What things would you tell your children if you lived in Cyrodiil? What not to poke in the garden because it might attack you? Not to throw coins at beggars? Not to tell Khajiit jokes? What?
Here are some of mine:

- A Will-O-The-Wisp is not a "Pretty Light". Stay away from it!

- Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are tasty and good with hot sauce.

- I'm the Champion of Cyrodiil, the Arena Grand Champion, the Archmage of the Mages Guild and the Madgod of the Shivering Isles, and you WILL go to bed when I tell you to!

- Never play "catch" with a fireball.
- No magical or alchemical experiments in the house. Period.

- There are no monsters under your bed. But, if you don't want me to release the Xivilai in your closet, you'd better do what I tell you!

- You may not have a pet scamp. They smell and shoot fireballs. Now go walk the Daedroth.

- I don't care who's pushing you around, you're not calling on the Night Mother! Eliminate them yourself.

- Goblins are actually children who didn't do what they were told.

- If you become a vampire, don't try to get a tan. It won't end well for you.

- A Flame Atronoch is not a "hot babe". Well, okay, it is, but it wants to kill you.

- Guards & Imperial Watchmen have a tendency to lose their ears.

Vyper, these are hilarious!

- Don't get into a fight with another kid if he has a little gold crown floating over his head.

*chuckles*

Oh those are good!

If you don't do your chores the Adoring Fan will come and get you in your sleep!

"if you're going to practice invisibility, do it in your room."

"Next time you play in the sewers, you are sleeping outside."

"I don't care what it tastes like, swallow that mandrake root."