Looking for Naughty Poems (jokes, riddles...)! : The Elder Scrolls Series Discussion

» Sat Nov 27, 2010 8:16 pm

Hehe, sometimes the oldies revamped are the best ones. :hehe:

Alright! Time to show the fruits of our labors! Here's the books in game. I made unique covers for all of them. http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/8294/jokebooks.jpg The not so naughty jokes I put in another book that isn't one of Crassius' publications, so it has a distinctly different look to it. I'll be releasing all of these soon in the next installment of my book mod.

If you still have a joke, go ahead and share it though. I can always add more to the books.

Why is one only for "naughty boys"? What about naughty girls?:D

» Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:44 pm

Why is one only for "naughty boys"? What about naughty girls?:D

Because Crassius is a bit of a chauvinist...or really into boys...or both.

» Sat Nov 27, 2010 8:05 pm

<--- He'd say he's an equal-opportunity lover, but girls get boring more quickly.*

*All opinions expressed by the Crassius head sticking out of TOG's avatar are the sole property of said Crassius head and do not reflect the views of TOG. :shifty:

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 3:03 am

A cookie you have obtained my friend.

:cookie:

» Sat Nov 27, 2010 9:19 pm

A cookie you have obtained my friend.

:cookie:

I'd say I would even give'im a http://www.imperial-library.info/dogate/til_fishystick.jpg :liplick:

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:21 am

What's the difference between a Female Bosmer and Male Bosmer?

Does it matter? They both burn the same.

» Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:50 pm

A Nord walks out of a bar.

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 3:09 am

A Nord walks out of a bar.

Bull,nords never walk out of bars.

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 4:04 am

Bull,nords never walk out of bars.

Oh noez, you have teh found meh out

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 4:17 am

How can you get rid of a drunk Nord?

Call a witch to paralyze him.

OR

Tell him that he already drank all of the mead.

Eh. All I got...

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:13 am

:rofl:
I simply love this topic.

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:36 am

If a nord and a bosmer both jump off of Dive Rock at the same time, which one will hit the bottom first?

The bosmer, because the nord will have to stop and ask for directions.

» Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:50 pm

A Bosmer walks into a bar, eats the woman at the end of bar and takes his seat. The bartender says, "How are you doing?" The Bosmer replies, "I'm pretty tired."
The bartender says, "It must have been that barbiturate (bar[censored]youate)."

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 4:36 am

What do you call two horses pulling a cart?

Horse power.

What do you call two men pulling a cart?

Man power.

What do you call two Argonians pulling a cart?

Theft.

» Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:42 pm

A wood elf and his dunmer friends were stuck on a desert island, far east off Morrowind. On the island they find a lamp, which they rub. A genie dwemer wizard comes out of it, offering them each a wish for letting him out of his prison.

The first Dunmer begged to be with his family again, as his wife had given birth and was losing money quickly.

The second Dunmer said he had an important place in house Redoran, and the house would spiral into corruption. He needed to get to his job immediately, and asked the wizard to send him there.

Both dunmer were granted their wishes.

The wizard turned to the wood elf, who had a sad look in his face.

"Why so sad?" Asked the wizard.

"I have no job and all of my family are dead, killed by disease."

"Do you want them back?" Asked the wizard.

(With tears in his eyes) "I WISH MY FRIENDS WERE WITH ME!"

» Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:27 pm

this one may be too much for the forum, but i'll tell it anyways.

An Imperial, Breton, and Orc are captured by Bosmer cannibals deep in the heart of Valenwood. "Bring us ten fruits each, and we will let you go," the Bosmer say, and the captives each go to find fruit.

The Breton comes back with ten apples. "now take those apples and put them up your butt without making a sound, or else we will eat you," the Bosmer tell him. He gets the first one in successfully, but afterwards it hurts too much and he cries out. The Bosmer eat him.

The Imperial comes back with ten berries, and is told the same thing. He gets nine of them in successfully, but on the tenth he bursts out in laughter and is eaten.

The Breton and Impeiral meet up in Aetherius and the Breton asks, "you were almost free, why did you laugh?"

"I saw the Orc coming back with ten pineapples."

:twirl:

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:20 am

Q: How do you stop a wood elf from crawling around on the floor?

A: Nail it's other hand to the floor.

Q: How many wood elves does it take to paint a wall?

A: It Depends on how hard you throw them.

Q: How do you get 100 wood elves into a bucket?

A: With a blender.

Q: How do you get them back out again?

A: With tortilla chips.

Q: What looks really good on a wood elf?

A: A warhammer.

note: these arent mine (wish they were, but they arent :ninja: )
just google wood elf jokes :foodndrink:

Hahaha

» Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:22 am

this one may be too much for the forum, but i'll tell it anyways.

An Imperial, Breton, and Orc are captured by Bosmer cannibals deep in the heart of Valenwood. "Bring us ten fruits each, and we will let you go," the Bosmer say, and the captives each go to find fruit.

The Breton comes back with ten apples. "now take those apples and put them up your butt without making a sound, or else we will eat you," the Bosmer tell him. He gets the first one in successfully, but afterwards it hurts too much and he cries out. The Bosmer eat him.

The Imperial comes back with ten berries, and is told the same thing. He gets nine of them in successfully, but on the tenth he bursts out in laughter and is eaten.

The Breton and Impeiral meet up in Aetherius and the Breton asks, "you were almost free, why did you laugh?"

"I saw the Orc coming back with ten pineapples."

:twirl:

:rofl: Ok, that is HILARIOUS!!!! Best one! :bowdown: