Letters From The Mall

Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 11:17 am

"For God's sake, boy. You are a Krath. We are never late. We simply arrive is all, and that is enough."


Great chapter Dracth! :tops:
The underlined is my only change. Seems to be a better flow.

Oh my god! The Clone Wars begin! Send in the droids!!!!!! :biglaugh:


Uh huh...Yeah never mind the Gary's that were already out there...

O.M.G!

I just had to read 3 pages of this to catch up! God I missed this story while I was gone. I even can see that Cory did miss my...though he misspelled my name! >:( (j/k)

Also, you said you were a Sophomore? That means you'd be a Junior now...just like me! Who says teens can't write, eh?


I misspelled your name? Preposterous!
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jess hughes
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:20 am

Great chapter Dracth! :tops:
The underlined is my only change. Seems to be a better flow.


I looked at my original dialogue, and did what I consider a great way of testing how natural it feels, I said it out loud. Then I said your way. I wrote a few different lines and tried to mix and match a bit. I'm leaning towards something akin to "Our arrival is dictated by our will, no one else's." or "We simply arrive when we choose to, and that is enough." You've wormed this one, supposedly-simply line into my brain, Corey. Expect multiple edits until I find something that feels right. :ahhh:

Uh huh...Yeah never mind the Gary's that were already out there...



I misspelled your name? Preposterous!


Ignore FluzzyDoom, he's just over-sensitive. :P
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Hannah Whitlock
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:46 pm

"Our arrival is dictated by our will, no one else's."


I like this one. But now You've misspelled mine! Cory, no e.
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Jeff Tingler
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 11:04 am

Can we all just spell each other's names right? I mean, come on, how do you misspell Corie, Drach, or FluzzyDoom? :P
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Melis Hristina
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:02 pm

This is a gods mandate among the pitiful words of men,the epitome of all that a fanfic should be and more.Sir..Sannes Vallen,second high prince of vallenwood is forever in your debt for bringing this masterpiece into being.
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Jarrett Willis
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 8:30 am

This is a gods mandate among the pitiful words of men,the epitome of all that a fanfic should be and more.Sir..Sannes Vallen,second high prince of vallenwood is forever in your debt for bringing this masterpiece into being.


Well, ah, thank you, kind sir. I do attempt to please.
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Manuel rivera
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 7:58 pm

Can we all just spell each other's names right? I mean, come on, how do you misspell Corie, Drach, or FluzzyDoom? :P


GAAAH.

But seriously did I misspell your name?
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casey macmillan
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 2:12 pm

Page 6, around the middle of the page, mon ami.
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Shelby McDonald
 
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Post » Sat Oct 02, 2010 12:03 am

Good work on the characterization, soldier.

You need some work on the details, though. And if properly handled, details can give life to a story.

For example:

How was the animal moving as the General lined up to take the shot? Straight ahead rush, or a loping side-to-side swing? The way the target moves affects the shooter as he aims. The dog is a fairly low level beast. Usually hunters pride themselves on taking low level beasts out with one shot. Is the General trying for that? If so, why not mention it - and perhaps add something like how the General's waiting for the perfect shot created a rising tension in his son, who watched the dog coming closer and closer, and silently swore at the pride of his father even as at the same time admiring his old man's expertise?

It's touches like these that bring stories to life.

Try doing it in your next post.
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Dan Scott
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 11:57 pm

GAAAH.

But seriously did I misspell your name?



Page 6, around the middle of the page, mon ami.


Edit:
Here is the quote!
Great Job! Except this one sentance. It just bugged me.

QUOTE (Dracth @ Aug 2 2009, 07:06 PM)
And apparently, the other soldiers were just as freaked out of him as Joey was.

"And apparently, the other soldiers were just as freaked out by him as Joey was."

Dunno, just sounds better in my head. I love your work, though. Please don't quit, this is the only other fanfic i can sit down and read, now that Fluzzydoom left.

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CHARLODDE
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 1:25 pm

Dang, I'm sorry Fuzzy.
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Kieren Thomson
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 4:54 pm

How could you Cory? How could you!?
:sad: :sad: :slap:
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Taylor Tifany
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:14 pm

Easy, finger slipped.
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Marcin Tomkow
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:13 pm

Dracth, do you plan on continuing letters is this going to become nothing but a spam fest?
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Annika Marziniak
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 2:40 pm

Mostly a spam fest.
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Rob
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 7:04 pm

Dracth, do you plan on continuing letters is this going to become nothing but a spam fest?


