This site has some side-by-side picture examples of a few of the graphics settings, and a text description of some others:
http://www.tweakguides.com/Fallout3_5.html
This one shows examples of low-med-high-ultra settings:
http://www.pcgameshardware.com/aid,665387/Fallout-3-Graphics-settings-compared/News/
As to the particle effects and changing the day/night times, there might be mods at the Nexus to alter them. I don't know much about the available mods, but you could always ask in the mods forum.
http://www.gamesas.com/index.php?/topic/1116998-fallout-mod-detectives-9/