What things would you tell your children if you lived in Cyrodiil? What not to poke in the garden because it might attack you? Not to throw coins at beggars? Not to tell Khajiit jokes? What?
Here are some of mine:

- Be wary around Altmer, a good number of them are evil.
- Don't kalicrak the findoo, it's not healthy.
- A Will-O-The-Wisp is not a "Pretty Light". Stay away from it!
- Behave, or I'll summon a Daedroth to punish you.
- Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are tasty and good with hot sauce.
- Don't eat anything given to you by an Argonian named Webam-Na. It might contain powdered deer...Well, just don't eat it!
- Never believe anything said by M'aiq the Liar. He's called that for a reason.
- If you join a Daedric cult, the Nine will smite you (unless I get to you first).
- You can't levitate, so don't try. Especially off Dive Rock.
- I'm the Champion of Cyrodiil, the Arena Grand Champion, the Archmage of the Mages Guild and the Madgod of the Shivering Isles, and you WILL go to bed when I tell you too!
- Never play "catch" with a fireball. Or any type of offensive spell for that matter.
- No magical or alchemical experiments in the house. Period.
- If you're ever invited to a gold hunting party in Skingrad, DO NOT ATTEND!
- If you have to travel, stay on the roads.
- Jauffre will trust anyone as long as they bring him a big red amulet.
- You may not have a pet scamp. They smell and shoot fireballs. Now go walk the Daedroth.
- Take someone with you when exploring Ayleid Ruins. They might save your life by falling victim to an active trap.
- You may not play in Xedilian.
- Stay away from Glarthir. He's nuts.
- There are no monsters under your bed. But if you don't want me to release the one in your closet, you'd better do what I tell you.
- Grind Clannfear Claws to dust before you consume them. Otherwise, they really hurt going down (not to mention out).
- Goblins are actually children who didn't do what they were told.
- I don't care who's pushing you around, you're not calling on the Night Mother! Eliminate them yourself.
- If you don't like fighting big, scary monsters, don't go near any big arches with a glowing red field of energy in them.
- Falling in lava is not immediately fatal, although it will kill you pretty darn quick.
- Rumors are created by a scary man named Lucien LaChance.
- The Count of Skingrad enjoys the night life.
- If someone sells you a house really cheap, it's probably haunted.
- All storage devices in Tamriel are bigger in the inside than on the outside. Therefore, they must be made by Time Lords. They can hold much more inside than their external dimensions would normally permit.
- Never live in a town with a corrupt guard captain. You could get fined for standing in one place too long and get fined again the next day for moving around too much.
- If you become a vampire, don't try to get a tan. It won't end well for you.
- There is no need to seek cover (or use an umbrella) when it rains.
- Hats do not exist.
- A properly enchanted ring can provide better protection than armor.
- Many people see Mud Crabs fairly often.
- Many people think Mud Crabs are "disgusting".
- Goblins may be stupid, but their Warlords and Shamans are extremely dangerous and hard to kill.
- An Elytra will die quickly if you jejinak it. (at least, that's what Bolwing says)
- Never try to fight a Scalon in water.
- A Flame Atronoch is not a "hot babe". Well, okay, it is, but it wants to kill you.
- No one in Cyrodiil plays a musical instrument.
- Birds are invisible to men and mer. Yes, you can hear them, but even Detect Life spells won't allow you to see them.
- Gaspar, the friendly wraith is not real.

Many children have been "called back" to Blackmarsh. They go into the swamps and are never seen again...

Reconsider the engagement if your fiancee is nicknamed "the Contemptible"

Don't play with Black Soul Gems, they're evil and people will not tolerate it, me more then most.
If you see Nirnroot by water, bring it to me and not to an Alchemist.
Conjured Weapons are easier to use then 'Normal' Weapons.
Skooma is illegal, don't touch it.
Vampire Salts don't make you a Vampire.

I love this thread :rofl: . I can't remeber any that haven't been mentioned though

For the last time, stop asking me if you can go out and play with the other kids! Didn't I tell you a thousand times before there's no such thing as "kids?"

Save, and save often.

:wink_smile:

This.

Yes son, I know it's weird how these Beggars who are sickly, have Muscles like you or I.
Oh dont worry if something seems new, or out of place! These changes happen quite often.(mods)
Clothing and Armor is Magical. Don't worry if that Curiass is too big, it will suddenly fit you!
Apparently our Long lost relatives had a lot of properties.
If you have to travel, By the nine divines, Stay on the roads! There's been sightings you see, the Daedra..

I think that the fact that a part of the soul of the wizard who uses them is also sealed into the gem is more than enough punishment.

Imagine your soul being ripped apart and sealed bit by bit as you collect humanoid souls....creepy.

Stay away from Mud Crabs!