I sat up and checked on the bruises and cuts on my chest. They were all gone. I swung my legs to the side of the bed and got up, putting my armor back on. I left the room and made my way up to the top of the tower to speak with the Valkynaz. After several flights of stairs and passing several halls, I opened the door into the top floor. I walked to a slender opening in the wall and peered out. The vast realm of Oblivion spread across miles and miles below the huge tower. I turned back to the room and walked to the Valkynaz's door. I knocked my fist against the door, awaiting a response.

"What?" I heard the Valkynaz shout.

I opened the door and entered.

"What is wrong with you? I didn't say you could come in." The Valkynaz said, followed by a long sigh. "Just sit down."

I took one of the seats in front of the Valkynaz's desk. I marveled at the greatest room of the tower. Daedric artifacts and books lined up on bookshelves, war souveneirs, and powerful weapons hung on the wall.

"Speak, Caitiff, I have work to attend to." the Valkynaz ordered. I followed my superior's orders.

"Sire, there are Kyn imprisoned in Nirn. I would like to.." I coughed, knowing the Valkynaz probably wouldn't like what I was about to say. "I would like to take soldiers with me to reclaim these men."

The Valkynaz scratched his chin, and twisting his mouth, thinking. He picked up his quill and dipped it in a murky canister of dark, red liquid. He began writing something down on a piece of paper.

"I suppose. We could use more men out in the field, and revenge would be nice. Bring twenty Kyn with you, no more, no less. Come back with no less than twenty men, but more than twenty. If you fail to do so, wasting soldiers, you will be demoted, or worse. Is that clear?" My jaw dropped in surprise to see how well he took it.

"Yes, yes, thankyou, Valkynaz. I will deploy today." I said, getting out of the chair. I bowed down and left the Valkynaz to his work. I went to the eight level of the tower, which held training. I swung open the doors to the training room, to see several new, and ranked Dremora hacking at dummies and shooting arrows at targets.

"Men of the Daedric army, the Valkynaz has given me orders to bring twenty men, no more, no less, to Nirn. We are retrieving the imprisoned Dremora, captured by mortals. If you believe you are ready to take on this challenge, step up and bring your gear. We may be gone for days." I shouted.

Several Dremora turned to me, and approached. They all proposed to join. I noticed Dweukh and Xol in the crowd, and I called them up. I called eighteen more soldiers and led them from the room.

"Go to your barracks and bring your best weapons and powerful armor.You have one hour to rendezvous at the gate to Nirn. You are all dismissed."

***********************

I walked around the gate, checking to make sure there were no Dremora nearby.

"Dunmer, you there?" I called out. I heard a few shuffles, grunts, and coughs. I spoke the dispel words, and in moments, the Dunmer was revealed. He was propped against a large rock, chewing Bloodgrass and drinking from a canteen.

"Can we go yet?" he asked. I nodded. I commanded the spell on him again.

"Get through the gate and wait for me there. Don't make noise or the Dremora on the other side will kill you." I told.

"Yeah, got it." the Dunmer said. I saw his outline walk through the gate. I turned around and noticed the crew of soldiers marching to me. I beckoned for them to follow me through the gate. I passed through and watched them come out.

"Alright, men, go wait at the camp. I have to go do something." The soldiers moved into the camp, and I went behind the gate. I shouted the dispel and the Dunmer came up to me.

"I saw the men you're leading. What if they see me?" he questioned. I pulled off a tiny scroll from my belt, and handed it to him.

"This is a spell to make you appear as a Dremora. It lasts twenty four hours, so when it runs out, cast it again. You'll be coming along with me. I also translated the spell for you to read." I said. He unrolled the scroll and read it out loud. His armor began manipulating and forming into Dremora armor, his skin darkened to a charcoal color, and horns emerged from his forehead. He stared at his hands and body in wonder.

"This is amazi-" he stopped talking and realized he was speaking like a Dremora as well.

"Just follow me." I said, before walking into the camp from behind the tents and meeting up with the group. "Alright men, let's move out."

Hmph.. No comments? :huh:

The Valkynaz scratched his chin, and twisting his mouth

Twisted! Be careful of your tenses!

Come back with no less than twenty men, but more than twenty

You mean " if possible more than twenty"

His armor began manipulating and forming into Dremora armor

No, armour is lifeless - it cannot manipulate anything! You mean 'metamorphosing' or just the simple 'transforming'.

