Letter from the Emperor:

Post » Sun Jan 31, 2016 7:15 pm

Found on the desk of Emperor Titus Mead



General Tullius:



I suppose, under the circumstances, that I must allow the truce between the Empire and the Stormcloaks to continue until the dragon crisis is resolved. However, if the sightings of “Alduin” turn out to be product of someone’s imbibing too much Black Briar mead heads will roll.



I do, sincerely, suggest however that the next time you hear a mysterious loud roar you at least look around before you declare it to be “nothing”.



And speaking of rolling heads….Please send the name of the Captain who ordered the Dragonborn beheaded . I have a job for her. It involves mining operations in a few ancient Nordic tombs. Unless, of course, the problem has been solved in some other fashion.



Could someone give the Thalmor ambassador in the Imperial City a hint that having one of his agents dress up as a Stormcloak for whatever purpose was intended was a rather bad idea? The number of High Elves in Jarl Ulfric’s service is miniscule, if not non-existent. Our agents also report that the same agent also “disguses”, and I use the term loosely, himself as Imperial Officer on occasion, which causes a lack of credibility for similar reasons. If word gets out to the general public about this it will not improve their image. On the other hand, perhaps we should not mention it at this time. I’m not sure that we have a diplomat with enough skill to not imply that they are being idiots.



I would like a study done with an eye to trying to find a useful occupation for aging orc warriors in the hopes that a culturally sensitive solution to their difficulties can be found. We simply cannot have dozens of them standing around challenging passing travelers to kill them. It is undermining trade in Skyrim as surely as the war itself.



The commission to inspect all old ruins, caves, monuments, redoubts, etc. etc and mark each empty container as such was quite successful. However, I do not recall including an order to exchange all ancient coinage for newly minted coins with my profile. While our nephew’s coin collection has grown considerably, I think it makes our activities much too obvious in this area, and we don’t want to discourage adventurers or diminish their contribution to the local economy in any way.



Who is in charge of appointing the overseers of provincial orphanages? I have received an anonymous letter in a somewhat childish hand, posted from Riften, saying: “Neener, neener, I got the old bag done in!” I would like to know who was “done in” and by what agency, if only to find out if we should punish or recruit the little urchin responsible for the note.



And also, I would like to commend the province on its requirement that everyone entering a cave, ruin, old fortress, etc. etc. leave a diary, note, or other missive outside the entrance before commencing their exploration. This has made the recovery of bodies so their relatives, enemies or parole officers can be notified vastly easier.



I hear some noises outside my door, and, I believe I shall be out-of-touch for the foreseeable future, so please address any replies to my heir or other successor if possible.

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Tamara Primo
 
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Post » Mon Feb 01, 2016 3:26 am


OMIGODDESS - you have me seriously ROFL with that one! Brilliant, just BRILLIANT!

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Dustin Brown
 
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Post » Mon Feb 01, 2016 12:46 am

:rofl: :evil: :tops:

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IsAiah AkA figgy
 
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Post » Mon Feb 01, 2016 1:02 am

Nicely done, Lerf! :wavey:

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Alberto Aguilera
 
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Post » Mon Feb 01, 2016 5:54 am

Except this doesn't really work if you already beat the CW for the Stormcloaks prior to the DB questline.

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kennedy
 
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Post » Mon Feb 01, 2016 2:10 am

Ha! Good one! :D

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Dean
 
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Post » Sun Jan 31, 2016 10:53 pm


..That's kinda not the point of this? It's someone making a joke.
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Natasha Callaghan
 
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Post » Sun Jan 31, 2016 11:32 pm

Very amusing! Good stuff.

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Justin Bywater
 
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Post » Sun Jan 31, 2016 7:20 pm

It was the recent cross-Skyrim hike when I ran into no less than 6 old orcs that spawned this.



And, I do too know how to spell Riften, I was just half asleep when I posted this.

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sally R
 
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Post » Sun Jan 31, 2016 6:29 pm

Well actually there is a real Altmer legate.

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Anne marie
 
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Post » Sun Jan 31, 2016 11:19 pm

Yea, the Imperial Legion is a multi-cultural force so having altmers wouldn't be a surprise whereas the stormcloaks aren't all that multi-cultural.
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jasminε
 
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Post » Sun Jan 31, 2016 8:55 pm

I wasn't going to admit this, but why not?



I was reading the letter and having a nice laugh, but at the same time I was thinking "I collect every readable scrap of paper along with every book I come across, why have I never found this letter?" About the time I got to “Neener, neener, I got the old bag done in!” I realized my mistake smh :D



Good stuff, was a fun read :)

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Cathrine Jack
 
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Post » Sun Jan 31, 2016 6:42 pm

But the stormcloaks have women in their forces, lol. Let's not go this direction, it's a funny! :D

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Kaley X
 
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