He's said before that he's busy with school and real life events (I can relate), and has been updating intermittently every week or two.
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Thomas LEON
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 6:13 pm

Ah, okay.
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Sammie LM
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 7:57 pm

Mostly a spam fest.

I hope not.

If it does, keep your PM in-boxes open so I can contact you. :stare:
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CHangohh BOyy
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 11:46 pm

...

Ya Cory! :bolt:

(But ya, let's just wait for Dratch to bring another addition of this wonderful story before we get it closed...He won't be too happy about that.)
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Haley Merkley
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 8:44 pm

...

Ya Cory! :bolt:

(But ya, let's just wait for Dratch to bring another addition of this wonderful story before we get it closed...He won't be too happy about that.)


Yeah, let's not do that.

I'll have the next chapter up within the week. Got the structure and the idea, just need to put those darn words in.
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Kat Ives
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:23 am

I think this is like the longest running Fan Fic of all time ! Well except for To My Dearest Rose but that is on a completley different forum its been runing since the release of Fable 2 and is still going on now!
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Paul Rice
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 5:11 pm

Yeah, this is beating Redemption by a week I think...
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Bad News Rogers
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 11:58 pm

"A cloning facility, General."


Seriously! This is going to be awesome. I've been hooked on your story for some time now. Everything that has happened has led up to this...I want more!!!
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Mr. Allen
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:51 pm

BUMP

Please carry on! I have been waiting for ages!
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Chloe Yarnall
 
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Post » Fri Oct 01, 2010 10:23 am

Ripper looked at each wall, his head swinging as he paced about the damp floor. Each step sinking into the soft ground that covered their trench-network base of operations. Each step only bottling more anger into him. It had gotten to the point that even the bulky frame of a super mutant could not contain it. He whirled around, snarling.

"SEND WORD! I want everything we have from the spawning center in The Mall NOW!"

The super mutant guard stared at him dullishly. His glazed eyes slowly working through what had been said to him. Without a word, he nodded and disappeared through the door, off to relay the message. He could bear the wait no longer. He would mobilize his already substantial forces here, and attack. Whenever his reinforcements arrived, he could use them to mop up whatever survivors remained or, worst case scenario, mount a second assault. The mud made a soft, muted squish as once again his massive left foot sank into the ground ahead of his right foot. It was time to get out of this awful, dank darkness.

The knight who guarded the gate to the Washington monument, the right side of the gate to be specific, peered out across the vast landscape. It happened slowly, at first. That's what let it evade his notice initially. But soon it was undeniable. The trenches in the No-Man's-Land of the middle of The Mall were turning a yellowish-green hue, and they seemed to... pulsate? He stared hard at it. No, those weren't the trenches. It was the super mutants. Lining the trenches. Crowding them. It was the largest group of super mutants he'd ever seen. A genuine army of them. And the very stark realization that they didn't have the manpower to repel a force of that size hit him quite hard. He couldn't stop himself in time to prevent the exclamation.

"Oh my God."

The knight on the left side of the wall had already begun buzzing the commander inside the monument.

----------------------------------------------

The call went out. A base commander forcing himself to remain calm put out a region-wide call-to-arms, all available units. An emergency request was sent through the priority channel to the Citadel. Brotherhood high command officials were informed, and mobilization had begun. Initiates were given rifles, squires got spare suits of power armor, knights prepared themselves for yet another battle, and the few paladins available went through whatever rituals they felt necessary to keep their mind, spirit, the forces of luck or the universe or whatever else might be out there on their side.

And as Elder Lyons looked at the sizeable force beginning to amass in the courtyard, he realized.

"It's not enough."

His assistants and lieutenants and other company remained quiet. Lyons had a tendency to work out plans with himself, and though it drove his advisory staff insane, it was best to let him work in peace & quiet. His face grew long, and his already year-weathered face looked even older, aged by stress, exhaustion, and a difficult decision.

The double-doors to the Scribe sections were opened by couriers and representatives of High Command. Each gathered the scribes of whatever order they'd been sent to and explained the nature of their visit.

