I got word this morning that my friend who I've known since I was 3 died of gun shot wounds to the heart area and leg. He got caught up in drugs and I guess this is what happens. There's a lot to the story that I don't really feel like explaining, but I'm just wondering, how do I copy from the loss? There are a lot of things I could have done to help him but I didn't take the chances and now this is what happens...do I blame myself or what?

Never blame yourself. As horrible as this sounds, people are responsible for their own actions. You didn't force him into that kind've scene (I hope) so you can't blame yourself. Feeling like you should have done more is natural, but you didn't know this was going to happen. I'd suggest seeing a grief counsellor and trying to keep your life full of positive things, don't let yourself be alone or give yourself too much time to think and dwell. Mourn him, sure, that's going to help, but don't sit there beating yourself up over it, and don't get self destructive. It'll be hard, but it will get better.

Never blame yourself. I don't know what you should do to cope but blaming yourself won't help in anyway. If you start thinking about suicide stop and watch It's A Wonderful Life. Just know that blaming yourself or killing yourself is not the answer.

Ofcourse not. It's not your fault he got himself mixed up in things that should not have been. The best you can do now is be there for his family and other friends. Hope and pray that his soul finds peace and salvation.

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss

I can't really give you any advice since (fortunately) so far I still haven't lost any relative or friend but I would recommend you to stay positive and don't blame yourself, it's never the answer.

As everyone has already stated, do NOT blame yourself, this will lead to serious depression and you will cause yourself more harm then good. I am extremely sorry for your loss, its things we need to expect from life however, losing people we are close to, its dealing with them thats the issue. Whiles't I do not know what to suggest to help you, I will however say that when I lost someone close to me, I spent ALOT of time with other close friends. Its important to not lock yourself away, and its nice to see your open about what has happened, you are on the right path : )

Again, I am VERY sorry for your loss : (

Really sorry to hear it man, I lost a friend last October.You can't blame yourself for it, people make thier own choices in life and sometimes there is nothing to be done about it.

Stay strong losses are losses. Suicide is a sin and is the easy way out. No matter how hard things get keep on chuggin.

Sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences to you. No you shouldn't be blaming yourself. As you said you don't feel like going into details, even if you went into details, there is not much you could have done.
You said about taking chances. From this, taking a chance infers taking a risk. Taking a risk infers someone getting hurt physically or mentally. Again with what little we know, I believe what you did was what
all you could have done. If you tried to interfere it could have become worse for you and/or him.

It's so easy to blame yourself for things what could have been. No, don't blame yourself. It is not your fault. While it is sad, I am am sadded with you, please don't blame yourself. You will just have to accpet what
you can control. This is something that is or was out of your control.

We are here for you. When my mother passed away, I found comfort in the BSF forum. It does help talking about it.

My your friend rest in peace now, and hopefully he/she can find the comfort and peace that he or she didn't find before.

Cope from the loss?

Time and sleep help. Go to his grave/funeral, pay your respects. He made his choices with drugs and sometimes things like that happen. Unless you were the one who pressured him into it, you don't deserve to feel guilty. Even though we feel guilty about something we didn't do, we sometimes do, like not being there for them or not talking to them enough. Its normal to feel guilt like that.

Hold through.

It's easy to get wrapped up in the could have/would haves, but it will do you, and those around you, absolutely no good. I lost a good childhood friend years ago to drugs and alcohol, and even though I had lost touch with him during that period, I still couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. (What if I had stayed in touch? Could I have helped make a change?) I'm guessing it's a common feeling for anyone with a good heart, but again, it will do nothing but bring you down if you think that way. You're going to have to toughen your skin a bit (and I don't mean be calloused) and accept the fact that what is done is done, and there is nothing that you can do to change that. The sooner you realize this, the easier it will be for you to find closure and move on. Sure, it hurts. It hurts real bad at times, but unfortunately it's part of life, and it's something that everyone in this world has to learn to deal with. It's even tougher to accept it when the person is young, and the circumstances could have been avoided. It never gets any easier, but you do need to learn how to cope in a healthy way. If you find yourself getting in too deep thinking about it, find someone to confide in, a good friend or counselor, or even sit down and write out your feelings. Never forget that you are alone, and talking to those close to him will help you wrap your head around it. Keep your chin up and you'll get through it.

