sound of fatigue.

Both senior knights caught the tone, they exchanged smiles before Bryon responded, "Julius, I am surprised to hear that. On my first ride this old man here," Bryon pointed to Athon, "took me on a five hour ride to Bruma. My thighs and butt throbbed so bad I couldn't walk right for an hour after we dismounted."

A frown came across the young man's face, "My Lord?I?um?I do not think I should dismount when we reach Chorrol."

Both Castellan Athon and Bryon Montague let out a laugh at the man's response. The laugh was booming and they could hear the rustle in the brush from animals that scattered from the noise.

The merchant jumped at the noise and almost fell off his horse. Bryon smiled as he saw the merchant jump from what was most likely a rabbit. "Hey Castellan,"

"Yes my Lord," Athon replied as he removed the cowl of his cloak. He could see the massive walls of Chorrol and he knew that they where less then twenty minutes out.

"I just realized that your name is the same as your position in the castle," Bryon stated as he too noticed the looming walls of Chorrol in the distance.

"Yes my Lord, it is just one of those coincidences in life," Athon replied. With that the party continued on their way toward Chorrol.

---------One Hour Later along the Black Road----------------

Bryon was now walking next to his horse on his way back to Battlehorn Castle. There was a slight breeze and Bryon cloak would rustle everyone once in a while. Bryon was walking next to his horse because Ariela Doran was riding it.

"Ariela, I know the Count introduced us but what is your relationship to the Count of Chorrol?" Bryon asked the question because he was interested in the legitimacy of their relationship.

"I am the Count's sister's daughter. You might have heard of my father he is a lower member of the Elder Council," Ariela replied as she adjusted she skirt. She was sitting on the horse side legged with her legs to the left.

At this point the two where heading up the hill past the Pillaged mine. The area was both inlaid with trees and large boulders. "That would be councilman Doran, he was involved in?," Bryon cut his sentence short because he heard a noise.

This noise was out of place in the wilderness, for it was the sound of metal armor connecting to rock. Bryon placed a hand on the lower back of Ariela, she giggled as she felt Bryon's hand placement. He then pushed his hand forward until she was hugging the neck of the horse.

Because Bryon had his finger over her mouth she did not say a word, but still had no idea what was happening. What is going on? Why has he pushed me against the horse? Just as she finished her thought the question was answered.

Two bandits jumped out from behind one of the larger boulders. They each wore leather armor and where armed with Iron short swords. In one fluid motion Bryon slapped the rear end of his horse and yelled, "Home!" His horse took off splitting the two bandits in a full gallop headed to Battlehorn. One of the bandits turned to head after the horse, but the second bandit stopped him.

They then turned their attention to Bryon?


Ok, I tried to fill in a few holes that I left out, and I also tried to add more detail as well. Let me know how it turned out. Finally the next post will be a battle 3v1 who will win?

Again, way better than the previous post! Well done. I enjoyed the part where (were ) the saddlepain was discussed. Nicely done! I know the feeling of having sat in a saddle too long and it's hard to get off. (I used to be quite knowledgable horserider so I know what I'm talking about) :goodjob:

About the amazone sit: This is always on special saddles so it's very unlikely for a woman to be able to sit like that on a male saddle. Gallop is also very likely for the rider to fall out in a amazone sit unless she is a really, really good rider.
Horses were specially trained to do a special walk for amazones to stay seated more easily, called "amble". It is very different from the usual trot a horse has. In a amble first the legs on side (left or right obviously) are placed, then the legs on the other side, like giraffes and camels.

AT LAST.

A post that was clear, had very good realism, and had almost no annoying grammatical errors!

And not only that, the psychological realism was also quite good as well!

Who says writers can't improve as they go along, huh?

Tips for the battle...and by the way I only see two bandits, where's the third?..

If I where (oops, hee hee) (sorry, but I don't think I'm ever going to let you forget that ) were Byron I would use my experience to size up which of the bandits was the weakest and most inexperienced, then feint towards the stronger bandit and then make a surprise power attack on the weaker bandit, killing or crippling him at once, then settle down for a careful, tactical duel with the remaining bandit.