Other than those annoying vocabulary mistakes it was quite competent. I will talk more about the use of drama and plot later. Your description has improved quite a bit. Keep up the work!

There's no 'if possible' here, because they're going to save several guys, so they should have more than twenty.

Walking against the stone wall, I checked the window I had escaped from only days ago. It was still broken.

"Someone get over here and kneel down." I commanded. One of the soldiers walked towards me, with his armor clanking about. He got on all fours and awaited a command. I put my right foot on his back and then my left. I heard the Dremora making noises from pain while I hoisted myself through the window and onto the floor. I whistled for the others to come, and one by one they all came out, except the Dremora helping us up. He would have to stay and guard. I moved toward the first cell on my left, which inside a Dremora was sleeping. I pounded my fists on the gate to wake him up.

"What, guard?" he asked. I kept hitting the gate.

"What do you want?!" he shouted, turning to me. He quickly got out of the bed, and tripped his way to the gate. I took my mace, and with force, I smashed the lock of the gate repeatedly until it blew off. The guard's door swung open, and I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I moved my arm in that direction, and six of the soldiers ran over to protect us. I opened the gate and allowed the Dremora to come out.

"Thankyou, thankyou!" he shouted.

"Your welcome, now get next to the window while we break out the others." I turned around and smashed open the next door, while seeing the guard helplessly fight the Dremora. He failed, which resulted in him getting his head smashed into the wall and his body being shred to pieces. I let out the next Dremora, pointing for him to wait where the other prisoner was. I went to the next cell. It was mine. The days I had spent in there brought back horrid memories of being tortured, whipped, and harrassed by guards. The cell was empty. I looked to the other one, which still housed the same Dremora from the day I escaped. He was covered in bruises and cuts, apparently been beat by the guards recently. He was leaning against the wall in a pile of hay, appearing to be unconsious.

I got inside the cell and approached the dremora, and inspected him. He was still alive. I picked him up and carried him over my shoulder and brought him next to the window, and laid him down on the floor. At the end of the hall, there were several more guards now, battling the Dremora. I finished releasing the Dremora, and called back the soldiers. They made it back, fighting off guards on the way, and followed me out of the window. I had one of the prisoners carry the unconsious Dremora. We fled the castle, with no men lost, but men gained.

***************
I sat into the chair, with the twenty others behind me. I set my helmet onto the Valkynaz's desk and set down the mace on my lap.

"Where are the prisoners?" the Valkynaz asked.

"Outside." I responded.

"I am surprised it only took you a day to bring these men back. I have a question, though. I said for you to bring twenty men, no more, no less. But yet, I see twenty-one men with you. What is the problem here?" he said. I had to come up with an explanation for the Dunmer. I turned around and stared at him. He was beginning to get nervous, I could tell. I turned back around at the Valkynaz.

"Well, sire, he wanted to come. I mean, isn't more better?" I said.

"Did I not say no less or no more than twenty men? Did I? Don't even say anything, I don't want to hear from you right now. This is the first and last time I'll let it slide, but I will take action next time. I'll give all of you ranking points, but for now, get out of my face." The Valkynaz waved his finger towards the door. I grabbed my helmet and put it on while getting out of the seat. I bowed down and left the room. I stood outside the door waiting on the Dunmer. I looked into the room, to see he was the only one left. The Valkynaz demanded for him to bow, but the Dunmer had no idea what the Valkynaz was saying. He turned to me. I bowed halfway to let him know. He turned back to the Valkynaz and bowed, and then was dismissed. Before I could leave, the Valkynaz called me back in. I entered the room and took the seat in front of the desk.

"Yes, sire?" I asked.

"I understand it were the mortals of Nirn responsible for these prisoners?" he asked. I nodded.

"Of course, and these mortals started the war so many years ago. Did you know we've never had our revenge? That is what it comes to. This.. Tamriel.. Is becoming a true eye-sore. How I would love to have it wiped out of their military. And so, that is why I am promoting you to a Kynval to help lead a section of the Daedric army into Morrowind. There will be several other sections, in different provinces, but yours will go to Morrowind. Our army will have our revenge. Each group, led by Kynmarchers, will contain precisely one thousand men. These soldiers will be primarily Caitiffs and Churls,, but we will give you the advantage of help from the Xivilai and creatures like Clannfear. You are second in command in your section. You will do as the Kynmarcher says, and you will help the downfall of Morrowind. In twenty-four hours, you will be put into your section of soldiers and deployed into Morrowind via Oblivion Gate. We have already made it possible to open a gate. Do you understand your job?" the Valkyaz said.