Thats horrible, I'm sorry man.

But don't blame yourself. The moment you start blaming yourself, you've lost yourself, there is no turning back. Mourn your friend for the great person you knew him as, but don't blame yourself.

I can understand what you're going through, to an extent. A couple of years ago, a guy in my grade who I was friendly with died from cancer. At the end of last year, another guy I'm friends with tried to commit suicide (but fortunately is still with us).

The best thing is to not focus on the "what if" scenarios, as they're a one way ticket to insanity. As harsh as it sounds, you can only move on with your life as best as possible. Time heals all wounds, as they say.

Can't blame yourself mate. I know how you feel. A few years ago there was a fight at a friends house. One of my best mates stepped in to try to break it up and he was stabbed in the heart. For a long time I felt responsable, some months before that he had tripped and gashed his arm on some broken glass. I immediately tied a belt round his arm and got him to hospital, where we found out he has cut his artery in two places, if not for my belt he'd have died there.

So I felt that I should have been there to save him a second time. But that [censored] just eats away at you. I eventually realised that there was nothing I could have done.

All you can do now is remember your friend and honour them the best you can. Keep your chin up mate, it does get easier.

Just remember that crying is good. Having someone to talk to about him will probably also help too.

Learn from the experience
Celerate the good memories
Yell at the world and let the emotions flow (my personal favorite)
Eat more chocolate
Surround yourself with happiness

But as said, don't blame yourself. Folks have stated how your friend made his choices. Now you have a choice: Sit and sulk, or rember/learn and move on.

When I had a friend back in high school who shot his head off, and another in college who tried to OD. The latter came to me a few days before with statements of depression and suicide. I listened to her, but didn't direct her towards help. Now, whenever I hear someone talking about that, I take them for help. I learned.

My dad died when I was in the service and I couldn't be there. I spent mom's last 5 months at her side.

My HS sweetheart contacted me after many years, and died a year after that. Now I stay in better touch with friends.

What can you take away from your experience? Can learning and changing help you overcome?

[/friendlykickinthepantsanddifferentpointofview]

Note: this is just how I get over things, and may not work for all people. But a good cry and yelling at the world does seem to help most :nod: Grieving is personal, each has their own way.

My condolences on your loss. It's difficult, especially when self-destructive behavior and choices occur.
I know, I 've been the one to engage in said behavior.
If it was murder, again, my condolences. Sometimes the consequences of the paths we choose are harsh.
If he was sucicidal, and he meant to do it, he was obviously in emotional pain. Regardless of moral or religious beliefs about suicide, most people who attempt and or suceed at sucide have mental or emotional trauma to the point they simply cannot stand the suffering, and don't want to drag others down with them. Most people who talk about it are blowing off steam, are depressed, and need emotional support. Most likely your friend wanted to protect you, not endanger or hurt you. I know, because I've tried it. and failed.

The best thing you can do to get over it is to talk to a professional.
You will feel sadness, anger, frustration. Forgive your friend his mistakes, and for leaving you, and remember the good times.

Thanks guys, this really helped. The thing is, I could have told his parents or mine about his drug abuse and him getting caught up in violence, and maybe got him sent to rehab. You think that's something to feel guilty about?

He was murdered by the way.

People do stupid things. That doesn't mean that the people close to them start blaming themselve's for "what they could have done". You look at what happened, you do what you can to keep people from repeating, but when it really comes down to it people are going to do what they want to do, no matter what people might say or do to stop them. Beating yourself up over it isn't the answer. I have a couple of friends who are into some stupid things, the few times a bring it up I usually get little more than a passive "what are you gonna do", it svcks but people are pretty much hard-wired in the way they look at things and it's really hard to change. It's nobody's fault than their own is what I am getting at.