"The Brotherhood goes to war today. It fights against the largest army of super mutants our chapter has ever seen, and we have no idea of why they choose now to fight. We don't know why they want the monument so badly, but it is something we will dedicate ourselves to finding out. But we can only do that if our brothers and sisters weather the coming storm. Elder Lyons himself has sent word that any volunteers from the scribes are not only eternally appreciated, but desperately needed. We will not conscript you to fight, brothers. You did not sign on for that nor were you assigned to a combat role, but your assistance may prove crucial to the coming fight."

The assembled scribes looked at eachother. The message varied slightly from room to room and messenger to messenger, but the reception was the same. Some scribes were incredulous, aghast at even the implication of fighting in the field. Some were scared. Too scared to raise their hands or step forward when it came time to volunteer. They were simple scientists, after all. What could they do? Take a stray bullet in place of some Knight or Paladin? But there were a few in each group. A special few. A group that saw beyond their lives, or the lives of their fellow scribes. They saw that the brotherhood, their brotherhood, was in need of them. And they were the ones who raised their hands, who stepped forward, who were handed rifles from the armory with hard faces and solemn stances and somber eyes. These were the scribes who, clad still in their researcher's apparel, received clasped hands upon their shoulders and slaps on the back from the infantrymen, the rank-and-file who were encouraged by these non-combatants opting to stand and fight beside them.

With sergeants and drill sergeants yelling and directing troops into position, the bulk of the Brotherhood forces were assembled, and they began the journey to The Mall quietly. It was misleading, a large force prepared for war, marching in utter silence save for the stomping of boots on gravel. But they knew the silence. The soldiers knew why the man beside them was quiet, for it was the same reason they were quiet; they were not going on just another patrol. They were silent because their minds focused entirely on going to war.

-----------------------------------------------

"Colonel, you ought to take a look at this, sir."

Warren looked up, walking over to the scanning center. Krath followed behind, maintaining his regal posture. Looking over Warren's shoulder, he saw the scanner readout as the technician explained.

"Sir, scanners indicate that large group of super mutant hostiles are gathering in the trenches closest to the Washington Monument. Preliminary results indicate almost undoubtedly they're planning on hitting it, sir."

Colonel Warren thought about this for a moment, his eyes growing wide.

"It's the largest bunch of muties I've ever seen, sir. Massive, really. 125, at the very least. Probably closer to 160, maybe one 170. Possibly 200."

This couldn't end well. It'd be a massacre of those Brotherhood soldiers. This didn't matter to Warren, they were filthy terrorists, after all. But they were damn better at caretaking a priceless government facility then the super mutants would be, the colonel knew that without a doubt. And even if like the Brotherhood troops before them they didn't find the cloning labs, it didn't mean they couldn't accidentally harm it with some primitive rabble-rousing. More astronomical odds had been proven in operations past, no, this simply could not come to pass.

Warren had an idea. An idea that, in all honesty, could only be declared insanity in a different situation. Yet it seemed like the only possibility now. It was the first time in the history of the entire world that such an alliance would be formed, and no doubt the last. Turning to face his aide, Krath still watching, Warren took the young man by the shoulder.

"Get Merrison, tell him to assemble all of our combat personnel. Then have him meet me in the command center. Understood?" The young man nodded.
"Good. Go."

In his entire life, and for all of his service, never once would he have thought such a happenstance would, or could, ever occur. But here he was, spearheading it's genesis. The Enclave Armed Forces would be providing battlefield reinforcement for the Brotherhood of Steel. Warren turned back to the scanner readout.

What am I about to do?

------------------------------------------------

So, that's the end of the first part of this new, and final, story arc of Letters. I could apologize for the absence, but what's the point? You know the reasons. RL, no inspiration, writer's block. Same ol', same ol'. But after an email from one of our readers here, Markeh12, I thought about all the fun I'd had writing this, and getting to know the FanFic section of the board. It's got many talented writers and critics, many of whom have come into this very thread to help me improve this work, or to provide a friendly compliment, the boost from which kept me writing chapters more times than I can count. This may be the beginning of the end of the story, but I'd just like to say that I at first thought this was a simple give-and-take. I'd put up chapters, readers would comment. I was wrong. The friendships formed here, and the sense of duty I have to finish this story, for both myself and you, the readers, is something I'll cherish for a long time to come. I hope this coming finale does the story justice, and I hope you walk away satisfied.
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