"Y-, yes sire. I have a question, why are you promoting me to a Kynval? Why do you want me to be second in command in this section?" I asked.

"Why? In the past days, you have proven worthy of the job. Your leadership skills are outstanding, first cleaning up the rebels, then freeing prisoners. Kneel down before me to be ranked in."

I got up from the chair and knelt t othe ground. The Valkynaz approached me and handed me a small case, which he opened. It held a badge, to show my rank. I took it and kept it in my hand. He went to the wall and picked up the sword from its stand, and came back to me. He brought the sword up to my shoulder, and tapped my shoulder with the blade.

"From the ashes you arise. You are no longer a low, unimportant Churl or Caitiff. You are a Kynval from this day forth." He brought the sword back, and allowed me to stand back up. I took out the badge from its case and put it on the briast of my cuirass. I bowed before him, and left the room.

Why do I not get any feedback anymore?

Welcome to da club. Sometimes it helps if you leave feedback for others. Do you?

Not really, because I'm not on much and when I am I just update here. But doesn't that sound a little offensive to read someone's story, comment, just for them to come here and say, "Hey cool story" even if they didn't read one bit of it? That's a wonderful club.

And not many other stories seem too interesting. I dunno, a story named 'Maxical's Journey' sounds pretty lame regardless of how good it really is. Alot of stories on here get boring when reading, too(I'm not going to point any fingers here, I know that would get me a bunch of hate messages).

It's just a courtesy thing, really. You certainly don't HAVE to read other people's writing, but it's a nice gesture. No matter how "boring" they seem to you.

You know, the now-retired Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohammed was once asked about his philosophy of politics. He replied

"Well, it's just plain common sense really. If too many people are disagreeing with you, it's likely that you are doing something wrong and you should rethink whatever it is that you were doing. On the other hand, if most people are agreeing with you, you can ignore most of what the others are saying."

The same holds true in many other spheres...

...including writing.

A good test of whether a story is any good or not is by looking at how many views it has, and dividing them by the time that story has been up.

'nuff said!

I wonder how you would feel if you read on some other thread: "I dunno, a story named Kynval sounds pretty lame regardless of how good it really is."
Now, how to do think the author of Maxical's Journey (another fairly new writer) feels reading this?
How constructive is that?
I happen to like Maxical's Journey alot.

I bailed out on http://www.gamesas.com/bgsforums/index.php?showtopic=1036446long before it was locked.

I'm sorry to report I'm bailing out on this one now. Bye.

For the other readers of this thread, I apologize for my bit of an off-topic rant.

It's the quality, not the quantity, of the comments that matters. Twenty comments of "hey good job!" and all that other candy and stormtroopers nonsense is never as good as one ruthless critiquing.

I think I wove you. :wub:

Very true. That is the kind of thing that WON'T improve a story. Instead, it will teach the writer to get lazy with his work and not try. If you give long, constructive criticisms then the writer will learn so much more.

If someone said that to me I wouldn't care, to be honest. And I also don't care if you bail, because that shows that if you were only here to do what I said people would do, you would bail. And my point is proven..

The other thread was a mistake anyway. It's locked and dead now, so I don't even know why you're bringing it up.

Your story isn't well-liked, because we all know what the outcome will be...

Yeah? What's your guess?

He rescues the dremora, becomes kynval, and keeps doing stuff to rise up to Valkynaz

Haha, no. Are you blind? He already went to the prison and came back with the guys. You don't even read the updates. Go back and read the newest update and try again.

I know it's your fan-fic, Ghoul, and therefore your topic, but let's not argue. The story is good, let's just all enjoy it.

It just gets me mad that he's assuming things when he doesn't even read the story.

It's best to ignore it. Much like the Dremora must master fear to overcome it, you must master your anger to overcome it. Though, you should take everything in, the good and the bad. It's up to you to consider what you want to use.

EDIT: You should be proud, a reader is foreshadowing!

I honestly stopped reading a while ago, the story bored me to death, no offense...

Then I would like it if you didn't post here anymore. I don't want to have someone who doesn't even read to be posting on my thread.

And also, your story was not any better. Your grammar and storyline was terrible. No offense.

If I recall, arguing was the precursor to having your last fan fic closed. You've got something with potential here, and shouldn't take any chance to have it closed. Master the anger to overcome it.