---The Fight-----------

OOC: Sorry it took so long I spent sometime in my back yard trying to find ways to describe the moves.

IC:

The air was cool and a slight wind blew from the east. "Hand over your valuables and we shall spare your life," The first bandit yelled as he drew his sword. From his posture Bryon could tell he was their leader, and from the way he held his sword the man was a veteran.

I should kill you last, Bryon thought as he unclipped the buckle on the cloak. The cloak then slid gracefully down the armor. The moment was ironic to the violence about to come.

Montague's breathing was calm as he placed his left hand around the top of the scabbard and pressed his thumb against the cross guard. The bandit leader spoke again, "So, you are going to try and fight us? By the look of you; you would have no problem handling two of us. What if there are three?" Bryon felt the blade release its seal form the scabbard, smirking at the man's comment.

"I can't see your face but most people have a surprised look when they realize there is another," The bandit leader sneered and he and his companion began to move closer to Bryon location. "Come out Brutus," With that a man in an iron briastplate lumbered out from behind a tree.

Bryon could hear heavy footsteps from somewhere behind him and tired to listen for where the third bandit was. He is somewhere directly behind me, and the two others are just above my flank. Bryon thought as he decided on his first move. They were only 15 or so feet from him.

"Are you not going to speak? Or are you to afraid to?" The man behind him hollered; this gave a better location to the man's position.

Bryon drew his sword, the Dragonsword of Lainlyn, and the blade pulsed orange-red because of the fire enchantment. Bryon also felt the lesser power of Dragon Breath enter his body. "Personally I would like for you to shut your mouth. It is entirely obnoxious, and I think I will fix that," Bryon responded as he planted his right foot and used the force to propel himself toward the second bandit.

The bandit prepared from Bryon's attack, entirely too soon mind you. Bryon was still ten feet from him and the man prepared his sword to block. Bryon instantly realized the man was inexperienced, so as he raised his sword to perform a slash he ran slightly passed the man. Bryon then planted his left foot causing him to come to a complete stop. His momentum need to go somewhere, so he brought down the sword in a back strike. The stored momentum caused the strike to have the same strength as a power attack. The blade sliced right through the back of the man's knee, and severed his ACL.

The bandit collapsed to the ground, "It burns! Oh my God it burns! What!? Now there's blood! God it hurts! Someone make it stop!" and then began to cluck this bleeding wound. I might have hit the artery with that one, Bryon thought as he saw that there was a bit more blood then there should have been for the type of injury. The bandit leader and the heavily armored bandit were already on top of Bryon.

Bryon turned to meet the leader's blade with his own. Embers flew off the Dragonsword as the two blades slid against each other. Bryon then used his sword to push the leader's blade away, to his right, as he brought up his left hand and laid a powerful left hook into the leaders jaw. This caused the leader to be thrown off balance and stumble back and fall to the ground. The leader lay motionless.

Just then Bryon was knocked off his feet and the wind knocked out of him. He was bull rushed by the third bandit who Bryon was now looking up at. Trying to catch his breath Bryon realized the third bandit was a Nord with a steel war hammer, and the Nord already had sweat dripping from his face and was breathing heavily.

The Nord, in a chop like strike, swung the hammer down toward Bryon's chest; it was a blow that would result in Bryon's death. "Die, Imperial!" the Nord yelled still breathing heavily.

Bryon watched as this death loomed over his head. He had to act fast, or he would die. He could roll out of the way but that would only be a temporary fix. Bryon thrust up his arm and yelled, "Light!" A burst of bright light erupted from his hand temporarily blinding the Nord.

This was the break Bryon needed, so he quickly rolled over and got back to his feet. He then dropped his shoulder into the Nord who in turn was knocked off his feet and landed with a thud. He should be down for a bit since he was already out of breath, Bryon thought as he turned attention toward the bandit leader.

Regaining conciseness the bandit leader climbed back to his feet. His mouth was bleeding and his eyes burned with rage. He came at Bryon with an overhand strike while Bryon still had his back to him.

Bryon heard him coming, and met his slash with a block. Bryon's arm was up in an L-shape with the sword pointed behind him and down. The bandit's sword struck the lower third of Bryon's sword, and then slid down and off the sword. Bryon then spun around and with his arm only needing a slight adjustment slashed at the bandit's chest. The blade cut through the leather armor, but the wound wasn't deep enough to be fatal.

Bryon noticed that the leather around the wound began to harden and crack from the fire enchantment. Good that area is now weaker, Bryon thought as he prepared a riposte to the bandit's follow up attack.

"Brutus, come to my aid!" The Bandit leader yelled as he clucked his bleeding chest and back away.

By Julianos, not again, Bryon thought as he turned is attention back to the Nord. He was up and preparing to attack Bryon. Brutus swung his weapon and the hammer slammed into the ground with a thud. Bryon had already sidestepped out of the way. Bryon recovered his footing and attack with a slash. The sword cut a gash in the Nord's arm. Due to adrenalin the Nord was unaffected; well he was unaffected at first.

The Dragonsword's second enchantment took effect, the Nord could feel himself becoming even more fatigued then he should have from the fight. Brutus started to wheeze and found it hard to lift his hammer.

The Nord with all this remaining strength picked up the hammer and swung it horizontally at Bryon is a desperate attempt to hit him. Bryon rolled out of the way to the right. The hammer slammed into a nearby tree with a sickening crack. The force from the hammer split the tree up the middle, and the shock from the impact caused Brutus to drop with weapon.

Bryon took this opportunity to draw his silver dagger from the scabbard on his belt. Bryon lunged from his now crouched position and with his off hand thrust the blade into Brutus' thigh. The dagger severed the femoral artery. Bryon pulled the dagger down an inch to make sure the deed was done. He then withdrew the dagger and Brutus clasped to the ground in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding.

Bryon was now breathing heavily and he could feel the sweat glistening across his face. Bryon walked back to the middle of the road where the bandit leader was awaiting for him. The bandit's chest wound had stop bleeding, most likely because of a restoration spell.

Bryon sheathed the dagger and removed his helmet. His long black hair blew in the wind. Bryon dropped his helmet, and a loud clank was heard as the steel hit the ground. A final duel would decide the outcome of the battle.

Being on the defensive the entire fight Bryon decided to switch strategies. Bryon rushed the bandit with his sword cocked mid-level to his body. As he closed in on the bandit, he spun the sword slightly so that he could place his off hand on the hilt and prepare for an over head strike.

The bandit noticed this and readied his stance for the incoming heavy strike. Bryon's strike fell and connected with the bandit's sword block. The force of the strike caused the bandit to flex his body to dissipate the force.

Embers flew off the Dragonsword as the two swords were interlocked. Bryon used this opportunity to Sole Kick the bandit. The force of the kick caused the bandit to fly backward and roll after he hit the ground. Bryon rushed in to land a Coup? de Gr?ce, but he was struck in the right paludron by a fire blot cast from the bandit. This caused Bryon to stumble back in an attempt to regain his footing.

The bandit stood up and prepared his own offensive. Rushing at Bryon with the intent to perform a one handed rising strike. The bandit wanted to attack Bryon under the arm were the armor was only chain.

Bryon regained his balance just in time to see bandits attack. Bryon parried the man's attack. The parry resulted in the man's attack ending above his own head. This opened up the entire body for an attack.

The attack has to be fast, Bryon thought as he finished the parry. His back was now toward the bandit and his own sword in the air. Rotating the sword Bryon struck with a backward thrust that penetrated through and through the bandit's armor and chest.

The bandit let out a gasp as he dropped his sword. Bryon turned the sword, still planted in the chest of the bandit, one quarter of a turn before pulling it out and turning around. Then bandit leader collapsed to the ground at Bryon's feet.

The battle was finished and Bryon took this moment to sheath his sword and reattach his cloak before heading to see if the wounded bandit was still alive?

Locked Per OP Request.